Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Should I ask or not?


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> Should I ask or not? Page: [1]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Should I ask or not? - 5/2/2007 9:45:08 AM   
Arastella


Posts: 262
Joined: 7/22/2006
Status: offline 		In your opinion, is it okay to ask your Mistress or Master for punishment?  Or does it make it seem like you enjoy the punishment?  Do you therefore get looked at as enjoying it or knowing you've misbehaved and respectfully asking to be disciplined for it?  I have been misbehaving recently, being defiant without really thinking about it and I know I deserve to be punished for it but Mistress has yet to really notice.  Should I ask for it?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Should I ask or not? - 5/2/2007 9:59:39 AM   
Arastella


Posts: 262
Joined: 7/22/2006
Status: offline 		Anyone?  ANYONE?

(in reply to Arastella)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Should I ask or not? - 5/2/2007 10:01:11 AM   
MstrssPassion


Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline 		most don't believe in rewarding bad behavior

_____________________________

MstrssPassion


(in reply to Arastella)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Should I ask or not? - 5/2/2007 10:01:31 AM   
MercTech


Posts: 3706
Joined: 7/4/2006
Status: offline 		A question unasked is never answered. 
Just be sure of what you ask for.

Stefan

(in reply to Arastella)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Should I ask or not? - 5/2/2007 10:02:19 AM   
Action


Posts: 260
Joined: 8/19/2005
From: Cali
Status: offline 		I personaly have varying styles from me to my husband. When one of his girls acts up and he's just in no mood for it, he ignores it until he isn't. I on the other hand grab at the chance to punish one and if I even see the slighest thing that bothers me or a defiance I do something about it on the spot, thus why the girls stand a bit stiffer when I pass them.

But on personal feelings of if one of the girl's asked me to punish them, I'd relish it, one of my girls has done so in the past and it was quiet fun to humiliate her and call her slut for asking for it, all the while degrading her as I punished her like she wanted. I love it, but I can see at the same time when an owner is in no mood for it how it can turn into an unenjoyable moment.


_____________________________

The only ones for me are the mad ones....who burn burn burn like fabulous roman candles. -Jack Kerouac

(in reply to Arastella)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Should I ask or not? - 5/2/2007 10:03:44 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Arastella
In your opinion, is it okay to ask your Mistress or Master for punishment? 

Depends on the relationship.  For me, it's ok for them to ask, but they need to be able to explain the reasoning and feelings behind it for me to even consider it.
quote:


Or does it make it seem like you enjoy the punishment? 

No, I know too many martyr slaves or slaves who punish themselves too much to think that's what it always it.

quote:

 I have been misbehaving recently, being defiant without really thinking about it and I know I deserve to be punished for it but Mistress has yet to really notice.  Should I ask for it?

In THIS case, you shouldn't ask to be punished, you should ask "What's going wrong here with us?  I feel disconnected and unmotivated and am not sure how to regain security and commitment.  Can you help?"

Punishment in this case won't really solve anything, certainly not the underlying issue.

If I had told my partner to make the bed, and he got distracted by stuff and didn't make it, and later that night specifically came to me and said "I feel bad about not remembering to make the bed, would you please punish me as a way to help me move beyond this guilt and shame I feel and look more positively to the future" then I'd very likely consider it.  The main problem I tend to find in asking for punishment is that it means the slave is stuck in their own issues in the moment, rather than looking to the overall goal and who they are serving.

In most cases however, disobeying and misbehaving is a sign of a deeper issue in the relationshp itself- and just punishing the behavior won't get to that deeper issue.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Arastella)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Should I ask or not? - 5/2/2007 10:06:03 AM   
WilliamWizer


Posts: 223
Joined: 3/19/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Arastella

In your opinion, is it okay to ask your Mistress or Master for punishment?  Or does it make it seem like you enjoy the punishment?  Do you therefore get looked at as enjoying it or knowing you've misbehaved and respectfully asking to be disciplined for it?  I have been misbehaving recently, being defiant without really thinking about it and I know I deserve to be punished for it but Mistress has yet to really notice.  Should I ask for it?


Yes. or at least be sincere and tell her that you were defiant and let her decide if you need to be disciplined or not. a slave should never hide anything from his/her master/mistress so tell her.
and tell her that you feel you should be punished if that's how you feel.

_____________________________

There's only two rules for a sub:
- she can do anything her Master didn't forbid her.
- she only needs to do what her Master told her to do.

(in reply to Arastella)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Should I ask or not? - 5/2/2007 10:08:43 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Arastella
In your opinion, is it okay to ask your Mistress or Master for punishment?  Or does it make it seem like you enjoy the punishment?  Do you therefore get looked at as enjoying it or knowing you've misbehaved and respectfully asking to be disciplined for it?  I have been misbehaving recently, being defiant without really thinking about it and I know I deserve to be punished for it but Mistress has yet to really notice.  Should I ask for it?


Depends on the real motives behind it.... is it just a simple need for painplay? Or a genuine need for something, normaly a cathartic event, you would psychologicaly key into as attonement (Some girls DO have a need for such when they percieve themselves to have disapointed their Master)

In the first place it isn't punishment, but play you are requesting, in the second you are identifying a need AND raising the issue of your behaviour (Hopefully that will also be addressed and rectified)

In either case the issue IMO does need to be discussed, appropriatly with your Mistress.


_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to Arastella)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Should I ask or not? - 5/2/2007 10:09:10 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Arastella

In your opinion, is it okay to ask your Mistress or Master for punishment?  Or does it make it seem like you enjoy the punishment?  Do you therefore get looked at as enjoying it or knowing you've misbehaved and respectfully asking to be disciplined for it?  I have been misbehaving recently, being defiant without really thinking about it and I know I deserve to be punished for it but Mistress has yet to really notice.  Should I ask for it?


Didn't you just answer basically this same question for someone else on another thread?

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to Arastella)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Should I ask or not? - 5/2/2007 10:13:05 AM   
MistressSassy66


Posts: 1675
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Arastella

In your opinion, is it okay to ask your Mistress or Master for punishment?  Or does it make it seem like you enjoy the punishment?  Do you therefore get looked at as enjoying it or knowing you've misbehaved and respectfully asking to be disciplined for it?  I have been misbehaving recently, being defiant without really thinking about it and I know I deserve to be punished for it but Mistress has yet to really notice.  Should I ask for it?



I ignore a submissive who acts out on purpose.
It will seem like I dont notice,but believe Me I notice.
Its not a good way to get noticed.

There is a saying about the squeaky wheel getting the grease...In My eyes the squeaky wheel gets replaced.

_____________________________

Mistress Sassy

http://www.mistresssassy.com

In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

(in reply to Arastella)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Should I ask or not? - 5/2/2007 10:17:18 AM   
moose


Posts: 29
Joined: 4/25/2004
Status: offline 		Is it possible that you are considering asking for punishment not because you've been defiant, but because you are concerned that your Mistress has not noticed? Are you seeking for a way to bring to her attention that you need something more from her in terms of guidance? If so, then this is the message you should convey to her.

_____________________________

Land Rovers don't leak oil, they just mark their territory.

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Should I ask or not? - 5/2/2007 10:17:27 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Arastella

In your opinion, is it okay to ask your Mistress or Master for punishment?  Or does it make it seem like you enjoy the punishment?  Do you therefore get looked at as enjoying it or knowing you've misbehaved and respectfully asking to be disciplined for it?  I have been misbehaving recently, being defiant without really thinking about it and I know I deserve to be punished for it but Mistress has yet to really notice.  Should I ask for it?


Passive-aggressive behavior is usually not the best way to behave, as you probably know. If you feel that you have behaved inappropriately, perhaps asking for "confession time" might work. It would then be up to your Mistress to offer a way to be absolved.

However, if what you're wanting is an SM scene, simply ask for it. Being bad in order to get what you want isn't positive behavior. Rewarding you for bad behavior isn't positive reinforcement.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to Arastella)
Profile   Post #: 12
Page:   [1]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> Should I ask or not? Page: [1]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.078