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TOUCHING - 5/3/2007 4:42:59 AM   
SUNSHINE48036


Posts: 5
Joined: 4/13/2007
Status: offline 		Can someone please answer why some Dom's refuse to let their submissives touch them? Although i am not currently in a D/s relationship, i was, and my D required that i ask permission to touch him...not only in play (which i can understand), i mean in every day situations. I understand that E/each D/s relationship is different but i would appreciate the opinions of O/others.
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RE: TOUCHING - 5/3/2007 4:47:58 AM   
jessk


Posts: 34
Status: offline 		Everyone is different. For some, having the submissive/slave ask permission to do anything first ( including touching ) is just another form of control that they like to have.
 
There is nothing wrong with it. If it bothers you though, you may want to let it be known that you require touching at any time

_____________________________

Jess

(in reply to SUNSHINE48036)
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RE: TOUCHING - 5/3/2007 4:50:34 AM   
mstrjx


Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline 		Not allowing 'touch' (although what you are describing seems more extreme than what I would be comfortable with) is a way of reinforcing the 'unequal' aspects of a D/s or M/s relationship.

You are 'his' possession to do with what he wants.  He, however, is NOT yours to do with what you want.  You have to obtain permission.

Not everyone does this.  If in whatever 'new' situation you end up, you bring this up and the results aren't what you are comfortable with, keep looking.  This is what negotiation is about.

As I said before, I've used this to a limited extent, but in the end I'm pretty much a touchy-feely sort of guy, and like to know that my partner feels the same about me.  To each their own.

Hope this helps.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to SUNSHINE48036)
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RE: TOUCHING - 5/3/2007 5:39:55 AM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		Like any other restriction it is a form of control.  It is a reminder that I do nothing, have nothing unless he allows it.  We have permission to touch him at will when we are in private or within our family structure.  However when we are in public, especially lifestyle events we must ask for permission each and every time.

Knight's kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to SUNSHINE48036)
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RE: TOUCHING - 5/3/2007 6:00:38 AM   
jayded34


Posts: 293
Joined: 2/12/2007
Status: offline 		outside of the play aspect if i ever had to ask for permission to touch someone.......i could see a groove in the corner in the shape of my knees.....for i am a person that likes to touch the person i am involved with .......

_____________________________

You don't love a woman because she's beautiful,
She is beautiful because you love her.
~ by Anonymous ~

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength,
While loving someone deeply gives you courage.
~ by Lao Tzu ~

(in reply to kyraofMists)
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RE: TOUCHING - 5/3/2007 6:13:32 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		It's something I don't think I could handle. I'm way too physically affectionate but if it works for others they should go for it.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to SUNSHINE48036)
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RE: TOUCHING - 5/3/2007 6:14:12 AM   
sillygirl09


Posts: 446
Joined: 1/31/2007
From: New Jersey
Status: offline 		Sunshine, as everyone has stated already each relationship is different.  I was in a long distance relationship for 5 years and if we were spending the weekend together one rule I was always reminded of was that whenever possible I should be touching Him in some way.  Obviously if one of us was in the bathroom or if I was cooking a meal or something like that I didn't have to touch him but whenever he repeated that rule it made me love Him more.

(in reply to SUNSHINE48036)
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RE: TOUCHING - 5/3/2007 6:39:43 AM   
MrDiscipline44


Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SUNSHINE48036

Can someone please answer why some Dom's refuse to let their submissives touch them? Although i am not currently in a D/s relationship, i was, and my D required that i ask permission to touch him...not only in play (which i can understand), i mean in every day situations. I understand that E/each D/s relationship is different but i would appreciate the opinions of O/others.
It's all about control. He has it, you don't.

_____________________________

If you love somebody, you have to be willing to break them.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

(in reply to SUNSHINE48036)
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RE: TOUCHING - 5/3/2007 7:29:42 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		AND might be the type of person who feels weird at physical touch. 

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to MrDiscipline44)
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RE: TOUCHING - 5/3/2007 7:37:53 AM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		Its another form of control. I had a Dom once that had expectations of touch and when and how to do it. Its a preference.

_____________________________

Sir Pain's pain slut

(in reply to SUNSHINE48036)
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RE: TOUCHING - 5/3/2007 8:53:00 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		It's a way of preventing emotional intimacy. If he keeps you at arms length then you aren't emotionally important to him, so if you leave it won't hurt him. Now if you want a D/s relationship that is devoid of deeper emotions go for it, otherwise I'd think long and hard.

(in reply to sweetnurseBBW)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: TOUCHING - 5/3/2007 10:13:15 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		I am going to repeat what pretty much everyone else has said here; that it comes down to control and personal preference.

Don't forget though that there are also some submissives who don't like being touched for various reasons

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If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to SUNSHINE48036)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: TOUCHING - 5/3/2007 11:43:06 AM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

It's something I don't think I could handle. I'm way too physically affectionate but if it works for others they should go for it.


Yup same here. my emotions are very intertwiend with the physical (aspecially physcal affection)and aspecially when Im feeling sad just simply beeing within physical contact with Master helps. Like last night I was really not myself kinda down and cranky and randomly thoughout the night I would go over and lean on Master, wher he usualy let me sit for a few moments pat my back and send me back to whatever I was doing. If I was not aloud to do this or had to remeber to ask to do this every time (and the though of beeing told no is really a sickening one and one that would cause me not to enter a relationship or leave a relashon ship I was already in where this was happening) it would deffinetly be a problem. and I think it would break my heart to ever hear no to the request for a hug, beacuse to me haveing to ask means that there is posability in the others mind to deny me something that is to me a basic need (I am very much a cuddler and need lots n lots of hugs.. and yes this is a very ingraned emotional need.)

So yeah I can see some people doing this as others have said its just another form of controll. I dont personaly like it and would never be involved in a relationship where it existed.


Magik's clingy slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: TOUCHING - 5/3/2007 12:32:25 PM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists
We have permission to touch him at will when we are in private or within our family structure.  However when we are in public, especially lifestyle events we must ask for permission each and every time.
Knight's kyra

Do you understand why there is a distinction?  i'm not making a judgement either way, i'm simply curious as to what the difference is.  If it's ok to touch at will in private, why the need to ask permission in front of others at lifestyle events?  As someone who has never been to any of those events, i'm wondering if it has something to do with general expectations there or just Knight's personal preference.  Thanks.....slave luci

_____________________________

To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: TOUCHING - 5/3/2007 12:36:34 PM   
heartfeltsub


Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline 		Maybe Knight is just like one of the Doms that i know, He just isn't big on Public displays of affection, but doesn't mind it all in private.

heartfelt

(in reply to slaveluci)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: TOUCHING - 5/3/2007 12:38:53 PM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub
It's something I don't think I could handle. I'm way too physically affectionate but if it works for others they should go for it.

i agree.  i recall when Master and i were first talking and something was mentioned about how some dominants require subs/slaves to ask permission before touching them.  That really impacted me because i AM so physically affectionate.  i remember thinking and stating to Him that, if that were to be the case with U/us, it would probably be something that i would have a hard time getting in the "habit" of, so to speak, as it would be requiring reversal of a lifetime's worth of doing it (kind of like speech restrictions, third party speak, etc).  He assured me it would not be the case in O/our relationship and it has not  been.  As a matter of fact, it has been quite the opposite.  Whether in private or public, He wants me touching Him as much as possible.  Whether it just be my hand in His, my touch on the small of His back as W/we are standing close, my head lightly laying on His shoulder, etc.  In public, He doesn't like me even being out of arms' reach unless He has instructed me to go do something which requires that distance.  i really think it is all about individual preferences of doms and, as some have mentioned, some people (dom or sub) just don't like lots of physical contact in general......slave luci

_____________________________

To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: TOUCHING - 5/3/2007 12:43:42 PM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub
Maybe Knight is just like one of the Doms that i know, He just isn't big on Public displays of affection, but doesn't mind it all in private.
heartfelt

That could very well be.  Even in vanilla situations, some people do not like public displays of affection.  i was just wondering if it was simply that or if it had anything to do specifically with the "general practices", as it were, at lifestyle events.  Thanks, slave luci


_____________________________

To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to heartfeltsub)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: TOUCHING - 5/3/2007 12:48:29 PM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		I am aslso very physically affectionate.  Have to ask permission to touch Master would make me crazy.  I am always rubbing or scratching his back ,touching his arm, caressing his face. I think he feels the same because one of my first and contuining rules is when i leave and return to his side i have to kiss him, and i love that.  Even when we go out in public we hold hands so we are always touching each other.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to slaveluci)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: TOUCHING - 5/3/2007 1:18:50 PM   
jessk


Posts: 34
Status: offline
quote:

Do you understand why there is a distinction?  i'm not making a judgement either way, i'm simply curious as to what the difference is.  If it's ok to touch at will in private, why the need to ask permission in front of others at lifestyle events?  As someone who has never been to any of those events, i'm wondering if it has something to do with general expectations there or just Knight's personal preference.  Thanks.....slave luci


Even though I can not answer for the parties that you posed the question to , I can answer from my own experience. In the past, while in the public at events, clubs or in the presence of others; he did not encourage or like to be touched in any way outside of strict protocal guidelines. That meant asking first and waiting for permission.
 
For some, it is just a following of certain protocals and nothing else.

_____________________________

Jess

(in reply to slaveluci)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: TOUCHING - 5/3/2007 1:28:55 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		You can also blame it on my partner- before him I was always very uncomfortable with PDAs- even hand holding was pushing it.

Now I'm a total slob about it, one of those couples you think need to just get a room already.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to jessk)
Profile   Post #: 20
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