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Casual BDSM? - 5/2/2007 7:51:58 AM   
Adelphus


Posts: 87
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline 		Do any of you Dom/mes ever look for a 'friend with benefits' deal? You don't want a 24/7, super serious relationship but you still want to indulge your dom side every once and a while?
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RE: Casual BDSM? - 5/2/2007 7:53:37 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Adelphus
Do any of you Dom/mes ever look for a 'friend with benefits' deal? You don't want a 24/7, super serious relationship but you still want to indulge your dom side every once and a while?

Sure.  Have it all.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Adelphus)
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RE: Casual BDSM? - 5/2/2007 8:03:24 AM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Adelphus

Do any of you Dom/mes ever look for a 'friend with benefits' deal? You don't want a 24/7, super serious relationship but you still want to indulge your dom side every once and a while?


I have...~quiet smile~...and enjoyed one for quite a few years.  It waxed and waned depending on my serious relationships and hers.  We knew we were a good match in many areas...sexually, BDSM play, intellectual discourse...but not in enough areas to make a long-term deal out of the situation.

(in reply to Adelphus)
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RE: Casual BDSM? - 5/2/2007 8:24:13 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		Right now, all of my Ds/Ms relationships are what I consider serious, although each has a different level of commitment. My friends with benefits are more vanilla. I'm actually not sure if I can do, or desire, casual Ds relationships anymore. Kinda burnt out on them.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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Ms Relationship Books
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BDSM How-To Books

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RE: Casual BDSM? - 5/2/2007 8:25:25 AM   
MasterSohun


Posts: 56
Joined: 3/11/2007
Status: offline 		one of my most interesting encounters was a friends with benefits reationship between me and a Domme who wished t oexpore her sub side it happened on a camping trip ,yes i have indulged it almost came to being a long term thing but we werenot able to work out the details.

(in reply to CreativeDominant)
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RE: Casual BDSM? - 5/2/2007 9:34:22 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Sure, I've done it, though I refer to the situation as fun with a casual play partner.  I've used the term friend with benefits for the more vanilla scenerios.

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RE: Casual BDSM? - 5/2/2007 9:37:16 AM   
MrDiscipline44


Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline 		I have. A few times, in fact. I find the more casual ones are a nice interlude.

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If you love somebody, you have to be willing to break them.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

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RE: Casual BDSM? - 5/2/2007 9:47:40 AM   
jessk


Posts: 34
Status: offline 		I think that there are many who go in for just casual relationships, just as there are many who go in for more solidified relationships. It depends on the parties involved and what they want from it.

_____________________________

Jess

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RE: Casual BDSM? - 5/2/2007 9:57:08 AM   
gypsygrl


Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline
quote:

I've used the term friend with benefits for the more vanilla scenerios.


That's exactly what I was thinking.  I don't want to get into a committed relationship, but I don't do anything casually cause I'm a nut, and the idea of 'friends with benefits' is too vanilla.

Its taken me a long time to even come close to being able to describe what I'm after.  I'm thinking 'limited power exchange without emotional involvement.'

But, yeah, D-types do it.  Or try.  It takes a lot of practice to get it right.  I've been working on it for years from the s-side.


_____________________________

“To be happy is to be able to become aware of oneself without fright.” ~Walter Benjamin


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RE: Casual BDSM? - 5/2/2007 10:36:30 AM   
bayboundse


Posts: 288
Joined: 10/29/2005
From: Oak Ridge, TN
Status: offline 		Having a friend who is into BDSM and you both use each other as an outlet can be very rewarding.

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RE: Casual BDSM? - 5/2/2007 10:38:37 AM   
ExSteelAgain


Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline 		Well, don't we all start that way in most relationships? I mean we play together casually until we either fall in love, become comfortable with each other, become addicted to each other or just find it too much trouble to play with others.

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You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

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RE: Casual BDSM? - 5/2/2007 11:34:55 AM   
MistressMelissa


Posts: 226
Joined: 11/21/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Adelphus

Do any of you Dom/mes ever look for a 'friend with benefits' deal? You don't want a 24/7, super serious relationship but you still want to indulge your dom side every once and a while?


Greetings,
There are those I own and then there are those who I just play with. My one friend calls them "sadist candy", someone else fluffs them up, I come in and do what I love best, and then hand them back to their owner or another for the aftercare. I basically get to go 0 to 60, no warm up or cool down. There are things that either my property does not care for, can not do/handle or I feel uncomfortable doing to them. These casual play partners allow me an outlet for that. True masochists are hard to find. I am lucky to have a casual play partner who is a masochistic bottom. If the marks don't last a week she's disappointed.

Bottom line is not everyone is capable of doing everything my fertile imagination can conceive. Thus these casual play partners allow me an outlet that I might not normally have in a more monogamous relationship.

_____________________________

Melissa
Mistress of Ds Haven
www.dshaven.com

The person who says it can not be done, should not interrupt the person doing it. - Ancient Wisdom

(in reply to Adelphus)
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RE: Casual BDSM? - 5/2/2007 1:13:32 PM   
mstrjx


Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline 		I can't do this, or at least choose not to do this.

'What I do' tends to generate quite a bit of intensity, resulting in heightened emotions in whomever I'm with.  This really only becomes interesting to me if it is with someone I wish to be with, in a relationship sense.  If it gets to be that far for me, I don't think I have time for 'part time'.  I want either all or nothing.

If it isn't with someone I want on that level, but the intensities build for the other person that they wish to be with me more than I wish to give, then that doesn't seem fair for that person.  Again, all or nothing seems to be the safest, wisest decision.

I haven't played casually in years for this reason.  I'll play in order to see if one or both wants to take things further, but that's the extent.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

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RE: Casual BDSM? - 5/2/2007 1:45:15 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Adelphus

Do any of you Dom/mes ever look for a 'friend with benefits' deal? You don't want a 24/7, super serious relationship but you still want to indulge your dom side every once and a while?


actually.. yeah... I do...

I have "bottom" with denika.  She and her husband are dear friends.  But... I have enjoy some great play with her since I have known her... and I expect (think worms and fire) to have more great play in the future.

But... to be honest.. .I don't consider what I do with denika to be causal.  We are good friends and what occurs between us is not without some significance.  I find the play we have to be more a celebration and/or expression of the relationship we already have.  It does make our relationship become more than it is.. but it does make it stronger.  Our relationship is what it is.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to Adelphus)
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RE: Casual BDSM? - 5/2/2007 2:19:55 PM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Adelphus

Do any of you Dom/mes ever look for a 'friend with benefits' deal? You don't want a 24/7, super serious relationship but you still want to indulge your dom side every once and a while?

 
That's when I would consider a "switch".

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


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Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Casual BDSM? - 5/2/2007 2:47:15 PM   
ExSteelAgain


Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

quote:

ORIGINAL: Adelphus

Do any of you Dom/mes ever look for a 'friend with benefits' deal? You don't want a 24/7, super serious relationship but you still want to indulge your dom side every once and a while?

 
That's when I would consider a "switch".


I'm lost. What do you mean?

_____________________________

You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Casual BDSM? - 5/2/2007 4:30:13 PM   
tulinwl


Posts: 37
Joined: 3/4/2007
Status: offline 		Yes. And I love it.
I get my sexual needs and my BDSM needs met, as well as a closeness I need. I do not want an "emotional" partner right now. I have my friends and family for that. I am almost at the end of a divorce and my One provides me what I need as well as helped me through the last six months. I will be sad when it ends, but it is never going anywhere.


_____________________________



tulinwl


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RE: Casual BDSM? - 5/2/2007 4:55:48 PM   
SDFemDom4cuck


Posts: 2809
Joined: 5/23/2005
From: P'burgh PA
Status: offline
quote:

Do any of you Dom/mes ever look for a 'friend with benefits' deal? You don't want a 24/7, super serious relationship but you still want to indulge your dom side every once and a while?


Not something I can really do. For me, cuckolding just isn't the same in a casual FWB play only situation. There has to be far more of an emotional and intellectual connection for it to be fulfilling. That's just me though.

Which makes me one very frustrated bitch since giving up my search for now. Sigh.

< Message edited by SDFemDom4cuck -- 5/2/2007 4:56:41 PM >

_____________________________

Ms Jo

She dealt her pretty words like Blades -
How glittering they shone -
And every One unbared a Nerve
Or wantoned with a Bone -

I want a sensitive man - one who'll cry when I hit him.

(in reply to Adelphus)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Casual BDSM? - 5/2/2007 4:57:32 PM   
PairOfDimes


Posts: 324
Joined: 7/20/2006
Status: offline 		Absolutely. Lots of people do this. I like structuring relationships this way (in addition to less-casual relationships). I call these people "play partners," because FWB often connotes sex, and sex isn't necessarily on the table for BDSM relationships.

(in reply to Adelphus)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Casual BDSM? - 5/2/2007 5:50:19 PM   
Griswold


Posts: 2739
Joined: 2/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Adelphus

Do any of you Dom/mes ever look for a 'friend with benefits' deal? You don't want a 24/7, super serious relationship but you still want to indulge your dom side every once and a while?


No...I'm just looking for a woman who can afford to keep me in the style I've become accustomed to.

(in reply to Adelphus)
Profile   Post #: 20
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