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allyC -> RE: how far will you go ? (5/16/2007 8:00:23 PM)
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Hello, thinspo. I have struggled with my weight for nearly all of my life. When my owner first drew me onto the path of enslavement, he knew that I was a big woman. He had no intention of requiring that I change my body as he chose me because of who and what I was - not what he felt he could change me into. I think most often that if you (the collective you) begin a relationship with your goals set largely on what you can change about that person rather than what aspects of that person you can enjoy and utilize, then you may be setting yourself up for disappointment. That isn't to say that a dominant person shouldn't have wishes to mold and shape the other to their desires and will, but something as potentially difficult, sensitive, and resistant like weight loss is a tough go. In the years that we have been together, my owner has watched my struggles. He has seen me gain, lose, gain, lose etc. and it has been difficult for him *not* to step in and say, "ally, lose X amount of pounds by such-and-such date, period." There was a period when I was very ill and bedridden (not weight related) and during that time, I gained a great deal of weight. It was devistating to me and he saw this. He knows me very well though and understood that in order for me to successfully lose weight in a way that was the most healthy for me both physically AND emotionally, that the biggest and most powerful driving force would have to come from a place deep within my own psyche and heart. We were driving home one night from a party last July. I said to him, "Master, just 8 years ago, I weighed 100 lbs less than I do now. I still thought I was so huge. I thought I was a big ol' moo cow. Now I am sitting here in tears because looking back I wish I had done what I had to do to lose the weight then because now it feels SO monumental and my goal seems so unreachable. Why didn't I really DO something about this last year? Or the year before? Or even 8 years ago? I wish I could go back in time and try again." To which he replied, "ally, today is the "back in time" for next year and the year after, and even ten years from now. So do with that what you will." And the next day I began my journey. No commands, no ultimatums. He has told me more times than I can remember that he finds me to be valuable and beautiful no matter what size I am - no matter what shape. I will say, however, that his wisdom and his encouragement were and are invaluable to me. Since July of last year, I have lost nearly 100 lbs. I did this through watching what I eat (1000-1500 calories per day), becoming more active, and eliminating habitual foods like sugary sodas. He has supported me, encouraged me, been a strong, guiding hand for me - but he has not once commanded me to lose the weight. I still have a long way to go but I am well over the halfway point. Had he commanded me to lose weight I am sure I would have. I strive to be obedient in all that I do. I just don't believe I would have done it as successfully or in such a healthy way because I would have been doing it to be obedient - not because everything deep within me was ready to do so. He knew this and he watched me, said all of the right things, and waited until that moment when he knew I was ready and then said something so simple and so logical and yet so profound to me at that speciific moment in time. He's a smart cookie. ;) I'm lucky to have the place I do beneath his hand and at his feet. Well wishes, Cav's ally. P.S. When I originally began this post, I had no intention of starting a novella. My apologies for rambling. ***edited for horriffic typos
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