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RE: I am in hell - 4/26/2007 6:35:04 AM

Sinergy

Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: stopthesickride

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

He threatened me not to do a background check on him

You didn't recognize this has a huge red flag?

I did & went to great lengths to verify his identity in other ways. Never occurred to me I'd need to verify mental health though.... given our mutual friends and his professional & community standing, I just chalked it up as his weird "trust issue".

I just put my identity and my life out on the table for the person I am going to meet.

She wants to know something, she can ask questions and I will answer them.

All sorts of government agencies (various DOD affiliates, state teaching board) and employers have already investigated me; why would I care if somebody I wanted to date does?

Sinergy

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"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle

(in reply to stopthesickride)

Post #: 21

RE: I am in hell - 4/26/2007 7:00:12 AM

HerEmeraldEyes

Posts: 51
Joined: 7/26/2006
From: Joliet, IL
Status: offline

Ok, hello all. This one I had to get involved with because of personal experience. In 2000 I was alone, having been kicked out of my home by my husband. I had no choice but to move in with my father. (Who abused me for most of my childhood) So I was very gullible. A man came into my life, a man calling himself a dominant. He was not. He was a sociopath and 2 time convicted child rapist. And I didn't do a background check. I was 24 and had been in the lifestyle as both a mistress and a slave for 7 years. But I was very alone and fell for his devotion and honeymoon attitude.

I moved in. Over the next three months I went through HELL. I was kept a prisoner against my will for 3 months. I will not detail it here because my point is not to hijack stopthesickride's post. My point is that I have experienced this, and have survived.

This man had money. A good job, house, boat . . . he lived a very good life. But there is not enough money in the world to buy your self worth.

Stoptheride. Vengence on this man belongs to the Goddess. And believe me,SHE'll get it. Karma Sucks! Now, realize this is all IMHO - But YOU need help. You need to find a new job and IMMEDIATELY. This is not a safe environment or situation for you. You need to look immediately into the local BDSM scene and find a munch group. See if they can give you the information for a BDSM friendly therapist in your area. If you can't find it- let me know in a private message and I will help. But YOU are your own power, submissive or dominant. YOU don't NEED this man or this job. and YOU can be exactly where you are right now in a different job. But you can get there yourself, with out anyone elses help. Good luck stoptheride.

"You are stronger than you believe, braver than you know, and smarter than you think. " Christoper Robin to Winnie the Pooh

And remember, the basic definition of courage is this "something that you are afraid of, that you feel the fear, and you do it anyway." If you have survived abuse, true abuse, something not consensual, then you have all ready proven courage. Finding a new job where you will be valued is simple. please trust me on this.

Miss Emerald

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Unknown Author "Being happy doesn't mean everything is perfect. It means you have decided to look beyond the imperfections."

(in reply to Sinergy)

Post #: 22

RE: I am in hell - 4/26/2007 7:52:07 AM

Sinergy

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Joined: 4/26/2004
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Exactly, HerEmeraldEyes. Courage is the ability to do what you have to do regardless of the emotions you feel about it, whether those are fear, remorse, sadness, combination of all of them, etc.

I often encounter people who refer to themselves as victims of abuse. I personally hate that phrasing.

Cemetaries are full of victims. The fact that the person is here and talking is evidence that they are a survivor, often of some hell I will never know or really understand. I have nothing but the deepest respect for somebody who got through whatever it was they got through.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle

(in reply to HerEmeraldEyes)

Post #: 23

RE: I am in hell - 4/26/2007 11:36:43 AM

stopthesickride

Posts: 6
Joined: 4/25/2007
Status: offline

The Hemorrhoid! Llyren, that's beautiful. You nailed it. (Uh, do hemorrhoids ever go away?)

Emerald, thank you for the warning. I had not thought about whether I was in physical danger as he has never physically hurt me and promised me he never would. But then again he promised me a lot of things. You have alerted me that it's time for that background check.

As for work, I think I see my way clear. I'm going to ask my boss for a transfer.

(in reply to Sinergy)

Post #: 24

RE: I am in hell - 4/26/2007 12:24:38 PM

domiguy

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Joined: 5/2/2006
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I'm sorry that this has happened to you but in the same breath you allowed all of this to take place....I personally don't know why you would even wnat to take the time to find a "suitable" name for this jerk...Just seems that you are still giving him "time" that he doesn't deserve.

I have found that the people that usually have trouble in one work place or a relationship will mange to find trouble in the future....Is it some desire to be knee deep in drama? To be able to continually play the victim card? Or does it stem from a complete lack of sense? I don't know...But I sincerely hope that you and others who view this post learn a valuable lesson and do everything in your power not to replicate this scenario in the future.

Get out...Move on...And don't look back. Try to figure out everything that you did to enable this to happen and don't allow the same behaviour to get you in trouble in the future.

< Message edited by domiguy -- 4/26/2007 12:25:17 PM >

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Post #: 25

Pathological Narcissism - 4/26/2007 1:36:16 PM

kiyari

Posts: 631
Status: offline

Scroll Down for the info...

http://samvak.tripod.com/archive01.html#Narcissism%20-%20The%20Pathology

You may have gotten involved with a clinical Narcissist... scary types in spades.

Educate yourself on how to deal with him, so as not to encourage further abuse aka interaction of any sort.

Best wishes, ~K

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Black Water Dragon

(in reply to stopthesickride)

Post #: 26

RE: Pathological Narcissism - 4/26/2007 4:02:24 PM

LadyEllen

Posts: 10931
Joined: 6/30/2006
From: Stourport-England
Status: offline

OMG Kiyari - that was an amazing confirmation of a certain person I know! Conclusions I had come to regarding him, but this put it into the correct psych diagnosis. (see recent thread "an ideal victim?")

E

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Post #: 27

RE: I am in hell - 4/26/2007 5:29:09 PM

Griswold

Posts: 2739
Joined: 2/12/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: stopthesickride

I got involved with a guy 8 months ago. He threatened me not to do a background check on him, and I didn't. Said he'd been CIA, had PTSD, etc. This is a small town, we know people in common, so I trusted him. Seemed to have the smarts to back it up. Said he's got millions of bucks, too.

Got me a job with his employer. (Stupid me, I was content with a job, not a cash handout.) I was changing careers. But the abuse went too far- emotional, wholly nonconsenting - and we broke up for the 20th and final time yesterday.

Now I'm writing nothing but 100% work-related emails.... and suddenly he's got some supposed brand new third-party secretary we'll call Flipper auto-responding to my emails with useless gibberish. We've got a boss and clients to answer to, yet I don't want to even dignify "Flipper" with a response. The worst of it is, I can't financially afford a professional misstep now (Shoulda soaked him for money when I had him apparently, but inconveniently I have morals, which he appears to have missed out on completely.)

I'm so angry and I'm also frightened. I need to get out of this nightmare... my career is dependent on a madman. But I have so little experience in my field after only 6 mo - who'd even want to hire me?

Can't believe I'm in this situation, I'm not a careless girl. This all comes from thinking I could heal someone really really sick.

And your question is?

(in reply to stopthesickride)

Post #: 28

RE: I am in hell - 4/26/2007 5:46:51 PM

minnetar

Posts: 1272
Joined: 4/11/2007
Status: offline

i think all of us subs need to learn to take better care of ourselves and stop being so trusting. If a Dom has a problem with doing a little background research, then we should just decide that it isn't worth it. Look into finding another position. Regardless if it isn't in the industry you are currently in. Your safety and sanity are more important than allowing him to still dominate you.

minnetar

< Message edited by minnetar -- 4/26/2007 5:47:55 PM >

(in reply to stopthesickride)

Post #: 29

RE: I am in hell - 4/26/2007 7:59:19 PM

Elorin

Posts: 970
Joined: 8/22/2004
From: San Antonio, TX
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: stopthesickride
Now I'm writing nothing but 100% work-related emails.... and suddenly he's got some supposed brand new third-party secretary we'll call Flipper auto-responding to my emails with useless gibberish. We've got a boss and clients to answer to, yet I don't want to even dignify "Flipper" with a response. The worst of it is, I can't financially afford a professional misstep now

Respond to the gibberish. Send it to Flipper with a CC to the hemorrhoid, and a blind CC to the boss. While brining relationship problems to work is not always best, you know your boss better than I do. You may do best by sending the boss a direct e-mail after sending above responses with a "is there a reason I have to answer through his secretary?" or you may do best by a private meeting with the boss explaining that your romance broke up and his responses are hobbling your ability to do your job. Or you may simply be able to say "I'm glad the nightmare is over but I'm scared shitless that he will do something other than petty office politics now that we are split up. I would like a transfer as quickly as possible."

But showing that he is refusing to answer direct work related e-mails will not put YOUR job in danger. It will put his job in danger.

~E

(in reply to stopthesickride)

Post #: 30

RE: I am in hell - 4/26/2007 9:34:52 PM

Casie

Posts: 450
Joined: 1/5/2006
Status: offline

My only advice is make better choices in the future. A guy who is against a back ground check BIG RED FLAG, a guy who then says he was in the CIA another red flag because MOST of the time you knwo that is so bogus it's untrue, A guy who claims to have millions but still works yet again another red flag.

(in reply to Elorin)

Post #: 31

RE: I am in hell - 4/26/2007 10:25:20 PM

domiguy

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Joined: 5/2/2006
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I would prefer it if you cunts would keep your nose out of my business and not do a background check on me....And yes I am a milionaire and the only reason I keep working is that I truly do enjoy my job at the CIA.

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Post #: 32

RE: I am in hell - 4/26/2007 10:39:17 PM

Sinergy

Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

I would prefer it if you cunts would keep your nose out of my business and not do a background check on me....And yes I am a milionaire and the only reason I keep working is that I truly do enjoy my job at the CIA.

Isnt the CIA supposed to give you what is known as a "cover story" to protect your identity?

Just me, etc.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle

(in reply to domiguy)

Post #: 33

RE: I am in hell - 4/26/2007 10:48:26 PM

domiguy

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Joined: 5/2/2006
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The actuality of it all is that I am "so deep" that most the times I don't even know who or where I am.....If it's Russia I must be Iosif.

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Post #: 34

RE: I am in hell - 4/27/2007 2:54:01 PM

LAPhotogDaddy

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Joined: 4/25/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Satyr6406

First off, not only are you upset but, you're a bit confused (Your post certainly confused the bejesus outta me).

You ask: "How should I date next?" You SHOULDN'T. You need some time to heal and some time to re-assess who you are and what you want in a guy and then you need to promise yourself that you will NOT "settle" and then, maybe, you're ready to date.

What he said.

Dating next? This is not a thought that should cross your mind until you are well clear of this.

(in reply to Satyr6406)

Post #: 35

RE: I am in hell - 4/27/2007 6:16:21 PM

Casie

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Joined: 1/5/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

I would prefer it if you cunts would keep your nose out of my business and not do a background check on me....And yes I am a milionaire and the only reason I keep working is that I truly do enjoy my job at the CIA.

If you are that against having a background check then obviously you have something to hide. And it can't be your involvment with the CIA LMFAO!!!! And if you were a millionaire you wouldn't be worried about what people are saying or this girl!!! I believe you are such a pathological liar you are beging to believe them yourself. Perhaps you should see a therpist maybe all that time in the CIA has gona and fucked you all up LOL!!!

(in reply to domiguy)

Post #: 36

RE: I am in hell - 4/27/2007 6:18:51 PM

Llyren

Posts: 637
Joined: 3/5/2007
From: Illinois
Status: offline

I may be mistaken, but I think perhaps what she is asking is if she should play along with him and 'date' him till she has what she needs to make good her escape. Not that she wants to rush off to the next git.

_____________________________

I'm not perving. I'm compensating for my myopia. So nyah.

Member of Cock-Suckers for World Peace

"Character is what you are in the dark."

- Lord John Whorfin

(in reply to Casie)

Post #: 37

RE: I am in hell - 4/27/2007 6:21:07 PM

kittinSol

Posts: 16926
Status: offline

Sorry for bargeing in, this is but just a side comment: I think Domiguy should get an award for comedy.

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Post #: 38

RE: I am in hell - 4/28/2007 10:30:47 AM

Termyn8or

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Joined: 11/12/2005
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Sorry, I did a jumpthrough, but something has occurred to me.

Nobody in the CIA will tell you they are in the CIA unless they contact you in their official capacity. They say anything they want, like they work for the Library Of Congress, or work at the Whitehouse doing research, or some shit, they will not tell you. Some might even say they work for the post office. HA, some do.

I did read this earlier, but the CIA thing just dawned on me. They are not allowed to tell. In the FBI they can, but not the CIA. So if anyone tells you they work for the CIA they are bullshitting you, BELIEVE ME.

That means the dude is full of shit, lying. That is not a good basis for a relationship.

T

(in reply to stopthesickride)

Post #: 39

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