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Being told to be Bi? - 5/1/2007 11:04:51 AM   
UntamedStar


Posts: 42
Joined: 5/3/2006
Status: offline 		I am enjoying getting to know a Dom who i like very much so  far... but i have a question...
Is it ok to be told that you are to be Bi while under his rules etc? As a new, straight sub to date, i wondered if this is ok? He has explained that this is because he knows i will be out of my comfort zone and that he feels i need pushing (I can be bratty! lol) any feedback would be useful  Ta x

< Message edited by UntamedStar -- 5/1/2007 11:05:46 AM >
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RE: Being told to be Bi? - 5/1/2007 11:06:47 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Is is okay?  I'm guessing in his world it is.

Only you can decide if you are bi.


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to UntamedStar)
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RE: Being told to be Bi? - 5/1/2007 11:08:40 AM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		Don't ever listen to katy...You are all bi....It's just that some of you haven't gotten around to eating pussy YET!!!

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RE: Being told to be Bi? - 5/1/2007 11:09:02 AM   
MsKatHouston


Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline 		You either are or are not bi.  However, your dominant can want you to do particular acts.  Whether or not you are ok with that is entirely up to you.  Some people will go there even though they would not normally do so without the dominant's encouragement.  They may like it and it's a form of play.  If, however, you are uncomfortable with doing that, make sure you communicate that.  It can very easily be one of your hard limits.  Those may or may not change with time.

However, the blanket response I will give you is nobody can force you to do anything you do not want to do.  You have to decide whether or not you are ok with it.

The other part I will address is I would never use such an act as a form of punishment.  Though you did not outright say he was, your reference to being bratty made me make that leap.  I'd only push for mutual growth not as a means of punishment.

Talk to your dominant about this and stand your ground if you can't see yourself doing it.  You need to take care of you.

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

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RE: Being told to be Bi? - 5/1/2007 11:09:39 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		That depends on two things and they both have to be based on you and not on him -- if your ideas don't match on this, consider a good piece of information about him before you get involved any further.

First, do you think sexual actions equal sexual orientation?

Second, is being with another woman sexually a hard limit for you?

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

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RE: Being told to be Bi? - 5/1/2007 11:11:34 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		What she said.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsKatHouston

You either are or are not bi. 


A dom can require it from you, whether or not you are attracted to women.  It is up to you to decide whether this is ok with  you or not.
Kyst

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


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RE: Being told to be Bi? - 5/1/2007 11:12:01 AM   
Suleiman


Posts: 1127
Joined: 9/9/2004
Status: offline 		"Forced Bisexuality" is a kind of scene that crops up from time to time. The real question is - is it okay for you?

Do you want to do it? Apparantly not. That's why it's called "forced"

Are you willing to do it For Him? That is, for all intents and purposes, what submission is.

If not, why not? Why is it a hard limit for you? Do you object to the particular person he wants you to be with, or does some aspect of the scene bother you, or are you simply uncomfortable with serving your dominant through an overt act of homosexuality?

YOU are the only person who can answer these questions. Look deep within yourself, and no matter how stubborn you may be feeling at the moment, you will still find that little voice - the same voice that got you into this in the first place - with all the answers that you seek.

And for god's sake, don't listen to me - I don't even know you for crying out loud!

_____________________________

Think of my verbosity as a sort of litmus test for our relationship. I write in a manner identical to how I speak and how I think. If you can not cope with what I have written here, it is probably for the best if we go our separate ways.

(in reply to UntamedStar)
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RE: Being told to be Bi? - 5/1/2007 11:18:38 AM   
UntamedStar


Posts: 42
Joined: 5/3/2006
Status: offline 		lol... You all do make me smile alot. I think that yes it is a hard limit mainly because i have never been with a woman. I have no problem with homosexuality, its just new and alien to me. I like the fact he has found something that i would find difficult....and i like the fact i would be doing it purely for him.... I think im just scared...I mean i can probably kiss a woman and may even do breasts...but as for the dangly bacon bit......im scared!

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RE: Being told to be Bi? - 5/1/2007 11:20:01 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

but as for the dangly bacon bit......im scared!


It's just a lil bit, ya know?  


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

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RE: Being told to be Bi? - 5/1/2007 11:20:41 AM   
Suleiman


Posts: 1127
Joined: 9/9/2004
Status: offline 		Good! Enjoy it while it lasts! Scenes like these aren't nearly so much fun when they become commonplace.

_____________________________

Think of my verbosity as a sort of litmus test for our relationship. I write in a manner identical to how I speak and how I think. If you can not cope with what I have written here, it is probably for the best if we go our separate ways.

(in reply to UntamedStar)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Being told to be Bi? - 5/1/2007 11:22:39 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: UntamedStar

I am enjoying getting to know a Dom who i like very much so  far... but i have a question...
Is it ok to be told that you are to be Bi while under his rules etc? As a new, straight sub to date, i wondered if this is ok? He has explained that this is because he knows i will be out of my comfort zone and that he feels i need pushing (I can be bratty! lol) any feedback would be useful  Ta x


I would reply that either you are bisexual, straight or homosexual. No order can change that. That doesn't mean you will refuse his orders to be sexual with another woman though.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to UntamedStar)
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RE: Being told to be Bi? - 5/1/2007 11:26:40 AM   
UntamedStar


Posts: 42
Joined: 5/3/2006
Status: offline 		I suppose the whole thing behind being submissive is that someone else makes my sexual decisions for me and that way i get to explore all taboo things....maybe its a way of 'pretending' he made me do it! lol oh goodness what will my friends say!

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RE: Being told to be Bi? - 5/1/2007 11:27:59 AM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		Why would you tell your friends?

Unless they are really hot and one of them might make up the threesome?...Actually that sounds kind of cool having a sub go down on her best friend....Go for it!!!

< Message edited by domiguy -- 5/1/2007 11:29:08 AM >

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RE: Being told to be Bi? - 5/1/2007 11:28:38 AM   
MsKatHouston


Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline 		No need to rent a billboard to announce it.  If it's not a hard limit, have fun with it.

quote:

Scenes like these aren't nearly so much fun when they become commonplace


VERY good point.

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

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RE: Being told to be Bi? - 5/1/2007 11:29:35 AM   
MstrssPassion


Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: UntamedStar

lol... You all do make me smile alot. I think that yes it is a hard limit mainly because i have never been with a woman. I have no problem with homosexuality, its just new and alien to me. I like the fact he has found something that i would find difficult....and i like the fact i would be doing it purely for him.... I think im just scared...I mean i can probably kiss a woman and may even do breasts...but as for the dangly bacon bit......im scared!


In the case of women trying it & deciding, hey--I really like this!!! & then cross over to the rainbow side of the spectrum...I wonder just how many of these "doms" or men in general are kicking themselves in the ass for pushing their girls to experiment.

Lost another one to Dyke-tec

_____________________________

MstrssPassion


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RE: Being told to be Bi? - 5/1/2007 11:33:49 AM   
tangldupinblue


Posts: 230
Joined: 3/20/2006
Status: offline 		if there good friends they'll say have a good time.....if there really good friends they'll ask to join you.

i am not bi but i have sex with women, its not my first choice but the look on his face is worth it all.

and besides i really get off on being scared...you might too.

blue

_____________________________

Those who deserve punshiment, take it calmly.

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RE: Being told to be Bi? - 5/1/2007 11:43:08 AM   
spankmepink11


Posts: 1310
Joined: 9/28/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: UntamedStar

I suppose the whole thing behind being submissive is that someone else makes my sexual decisions for me and that way i get to explore all taboo things....maybe its a way of 'pretending' he made me do it! lol oh goodness what will my friends say!



I used to feel that way, but after being seduced into  either crossing or surpassing  all my softer limits, and a couple of hard ones...., i find myself  "opened" in a way that i wouldn't change for anything in the world.


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RE: Being told to be Bi? - 5/1/2007 11:45:37 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: UntamedStar

lol... You all do make me smile alot. I think that yes it is a hard limit mainly because i have never been with a woman. I have no problem with homosexuality, its just new and alien to me. I like the fact he has found something that i would find difficult....and i like the fact i would be doing it purely for him.... I think im just scared...I mean i can probably kiss a woman and may even do breasts...but as for the dangly bacon bit......im scared!


(my opinion below but this is how I use the different meanings of hard limits and I how I used it in my questions to you)

If something is really a hard limit you shouldn't give it up easily. Hard limits shouldn't be for things that make us uncomfortable but for things that damage us (mentally, physically, legally, economically, whatever you believe is damage) or which crosses our ethical or moral beliefs (thus risking spiritual damage).

Soft limits are more those things that are uncomfortable for us or for things that we want to go slowly with.

I'd again be cautious about someone who tells you that "things will be X" if they know you have a hard or a soft limit.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

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RE: Being told to be Bi? - 5/1/2007 11:46:27 AM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		It is not that uncommon when a woman  is "done" with me that she either ends up playing for the other team or gets married immediately..

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RE: Being told to be Bi? - 5/1/2007 11:48:25 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		In line with what TammyJosaid.

Doing sexual acts to me doesn't mean you become that orientation.  Just because I fuck someone doesn't mean I WANT to fuck them or would do so of my own volition.

So you basically have to decide if it's something you feel open to doing as part of your submission and/or as part of who you are.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to UntamedStar)
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