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RE: Unmanly? Needed for dominance? - 4/27/2007 8:11:34 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		That's like saying you don't need toys for sex.  No- you don't.  But that doesn't mean they can't do some pretty awesome things that no human alive is capable of and no reason not to enjoy those experiences IF they are indeed enjoyable.

And it certainly doesn't mean you don't get plenty of great sex on your own.

Now, there ARE toy whores out there, men and women who think their toy bag shows how cool they are (kinda like when geeks get together to talk computer trash), but they are pretty easy to spot (like the guy who NEVER actually has a date, but constantly pops their singletail at a party interrupting every other scene going on).

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RE: Unmanly? Needed for dominance? - 4/27/2007 8:11:56 PM   
Casie


Posts: 450
Joined: 1/5/2006
Status: offline 		Wow,haha toys are fun ppl way overanalyz things. Of course you don't "need" toys but t hey sure are fun!!



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RE: Unmanly? Needed for dominance? - 4/27/2007 11:35:58 PM   
mythi


Posts: 257
Joined: 2/25/2007
From: Naples, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

Femsubmissives, masochistic or not:  Do you feel that your dominant is unmanly if he uses toys?  Do you feel that your dominant can only control you through his toys?  Do you feel he "needs" them in order to control you?  Would you like him to not use his toys?


What do you know, I have a new hard limit... "Dom's" who feel threatened by a vibrator.

(And no, I dont care which way it's aiming! )

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RE: Unmanly? Needed for dominance? - 4/28/2007 2:38:34 AM   
Daedalus84


Posts: 12
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		Personally i prefer not to use them by and large, ive got a couple of gags kicking around, some duct tape and a few other bits and pieces but they all have fairly specific uses. With most people in most settings i wouldnt bother though, ive got plenty of ways to hurt or control someone using my hands.

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RE: Unmanly? Needed for dominance? - 4/28/2007 7:35:24 AM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline 		Enjoying reading the answers...hope to get more, especially from fellow male dominants....

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RE: Unmanly? Needed for dominance? - 4/28/2007 7:51:09 AM   
SirDominic


Posts: 711
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline 		"she found the use of toys by male dominants as "half ridiculous and half pathetic" and deemed it "unmanly".
It seems that it strikes her...and her dominant...as impersonal (the use of toys) and find it odd that a man twice as big as his submissive would "need" to use props to control her and cause her pain."

Creative, obviously she is entitled to her opinion, and if this is what floats her and her Dominant's boat, more power to them. Her mistake, of course, is trying to place their preference onto everyone else.

I don't need props to control my slave. That doesn't mean I don't get great pleasure seeing her lovely body bound in my ropes and chains. I love to spank her ass, whether with my hand, or with a whip. Need has nothing to do with it. Our personal pleasure is what counts.

Whenever I read this kind of post as hers, I tend to feel they are insecure on some level. Any Dominant who is secure in their dominance doesn't concern themselves with an issue like this. They use what they enjoy and what their submissive enjoys and that is the only justification they need.

Namaste, Sir Dominic

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RE: Unmanly? Needed for dominance? - 4/28/2007 8:04:51 AM   
MsSonnetMarwood


Posts: 1898
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
Status: offline 		So exactly how is it "undomly" to engage in play that you enjoy?  (I'll leave the whole "unmanly" thing alone)

No, you don't NEED <insert toybag checklist here> to be a dominant.   But for a lot of us - play is fun.  Play with toys is more fun.   Consensual fun with toys with a partner you find sexy and appealing is loads of fun. 

So are you being dominant when you deny yourself from having the fun you enjoy because someone says toys are undomly?  NOT.

Besides - you look pretty damn silly trying to do a waxing scene without ...you  know.. wax. 


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Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull somewhere before.

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RE: Unmanly? Needed for dominance? - 4/28/2007 8:13:11 AM   
MariaB


Posts: 2969
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SirDominic

Whenever I read this kind of post as hers, I tend to feel they are insecure on some level. Any Dominant who is secure in their dominance doesn't concern themselves with an issue like this. They use what they enjoy and what their submissive enjoys and that is the only justification they need.

Namaste, Sir Dominic


Well said!
Its a bit like saying 'my kinks fine but yours is pathetic!'

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RE: Unmanly? Needed for dominance? - 4/28/2007 8:20:16 AM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		I have found that toys always put a man in an unDomly light....I have also found controlling a sub to be an unDomly trait as well!...The only twue path to be the perfect Dom is to continually jerk off to a picture of Miss Hathaway my eight grade science teacher who, for all I know, is possibly dead.

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RE: Unmanly? Needed for dominance? - 4/28/2007 8:21:16 AM   
velvetears


Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline 		Sounds to me like she has a need to feel she and her dom are above or better then everyone else - which just shows how insecure they really are imo. 

The use of toys and control are 2 different things - and what kind of control?  If you want to control what your sub does - how are toys going to help you?  She will either compy or not comply, your conrol over her is in the depth of relationship you both share - not in the toys you share.  If you want to contrl her orgasm and she has a toy she really responds to and you use it - then i can see control using a toy as valid. 

i presonally don't like sex toys (vibs) - but for me to say any woman who likes them is less feminine then me would be ridiculous and very small minded of me. 

For the life of me i just can't understand people's need to judge and put others down for their preferences.

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RE: Unmanly? Needed for dominance? - 4/28/2007 8:33:11 AM   
mp072004


Posts: 381
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline 		It's not necessary to use toys to cause people physical pain. It's generally not necessary to use toys to persuade people to obey.

That doesn't mean that it's undesirable or wrong to use toys. Nor is it undesirable or wrong to not use toys. In my view, it's correct to use toys when toys are the most effective way to get to the goal (whatever the goal is).

I can do good SM play without toys, and I can do bondage effectively without lengths of special dedicated rope or special cuffs. (Although you do need some kind of binding implement to do bondage--it can be a handkerchief, a t-shirt, a bra, whatever, but you've got to have something to bind with, otherwise it sort of stops being bondage.) Hands, elbows, knees, and teeth are good SM toys, and I'm a great fan of hurting people with "found objects," too. But to do certain kinds of SM, and to create certain kinds of sensation, I need toys. I cannot reliably create electrical sensations without toys. I don't have a body part that can create the sharp, specific, surface impact of a thin rattan cane or a rubber band.

But then again, I'm a dominant woman, so I don't equate "manly" and "dominant."

Monica


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RE: Unmanly? Needed for dominance? - 4/28/2007 8:34:51 AM   
Jasmyn


Posts: 1234
Joined: 2/6/2004
From: New Zealand
Status: offline
quote:

I found this interesting. 

In conversation today with an owned submissive, she made the statement that she found the use of toys by male dominants as "half ridiculous and half pathetic" and deemed it "unmanly".
It seems that it strikes her...and her dominant...as impersonal (the use of toys) and find it odd that a man twice as big as his submissive would "need" to use props to control her and cause her pain. 


Why do people hold on to this notion that BDSM doesn't have anything to do with BDSM?    I miss kinky people *cry*



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quote:

"To learn the art of submission a slave must first give up the desires that drew him to submission in the first place." Mistress Jasmyn Jan 2005.


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RE: Unmanly? Needed for dominance? - 4/28/2007 8:35:36 AM   
TexasMaam


Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline 		Is she between the ages of 18 and 24?

Let her mature, she'll feel differently in about 10 years or so....

TexasMaam

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RE: Unmanly? Needed for dominance? - 4/28/2007 8:36:44 AM   
TexasMaam


Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Jasmyn

Why do people hold on to this notion that BDSM doesn't have anything to do with BDSM?    I miss kinky people *cry*



MEEEE TOOOOO!
TM

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RE: Unmanly? Needed for dominance? - 4/28/2007 9:20:27 AM   
Jasmyn


Posts: 1234
Joined: 2/6/2004
From: New Zealand
Status: offline 		Sometimes I feel like I took a wrong turn and ended up in bandcamp. 


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quote:

"To learn the art of submission a slave must first give up the desires that drew him to submission in the first place." Mistress Jasmyn Jan 2005.


Visit My Website


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RE: Unmanly? Needed for dominance? - 4/28/2007 10:06:00 AM   
Stranger1


Posts: 219
Joined: 4/13/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

I found this interesting. 

In conversation today with an owned submissive, she made the statement that she found the use of toys by male dominants as "half ridiculous and half pathetic" and deemed it "unmanly".
It seems that it strikes her...and her dominant...as impersonal (the use of toys) and find it odd that a man twice as big as his submissive would "need" to use props to control her and cause her pain.

As a dominant who is both sensual and sadistic...as discussed on the other thread...and who has never thought of "needing" my toys to control a submissive or keep/win/earn her submission, I found the concept to be, as I said, interesting.

Fellow male dominants who are also sadists:  Comments?  DO you need your toys to control your submissive and inflict pain?  Would you be unable to do so without them?  Or do you, like me, separate the "play" with those toys as separate from D/s...an enhancement sometimes, perhaps...but well apart?

Femsubmissives, masochistic or not:  Do you feel that your dominant is unmanly if he uses toys?  Do you feel that your dominant can only control you through his toys?  Do you feel he "needs" them in order to control you?  Would you like him to not use his toys?

Sitting back, hoping to get some good responses...




Control is a mind dynamic.

I want the mind in my grasp-the body will follow. Toys are indeed, for sensualists-I am not a thrill ride-I'm a person.

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RE: Unmanly? Needed for dominance? - 4/28/2007 10:19:57 AM   
imthatacheyouhav


Posts: 1259
Joined: 4/16/2007
Status: offline
quote:

Sometimes I feel like I took a wrong turn and ended up in bandcamp.

This one time, at bandcamp .......
(LOL sorry couldnt resist)

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RE: Unmanly? Needed for dominance? - 4/28/2007 10:20:27 AM   
TigressFL


Posts: 239
Joined: 6/8/2006
Status: offline 		I think the person secretly wishes there were toys used lol


There is NO WAY I would only use my hands.... I am not going to hurt myself! lol

Bring on the toys!!!

Tigress~FL

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Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Unmanly? Needed for dominance? - 4/28/2007 10:44:31 AM   
Noah


Posts: 1660
Joined: 7/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Stranger1
-I am not a thrill ride-


I'm gonna so take your word for that.

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RE: Unmanly? Needed for dominance? - 4/28/2007 10:54:45 AM   
Stranger1


Posts: 219
Joined: 4/13/2007
Status: offline

I can be-but only for one that's worth the effort.

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Profile   Post #: 40
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