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RE: Newbie with an etiquette question - 4/25/2007 8:24:20 AM

miachel

Posts: 10
Joined: 4/22/2007
Status: offline

sweetsarijane,
thank you for your warm welcome and advice. it is nice to know that i am not just being childish about this.

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RE: Newbie with an etiquette question - 4/25/2007 8:28:48 AM

miachel

Posts: 10
Joined: 4/22/2007
Status: offline

juliaoceania,
thank you. your response was very helpful. i do feel rude if i don't respond but i think that somehow my respectful declinations are encouraging people to continue. the link was very helpful in this.
thank you again

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Post #: 22

RE: Newbie with an etiquette question - 4/25/2007 8:35:31 AM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

Just tell thrm i am not comfortable gie out that information to someone i do not know. If they continue to push i would write them off. I talked to my Master for a month or so on line every day before i gave him my number and he gave me his.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to miachel)

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Post #: 23

RE: Newbie with an etiquette question - 4/25/2007 9:00:15 AM

miachel

Posts: 10
Joined: 4/22/2007
Status: offline

i wanted to thank you all individually but i realized this is not possible, so thank you all for your great advice and comfort. i learned more from you here in one day than i have from all of my experiences. i feel much better knowing that my fears are real and not self-imposed and i look forward to learning more from you. thank you again and goodness be with you.

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RE: Newbie with an etiquette question - 4/25/2007 10:55:40 AM

whipingherfeet

Posts: 202
Joined: 10/26/2006
Status: offline

you must learn to obey

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Post #: 25

RE: Newbie with an etiquette question - 4/25/2007 4:19:03 PM

SweetSarijane

Posts: 3788
Joined: 10/7/2005
From: KC area Missouri
Status: offline

You are very welcome miachel. Spending time reading the forums here and asking questions is a great way to begin learning. Google Greenery Press and check out some of the books there. Some excellent ones. I have 6 books so far and am finishing up number 4 and have learned so much. Books like The Loving Dominant, The Bottoming Book, SM101, Consensual Sadomasochism, Screw the Roses Send Me the Thorns, Erotic Surrender: The Sensual Joys of Female Submission and many more can help you find where you fit. Something to remember in reading and learning is to take what works for and resonates with you and leave the rest. There's no one true way, it's what works and is right for you.

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Sarah2
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Wild Side Readers KCSass

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Post #: 26

RE: Newbie with an etiquette question - 4/26/2007 6:15:52 PM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline

The general rule is that if you wouldn't do it in real life, you shouldn't do it online. So if some guy saw you waiting for a bus and demanded your phone number, would you give it to him? Of course not, you would tell him to go away stat. Here you just block and delete.

If you started talking to the guy ahead of you at the coffee shop in the morning, would you feel obligated to go back to his place for some immediate sex? Of course not, you would walk out on him stat. Same here when you get a demand to play on a first meet.

Until you feel comfortable submitting, you don't owe anybody anything.

(in reply to MellowSir)

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RE: Newbie with an etiquette question - 4/26/2007 8:07:54 PM

arayofsunshine55

Posts: 545
Joined: 8/1/2004
From: San Francisco, CA
Status: offline

Now is the time to learn to do what you want. You are exploring this because you want to. If you don't want to follow up with someone don't. Hospitality as in letting someone in? Not everyone get to get in. Just cause some guy wrote you doesn't mean you've got to let him in. Politesse is always in vogue. Doing what some guy wants that interests you not one iota is a very slippery slope to a place that is just not too pretty IMO. This is not for me about fear of the big bad doms but rather about knowing your mind, speaking up for yourself, valuing yourself, and a whole lot of other similar skills which I think are pretty essential for all human beings.

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Is it not most transformative, most earthshaking, to pierce the veils of self-deception and illusion, and crack the eggshell of ignorance, to most intimately encounter oneself? Lama Surya Das

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RE: Newbie with an etiquette question - 4/27/2007 5:06:54 AM

MasterBRD

Posts: 23
Joined: 2/25/2007
Status: offline

I would be concerned with anyone who "demanded" it too early after initial contact. Until a certain level of comfort has been attained I think you should be reluctant to furnish any personal information such as phone number, physical address, etc.

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RE: Newbie with an etiquette question - 4/27/2007 10:19:14 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

Baseline: Unless and until you CHOSE to submit to ONE person then you owe no-one anything. Regardless of what they call themself, you are NOT THEIRS they have no claim on you and can demand nothing of you.

The most they can say is, this is what I want in order to continue discussing with you. They are as free to walk away as YOU are.

If you are not comfortable giving out your number then DON'T do so until you ARE comfortable!

If they try to push their demands or get unpleasent.... block, delete, ignore.... works wonders.

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This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

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RE: Newbie with an etiquette question - 4/27/2007 11:23:18 AM

leili

Posts: 49
Joined: 3/18/2007
Status: offline

yeah uh, what they said, plus a lot of them are just trying to get you to have phone sex anyway so tell them to fuck off-i mean the ones that are trying to...well, you know. otherwise, ahem, do what you wanna do

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Serving another is simple for a slave for it is a desire in the core of their soul. To be a true Hanian slave is hard because the ultimate goal is to become the extension of his or her Owner's will, a road only very few are daring enough to walk.

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RE: Newbie with an etiquette question - 4/27/2007 11:53:55 AM

Kitte9

Posts: 411
Joined: 11/26/2006
Status: offline

Welcome to the forum. Sounds like you got some great advice here. Take what you need and be safe.

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RE: Newbie with an etiquette question - 4/29/2007 11:39:19 AM

Kitte9

Posts: 411
Joined: 11/26/2006
Status: offline

If YOU are not interested, don't respond. There is no relationship unless and until you consent. Anyone who insists there is can, in my humble opinion, take a flying leap.

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RE: Newbie with an etiquette question - 4/29/2007 5:11:46 PM

PairOfDimes

Posts: 324
Joined: 7/20/2006
Status: offline

"Dear So-and-so, Thanks for your message. No, I don't want to talk on the phone with you just yet. However, I'd like to correspond further on here." Then, continue the message--ask some encouraging questions, perhaps. This response works if you want to continue your acquaintance.

If you don't want to talk more. "Dear So and so, Thanks for your message. No, I don't want to talk on the phone with you. I don't think we'll be well-matched. All the best, Miachel."

Of course, you don't absolutely have to respond. If the message was relatively polite, just too forward for your tastes (and mine, and many others', for that matter), I'd argue that it would be polite to write a short response.

I'm with Juliaoceania--join your local groups, and observe the basic manners that serve you well outside of BDSM. There will still be impolite, socially-awkward people in face-to-face BDSM groups, but they make up a smaller proportion of the whole.

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Post #: 34