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Tributes - 4/30/2007 7:19:22 PM   
lopoka


Posts: 3
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		There seems to be many Dommes who ask for cash tributes in order to "weed out" fakes.  Yet some of these people seem to be fakes to me, they are asking for money before even showing a picture or verifying by voice over the phone, who they are who they say they are.  These are individuals whom claim to be lifestyle instead of professionally oriented.  Is tribute a necessary way in order for people to prove devotion?  I thought relationships between Mistresses and subs was about getting to know someone, not just plumping down a bunch of cash to a stranger with no guarantee of anything.  Please share Y/your thoughts.

< Message edited by lopoka -- 4/30/2007 7:20:16 PM >
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Tributes - 4/30/2007 7:21:52 PM   
MsKatHouston


Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline 		ah here we go again.

To each their own.  Some ask for tribute, some do not.  If it is not something you are comfortable with, move on to one of the ones who do not. 

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to lopoka)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Tributes - 4/30/2007 7:37:43 PM   
Calandra


Posts: 725
Joined: 11/22/2004
Status: offline 		I went through a period of time where I demanded "tribute". No, not cash... I wanted a handwritten note or a greeting card with their personal handwriting on it. It didn't have to include a picture, a name or even a return address - simply a message from them with their online nickname to show they were willing to follow My instructions in something nonsexual and nonkinky. I think I got three cards in a two year span. Kinda weeds out those "Oh Mistress I would do ANYTHING for you" types, huh?
 
Good thing I'm not desperate for a slave, huh?

_____________________________

Lady Kathryn
Athens, Ga.
House of Phoenix

"Nothing is ever final until you're dead - and even then I'm sure God negotiates" Anjelica Huston in Everafter

(in reply to lopoka)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Tributes - 4/30/2007 7:40:01 PM   
MistressSassy66


Posts: 1675
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lopoka

There seems to be many Dommes who ask for cash tributes in order to "weed out" fakes.  Yet some of these people seem to be fakes to me, they are asking for money before even showing a picture or verifying by voice over the phone, who they are who they say they are.  These are individuals whom claim to be lifestyle instead of professionally oriented.  Is tribute a necessary way in order for people to prove devotion?  I thought relationships between Mistresses and subs was about getting to know someone, not just plumping down a bunch of cash to a stranger with no guarantee of anything.  Please share Y/your thoughts.



I actually claim to be both Lifestyle and Professionally orientated.
No...cash is not the only way to show devotion,but it is a way for them to get cool new toys.
I dont session with strangers,I like to get to know who I am sessioning with just a little bit.
Personally I guarantee My sessions.
I guarantee you will leave with a red bottom and whip marks on your back.

_____________________________

Mistress Sassy

http://www.mistresssassy.com

In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

(in reply to lopoka)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Tributes - 4/30/2007 7:46:18 PM   
joyinslavery


Posts: 955
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline 		If it's something that intrigues you just send your cash to me.

There are several good mutual funds I'm aware of.

Interest (even self-interest) insn't a dirty word.


Edited to add:  Can anyone out there recommend a good spelling coach?










< Message edited by joyinslavery -- 4/30/2007 8:14:40 PM >

_____________________________

"...we must learn, each one of us, that the world was not made for us, and that, however beautiful may be the things we crave, Fate may nevertheless forbid them."
-Bertrand Russell

Mainstream...The New Alternative

*Beware of dog*

(in reply to MistressSassy66)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Tributes - 4/30/2007 7:48:04 PM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsKatHouston

ah here we go again.

To each their own.  Some ask for tribute, some do not.  If it is not something you are comfortable with, move on to one of the ones who do not. 

Very wise words MsKat.

OP I have never asked for tribute and never will. I am a lifestyle Domme I do this because I want to, not because I want to pick some guys wallet clean.

~Lashra


_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to MsKatHouston)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Tributes - 4/30/2007 8:07:36 PM   
DiannaVesta


Posts: 1087
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Mid-Atlantic area
Status: offline 		yeah lol here we go again.

Simple... I have a Nite Flirt and Talk Sugar account. Call me, spend time on the phone with me and we'll see if we're compatiable. It works out great too.


_____________________________



(in reply to Lashra)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Tributes - 4/30/2007 8:29:35 PM   
lopoka


Posts: 3
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		I apologize if this was brought up before in forums, I don't post often.  Like some of You have joked though, if I wanted Nightflirt or a Professional session, I would seek that out.  I liked the different ways of tribute that were mentioned.  What I meant by no gurantee was that those wanting cash had no regard or interest in the sub.

(in reply to DiannaVesta)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Tributes - 4/30/2007 8:33:52 PM   
joyinslavery


Posts: 955
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline 		Then you might just (probably) be right. 

My advice? 

Just let it drift. 

_____________________________

"...we must learn, each one of us, that the world was not made for us, and that, however beautiful may be the things we crave, Fate may nevertheless forbid them."
-Bertrand Russell

Mainstream...The New Alternative

*Beware of dog*

(in reply to lopoka)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Tributes - 4/30/2007 8:38:36 PM   
igor2003


Posts: 1718
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Calandra

I went through a period of time where I demanded "tribute". No, not cash... I wanted a handwritten note or a greeting card with their personal handwriting on it. It didn't have to include a picture, a name or even a return address - simply a message from them with their online nickname to show they were willing to follow My instructions in something nonsexual and nonkinky. I think I got three cards in a two year span. Kinda weeds out those "Oh Mistress I would do ANYTHING for you" types, huh?
 
Good thing I'm not desperate for a slave, huh?


Like so many terms, especially in D/s, everyone seems to have a different definition of what the term means.  To me, the term "tribute" normally would mean something like "gift".  But then when you team the word "tribute" with "required" it is no longer a gift and becomes more like a fee.  As for myself, i don't want to "buy" dominance whether it is being bought with an item or with money, but i don't mind giving gifts.  Then we get to what Calandra is calling a tribute, but to me this would be more of a "task" to test the subs willingness to comply rather than a tribute.  And i have seen still others that wanted the subs to provide a service such as house cleaning or gardening and they called it "tribute".  To me that is just making good use of a slave! 

In general, from what i have seen, the Dommes that ask for a tribute are not looking for a long term relationship.  They want to play with a sub then kick him out the door and not have to worry about him.  Their reason for wanting or expecting a tribute differs.  Nothing wrong with that as long as everyone understands the situation.  I actually read one post recently where the lady seemd to think that dominating a sub was an imposition and she wanted tribute for having spent the time to do the domination.  It takes all kinds.

But as MsKatHouston said, "To each their own."  If you don't like what one profile says just move on to the next one.

(in reply to Calandra)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Tributes - 4/30/2007 8:46:26 PM   
Elorin


Posts: 970
Joined: 8/22/2004
From: San Antonio, TX
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lopoka
There seems to be many Dommes who ask for cash tributes in order to "weed out" fakes.  Yet some of these people seem to be fakes to me, they are asking for money before even showing a picture or verifying by voice over the phone, who they are who they say they are.  These are individuals whom claim to be lifestyle instead of professionally oriented.  Is tribute a necessary way in order for people to prove devotion?  I thought relationships between Mistresses and subs was about getting to know someone, not just plumping down a bunch of cash to a stranger with no guarantee of anything.  Please share Y/your thoughts.


Hello precious ~blows pinches~ and good to see you in the forums!
Some of the women who ask for tributes are certainly fakers with no interest in domination and no interest in the sub. There is no doubt of it.
But not all women who demand it are that. Some of them are women who basically want some kind of proof that the sub is not going to disappear after 2 or 3 e-mails - basically after he has wanked off and gotten his "use" from the Domme. I've been there and felt that.

A tribute of any form - cash, a handwritten letter, a non-erotic task, a gift - is not necessary to prove devotion. It may, however, prove that you are willing to do more than talk about your fetish, which means the domme in question might be willing to talk with you.

However, you could do the same by picking an item that is on her interests list and sending her something that shows you took time and thought about it. Look up boots and say "I saw you like boots and I found these great websites for buying boots online." and provide a link, or find a great site with a list of renn faires in her area.

There are just as many people out for a quick jerkoff on the sub side as there are on the dominant side. But BDSM isn't necessarily about getting to know someone. It is about bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadomasochism. Everything else is gravy. Certainly long term D/s relationships benefit from getting to know someone...but that isn't the goal of BDSM.

Good luck searching darlin...

~E

(in reply to lopoka)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Tributes - 4/30/2007 8:55:45 PM   
DianeB269


Posts: 1596
Joined: 10/30/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsKatHouston

ah here we go again.




I was going to post the same thing.


Diane

(in reply to MsKatHouston)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Tributes - 4/30/2007 9:12:12 PM   
subronnc


Posts: 19
Joined: 5/20/2004
Status: offline 		i've been burned a few times by online "Dommes" a few years ago...

i would have a couple of email/im/pm  conversations and thought things were going somewhere, send a few bucks via pay pal (since They wouldn't send an address to send things to) and then never heard anything again.

i know Everyone isn't like that, but it is hard to keep on trying/looking with more bad experiences than good so far.

(in reply to DianeB269)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Tributes - 4/30/2007 9:20:07 PM   
Elorin


Posts: 970
Joined: 8/22/2004
From: San Antonio, TX
Status: offline 		I'm curious, subronnc, what you mean by a couple bucks.
When talking about tributes I've told subs they could send 40 cents or 40 bucks, or anywhere in between.

~E

(in reply to subronnc)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Tributes - 4/30/2007 9:25:59 PM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline 		To prove that you are not going to flake, offer to send a small donation to a charity on her behalf and send proof of that to her.  Most will disappear after that compromise.

Akasha


_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to lopoka)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Tributes - 4/30/2007 9:35:17 PM   
BeachMystress


Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subronnc

i've been burned a few times by online "Dommes" a few years ago...

i would have a couple of email/im/pm  conversations and thought things were going somewhere, send a few bucks via pay pal (since They wouldn't send an address to send things to) and then never heard anything again.

i know Everyone isn't like that, but it is hard to keep on trying/looking with more bad experiences than good so far.


Um, with your track record I can see why you find it hard to keep looking. How do you fall for this more than once? Personally, I can't see falling for it even once, but more??? um..... What is the old saying? Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. I'm afraid you're a walking example of it. How about rather than continuing to search in a way you've already had proven to be unworkable, you try something different. If you want to pay for a Domme, go find a pro site that has reputable women listed on it. If you want a non pro relationship, quit throwing money at women online and get out and go to munches and events. There are plenty of them in North Carolina. So what if you have to drive an hour or two to attend? How much do you want that relationship?

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

(in reply to subronnc)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Tributes - 4/30/2007 9:39:22 PM   
Najakcharmer


Posts: 2121
Joined: 5/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

To prove that you are not going to flake, offer to send a small donation to a charity on her behalf and send proof of that to her.  Most will disappear after that compromise.


I'd accept that, if the charity was one of my choice.  There's charities I don't care for much, and I prefer that my donations go to help wildlife and the environment.

Though actually the "tribute" I really want is for someone to take the time to read my profile and start up an intelligent conversation on a subject I'm interested in.  And if some nice sub took the time to send me a gift I'd really enjoy, like links to good scientific papers in my field, or photos of nifty herpetofauna, I'd be VERY impressed.

Unsurprisingly, they don't do that, though some do offer to send money.   Which doesn't interest or impress me, but apparently a lot of guys would rather do that than spend their time finding me a tribute that would cost nothing but would really brighten my day.  Fact is, these so-called "subs" don't seem to want to actually please me.  They just want to jack off to the fantasy image of a stern dominatrix that will make them do the specific kinky stuff that they want to be made to do.  Their desire to "serve" is actually no such thing, and it really has nothing to do with pleasing me, or really with me at all.  I might as well not exist for all the attention they're actually paying me, even as they write and beg me to "dominate" them.

So yeah, I'm still waiting for the online "sub" who actually wants to serve and please me.  Let's say I'm not holding my breath or expecting him in my mailbox anytime soon.  LOL   That's why I tend to stick to meeting folks in real life. That's the best way I know to weed out the assholes and the flakes.

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Tributes - 4/30/2007 9:40:06 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		I have learned to demand tribute when I am meeting someone for the first time. They WILL buy me my coffee. Thats about as far as I go.  Maybe dinner, if they are going to be around that long. The way to weed out the fakes, tell them they can take you to dinner and pay for it. I dont think thats asking too much.  If they are going to meet me anyway, least they can do is offer to be gentlemen and pay. If things go well, maybe I'll pick up dinner the next time.  I have nothing against sharing the fees, but dinner on them for the first meeting.  Its how I figure out who is and isnt worth my tie.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to BeachMystress)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Tributes - 4/30/2007 9:43:55 PM   
joyinslavery


Posts: 955
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline 		Demanded is a hard limit for me.

Unless I know you.

_____________________________

"...we must learn, each one of us, that the world was not made for us, and that, however beautiful may be the things we crave, Fate may nevertheless forbid them."
-Bertrand Russell

Mainstream...The New Alternative

*Beware of dog*

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Tributes - 4/30/2007 9:50:44 PM   
Najakcharmer


Posts: 2121
Joined: 5/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subronnc

i've been burned a few times by online "Dommes" a few years ago...

i would have a couple of email/im/pm  conversations and thought things were going somewhere, send a few bucks via pay pal (since They wouldn't send an address to send things to) and then never heard anything again.

i know Everyone isn't like that, but it is hard to keep on trying/looking with more bad experiences than good so far.


Dude. Forget the online stuff and join the realtime groups in your area, like TMG, TTC or FAD.  Or all of the above.  Raleigh is hopping with fun kinky activity and cool people to meet in the scene.  Hope to say howdy in person if I catch you at an event or a play party!

(in reply to subronnc)
Profile   Post #: 20
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