Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

What don't we show up when we say would?


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> What don't we show up when we say would? Page: [1] 2 3   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
What don't we show up when we say would? - 4/28/2007 7:16:14 PM   
openmindedslave


Posts: 470
Joined: 2/27/2005
Status: offline 		Okay, very simple.I realize many who will read this will never admit it, but why is it subs/slaves make it sound like they are so  interested in a Mistress/Master to the point of a meeting is set ..but never follow through with it? In fact some go as far as disappearing  from the face of the planet . Why would  someone do this to another, specially when they are  so close to discovering  a level of happiness and content they have not had before???
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: What don't we show up when we say would? - 4/28/2007 7:17:25 PM   
hisannabelle


Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
Status: offline 		greetings openmindedslave,

there are plenty of dominants who do this to submissives as well. it's an across the board problem. that said, i pretty much show up when i say i'm going to, or i at least have the decency to call beforehand. perhaps they are scared, put off by something their prospective partner has said, or perhaps they simply don't think it will be a good match and haven't found a way to say it before. doesn't excuse the rudeness of not showing up, but those are some reasons. dating, for everyone, does not always consist on being on the verge of as-yet-unknown happiness and joy.

annabelle.

< Message edited by hisannabelle -- 4/28/2007 7:18:18 PM >

_____________________________

a'ishah (the artist formerly known as annabelle)
i have the kind of beauty that moves...

(in reply to openmindedslave)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: What don't we show up when we say would? - 4/28/2007 7:18:58 PM   
spanklette


Posts: 882
Joined: 2/22/2005
Status: offline 		Because people like to play and fantasize, but when the fantasy turns into an all too real reality...they duck and run.
 
Then there are just some people who don't know what they want and let their lives be decided by default.

_____________________________

~spanklette~

"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. " Charles du Bois

"Please don't shout, can't you see I'm not listening." Billie Myers

(in reply to openmindedslave)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: What don't we show up when we say would? - 4/28/2007 7:19:08 PM   
Asraii


Posts: 91
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: openmindedslave

Okay, very simple.I realize many who will read this will never admit it, but why is it subs/slaves make it sound like they are so  interested in a Mistress/Master to the point of a meeting is set ..but never follow through with it? In fact some go as far as disappearing  from the face of the planet . Why would  someone do this to another, specially when they are  so close to discovering  a level of happiness and content they have not had before???

There could be many factors that apply. Some are ruled more by fear than anything else.

_____________________________

Nothing prevents happiness like the memory of happiness
Andre Gide

(in reply to openmindedslave)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: What don't we show up when we say would? - 4/28/2007 7:28:06 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		I've got to go with the fear factor as well..IMO the no shows do not show because they have, I think, been somewhat dishonest and know not how to correct it before the meet..such as ..appearance..level of experience..fear of being seen as less than what was portrayed via the net..when in face to face, way to many things then thus become hard to dissimiliate, and the hard truth then comes out..Tempting

(in reply to Asraii)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: What don't we show up when we say would? - 4/28/2007 7:30:48 PM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		i had a Dom duck and run out on me because of my skin color before we were to meet ...as others had said there are any number of reasons why subs/slaves as well Doms/mes don't show up. it happens to everyone at some point.

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...


...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to Asraii)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: What don't we show up when we say would? - 4/28/2007 11:35:57 PM   
SeveredNeuron


Posts: 57
Joined: 8/6/2005
Status: offline 		I think the reality of things may hit them.. if they have never met anyone from the internet before it could be a fairly dreadful experience even before you set eyes on each other.. All those thoughts as to whether the person is a sterotypical net psycho etc.
I've met many people from online and I still freak out before i meet new people.

You fall off the world afterwards because your ashamed that you cant go through with it.. that you werent strong enough..

Anyway -- just my two cents, better get back to studying yucky bioinformatics.

Love,

Ania


_____________________________

"Noli me tangere, for Caesar's I am,
And wild for to hold, though I seem tame."

Sir Thomas Wyatt - Whoso list to Hunt

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: What don't we show up when we say would? - 4/28/2007 11:40:41 PM   
imthatacheyouhav


Posts: 1259
Joined: 4/16/2007
Status: offline
quote:

You fall off the world afterwards because your ashamed that you cant go through with it.. that you werent strong enough..

*hangs head* i did this once and only once. i have since talked to the gentleman and he was gracious enough to forgive me.....


_____________________________

*if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything*
**collared July 22 2007 by LordKen**

(in reply to SeveredNeuron)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: What don't we show up when we say would? - 4/29/2007 12:24:39 AM   
Einzelganger


Posts: 221
Joined: 4/8/2007
From: Orlando, FL
Status: offline 		It's not related to BDSM; it's simply a human quality.  It happens all the time in vanilla relationships as well.

-Einzelgänger

(in reply to imthatacheyouhav)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: What don't we show up when we say would? - 4/29/2007 3:37:48 AM   
eyesopened


Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline 		i can only speak from my own experiences.  There are likely several factors involved in no-show but i think it all boils down to one single reason: fear.  Not terribly long ago there was a Dom who said "let's get together tomorrow, i'll call you and let you know where and when" then nada....i left messages, nothing.  A week later he calls again, no excuse, just "i was busy" and made another date, but this time he called to say he couldn't make it and then rescheduled and that was a repeat of the first time.  It would be interesting to know why he did this, what he was afraid of, etc. but just out of curiosity.

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to openmindedslave)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: What don't we show up when we say would? - 4/29/2007 4:07:41 AM   
Quivver


Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline 		Bottom line is they lack Intrigrity.......... no matter what gender they are packaged in.



_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to eyesopened)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: What don't we show up when we say would? - 4/29/2007 4:16:34 AM   
theGuideGoddess


Posts: 135
Joined: 11/8/2006
Status: offline
Being stood up has not been a common event in my life.  I can only recall being stood up once in the vanilla world.  I never gave him much thought nor would I have accepted a second request for a date after that.  I have run into a lot of disappearing sub males here.  No experience less perplexing than the previous.  I think that there are many factors that could be involved, and each event is specific to the individual.   Disappearance does seem to be a very common thing here.  It has shifted my expectations to zero of any that I meet on line.  Then I am pleasantly surprised when they do not fail. 
What happened?  
1.  They lied about themselves (as mentioned) and a real life meeting would expose that lie.  (I never did that, never did understand self sabotage.)
2.  They have not been open about their entire personal situation and limitations.  Those limitations interfere with their fantasy becoming reality.
3.  They are yellow bellied chicken livers:  scared.
4.  They are wanking game players and never really intended to meet.
5.  They just weren't ready to take this real life.
I'm sure there could be other unimagined reasons....that person is the only one who could possibly tell us their why.

I have come to the perspective where I consider it a blessing if they do disappear without notice or do not inform in advance of an inability to keep a commitment.  If they can fail so early on in a relationship with such rude and inconsiderate behavior then it is not the type individual that I ultimately want to be in a relationship with.  If someone fails to keep their word with me they will soon find themselves removed from a relationship with me.  If they aren't worth their word then they are not worth much. 

The Guiding Goddess
All rights reserved.



(in reply to eyesopened)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: What don't we show up when we say would? - 4/29/2007 4:18:12 AM   
MsSonnetMarwood


Posts: 1898
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Einzelganger

It's not related to BDSM; it's simply a human quality.  It happens all the time in vanilla relationships as well.

-Einzelgänger


I strongly disagree.

I've never been stood up for a vanilla date;  nor had any of my friends in the lifestyle - however, we've all been stood up by male submissives, multiple times.  

For a while it was a great filtering device though - when I lived in PA, I had a group of about half a dozen Domme friends that would "swap notes" - I can't tell you how often someone that had stood one of us up would turn around and approach another not long after.   Since we communicated well, the "second" Domme would generally not bother to waste their time, thus the sub by standing up one domme, missed out on the opportunity to meet quite a few of them who wouldn't bother with him after that. 

_____________________________

~Ms. Sonnet Marwood~

Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull somewhere before.

(in reply to Einzelganger)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: What don't we show up when we say would? - 4/29/2007 4:38:02 AM   
Dastardly


Posts: 58
Joined: 5/30/2006
Status: offline 		It's easy on here isn't it? Online we can be anything, say anything, do anything. And on somewhere like here where so many people appear to know what they are doing *bowing to the room* then it can be hard for people who don't to admit that. So people get swept away, they do the yes ma'am, no ma'am thing and they get to the point of meeting. And then it all comes crashing down on them. Goddamn, I actually have to live up to my words! How scary.

You know, I might be naive, but I genuinely do think that for a lot of people they get swept away by what they want in their hearts and what they are able to deliver in person. So they can talk the talk but when it comes to walking the walk it just becomes too much and they bolt. Probably back to their PC to sit there and berate themselves about not having the balls to follow through and to start all over again.

Alternatively they have no intention of ever meeting and its all about the online thing. *shrugging* Maybe they never intend to take it into real life for a variety of reasons but if they say they are only interesting in online domination they don't get any takers? I don't know, I haven't been around here long enough to hazard a guess.


_____________________________

'Out of sorrow entire worlds have been built
Out of longing great wonders have been willed'
Nick Cave

(in reply to MsSonnetMarwood)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: What don't we show up when we say would? - 4/29/2007 6:27:08 AM   
petitedomme21


Posts: 7
Joined: 12/22/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hisannabelle
dating, for everyone, does not always consist on being on the verge of as-yet-unknown happiness and joy.

annabelle.


Yes, that's true, sometimes, many times lately for me, has been more disappointments and less of unknown joy and happiness (on some instances I even start thinking about dating vanilla men).

(in reply to hisannabelle)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: What don't we show up when we say would? - 4/29/2007 7:14:11 AM   
Unrepentant1


Posts: 283
Joined: 8/25/2006
Status: offline 		The internet is a wondefull thing and helps us all learn, chat to people all over the world we might never have met and meet like minded people. Unfortunately it does not filter out those without integrity, honesty and live in a fantasy world.

It is a major frustration of mine, because we have so many idiots and dreamers, still locked in their bedrooms in their parents home, living out fantasies and dreams online. It is when they are pushed to meet that they disappear off the face of the earth, obviously having a fear of large open spaces! Alas, they live in a world where the sky is pink, the earth is flat and rests on a turtles back!


(in reply to petitedomme21)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: What don't we show up when we say would? - 4/29/2007 12:39:58 PM   
openmindedslave


Posts: 470
Joined: 2/27/2005
Status: offline 		I  totally agree with  those who say "fear" plays into being stood up. I also believe that  many out here really don't get what what it takes to  be in a realtionship for some out here.  Yet here is a couple of observations I see that may have an effect on success out here.

Someone said the  internet has something to do with all this hiding of our trueselves. We start off creating email addresses for some that hide who we really are. We can also pretend  to be all the things we wish we could be. Some out here for example demand pictures and calls just to make sure they are a female or male???
I also see the challenge of profiles as sometimes a stumbling block. A good profile will generally share  something about the person, including maybe a picture and their interest.  Alot of the profiles I have read clearly state that they are seeking ltr from the very begining. That can be great from the stand point of letting others know that this is not just playing you seek but a permant  realtionship.  Often the subs/slaves  profiles I have read  don't talk about ltr as much as gfantasy words of ownership and desire to serve.

Also, to the subs/slaves out here who are lucky enought to get into a conversation with a dom that seems to lead in a meeting . That excitement of actually finding someone who understands you and seems to appreciate your true self with out judging you, is pretty arousing to many here. You know what I mean. You start to think about them with your a work .Day dream about serving  or living out your fantasys finally. Pretty much for some like having a pretty girl smile at you and it just makes your day.
Sad truth is its safe  behind your keyboard. Alot of people never really think about what it would really be like to serve full time.That shock of  realizing  that someone may publicly use you or that you will not beable to share your personal life with many of your friends for fear of being judged.So many don't carry through  and just go on with their lives  thinking maybe the next dom will be the right one to submit too.


(in reply to Unrepentant1)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: What don't we show up when we say would? - 4/29/2007 12:42:24 PM   
charismagirrl


Posts: 297
Joined: 8/30/2006
Status: offline 		It took me forever (okay maybe not that long-but still 3 months) to actually meet my Daddy/Master face to face. The day i did, something happened prior to meeting that pushed me to just go do it already.... Or else i may have prolonged it for even longer.

The first time we were to be alone is another story...i almost didn't show up...i wasn't going to not call or leave it alone forever, i was just soooooo afraid, i knew that by being alone with him that it was truly me crossing the bridge into another world and life. That was major for me...so i was trying to stall and on top of it my emotions were making me ill....

He convinced me to go and i don't regret that action a bit but if i had stalled longer it would've been over sheer fear of knowing that i was going to get what i really thought i wanted and what i needed and not knowing how to process that.

No games...just fear


_____________________________

For today i won't say but...
For today i wont say just...
For today i will simply obey....
For today i will trust that You are right...
For always i will be your imperfect slave

http://www.mycollarspace.com

(in reply to Unrepentant1)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: What don't we show up when we say would? - 4/29/2007 12:47:07 PM   
NakedGirlScout


Posts: 370
Joined: 1/10/2006
From: Toronto
Status: offline 		Both times that I've met dominants from a long-distance situation for the first time, they were almost astonished that I "actually showed up". I thought that was so sad, apparently both the men had had multiple situations where the sub either didn't show up at all, or was completely different from the photo she sent and who she said she was. To have men feeling relieved simply because I was who I said I was, and made an appearance when I said I would, feels really ironic to me. On the other hand, I've never had a dom not appear or be anything other than he said he was (sometimes I didn't like who he turned out to be, but that wasn't a matter of deception).

(in reply to charismagirrl)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: What don't we show up when we say would? - 4/29/2007 1:12:50 PM   
opensoul


Posts: 77
Joined: 11/24/2006
Status: offline 		IMO , I think alot has to do with the person, If they are truthful with themselves, about what they want and need. They may not really know themselves at all and the fear of facing someone ,when they can not face themselves is scary.
I do believe this happens also because some were not taught to do what you say you are going to do. Take responsibility for your actions and respect others and not promise what you can not deliver.

(in reply to NakedGirlScout)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2 3   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> What don't we show up when we say would? Page: [1] 2 3   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094