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RE: LDR & substitute service - 5/1/2007 9:42:55 AM

sillygirl09

Posts: 446
Joined: 1/31/2007
From: New Jersey
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A Master i was in a ldr with required me to serve others and give full reports with pics and recordings. It can be very hot but it can also interfere with the core relationship if you're not careful. It did not make him any more or less of a Dom to require this of me.

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

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RE: LDR & substitute service - 5/1/2007 9:43:18 AM

mstrjx

Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
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I'm not the type to require a substitute. It's not safe, and comparisons would pale once it's all said and done.

I would hope for, and require, chaste behavior prior to the distance issue being taken care of.

I would wish for self-pleasure to be moderated by me. I grant permission easily, but at least ask. I don't 'need' to see it, but I'm likely to know if I am (seeing it).

If there was a pre-existing relationship that is in the waning stages prior to the distance being reduced, I would want to be apprised of 'contact'.

I believe these to be fair.

Jeff

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RE: LDR & substitute service - 5/1/2007 10:16:00 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: myobedience

Suppose you were in a long distance relationship with your sub. I mean something like 1200 miles.
1) Would you demand your sub to go online (in local chat rooms) and fetch a man to suck off so you could watch on cam?
2) Would you demand she find a Dom from a site such as CM to serve once or twice?
3) Would you demand your sub to seduce a man at a bar or any other public place and have sex with him?
4) Would you find a Dom for her to serve in your place?

In your own opinion, is this a dom or this just a sexual control freak? Yes I know doms can be sexual control freaks....I didnt want to ask, is this a "real" dom.
How would you provide for her safety?
Any other thoughts on this?

My responce to ALL those questions is not just no, but HELL NO!

Maybe if I had a voyour kink? I have no idea, but I don't and I have no interest in another Male, not for participating nor watching.

As for if He is a Dom?... just from that, not enough info. If that is ALL he does then no.

For her safety? Easy, by not putting her in such a situation in the first place.

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This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

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RE: LDR & substitute service - 5/4/2007 5:09:01 AM

Shanghaid

Posts: 76
Joined: 5/6/2006
Status: offline

When I originally relocated to China, I had free'd my sub but we still corresponded frequently by email and probably weekly by phone. She had an innate desire to serve but that service found it's culmination in serving me. She gave up her freedom to me - not just anyone.

I would typically call her, and while I'm not a big fan of this, we'd engage in some very hot & nasty International phonesex. That ended abruptly for her when she received an $800 phone bill. This was before Skype.

I wouldn't like to think of her as a communal beer can to be passed around. Some here cherish that. My sub didn't. She'd tried that before and it disagreed with her. Personally, I'm the selfish type who can be proud of, but doesn't share, his toys.

<shrug>

Competely depends on the person(s).

We eventually grew apart and she (vanilla) married but we stay in touch.

SH'd

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Post #: 24

RE: LDR & substitute service - 5/4/2007 6:37:56 AM

ExtremeOwnerIL

Posts: 197
Joined: 10/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: myobedience

Suppose you were in a long distance relationship with your sub. I mean something like 1200 miles.
1) Would you demand your sub to go online (in local chat rooms) and fetch a man to suck off so you could watch on cam?
2) Would you demand she find a Dom from a site such as CM to serve once or twice?
3) Would you demand your sub to seduce a man at a bar or any other public place and have sex with him?
4) Would you find a Dom for her to serve in your place?

In your own opinion, is this a dom or this just a sexual control freak? Yes I know doms can be sexual control freaks....I didnt want to ask, is this a "real" dom.
How would you provide for her safety?
Any other thoughts on this?

Any long distance situation would be temporary, as I personally do not engage in LDRs. So I can't speak to how to engage in activities 1200 miles apart without any recourse for face to face contact.

However, I can address that yes, I have and will continue to use my girl in such ways, in situations that are acceptable (safe) to me and to the trust she's put to me. My girl blossoms when serving and pleasing and such situations please me. So any of those 4 scenarios you describe, in her service of seducing and giving her sexual services to another, are possible.

How do I provide for her safety? Well, I'm sure this thread could degenerate into an SSC vs. RACK thread, or a "know the STD risks" thread - all of which can easily be referenced via a search - so I will simply say that my girl and I engage in activities that are consent based, risk aware and as safe as I (and by extension her, as we have a 4 year foundation of trust to stand on) can manage.

Is this a "real" dim? Who knows. I don't know him or the full situation by this snippet. Does he sound like he's fulfilling a ya-ya with these requests? Yes, and that could be a dominant or just a sex control freak. In the end, it doesn't matter because...

The real question is whether your friend is happy and fulfilled by this arrangement. From your further comments, it sounds like she is not.

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RE: LDR & substitute service - 5/4/2007 6:57:58 AM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
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I enjoy sharing my toys although if they are bright and shiny enough I do sometimes get greedy and keep them to myself. How and when I share them depends on the dynamics of the relationship. I am very much a voyuer and so IF I feel in control of things it can be very hot for me.

However the sort of woman for whom this can be a healthy and uplifting request isn't common and I am sure for those for whom it does not work it would feel quite like a betrayal and be quite destructive.

That said I would be more comfortable with allowing sex than service because while I have little fear in the sex department, allowing mine to serve anothers whims would be hard on me although again, control makes all the difference.

(in reply to ExtremeOwnerIL)

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RE: LDR & substitute service - 5/4/2007 8:37:24 AM

ExtremeOwnerIL

Posts: 197
Joined: 10/19/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

I enjoy sharing my toys although if they are bright and shiny enough I do sometimes get greedy and keep them to myself. How and when I share them depends on the dynamics of the relationship. I am very much a voyuer and so IF I feel in control of things it can be very hot for me.

However the sort of woman for whom this can be a healthy and uplifting request isn't common and I am sure for those for whom it does not work it would feel quite like a betrayal and be quite destructive.

That said I would be more comfortable with allowing sex than service because while I have little fear in the sex department, allowing mine to serve anothers whims would be hard on me although again, control makes all the difference.

That's an interesting comment. For me, it's a question of almost separating the ownership from the couple aspect. When I lend a tool to a friend, he's going to use it as it's best suited (or he's not going to borrow my tools again - ask my 17 yo son about how his father is strict about tools *chuckle*) - and it's not my interest to micromanage him.

But, of course, we're talking about human beings - so the dynamics of the ownership/owned relationship come into play. But it is a similar approach, in my dynamic, to the tool analogy. Someone may wish to avail themselves of a service that my girl is skilled at, and it might please me to 'lend' her for such. Obviously, I take great care and pride in my girl, so that lending will be within the bounds that I feel comfortable with - but yet at the end of the exchange, it is about lending someone property to be used as the property is best fit for.

I don't lend my girl out for 'training' or whatever other nonsense that some may want to approach me for - my girl is quite well being trained by me thank you. *chuckle* If someone is skilled in an area that I am not, say electrical stimulation, I may allow her the experience but at the end of the day, it's not about someone else training her for them, it's about her experiencing something that I've given her permission to do so.

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http://extremeowner.blogspot.com/

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Post #: 27