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Any chance in hell that it could work out? - 4/27/2007 6:51:35 AM

SweetlySubmissve

Posts: 14
Joined: 4/10/2006
Status: offline

Hi E/everyone.

I needed a little bit of advice and I was hoping Y/you wonderful people could help me out.

I just got involved with a very sweet and kind man and I was EXTREMLY happy when I found out that he had some "kinks" about him. I am a complete submissive, with some slave tendancies. Only problem...so is he.

He's asked me on several occacions to spank and control him. But, with me being a submissive and a massochist (I don't have a sadist bone in my body) it's hard for me to do such things, even though I have tried. When he talks to me about spanking and controling him, he gets giggly and dances a little bit. In my eyes, this is very emasculating and a complete turn-off (No offence to the sub/slave males out there, but i want the same thing that you do!) and feel as though are positions are backwards. Expecially since I've always kind of dreamed of wearing a collar and being a 24/7 submissive.

I guess what I'm asking is if A/anyone feels as though i can work through all of this with my boyfriend or if I should just cut my loses and call it quits?

Thank Y/you in advance,

-becca

Post #: 1

RE: Any chance in hell that it could work out? - 4/27/2007 6:54:41 AM

Asraii

Posts: 91
Status: offline

Have the two of you, perhaps, brought up the option of both of you finding a dominant to submit to?

_____________________________

Nothing prevents happiness like the memory of happiness
Andre Gide

(in reply to SweetlySubmissve)

Post #: 2

RE: Any chance in hell that it could work out? - 4/27/2007 6:59:40 AM

SweetlySubmissve

Posts: 14
Joined: 4/10/2006
Status: offline

I actually brought that up last week. He feels as though bringing Another into our relationship in that context is "cheating" and would never do such.

(in reply to Asraii)

Post #: 3

RE: Any chance in hell that it could work out? - 4/27/2007 7:02:55 AM

Satyr6406

Posts: 820
Joined: 3/27/2006
From: New Brunswick, N.J.
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetlySubmissve

Hi E/everyone.

I needed a little bit of advice and I was hoping Y/you wonderful people could help me out.

Even though you put the "wonderful" qualifier in there (and it doesn't suit me), I'll see if I can help.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetlySubmissve
I just got involved with a very sweet and kind man and I was EXTREMLY happy when I found out that he had some "kinks" about him. I am a complete submissive, with some slave tendancies. Only problem...so is he.

He's asked me on several occacions to spank and control him. But, with me being a submissive and a massochist (I don't have a sadist bone in my body) it's hard for me to do such things, even though I have tried. When he talks to me about spanking and controling him, he gets giggly and dances a little bit. In my eyes, this is very emasculating and a complete turn-off (No offence to the sub/slave males out there, but i want the same thing that you do!) and feel as though are positions are backwards. Expecially since I've always kind of dreamed of wearing a collar and being a 24/7 submissive.

I guess what I'm asking is if A/anyone feels as though i can work through all of this with my boyfriend or if I should just cut my loses and call it quits?

Thank Y/you in advance,

-becca

Now, the best advice that I can give you is that you have some choices to make. There's a whole lot of issues here. Dominant or not, is this guy a "keeper"?

I have always been of the opinion that no one person can be EVERYTHING for someone. Have you thought about polyamory? Maybe the two of you could "hook up with" a Dom/Domme couple?

There's a whole lot of options and really, they hinge on two variables: Is he a "keeper" and do both of you demand monogamy?

I hope I was of some help.

Peace and comfort,

Michael

_____________________________

Peace and comfort,

Michael

Former Vice-President Gore didn't invent the internet but, he DID make up global warming!

(in reply to SweetlySubmissve)

Post #: 4

RE: Any chance in hell that it could work out? - 4/27/2007 7:14:09 AM

HisSongstress

Posts: 103
Joined: 3/2/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Satyr6406

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetlySubmissve
Hi E/everyone.

I needed a little bit of advice and I was hoping Y/you wonderful people could help me out.

Even though you put the "wonderful" qualifier in there (and it doesn't suit me), I'll see if I can help.

I don't know about that, Michael. The posts of yours that I have read have been pretty wonderful to me.

best!

...song...

_____________________________

"More, please." ....Oliver Twist

Before discovering bdsm, my motto was "Like me or bite me." But here, everyone seems to think that is an invitation.

(in reply to Satyr6406)

Post #: 5

RE: Any chance in hell that it could work out? - 4/27/2007 7:18:09 AM

mstrjx

Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Satyr6406

Now, the best advice that I can give you is that you have some choices to make. There's a whole lot of issues here. Dominant or not, is this guy a "keeper"?

I'm thinking along the same lines. It seems apparent that unless one or both of you suddenly decide to switch for the sake of appeasing your partner's real needs, that 'some' of your needs will still go wanting (as his would).

But there are many configurations in life. Straights, gays, bisexuals, dom/sub couples, dom/dom couples, sub/sub couples. I realize that you just met this man, but if you think that on the surface you have the makings of a positive relationship you might want to think twice before you let that go.

There are other ways to have your needs met. It can be with other 'regular' partners; it can be with 'random' folks. Bear in mind though that these outside relationships will be intense in their own right. Your own relationship would need to be stable to withstand some of the potential things that can happen with others.

I won't saying there's 'no' hope, but definitely keep your options open for a bit.

Good luck.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to Satyr6406)

Post #: 6

RE: Any chance in hell that it could work out? - 4/27/2007 7:24:50 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Ahhh given his condition that you not be with others, I recommend to just stay good close friends.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to mstrjx)

Post #: 7

RE: Any chance in hell that it could work out? - 4/27/2007 7:28:14 AM

Satyr6406

Posts: 820
Joined: 3/27/2006
From: New Brunswick, N.J.
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HisSongstress

I don't know about that, Michael. The posts of yours that I have read have been pretty wonderful to me.

best!

...song...

I think you're just flirting with me, you of the pretty eyes!

*wink*

Michael

_____________________________

Peace and comfort,

Michael

Former Vice-President Gore didn't invent the internet but, he DID make up global warming!

(in reply to HisSongstress)

Post #: 8

RE: Any chance in hell that it could work out? - 4/27/2007 7:29:21 AM

Asraii

Posts: 91
Status: offline

I'll be honest. If it was me, I would have to stop the relationship simply because I could never top someone; it's just not in me to do so. However, this is not me so, I would do like others have said and decide how much you are willing to sacrifice for the relationship ( and I mean the both of you, not just you, and not just him )

I have met others who came up against this very same thing and they managed to work it out. It took alot of time and effort, but they did.

_____________________________

Nothing prevents happiness like the memory of happiness
Andre Gide

(in reply to SweetlySubmissve)

Post #: 9

RE: Any chance in hell that it could work out? - 4/27/2007 7:32:07 AM

puella

Posts: 2457
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline

I think I would agree with LA.

Though certainly, in any relationship you each partner will 'give' on any number of issues, if you are having trouble with a fundamental issue, there is more likely than not going to be some serious feelings of being unfulfilled... most likely on both parts, and over time, that will probably just get deeper and deeper. Potentially, you could both end up resenting each other for not being what you really wanted the other to be.

Best of luck.

_____________________________

We must move forward, not backward, upward, not forward, and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom...... The Simpsons

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography." ...Ambrose Bierce

"Don't you oppress me!"....Stan/Loretta

(in reply to SweetlySubmissve)

Post #: 10

RE: Any chance in hell that it could work out? - 4/27/2007 7:54:04 AM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

no i am sorry, and from everything you have written, you already know this, you just have to some how make your heart hear it.

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to puella)

Post #: 11

RE: Any chance in hell that it could work out? - 4/27/2007 8:40:19 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetlySubmissve

I actually brought that up last week. He feels as though bringing Another into our relationship in that context is "cheating" and would never do such.

Is he willing to switch too?

Do you honestly think you or he could be happy with just role-playing if you switch?

If I answered "no" to these questions, I wouldn't continue my relationship with him romantically or sexually.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to SweetlySubmissve)

Post #: 12

RE: Any chance in hell that it could work out? - 4/27/2007 8:48:41 AM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

Why won't it work? My GradDomi sat me down at a very young age and said, "Son, there is nothing more Domly or manly than a man who can giggle and dance about at the same time."

You are doomed. One time you are going to come off of a bad day and this Mutherfucker is going to start prancing, giggling and dancing about and you will be forced to do the only humane thing and put him down.

Hopefully you will get an understanding jury.....My advice is get the fuck out....And leave this dillwad to his own devices.

_____________________________

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 13

RE: Any chance in hell that it could work out? - 4/27/2007 8:51:59 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

If you honesty thought there was any chance to make that relationship work, if you actualy WANTED to make it work.... you'd be working on it and not asking a question here to which you have already pretty clearly made your mind up on dear.

If there was an option of getting those needs met elsewhere, then maybe, but there isn't.... end of story, end of potential.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 14

RE: Any chance in hell that it could work out? - 4/27/2007 9:00:46 AM

slavejali

Posts: 2918
Status: offline

quote:

He's asked me on several occacions to spank and control him. But, with me being a submissive and a massochist (I don't have a sadist bone in my body) it's hard for me to do such things, even though I have tried. When he talks to me about spanking and controling him, he gets giggly and dances a little bit. In my eyes, this is very emasculating and a complete turn-off

\

Quoted that whole section, cause I think therein lays the answer. Time to call it quits hey?

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 15

RE: Any chance in hell that it could work out? - 4/27/2007 9:04:40 AM

Aileen68

Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline

It seems as if the only dominant thing he is willing to do is to have you top him.
If you're ok with that then take the realtionship further. If not, then leave.

(in reply to SweetlySubmissve)

Post #: 16

RE: Any chance in hell that it could work out? - 4/27/2007 9:08:18 AM

SweetlySubmissve

Posts: 14
Joined: 4/10/2006
Status: offline

Thank Y/you all for Y/your advice. I've been sitting here, just trying to figure it all out. And I think that the last Two that posted have the right idea.

I can't take those actions.

I know it won't work, but now I guess I'm trying to validate the decision.

_____________________________

"There's a smile when the pain comes. The pain's gonna make everything alright..." - The Black Crows, 'She Talks to Angels'

Yeah, I'm a slight massochist.

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 17

RE: Any chance in hell that it could work out? - 4/27/2007 9:12:40 AM

bliss1

Posts: 497
Joined: 3/14/2007
Status: offline

If the man is a keeper - approach it from the standpoint that you are still "serving" him by taking care of his need to be submissive at times.

I was with a Dom once you had a very high stress job - and he was very very Dom - yet at times enjoyed it when I just took over. I was still serving him (granted it took alot of mental preparation for me to do, it is also not of my nature to be boss in the relationship).

It isn't an easy path if he is a keeper - but I found it worth it.
It also showed me how difficult it is to be Dom and I learned from him as a submissive - how to be more submissive.

_____________________________

Witch before, during, and after my coffee.

(in reply to SweetlySubmissve)

Post #: 18

RE: Any chance in hell that it could work out? - 4/27/2007 9:18:20 AM

Casie

Posts: 450
Joined: 1/5/2006
Status: offline

If he isn't interested in a possible polly relationship and neither of you are at all comfortable in the dom role. Then perhaps it is times to call the relationship quits and stay close friends. It just doesn't sound like either of you will get the fullfillment you deserve. Being close friends isn't as bad as nothing at all. Hang in there. HTH
Casie

(in reply to SweetlySubmissve)

Post #: 19

RE: Any chance in hell that it could work out? - 4/27/2007 9:24:03 AM

imthatacheyouhav

Posts: 1259
Joined: 4/16/2007
Status: offline

in my experience, every relationship costs you something. the thing is , is it a price you are willing or can afford to pay...

(in reply to SweetlySubmissve)

Post #: 20

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