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RE: revealing a disability - 4/28/2007 8:41:13 AM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
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I have my share of problems, as does Angel. Some of the health related ones needed to be discussed before we met, bcasue there were things that had to be offlimits from the get go for safety sake. If your "disabilities" are actual disabilities then they should be offered up IF someone is going to consider meeting or more than just online chat. Especially if these problems might get in the way of your service, or if there is any possibility of you geting hurt through play at some point.
Otherwise if your disability is not major, and not troublesome, then it really shouldnt be a factor. I dont announce my problems becasue they arent going to be an issue. I dont HIDE them, but I dont necessarily announce them right off.

If you are worried that someone you are speaking to will hold a walking cane against you then perhaps they arent one you would want to be with anyway.

DV

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RE: revealing a disability - 4/28/2007 8:56:14 AM

NControlofU

Posts: 204
Joined: 11/14/2005
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Why not wave a banner? It's a part of who you are and something that makes you uniquely you. My slave, stated very clearly in her profile that she is an amputee, along with the rest of her physical description and other information, such as being a nonsmoker and light drinker, etc. While, I don't see her as being disabled, the fact is she doesn't have a leg below her right knee and must use a prosthesis or crutches or wheelchair to get around (or walk on her knees around the house, as she often does). This, along with everything else about her, makes her who she is.

Stating that you have a condition or "disability", right up front, does two things. It weeds out anyone who would have a problem with it and, therefor, you don't need to waste your time with, and it shows your level of honesty, which is a very positive trait to have. So, I say, "Say it like it is, right from the start."

quote:

ORIGINAL: Malacophonous
My question is, at what point do you think that something of this nature should be revealed to someone who has expressed interest in me online? I don't exactly want to wave a banner, but nor do I wish to mislead.
Your feedback is appreciated.

(in reply to Malacophonous)

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Post #: 22

RE: revealing a disability - 4/28/2007 9:40:52 AM

cjenny

Posts: 1736
Joined: 11/27/2006
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It is written in my profile.

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RE: revealing a disability - 4/28/2007 10:01:51 AM

BossySSBBW

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Joined: 5/18/2006
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I use a wheelchair full time and I make that very clear in each and every profile I have online. Sort of hard to hide a big red power wheelchair....lol. I think it helps others sort out whether or not they can deal with it before we chat.

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RE: revealing a disability - 4/28/2007 8:10:39 PM

footpuppyslave

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Joined: 3/16/2007
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this is my first responce to a forum and normaly i wont wright to one because i learned at b.com when i was a member when people post a comment alot of people made

bad taste and foul remarks but i am glad some one made this post so i can share things i learned as a sub/slave.

i want to say this that a dom or domme with a disability has a better chance with finding a sub/slave then the sub/slave does to find a dom or domme.

this is because a sub/slave only has the need to serve a owner no matter what but when
a dom or domme hears the word disability they think the sub or slave is useless to them !

not to long ago i had a domme who claimed she wanted a slave husband but when i told her i was on disability her responce was its not going to work out with out asking .

i think a dom or domme has a closed mind and prejudge a word i will give you a example.

if a sub says he or she had a spine problem that limits movement now and then in the dom/dommes mind they think the sub/slave is a gimp 100% cripple sorry if the words offends but thats in alot of tops heads.

if the sub/slave says they are a slow learner as a disability they think ok slow learner retarted. when a slave/sub says nervous breakdown they think he or she escaped the nut house.

it does not matter if a sub/slave if he or she as any one or two or all three types they are judged as useless.

i can see judgeing a person if they told a lie example i had meet vaillia woman who was disabled in a letter she told me she uses crutches keep in mind with a crutch or a cain you can still move for your self but when i found out in the end she was 100% wheelchair bound it was a lie. i did not judge her on the disability i did the lie so if i came out as we talk and say i suffer from this problem or that its the truth.and ask not to be judged on it.

i think people both a top or a bottom expects 100% perfection in a partner over looking all the good they bring to a table and due to pettyness could avoid a true person.

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RE: revealing a disability - 4/28/2007 8:38:28 PM

minnetar

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Joined: 4/11/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: footpuppyslave

this is my first responce to a forum and normaly i wont wright to one because i learned at b.com when i was a member when people post a comment alot of people made

bad taste and foul remarks but i am glad some one made this post so i can share things i learned as a sub/slave.

i want to say this that a dom or domme with a disability has a better chance with finding a sub/slave then the sub/slave does to find a dom or domme.

this is because a sub/slave only has the need to serve a owner no matter what but when
a dom or domme hears the word disability they think the sub or slave is useless to them !

not to long ago i had a domme who claimed she wanted a slave husband but when i told her i was on disability her responce was its not going to work out with out asking .

i think a dom or domme has a closed mind and prejudge a word i will give you a example.

if a sub says he or she had a spine problem that limits movement now and then in the dom/dommes mind they think the sub/slave is a gimp 100% cripple sorry if the words offends but thats in alot of tops heads.

if the sub/slave says they are a slow learner as a disability they think ok slow learner retarted. when a slave/sub says nervous breakdown they think he or she escaped the nut house.

it does not matter if a sub/slave if he or she as any one or two or all three types they are judged as useless.

i can see judgeing a person if they told a lie example i had meet vaillia woman who was disabled in a letter she told me she uses crutches keep in mind with a crutch or a cain you can still move for your self but when i found out in the end she was 100% wheelchair bound it was a lie. i did not judge her on the disability i did the lie so if i came out as we talk and say i suffer from this problem or that its the truth.and ask not to be judged on it.

i think people both a top or a bottom expects 100% perfection in a partner over looking all the good they bring to a table and due to pettyness could avoid a true person.

i admire your honesty and it is their loss not yours!!

minnetar

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RE: revealing a disability - 4/28/2007 8:50:04 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
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While it is true unfortunately that some people do judge based on presumptions rather than actual truth about disabilities, there are occasionally good reasons for disabilities to be a negative factor. My own instance, I know better than to get involved with a sub or slave who has emotional problems. After very bad expereinces previously, there are certain emotional disabilities I avoid. There are also certain physical disablities that would make someone incapable of performing the activities I desire. They might be the sweetest person in the world, and might make a wonderful friend, however as a sub or slave they would not be able to make the cut. I dont judge a person by their abilities or disabilities. I do judge a persons ability to be a slave to me by their abilities to do a few specific things I would want. If they cannot do those things , becasue of disabilities, hard limits or personal reasons, they arent going to be a suitable slave.
Disqualification becasue of a disability isnt always a bad thing. However, dont think Dominants with disablties have it much better. We arent the only ones with standards of perfection for our potential partners to live up to. A disability does not translate to a weakness, nor does it mean someone will be less dominant. A common misconception, but annoying at any rate. It might not be fair, but I use it as a good indicator. If someone is closed minded enough to judge me for my problems and decide they know how well I can Dominate them on that basis, they arent te type I want serving me anyway. Maybe its just me, but if someone wants to judge me for a disability, I dont really care to prove them wrong. I just leave them with their belifes, right or wrong, and move on to someone with a far more compatible personality and a far more open mind.

DV

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I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
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RE: revealing a disability - 4/28/2007 9:17:56 PM

Arpig

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I walk with a cane...I show that in my profile pics. I see no rreason to hide a disability for more than the 1st 2-3 communications, as soon as the interest is established as more than passing, especially if the disability is such as to interfere with one's performance as dom or sub

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RE: revealing a disability - 4/29/2007 2:56:16 AM

mons

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Joined: 11/16/2005
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greetings to all

i have what i think is a dsiabity and i make sure i talk about it. i have sleep apena and i must use a machine to help me breath when i go to sleep. now if i find that someone ccan not handle this i would leave without a word. i did not have this before i head my head and the doctor think this may have brought it on. if someone can not ahandle this i understand but my machine comes before anyone it my life. i do have a time with it i hate it at times but when i know of the porblem i could have if i do not use it, so it is something i can not hide i must tell it always . walking with a cane i know is hard, but did you ever think of having a lovely odrer one it works great and if the person truly cares it will be ok . oh yes i use a cane but i have one for bad boys and one for my walking oh never get to shame that you do not use it falling hurt like hell

mons take care i wish you well

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RE: revealing a disability - 4/29/2007 6:37:26 AM

Phoenix2raven

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If a minor disability was/is an issue for them I would question if they were a good match.I'm not one to hide anything when it comes to finding a partner. Although I use discretion concerning what I share at first. A closed mouth gathers no foot. lol

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RE: revealing a disability - 4/29/2007 6:39:55 AM

LeatherBentOne

Posts: 469
Joined: 9/27/2005
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Disclose any disabilities immediately for several reasons:

1. Disclosure is directly related to honesty.
2. Wouldn't you want to know if your potential had one.
3. It will affect the relationship even if you try to hide it.
4. Once disclosed,later on, the potential will probably feel betrayed or lied to.
5. For your safety, a potential needs to know what he is dealing with so he can modify/omit, if necessary
6. It's not a crime to be disabled. Nobody asks to be sick /andor have mobility issues.
7. It shows that you are ready to have an honest/open relationship with a potential.

Im sure there are many more, but these are the ones I came up with being a permanently disabled Dominant.

Best to you,
LBO

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RE: revealing a disability - 4/29/2007 7:38:59 AM

Malacophonous

Posts: 15
Joined: 4/9/2007
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Thank you all for your thoughtful replies. I do appreciate the time and effort it took to respond. I also appreciate those who shared personal experiences or offered a different way of looking at the situation.
I think I'll go down to the craft store today and find a way to transform this cane into a cute fashion accessory!

Smiles,
lynn

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RE: revealing a disability - 4/30/2007 4:18:36 AM

bliss1

Posts: 497
Joined: 3/14/2007
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When someone contacts me - I will say I have health issues and this is why I am seeking this at this time. If they are interested and ask - I tell them just what is going on.
Until then - health issues is all they need to know.

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RE: revealing a disability - 5/4/2007 3:34:44 AM

Shanghaid

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Joined: 5/6/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: imthatacheyouhav

this is just me....but if it gets to the point that you think you may meet with someone...i would just straight up say....i walk with a cane at the moment...does that bother you?

Yep. I agree. You don't need to dwell on it. It ain't no thang, but it should be brought up beforehand. That said, I can't think of anything offhand that you couldn't do with a cane/in a wheelchair/whatever...

Possibly ponygirl stuff (cool to look at, not really into it myself). Service (slave waitress stuff maybe) - but hell, they've got those cool lil' drink tray carrying robots if that's a freakin' issue with the guy.

<shrug>

SH'd

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