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RE: Damaged goods - 4/29/2007 5:56:35 PM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		But "damaged goods" has such a melodramatic, attention-seeking sound to it.....

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Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Damaged goods - 4/29/2007 6:00:12 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		You want to check out damaged goods?  Look up this nasty bent up scarred up motherfucker I got in my pants...............

Made all you girls kinda moist, didn't it?


Ron


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(in reply to windchymes)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Damaged goods - 4/29/2007 6:01:39 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		If the person I am with is an expereinced masochist, and I knew that from the start, then Id expect scarring. Personally, since the infliction of pain isnt my interest, scars from previous owners would not be an appealing thing for me. I am sure that some would find them not only appelaing, but even an added bonus.

Scars from non-BDSM related activites are a little different. They dont bother me, but I do know they occasionally need a little added attetnion or a wider berth when playing because they can be either hypersensative areas or somewhat deadened sensationwise.

DV

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(in reply to PairOfDimes)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Damaged goods - 4/29/2007 6:15:18 PM   
MrDiscipline44


Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: madcatlady

my question was/is if other Doms/Masters/Mistresses etc would have a problem with scars on a sub/bottom etc from previous play...............would they see them as damaged goods or have a different opinion?

(i was explaining how i came to think about the question, not whinging about my scars, thats my issue )
Ok, fair enough. But for the record, no one said you were whining.

For me it depends on the types of scars and the level of serverity. Body damage happens. Few are those that can go through life at all and not have a scar or two. Especially if you are putting yourself in harms way. So I'm excepting of someone that has some scars but nothing too extensive.

But where I really draw the line at is mental/emotional scarring. Nothing worse then a pretty girl thats all fuck-up in the head.

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(in reply to madcatlady)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Damaged goods - 4/29/2007 7:57:42 PM   
RexLongBeach


Posts: 58
Joined: 10/30/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Satyr6406

...While I wouldn't label someone ("damaged goods") as that is judging them, I would probably assume that, eventually, a submissive with those kinds of scars would become "bored" with my "almost 'nilla" lifestyle (as far as BDSM sadists and masochists are concerned).

I'm ok judging people, so I would be OK calling someone damaged goods if, IMnsHO, they were. However, a few scars from prior rough play would not consititute damaged goods. Like most of the Doms responding, my submissive is beautiful to me. Her submission makes her even more beautiful, and I make no claim of objectivity.

Body image issues are always difficult. Girls know they don't look like the models in the catalogs or in the advertisements, and figure they're supposed to look like that. By that standard, my wallet is supposed to look like Donald Trump's... but hey, guess what? It doesn't!

The body image issue raised in the OP is just like any other body image issue (weight, hair, bust, you name it). If I wanna see my girl, or any particular part of her, that's what I want to see. I wouldn't ask to see it, or have a photo of it, if I didn't, personally, actually, want it.

That being said, as Satyr points out, sometimes heavy scars or body mods may raise a flag, as I personally don't play with needles, haven't left scars, etc. It can be a compatibility issue without having the girl in question be labeled "damaged goods."

Presumably, though, if you're being asked for pix.... he's accepted you just as you are.

So, why can't you?

Just askin'...
Rex

(in reply to Satyr6406)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Damaged goods - 4/29/2007 11:09:09 PM   
ErusUxor


Posts: 44
Joined: 4/22/2007
Status: offline 		LOL...I typically enjoy your posts....this one is no exception

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RE: Damaged goods - 4/30/2007 6:42:13 AM   
Stranger1


Posts: 219
Joined: 4/13/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: madcatlady

Today my current Master asked me to take a pic of 'His cunt'.....so i did..........and i was not happy with the results.........i have quite a few scars from two previous Doms/Masters, from various type of play, needles, burns etc..........the pics made me feel ugly and 'damaged'..........my current Master has never made comment and calls me His 'pretty fucktoy'.......but i am wondering if other Doms/Masters have a problem with 'damaged goods'...........those subs/bottoms/masochists who have had experience (ive been doing this 10 years) and have the proof of that experience on their bodies?


Hmm.......I'd be lying if I said it would not matter to me. I think it's about who you are with...my personal prefference is for an unmarked canvas-no tats, piercings, etc.......But that's just me, and my romantic idea that I'd like to have someone around for a while-and forget  about the past.

(in reply to madcatlady)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Damaged goods - 4/30/2007 8:17:54 AM   
Kinkypupper


Posts: 713
Joined: 9/26/2004
From: Portland oregon
Status: offline 		Physical "damage" no none at all.
Emotional / mental damage due to "training" unfortunately yes.

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(in reply to madcatlady)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Damaged goods - 4/30/2007 10:12:18 AM   
WillowRain


Posts: 191
Joined: 6/18/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: acquiesce93

Wear your scars like jewels, dear.



Add my vote here. Lovely way to put this Mam.



(in reply to acquiesce93)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Damaged goods - 4/30/2007 10:19:17 AM   
PONYSEEKER


Posts: 364
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline 		accept being accepted

(in reply to PairOfDimes)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Damaged goods - 4/30/2007 1:01:39 PM   
MercTech


Posts: 3706
Joined: 7/4/2006
Status: offline 		Your post reminded me of someone I knew in Fort Myers.  Once I looked her in the eye then looked to her hand with two of the little joints of fingers missing.  "Bad accident" I asked.  "No, I know what abusive is.  And I know you aren't capable of it." was the reply.

Stefan

(in reply to PONYSEEKER)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Damaged goods - 4/30/2007 5:55:09 PM   
behindmirrors


Posts: 340
Joined: 8/5/2006
Status: offline 		(Fast Reply)

I just wanted to add a story here, because I thought it might help the OP. When my Master first saw me nude, I was embarassed- because I have quite a few scars on my body from various things in my past. Admitting this to him, the first thing he did was not let me hide from him- and the second thing was to touch each scar, ask me about it, and kiss it gently. That night, he learned my body and my history- and I learned that I was not "damaged goods", but a treasure to him, with a whole life for him to explore. He and I refer now to those scars as my "roadmap"- a physical mark of where I have been in my life- and he even wrote a song about it, which is something that I treasure.

Learning his acceptance of me, scars, history and all, helped me to accept those things for myself. I don't have to hide anymore, and I don't feel so afraid of my scars. I may not be happy about every event in my life that put them there, but then again, I respect the fact that I have lived.

Don't be afraid to open up to him about this. Learn to slowly accept your scars, learn to accept his acceptance of you the way you are. It is capable to do so much healing in a mental way looking at the products of your body's physical healing- don't run from that, just take it slow and keep going.

Good luck.

behindmirrors.

(in reply to MercTech)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Damaged goods - 4/30/2007 6:16:50 PM   
N4SDChastity


Posts: 327
Joined: 2/27/2006
Status: offline 		We all have some sort of "damage" that we carry around with us, whether we're willing to admit it, or not.  Some of it is physical, and obvious to the causal observer (although, I doubt your scars are the type you'd display wile wandering around Wally-Mart), some are emotional, some are more readily visible and others are sometimes burried deep, or otherwise hidden from view.  If your "other" is accepting of your scars, and you are not necessairly ashamed of them (regardless of if the show, or not), I can see no reason to characterize yourself as "damaged."  I would't see anyone with scars, physical, or otherwise, as "damaged."  It's been more than two decades since I've had anyone I could even pretend was "virginal."  Life leaves scars...  Of ALL types.  The ones *I* carry, bth inside and out, are what have made me into the person I am today.  I may not be perfect, but I'm happy with my progress, so far

(in reply to PairOfDimes)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Damaged goods - 4/30/2007 8:38:18 PM   
emdoub


Posts: 223
Joined: 10/22/2006
From: Minnenipples, Minnesnowta
Status: offline 		(fast reply)
Okay - I've lived an eventful life, and have several marks to prove it - not from BDSM play, but just from life.  I don't consider myself 'damaged goods' - not from the physical scars, anywho.

I had a girlfriend for a while who'd had corrective surgery for a cleft palate - which left a scar on her upper lip.  Mostly, I paid it no mind - she had the *cutest* butt.....

Scarred female genetalia?  I've never seen any that didn't draw my interest - scarring would be distinctive, not disgusting.  Your master seems happy with what he owns - trust that, and let your worries fade away.

Midnight Writer
.... and this one was from being caught cheating at cards when I was *very* young .... this one is from a dancing accident ... these are from psoriasis ...


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(in reply to N4SDChastity)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Damaged goods - 5/1/2007 12:36:58 AM   
Satyr6406


Posts: 820
Joined: 3/27/2006
From: New Brunswick, N.J.
Status: offline 		I didn't know this was a "show-your-warts" party!
 
I played two years of semi-pro baseball and football. I was in a heavy metal band in the 80s (The baseball and football paid for that). I spent 11 years in the Army (part of that time, Airborne) and 5 years in law enforcement.
 
As a result, I have: horrible knees, a bad elbow, been shot (twice), blown up, stabbed (three times), and had two fingertips evolsed (sp.?) off (which caused PTSD which, in turn affects my sleep and memory). I couldn't possibly care less what people think about my physical appearance. The cover is nothing compared to the authorship of the book. I am sure this is true of all people (be the book a good read or a bad one).
 
Isn't it grand that most people are a lot more forgiving of our short-comings than we are of our own? No one stares at me (except when I make a really hideous joke). No one hides their UMs' eyes, when I walk by (unless I forgot to pull my zipper up). No one mistakes my character for the twisted up, bent up, missing parts that make up the whole. Only a cretin would do that.
 
 
 
 
 
Peace and comfort,
 
 
 
 
 
Michael

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Michael

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(in reply to emdoub)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Damaged goods - 5/4/2007 2:13:47 AM   
Shanghaid


Posts: 76
Joined: 5/6/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: madcatlady

my question was/is if other Doms/Masters/Mistresses etc would have a problem with scars on a sub/bottom etc from previous play...............would they see them as damaged goods or have a different opinion?

(i was explaining how i came to think about the question, not whinging about my scars, thats my issue )


Your scars are from 'living the life'. While I don't inflict scars (physically), they certainly wouldn't be offputting to me. In your master's case it certainly isn't the case otherwise he wouldn't have asked for a photo.

I've had a sub that had cigarette burns on her forearm. It's uncertain their origin due to her inventive regard to the truth (a reason she's a *former* sub). Those weren't horrible to me unless I dwelt on the original story told me - that an ex had done it to her. I tend to be overprotective and this would fill me with anger. Something she enjoyed (determined later).

That said, I've a lovely(?) 20" scar on my back from (2!) Chinese surgeries after a Harley Davidson - large truck interaction that I was not the winner of. No permanent damage and I tell inquisitive souls that I was in a sword fight and nearly lost ;-)

SH'd

(in reply to madcatlady)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Damaged goods - 5/4/2007 11:00:18 AM   
LadyHugs


Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
Dear madcatlady, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
 
In my mind’s eyes I see, as a Master -- my concern is more focused on how a slave sees themselves, as far as this topic thread’s focus is on -- damaged goods.
 
The invisible scars and injuries are what concerns me the most. The dialog a slave has internally about themselves, their body, their feelings of self worth and their devalue of their status to themselves and or others.
 
A Master can talk until the become blue in the face, attempting to convince you as a slave that you’re beautiful despite the scars. But, until you as a person and slave embrace the perception of what beautiful is to you--nothing and nobody will confirm your beauty--just you. Until there is an acknowledgement by the slave who struggles with the mental and emotional tug of war dialog of what beautiful is to them --and the conclusion and resolve by the slave that they are beautiful regardless of damaged goods and or bodies that are less than perfect for any reason--you will never hear anybody else’s perception of what beauty is. Beauty starts inside within a person and radiates out. Not vice versa. Convincing by others of what beauty is, will not be the same as a ‘belief’ of what beauty is--especially in a slave’s mind in such a case. A slave’s only helpful advantage is to leave an open mind that it can be seen as beauty, so that beauty can manifest in a reflection back onto the spirit of the slave who feels ‘lesser’ than beautiful and Masters are just trying to be compassionate on a pitiful wreck of a slave.
 
Everybody, regardless of how beautiful others perceive them to be, have flaws. Nobody is entirely happy with their body. Even if there is a correction or modification, the individual will find another part of the body to see as a flaw.
 
As a Master, my concerns are for a slave to have no regrets for their actions today with me as Owner/Master. This is why research, negotiation and pulling out the little voice a slave has that may be pleading to not do something and their other little voice as a slave, wanting to mute or stifle the pleas to not do things a Master wishes to do, because its not pleasing or obedient.
 
A Master who listens and craves to listen to the little voices slaves have in their hearts who really put themselves at risk for self hatred or regrets later, excusing the acts of becoming damaged goods because its not ‘obedient or becoming of a slave.’ The listening Master wants to hear the slave spirit speak clearly--and surrender because they want to--not because they have to.
 
I cannot change the past for slaves. I can only begin with my present with a slave. My desire is to listen to the little voices of a slave more than the lips of a slave that may tell me what I want to hear--not what I need to hear. Even if it may not be what I want to hear--I can adapt and move most happy in any given directions. The desire I seek is that when the doors close on this special relationship as Master and slave; that there will be few regrets and that they leave in a much better state then when I found them, as to reach their epitome of happiness.
 
Just some thoughts.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 

(in reply to madcatlady)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Damaged goods - 5/4/2007 10:19:13 PM   
Nogimmicks


Posts: 38
Joined: 6/15/2006
Status: offline 		My take on it is that it looks as though you have a Dominant who accepts you for who and what you are. You will do more damage by worrying about them than having them. Honestly, the scars that a submissive might have to her psyche are far more problematic than those she might have on her flesh.

I will, though distinguish that if a submissive has a bunch of tattoos from a previous relationship, it bothers me to no end. That fact makes no distinction between D/s and "nilla" relationships. In fact, it has been a deal-breaker in the past. First, I do not like tattoos at all and second, I don't like looking at someone else's handiwork. But scars from previous experiences? They wouldn't bother me. Frankly, though, I haven't had the experience since I am not really into sadism and any submissive that is would probably pass me by. If anything I did to a submissive caused a scar, well, I wouldn't be happy with myself at all.

(in reply to PairOfDimes)
Profile   Post #: 38
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