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Friends and/or lovers - 4/29/2007 10:59:47 PM   
mantis65


Posts: 456
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline 		 

Ok I love female sadists not because I have a huge desire to seek pain but because I know she is getting gratification by watching me suffer.
Anyway I have this thing that trips me up with local Dommes for some reason.
Submission to me has an emotional component I need to bond with a friend or lover. I cant do the detached service only thing.
I am not talking about sex either I am talking about being able to love the Domme on some level.  

I don’t fall in love easy but I need to like the person to trust and surrender. Anyway any thoughts on this?  
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RE: Friends and/or lovers - 4/30/2007 3:55:05 AM   
MsSonnetMarwood


Posts: 1898
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mantis65

Ok I love female sadists not because I have a huge desire to seek pain but because I know she is getting gratification by watching me suffer.


What are you doing tonight?  

_____________________________

~Ms. Sonnet Marwood~

Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull somewhere before.

(in reply to mantis65)
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RE: Friends and/or lovers - 4/30/2007 8:43:58 AM   
pixelslave


Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mantis65

Ok I love female sadists not because I have a huge desire to seek pain but because I know she is getting gratification by watching me suffer.

Anyway I have this thing that trips me up with local Dommes for some reason.
Submission to me has an emotional component I need to bond with a friend or lover. I cant do the detached service only thing.  I am not talking about sex either I am talking about being able to love the Domme on some level.  

I don’t fall in love easy but I need to like the person to trust and surrender. Anyway any thoughts on this?  


What you say makes perfect sense to me.  To submit requires a great deal of trust and my Mistress inspires that in me.  The deeper my trust and submission toward her grows, the more I continue to fall in love.  It's the reason I've chosen in the past not to casually play. 
 
I do so enjoy the wide grin that appears on Mistress' face as she deviously plays out the scenarious she plots in her mind and unveils more of the pain slut within that I never knew existed to the extent that it does.
 
 - pixel

_____________________________

Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

(in reply to mantis65)
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RE: Friends and/or lovers - 4/30/2007 9:17:19 AM   
Enyo


Posts: 35
Joined: 4/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mantis65


I cant do the detached service only thing.
I am not talking about sex either I am talking about being able to love the Domme on some level.  



While I _can_ play while being detached, the older I get the less interested I am in this type of relationship.  I think that when you have an emotional interest and investment in your sub then your scening can move to a very different level.  For me I find that when I am involved in the relationship I am much more attentive with aftercare but I also tend to push my partner a little harder on their limits. 

Of course on that same note, it is much more difficult to find someone you have that "love" or "connection" with, as opposed to just meeting someone, setting limits/expectations and getting to it, but I truly think that extra work and effort are worth it.

(in reply to mantis65)
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RE: Friends and/or lovers - 4/30/2007 9:22:02 AM   
undergroundsea


Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline 		I think there is a range for each the emotional connection needed or possible, and the scope of the relationship or activity.

For me, for some interactions can happen with little emotional component but there has to be enough interest to engage in that interaction. That mutual interest or attraction qualifies as an emotional connection in comparison to a situation where there is no interest or attraction in the person but only the activity.

Cheers,

Sea


< Message edited by undergroundsea -- 4/30/2007 9:24:08 AM >

(in reply to Enyo)
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RE: Friends and/or lovers - 4/30/2007 9:49:20 AM   
MistressSassy66


Posts: 1675
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mantis65



Ok I love female sadists not because I have a huge desire to seek pain but because I know she is getting gratification by watching me suffer.
Anyway I have this thing that trips me up with local Dommes for some reason.
Submission to me has an emotional component I need to bond with a friend or lover. I cant do the detached service only thing.
I am not talking about sex either I am talking about being able to love the Domme on some level.  

I don’t fall in love easy but I need to like the person to trust and surrender. Anyway any thoughts on this?  



From both the Pro side and the Personal side.

I have to get along with whoever I am sceneing with.Without a connection of some sort it can feel rather empty.I dont need to be lovers but a friendship of sorts is usually part of the relationship.

Even as a Pro, I have to feel some sort of connection, I dont want to session with someone I dont feel comfortable with.With that in mind,sessions are not a 'detached' service,they are a meeting of two P/people with simliar interests.

Sometimes friendships form and sometimes it goes beyond that,yet there are times when you part on good terms or not so good.To Me whatever happens its a life experience.






_____________________________

Mistress Sassy

http://www.mistresssassy.com

In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

(in reply to mantis65)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Friends and/or lovers - 4/30/2007 9:56:34 AM   
MsBearlee


Posts: 1032
Joined: 2/15/2006
Status: offline 		Gee... I can't agree more!  ...and just said as much here:  http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=986942&key=
 
Personally, I think places like that 'Mystress World' site being talked about in another thread are what lead people to believing subissives are worms or pigs who will play just because someone said 'On yer knees, bitch'. 
 
It's a fantasy land out there!<Shakes head>
B

(in reply to MistressSassy66)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Friends and/or lovers - 4/30/2007 10:55:34 AM   
DommeChains


Posts: 415
Joined: 3/23/2006
Status: offline 		I, too, need an emotional connection to make it satisfying.  I state this in my profile:  that it takes time to establish a relationship and, at the minimum, there must be a real friendship mutually.  For me dominance is a joy but it is also a lot of work if done correctly.  Why would I want to expend that energy on someone that I don't care to associate with outside of a scene?  Even in a casual encounter I need to like the person I am playing with.  Otherwise I am just a brute wielding a flogger onto a hunk of flesh.

My .02s worth.

(in reply to mantis65)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Friends and/or lovers - 4/30/2007 11:17:58 AM   
Red82


Posts: 79
Joined: 4/13/2007
Status: offline 		Couldent agree more. If there is no connection there, whats the point?

(in reply to DommeChains)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Friends and/or lovers - 4/30/2007 11:24:03 AM   
DiannaVesta


Posts: 1087
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Mid-Atlantic area
Status: offline 		There is a very dark and complex side of me. Only one that connects with me would ever get the privilege of experiencing me on that level.

_____________________________



(in reply to Red82)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Friends and/or lovers - 4/30/2007 1:13:11 PM   
justLady


Posts: 26
Joined: 6/21/2006
Status: offline 		I have had great fun training boys/girls that I haven't had a huge emotional connection with but I have always had to respect them and find them interesting, otherwise their submission is valueless to me.

That said, for all of the fun you can have, I've never had a more satisfying relationship than the one I'm currently involved in because I am utterly in love with the boy.  It makes his submission infinitely more meaningful and important to me. 

(in reply to mantis65)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Friends and/or lovers - 4/30/2007 6:55:31 PM   
mp072004


Posts: 381
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline 		Sure, people have emotional, love relationships with BDSM partners. It's not my style--I generally *like* people with whom I have ongoing relationships (otherwise, er, the relationship doesn't go on), but I'm not looking for romantic love with a new BDSM partner. But just because it's not what I want doesn't mean it doesn't work for a number of people I know.


(in reply to mantis65)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Friends and/or lovers - 5/1/2007 7:17:38 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I have to feel connected in some way, too.  Minimally, I have to at least like the person I'm sceneing with and get to know them on some level.  It's just My personal style.

(in reply to mp072004)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Friends and/or lovers - 5/1/2007 8:02:00 AM   
SlaveSubtoserve


Posts: 282
Joined: 6/21/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mantis65



Ok I love female sadists not because I have a huge desire to seek pain but because I know she is getting gratification by watching me suffer.
Anyway I have this thing that trips me up with local Dommes for some reason.
Submission to me has an emotional component I need to bond with a friend or lover. I cant do the detached service only thing.
I am not talking about sex either I am talking about being able to love the Domme on some level.  

I don’t fall in love easy but I need to like the person to trust and surrender. Anyway any thoughts on this?  



....i completely agree with this as i am very much at heart this way also --- though there are different degrees to this which still can be fun also...... i've had a problem also reconciling this essential orientation with the practicalities of the BDSM world out there and that one is not going to be so in love/like with many Dommes/Mistresses------

(in reply to mantis65)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Friends and/or lovers - 5/1/2007 8:20:32 AM   
stockingluvr54


Posts: 673
Joined: 6/22/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pixelslave

quote:

ORIGINAL: mantis65

Ok I love female sadists not because I have a huge desire to seek pain but because I know she is getting gratification by watching me suffer.

Anyway I have this thing that trips me up with local Dommes for some reason.
Submission to me has an emotional component I need to bond with a friend or lover. I cant do the detached service only thing.  I am not talking about sex either I am talking about being able to love the Domme on some level.  

I don’t fall in love easy but I need to like the person to trust and surrender. Anyway any thoughts on this?  


What you say makes perfect sense to me.  To submit requires a great deal of trust and my Mistress inspires that in me.  The deeper my trust and submission toward her grows, the more I continue to fall in love.  It's the reason I've chosen in the past not to casually play. 

 
 - pixel


This is the way I hope it goes for me someday......

(in reply to pixelslave)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Friends and/or lovers - 5/1/2007 8:58:19 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		Beyond the training that I am picky about offering, anyone I own must be someone that I feel a deep emotional connection with. That can be friendship or it can be romantic.

While some people develop the problem that as they get more deeply connected, they lose the ability to be as sadistic, I am the opposite way. The more I care about someone the more sadistically free I feel to express those parts of myself.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to mantis65)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Friends and/or lovers - 5/1/2007 9:09:45 AM   
MsKatHouston


Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline
quote:

While some people develop the problem that as they get more deeply connected, they lose the ability to be as sadistic, I am the opposite way. The more I care about someone the more sadistically free I feel to express those parts of myself.


I am the exact same way. 

I need to have some connection or attraction to the person to play but it does not necessarily have to be intensely deep.  However, the deeper it is, the more intense the play and the more I feel free to let loose, experiement and push.

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Friends and/or lovers - 5/1/2007 4:46:38 PM   
caningexpert


Posts: 13
Joined: 1/22/2007
Status: offline 		Hmmm, I cant say I am getting gratification by watching someone suffer, isnt that a bit of an old cliche?
I just enjoy it.......alot.
But the emotional connection is very important and I understand the feelings of love very well, when someone has felt a severe caning from me they are in a different mental state, endorphins are released which can lead to, feel like or actually be, feelings of love.
But sex with a sub, no way for me, I like to keep my boundaries clear. But sex and love dont necessarily go together.

(in reply to mantis65)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Friends and/or lovers - 5/1/2007 5:50:04 PM   
Araven


Posts: 149
Joined: 3/16/2006
Status: offline 		I think I can relate to the OP on the same level. I have to feel comfortable, safe, and most of all some form of attachment before I could offer myself to somebody. I'm in agreement with you on this. A big part of the pleasure for me is knowing the pleasure and gratification she gets from seeing me suffer. Thats the real hot part for me, knowing my squirming, writhing, and little whimpers of pain are just for her ^_^. I believe without a bond, and if you just did this or submitted to anybody.. it would lose some of that "special" quality or even a cerain level of intimacy that I know I crave with a partner.

I believe some sort of bond is vital, otherwise it would be cold, empty, and without meaning or substance.

(in reply to caningexpert)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Friends and/or lovers - 5/1/2007 7:15:06 PM   
earthycouple


Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline 		I can't tell you how I absolutely totally completely without a doubt agree with the OP.  I can't play with someone, on any level that I don't like and I can not collar or own someone I don't love.  PERIOD. 

Casual play doesn't exist for me unless I've bonded in some form or fashion other than BDSM.  I want to share a common interest...I want to simply LIKE my toys. 

Quick story...I met someone here, and we chatted online and immediately bonded via chat.  I offered to open my home for a weekend visit.  I knew within 6 hours after he was in my home that there wasn't a single solitary thing that would bring us together.  I don't know what happened, don't know that it was anyone's fault it just was.  I felt bad.  As I'm sure he did as well.  In my mind I rolled it around, over and over...."do I have ONE little scene with him to at least say it wasn't a waste of a plane ticket?"  I simply couldn't do it.  He went home early, we were both relieved and I don't feel guilt because being untrue to myself by enaging when there was no mental connection was accomplishing nada.

Connect connect connect.

D~

(in reply to mantis65)
Profile   Post #: 20
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