Mercnbeth
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quote:
I think my biggest pet peave is that when I communicate "I'd like to be married, someday". That it is interpretted as in a month. <Emerald>
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It is best to hold off the marriage talk because it scares people. <BTF>
"Scares people"? I think you meant to say it scares men. For many pragmatic reasons it should. There is no equality of the sexes in divorce settlements. In California at least, regardless of any change in the financial situation of the man, until death or until some other poor sucker comes along, the ex is "entitled" to a monthly stipend. Add children to the equation and, in effect, the man is working so his ex and kids can live in the manner that he was stupid enough to make for them in the first place. Of course if the female is a convicted felon or a drug addict, MAYBE he can get custody or more liberal visitation rights.
I think the "fear of commitment" argument is a rationalization on the woman's part. A man is not afraid to commit, but his commitment, set by social "standards" and expectations, have greater consequences then any made by a woman entering into marriage. Now we have "pre-nuptial" agreements. I see and appreciate them but to me they fall into the same classification as design obsolesce. Trump's previous marriage had a clause that said if Marla Maples (anyone remember her?) stayed with him from 1 to 5 years she received $5 Million. If he divorced her her after that she'd be entitled to the "standard" settlement. So it was a business decision to divorce her in the 4th year. How romantic huh? But practical!
Marriage seems to be more a relationship GOAL for a woman. Men see the relationship itself as a goal. On the surface it doesn't appear to be a significant difference. Except, and here is were long ago personal experience rears it's ugly head, once the goal is obtained for woman they commonly see the "race won" and the competition over. Once the tape is broken at the end of the race, few continue to "train". There is no distinction here, vanilla or lifestyle, I've seen it happen. There's a joke that best illustrates the point. "Why is a bride smiling when she's walking down the aisle?" - "Because she knows she given the LAST blow job she'll ever have to give."
Men fall deeply in love with woman and marry them hoping they'll never change. Hoping that the fantastic relationship that caused him to feel drawn to marry her would only evolve to something even stronger after marriage. Woman commonly say, I'll change him once we're married. I'm make him dress different. I'll get him to help with the cleaning. I'll cut down his nights out with the guys.
Just as you should take an honest and hard look and assess your motives when you want to be a slave, submissive, Master, Mistress, Dom or Domme; you must take the same honest assessment prior to becoming a spouse. Why is marriage a goal? Commitment? Social Acceptance? Family Acceptance? Personal Identity? What are the anticipated changes in your day to day relationship with the other person? What will be better? How? Are your motives selfish?
Taking the subject from the lifestyle perspective and it becomes a semantic argument. beth and I are not married, yet I feel more committed to her as my slave then I ever was to my ex. It took many years to find her, she is VERY special and unique. she can keep my pace, is stimulating both emotionally and intellectual, and she's the sexiest woman I've ever known. I have no doubt in her, and she has none in me. Our collar means more to us then any ring either of us wore with a past spouse. Yet, there is talk of marriage between us.
Why? Well, the #1 reason is that beth and I LOVE parties and it's a GREAT excuse for a having a GREAT party. Reason #2, I want to do it for beth. It's my idea, although as a self proclaimed "good witch" maybe it's part of the "spell" she has over me. Pragmatically we could use the tax break. Also pragmatically, it will enable her to be covered with my benefits, and make it easier to take care of her in the long term should something happen to me. Yes, after all the negativity about the institution, I am THAT sure about beth.
Why not let it happen and let the person you are in a relationship be that sure about you?
quote:
DISCLAIMER: This opinion speaks in generalizations. It is NOT intended to be taken in absolute, nor are exceptions consider impossible. Anecdotal conversations with woman illustrate to me that generally; "MEN ARE SLIME". They abandon their wifes and babies, drink, take drugs, and generally shirk their responsibilities.
That said, I have pre-drilled holes in my hands and feet and gotten my old heavy cross out of storage and am fully prepared for the crucifixion to come.
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LTR doesn't mean LTR for all. - 
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RE: LTR doesn't mean LTR for all. - 
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