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RE: Common Sense Tips - 5/4/2005 5:39:01 AM   
GentleLady


Posts: 356
Joined: 2/1/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Oumae

Some good common sense advice.

I'd like to pick out a contradiction in it and see what others feel.... and I'm not meaning to be picky most advice has contradictions

Red Flags:
Does not give you their home and work phone number.

Safe Dating and Correspondence Tips
Before meeting:
Do not give out personal information to strangers. This includes your name, phone number, address, place of work or email addresses you use for other purposes.


Now I know it can be argued that the Red Flag means that if after time they dont give you a number etc etc but it is something I have come across... People being distrusting of someone who wont give their real name and number after chatting on line once or meeting once. I personally am cautious... I prefer to meet in public places a few times and tho will give my real first name I am not always happy to give my surname or my address until I have a good feel for the other person or a reference from someone I know and trust. In saying this I dont expect them to do any different than I am. I am honest about reservations if I have them and expect the same back ( as in I wont lie and give them a false name etc).
Trying not to make generalisations but do others find that there is sometimes one rule for women...yes it is ok for them to be more cautious... and another for men... that they should tell all?

Oumae
I have noticed that a number of times and it is a double standard. However it is one that is necessary IMHO. And yes, I know that there are female stalkers and that male submissives can be in as much danger as female submissives. The reality is still that a female is at a lot more risk meeting a stranger.

Gentle Lady



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All things are possible to those who have patience, try, and are willing to learn.

(in reply to Oumae)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Common Sense Tips - 5/4/2005 5:43:36 AM   
GentleLady


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Thank you mistoferin for posting the list. I am a firm believer in reminding people over and over again about the risks.

Gentle Lady


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All things are possible to those who have patience, try, and are willing to learn.

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Common Sense Tips - 5/7/2005 5:18:17 AM   
mistoferin


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Joined: 10/27/2004
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You are welcome Gentle Lady....and also all of the others that have said thank you. I am glad to see that everyone could get something out of the list. I don't necessarily agree with every single thing on it myself, but as I said....take what you can use and discard the rest. I do think that there are some very basic common sense tips on it that will benefit those new to the lifestyle and also a few good reminders for those of us who have been around awhile. Sometimes we get complacent.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to GentleLady)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Common Sense Tips - 5/8/2005 1:09:52 AM   
FelinePersuasion


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Joined: 11/20/2004
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I personally don't see any reason not to give my email out if I wish too. If he's a troll or a jerk or I don't wish to speak to him any more I can simply block them. All this protocall I've seen in alt and stuff about girls not giving out there email let me give you mine it's not safe an blagh blah blha just seems silly to me.:P

(in reply to Padriag)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Common Sense Tips - 5/8/2005 5:26:33 AM   
ShiftedJewel


Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
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I know that a lot of these things seems like a bit of "overkill"... but I honestly believe that the jist of the conversation is safety first. I know so many people that look at the "drama" and say... oh, just block them... and being totally honest here, I'm real tired of hearing that. Been there, done that, granted, 99% of the time it works great, it's that 1% that bothers me. Giving out personal information helter skelter is sooo far from sensible! Now, before you start ripping me apart....

A while back I met someone, not from here, although he easily could have been. We talked a lot in a chatroom, I gave him my personal email addy, we talked on instant messenger, everything was great, or so I thought. We talked about setting up a meeting. I told him that I would prefer that he meet me at my home (mainly because I had two roommates that would tear him apart if he tried anything "inappropriate"), but I had NOT given him my home address as of yet. He didn't like the idea, instead he wanted to meet at a seldom used freeway overpass.... that sounded WAY to suspicious to me. So I said nope, don't think so. Long story shortened a bit, I ceased talking to him. Blocked him, the whole nine yards. Not that it mattered, he had already hacked into my computer. I got phone calls, both at home and at work, from this man. Again, I know, caller ID, I don't have to answer it... But let me tell you something, when a man that lives in another state can tell you what you have in your back yard you tend to get worried. That was followed by waking up EVERY morning to at least one flat tire.

I found out that I wasn't the first "victim" of this man. The first three disappeared, the fourth one received death threats and parts of dead animals in the mail and ended up having to hire an armed guard. I dropped off the face of the earth. I have a big enough family that I was able to effectively hide, my name is on nothing, not my computer, no utilities, no vehicles. I let my drivers license go rather then renewing it just to avoid being found. Yes, the FBI was looking into it.. internet stalkers are hard to prosecute, they can prove that it was one particular computer that was used, but how do you prove specifically who it was that was using that computer? Sure, he posted a pic, but who's to say it was really HIS pic?

Do I feel safe now... yes.. I have a wide range of weapons here and know how to use all of them, but my name is still rarely found on anything.

I know this is NOT the norm, but it does happen and there is ABSOLUTELY nothing wrong with using a little common sense when it comes to meeting strangers off the internet. I have two firewalls on my computer and many other protections, I am also more then willing to produce real life people that know me, I belong to a local BDSM support group and insist that anyone that wishes to meet set up a safe call, I know I do. I'm also willing to produce "spur of the moment" pics, I have a web came and a couple of digital cameras, it isn't that hard to do, and I expect them to be able to as well.

Can't afford a web cam? Can you afford to go into hiding for a couple of years? Please don't treat internet stalkers like a joke, it can and often does, go real life in an instant. Believe me, anyone worth knowing will understand the safety precautions and will most likely have their own set of them. All it takes is a little common sense to be safe and not a statistic.

Jewel


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Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

(in reply to FelinePersuasion)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Common Sense Tips - 5/8/2005 5:51:35 AM   
SmilinFSub


Posts: 42
Joined: 5/1/2005
Status: offline
Hi...I am news junkie and watch CNN, 60 Minutes, etc whenever I can. Recently a woman was profiled bc of a meeting with an online love interest.

It went well. Her family, friends all thought he was gr8 and she quickly moved into his house. She moved out of her apartment bc he was going to be traveling and the house would not be used.

So he said.

Trips got cancelled and he began sleeping on the couch. A real gentleman (months after meeting in RT) it seemed.

The woman began hearing, "Don't take your kids to your Mom's." " I will get them off the bus."

You guessed it....he was a registered child molestor and her kids were violated.

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)
Profile   Post #: 26
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