juliaoceania
Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006 From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: puella I just thought it might be interesting to hear others speak about what it was like to know and feel what it meant to have someone in love with you. Thanks. I was deeply loved by two men. One was my exhusband, but he loved his drugs more than even his life. He loved me very passionately. Part of him still loved the idea of me as little as 5 years ago. I am the mother of his first born, and even though he loved the drugs more than me, he never remarried. He has two children with the woman he is presently with, and yet he told me that he did not want to marry her, part of the reason was me... One would think that this is a good feeling, but it isn't Puella, because like Tina Turner crooned What's love got to do with it? The second person that I feel really loved me deeply I felt a sense of guilt over breaking his heart for many years. I was on the rebound from my marriage, and he was someone that I knew had a crush on me for years. I needed someone to lean on, someone who would jump when I said to, but as a submissive this was troubling and unnatural for me at the same time. He was gorgeous, sweet, he loved my son, and even my mother loved him... but I did not. I hurt him and that stayed with me for a long time. I went years without dating anyone new as a result. I knew what the power to hurt someone was, and it was not a responsibility or a power I wanted. It is hard to tell someone that wants to marry you that you just do not love them the way they love you. I worried about karma being visited on me because of this too, because in many ways I used him (even though this was not a conscious thing at the time). So my experiences with being "loved" are not all they seem to be. In love anyways. I feel loved now, and I love in return, but what I think you are talking about is the young tempestuous love mostly visited on youth... the terrible type that leaves one with an ache to have that person at all costs, that is not what I desire anymore. I desire a partnership, my compliment, that person that can be relied upon and who is steady,... I do not know if that makes sense or not.
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Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt
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