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Time restrictions - 4/27/2007 4:59:26 AM   
MellowSir


Posts: 260
Joined: 4/17/2007
Status: offline 		Just wondering as to the various way that doms and subs both manage to weave d/s and bdsm into their lives  when one or both work so much, and/or have children to care for? I've only been into the lifestyle for some few years and am interested in what those with more experience think are the best ways to work around such a busy world, thanks...

< Message edited by MellowSir -- 4/27/2007 5:00:18 AM >
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RE: Time restrictions - 4/27/2007 5:05:58 AM   
Asraii


Posts: 91
Status: offline 		I would say with a common sense approach.
 
Obviously with youngin's around, you are not going to be walking around naked, chasing your sub/slave with a whip ( or better yet, I would not ). Such things are better left to the privacy of closed doors.
 
As for the D/s, that can be incorporated in anyway the two of you see fit.

_____________________________

Nothing prevents happiness like the memory of happiness
Andre Gide

(in reply to MellowSir)
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RE: Time restrictions - 4/27/2007 5:12:08 AM   
NakedGirlScout


Posts: 370
Joined: 1/10/2006
From: Toronto
Status: offline 		With a really busy work schedule and two kids around, we find it best to fit D/s right into the daily routines of life. For example, wearing a chain under clothing while doing household chores and being ordered what to do around the house. And in the daily way we relate to one another, even if we don't say "Master" out loud. In the way I defer to his wishes. Of course, sexual aspects are all behind closed doors. I won't pretend that I'm not delighted when we find ourselves home alone without the kids, though!

(in reply to Asraii)
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RE: Time restrictions - 4/27/2007 5:25:14 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MellowSir

Just wondering as to the various way that doms and subs both manage to weave d/s and bdsm into their lives  when one or both work so much, and/or have children to care for? I've only been into the lifestyle for some few years and am interested in what those with more experience think are the best ways to work around such a busy world, thanks...


Valyraen works long days. He gets up when I'm still asleep and sometimes doesn't come home until 7 PM. Sometimes I'm not even home then because I'm still on campus, doing the things I need to do to graduate. One of the things we do is that he leaves to-do lists on my laptop. I know that those are the things I have to get done with any spare time I have. On weekends, he is there to direct or not direct me as he sees fit. I love the weekends.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 4/27/2007 5:26:57 AM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to MellowSir)
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RE: Time restrictions - 4/27/2007 5:26:47 AM   
MariaB


Posts: 2969
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline 		My work is in BDSM and so is a lot of my spare time but I will not let any of this encroach on the rest of my family.
There is always a time and a place for everything

(in reply to NakedGirlScout)
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RE: Time restrictions - 4/27/2007 5:40:53 AM   
Devilslilsister


Posts: 1262
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		its incorporated into everything.  But then we dont dress up and play cow boys and indians

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My ability to cope with BS is at an all time low - me

i may look like i'm doing nothing, but i'm very busy at a cellular level

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RE: Time restrictions - 4/27/2007 5:44:51 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Devilslilsister

its incorporated into everything.  But then we dont dress up and play cow boys and indians

Dayum

You just blew all my illusions to dust

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If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


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RE: Time restrictions - 4/27/2007 7:29:45 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I dunno, we don't plan things unless there's a party coming up.  We just know it's something we want to do and do it on a fairly regular basis- sex and play that is.  We keep our snuggle and alone time fairly sacred.  Thank god for DVR.

As far as the dynamic....well that exists constantly, whichever way the wind blows.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to IrishMist)
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RE: Time restrictions - 4/27/2007 7:43:08 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline 		The D/s is simply part of the Relationship, the way we relate and the nature of who we are to each other. My control is there regardless of what else is happening in our lives. All her decisions are answerable to Me, she keeps what would please Me in mind when having to make decisions that I can't be there to make or that I let her handle even if I am there.

The rest fits in as and when we can, reality imposes itself and limits what is possible to be done, when..... You simply make the most of the time you DO have.


_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: Time restrictions - 4/27/2007 7:58:09 AM   
tade


Posts: 663
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: Tampa Bay, Florida
Status: offline 		It can be difficult to fit in everything, but what that's worthwhile isn't??

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I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs or insanity for everyone, but they've always worked for me.
Hunter S. Thompson

It's a magical world Hobbes 'ole buddy. Let's go explorin'~ Calvin

(in reply to RavenMuse)
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RE: Time restrictions - 4/27/2007 8:38:04 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		What works for me is being realistic about what I and my slave need in terms of maintain our dynamic, what we need to do as individuals to be healthy, and what the family needs to do to survive and thrive.

If you break it down into what you need to do to maintain your ds or ms dynamic you may discover it fits very well into living everyday life.

Honestly other than one person have more agreed upon authority in the relationship how is it different from other relationships?

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to MellowSir)
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RE: Time restrictions - 4/27/2007 8:59:54 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		Doing it with children takes genuine understanding, patience, and trust.  The chaos that surrounds children can make you feel powerless, since the reality is or at least should be that their needs come first.  In addition, grudge fucking mommy over the breakfast table is frowned on in most states but Arkansas.  I think this is why many adopt some the of 1950's stuff.  Mommy serves food to daddy, waits for him to start eating.  Small couch in front of tv so mommy sits on the couch so the kids can sit next to daddy on the couch.

Small subtle things like dropping of eyes when daddy comes home and lifting them once greeted also help those things. 

For me, my little girl has kids and the resultant chaos makes it rough on both on us.  So, I make sure she knows I "get" the chaos but that I require her to do a couple of things to make time, some for herself, some for me, some of course for us.  Not every day but often enough that we know each of us considers the other a priority.  Plus we know we have to make time to get away for longer periods.

However, the most important thing to make this work is that both partners have to allow each other to be vulnerable and to share their fears, needs, and issues and be heard not judged.  "I feel so much more X when you do Y, can we do more"  is so much easier to process than "you never make time for me" or worse " you don't really want to be an X, do you?"  It requires tearing down the fantasy and together building a reality custom designed for two people.

< Message edited by SimplyMichael -- 4/27/2007 9:00:45 AM >

(in reply to thetammyjo)
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RE: Time restrictions - 4/27/2007 9:03:07 AM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		though apart due to distance, Daddy and i have totally opposite work schedules and hectic private lives.  He works long hours at his private practice 4 days a week with tennis on Tuesday evenings and Fridays. on the other hand i work 2 to 3 nights a week at the radio station and/or concert scene reviewing bands. since my office is at home most of the time, i still have to divide my time between 2 UMs, their schools, doct appts, therapies, counseling and work 24/7.  probably wondering when do we have time to chat - mostly early in the morning before he leaves for the office and when he returns home.  the weekends are our best times to get together (if i'm not reviewing a Saturday show and/or if He doesn't have private obligations) to chat for hours.   

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...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...


...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to MellowSir)
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RE: Time restrictions - 4/27/2007 9:04:17 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael
For me, my little girl has kids and the resultant chaos makes it rough on both on us.

Who are you talking about?  Last week you were dating around, earlier this week you were asking advice on whether to get involved with someone long distance (which I advised to take it slow), and now suddenly you have "a little girl" and are talking about dealing with everyday dynamics when kids are around?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Time restrictions - 4/27/2007 9:07:58 AM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		I don't know maybe I am a little different than the majority of the people out here....I am incredibly selfish with my time and I expect my sub to avail herself to me as needed.

if the sub has um's it is not uncommon for me to start putting articles about Susan Smith or Andrea Yates up on the fridge...This is just one approach but I think we can all agree that it is probably the best way to touch on this matter without anyone's feelings getting bruised.

_____________________________



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RE: Time restrictions - 4/27/2007 9:22:22 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael
For me, my little girl has kids and the resultant chaos makes it rough on both on us.

Who are you talking about?  Last week you were dating around, earlier this week you were asking advice on whether to get involved with someone long distance (which I advised to take it slow), and now suddenly you have "a little girl" and are talking about dealing with everyday dynamics when kids are around?


LA,  I guess it is my turn to get a CM grilling.  The only woman to ever wear my collar was a married woman with a wonderful son.  While that relationship was full of drama, dealing with her family life was the one thing I look back on with pride.  All that despite having to prevent her son from realizing mommy wasn't sleeping in the same bed as daddy, and that mommy was my submissive.  I wouldn't thrust out my chest on many issues, but this is one I have no problem doing so.

I asked for your advice, but I follow my own counsel.  The connection I seem to share with this woman has made me throw caution to the wind.  I will find out later today if that was a wise move or not.  That said, we have had to deal with issues around her kids from day one.  In fact, I think dealing with a woman with children is far harder to do long distance than living together.  It is easy to steal time in a hallway for a quick kiss, it is far harder to feel connected with someone 3,118 miles away who has two short dominantes and one tall dominant in her life. 

So while I may be risking my heart, my advice comes from real life practical live in experience that worked for many years.   It worked in a situation far more complicated than the OP which sounds like a one man household, wheras I also had to work around the husband and discuss who was sleeping where, share meals with him, etc. 

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: Time restrictions - 4/27/2007 9:30:56 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Well I hope you know I wasn't trying to grill you and of course you should do what you feel is best- I was just utterly confused by who you could mean.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
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RE: Time restrictions - 4/27/2007 10:29:50 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		LA, I emailed you on the other side about who I am refering to although for this thread it isn't material. 

Also, never fear grilling me.  I don't hold back and sure as hell don't want anyone thinking they can't challenge me, that is one of the things I value about this place.  There are people more than capable of calling me on my shit!

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: Time restrictions - 4/27/2007 10:33:05 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael
Also, never fear grilling me.  I don't hold back and sure as hell don't want anyone thinking they can't challenge me, that is one of the things I value about this place.  There are people more than capable of calling me on my shit!

Yeah but I think we're all tired of me calling you on your shit publicly so I'll save that for private from now on.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Time restrictions - 4/27/2007 11:32:52 AM   
Stranger1


Posts: 219
Joined: 4/13/2007
Status: offline 		By realizing that you simply have to work within your constraints.

You can manage time together-but that needy thing is what makes it truly sucky...........So what really makes it work.......is the RIGHT partner-not one who desires more than you can give.

(in reply to MellowSir)
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