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On saying the "L" word... - 5/3/2007 2:28:36 PM

daddysblondie

Posts: 181
Joined: 3/17/2007
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Not sure if this is the right place for this or not, but here it is.

Recently, several friends and I have talked about when in a relationship one should say I love you. I have one friend who feels you should say it when you feel it. I have another friend who claims she's NEVER said it first and furthermore that in a D/s relationship, the sub should NEVER say it first. It seems to me though that adhering to a hard and fast rule that a sub should never be the first one to say I Love you, flies in the face of the idea that communication is the most important thing in a D/s relationship.

So my question is, how do you all feel about saying I Love you. Is it really the "kiss of death" in any relationship for the woman to say it first? Should a sub/slave NEVER be the first one in the relationship to say it first?

I'm looking forward to reading everyone's opinion on the matter...

Blondie

Post #: 1

RE: On saying the "L" word... - 5/3/2007 2:31:13 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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Unless you're trying to prevent pain in someone else, basing telling someone your honest feelings about them on anything other than whether they exist or not is pointless- give or take a day to find a good time.

I wish I knew where people came up with these games and enjoyed playing them. All these rules people create out of nowhere, there's nothing inherent about one's relationship orientation to suggest when they should be honest about their feelings.

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Post #: 2

RE: On saying the "L" word... - 5/3/2007 2:33:47 PM

windchymes

Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
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Well, it can always be the "kiss of death" in any relationship. I personally have a rule to never say it first, no matter what, in vanilla or a D/s relationship but that's just my thing. But there are no general rules....just do what's best for you. If you feel it and you want to say it, you're entitled. Besides, if a guy squicks and runs at the mention of "that word", he might not be worth waiting around for anyway, if YOU are looking for "L".

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Post #: 3

RE: On saying the "L" word... - 5/3/2007 2:36:37 PM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
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I have been known to say it and never have the words or feelings returned; it did not stop me from saying it again though. I was always told if I felt it, say it and get it on the table.

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Post #: 4

RE: On saying the "L" word... - 5/3/2007 2:39:48 PM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysblondie

Not sure if this is the right place for this or not, but here it is.

Recently, several friends and I have talked about when in a relationship one should say I love you. I have one friend who feels you should say it when you feel it. I have another friend who claims she's NEVER said it first and furthermore that in a D/s relationship, the sub should NEVER say it first. It seems to me though that adhering to a hard and fast rule that a sub should never be the first one to say I Love you, flies in the face of the idea that communication is the most important thing in a D/s relationship.

So my question is, how do you all feel about saying I Love you. Is it really the "kiss of death" in any relationship for the woman to say it first? Should a sub/slave NEVER be the first one in the relationship to say it first?

I'm looking forward to reading everyone's opinion on the matter...

Blondie

If honesty and communication with your partner is important to you in the D/s relationship, then you say it...at an appropriate time...when you feel it. Yes, you can withhold the knowledge of that from your dominant but then, if you have promised to be open and honest with him/her about all that you feel...and you hide this ever-so-important feeling...then you are being dishonest with your dominant.

If you have a relationship in which honesty about feelings is expected from both sides and the dominant begins to experience this feeling and knows that what he/she is feeling is love, then for them to withhold that information from their submissive is a case of them being dishonest to the dynamic that they have promised to serve and the submissive they have promised to guide and teach partially by example.

Whether done by the dominant or the submissive, withholding this information from your partner in a D/s dynamic in which you both have proclaimed the importance of honest and open expression of all things, including your feelings, is a denial of the same dynamic you (the generic you) claim to hold dear and is, in fact, a type of manipulation.

Yes, love is a scary emotion. Yes, it can result...sometimes...in the loss of the partner, especially in a situation wherein the partner has made it clear that they are uncomfortable around people....dominant/submissive...that love them. That being said, what is the one in love going to do? Hide it? Isn't that denial of self in a manner that can result in emotional harm? Try to kill it? Easier said than done. Feel it, hide it, and hope the other one will someday come around and "love" you too? Manipulation of the situation by incomplete disclosure.

(in reply to daddysblondie)

Post #: 5

RE: On saying the "L" word... - 5/3/2007 2:45:11 PM

tricia

Posts: 231
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

I love my Master, he does not love me. So the theory that the sub should never say it first would definitely not work in my case.

I don't often tell him that i love him. His birthday. Christmas. Our anniversary. I decided after telling him the first time - that i didn't need to say it often. Love can be unspoken and quaint and still be just as meaningful.

"He may find a slave who loves him better but never a slave who loves him more" - is my own personal motto.

Edited to add - Many subs say there isn't anything they wouldn't give their Doms/Masters - the first time i did tell him, i remember thinking he deserved to know that also included love.

< Message edited by tricia -- 5/3/2007 2:50:04 PM >

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Post #: 6

RE: On saying the "L" word... - 5/3/2007 2:55:14 PM

mstrjx

Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline

I'm not shy.

If I'm feeling it, I'll say it. If it's mutual, that's great. If it's not mutual 'yet', that's fine too. If it's just me, well that kinda sucks.

But I'm not shy.

Jeff

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Post #: 7

RE: On saying the "L" word... - 5/3/2007 3:04:05 PM

SoftKajira

Posts: 44
Joined: 3/14/2007
Status: offline

I think it's sad that people are afraid of love and scared to say it. As if there is TO much love in the world or somethin. smh. I personally say i love you when i feel it. I don't care if someone loves me back or not.. because if you love someone you want them to be happy no matter who they are with or what they are doing. And it's always nice to hear that someone loves you.

(in reply to mstrjx)

Post #: 8

RE: On saying the "L" word... - 5/3/2007 3:13:34 PM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
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I think farting is a pretty good indicator of when you're in love. I divide relationships into pre-fart and post-fart. If you haven't yet farted in front of someone, I'm not sure you can really say you love him or her.

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysblondie

I have one friend who feels you should say it when you feel it. I have another friend who claims she's NEVER said it first and furthermore that in a D/s relationship, the sub should NEVER say it first.

(in reply to daddysblondie)

Post #: 9

RE: On saying the "L" word... - 5/3/2007 3:30:22 PM

BossyShoeBitch

Posts: 3931
Joined: 1/13/2007
From: South Florida
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

I think farting is a pretty good indicator of when you're in love. I divide relationships into pre-fart and post-fart. If you haven't yet farted in front of someone, I'm not sure you can really say you love him or her.

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysblondie

I have one friend who feels you should say it when you feel it. I have another friend who claims she's NEVER said it first and furthermore that in a D/s relationship, the sub should NEVER say it first.

OMG I just peed in my pants! The word fart just does it to me every time!

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Post #: 10

RE: On saying the "L" word... - 5/3/2007 3:35:58 PM

earthycouple

Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline

I say what I feel. Period. Jumping is fun and if I reap a benefit wonderful if I pay a consequence I don't complain since I'm the one who jumped.

And for the record...while we're talking about love....I love, without question ready4srvce4all and am thrilled to share it here.

D~

(in reply to BossyShoeBitch)

Post #: 11

RE: On saying the "L" word... - 5/3/2007 3:54:10 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

I tell people when I love them...but I do take the time to explain what kind of love it is...and I explain that it will mean that until I define it otherwise. I have no qualms about saying it first or second...or last. I like to be told when someone loves me be they lovers, friends or family.

Master Fire

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Post #: 12

RE: On saying the "L" word... - 5/3/2007 4:02:42 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
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I thought this was about liberalism, but love same gimmick.

Ron

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Post #: 13

RE: On saying the "L" word... - 5/3/2007 4:17:48 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

So my question is, how do you all feel about saying I Love you. Is it really the "kiss of death" in any relationship for the woman to say it first? Should a sub/slave NEVER be the first one in the relationship to say it first?

I said it first months ago, we are still seeing each other. Perhaps we are not the norm... shrugs. I do love him, and I would hate to think that I did not say it and something happened to one of us. Screw all the "what should I do" crap. If the guy loves you, then you saying it first is not going to change that, and vice versa. Saying what we feel is a rare gift we give ourselves. It is not something I say often, but he does know I love him.

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Post #: 14

RE: On saying the "L" word... - 5/3/2007 4:40:37 PM

LotusSong

Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline

Being the great 'blurter' that I am, I never thought twice about a when or if. If the other party bolts.. then you have saved time knowing the other person isn't feeling the same way about you.

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I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

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Post #: 15

RE: On saying the "L" word... - 5/3/2007 5:06:32 PM

Wildfleurs

Posts: 1650
Joined: 9/24/2004
From: Connecticut
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysblondie

Not sure if this is the right place for this or not, but here it is.

Recently, several friends and I have talked about when in a relationship one should say I love you. I have one friend who feels you should say it when you feel it. I have another friend who claims she's NEVER said it first and furthermore that in a D/s relationship, the sub should NEVER say it first. It seems to me though that adhering to a hard and fast rule that a sub should never be the first one to say I Love you, flies in the face of the idea that communication is the most important thing in a D/s relationship.

So my question is, how do you all feel about saying I Love you. Is it really the "kiss of death" in any relationship for the woman to say it first? Should a sub/slave NEVER be the first one in the relationship to say it first?

I'm looking forward to reading everyone's opinion on the matter...

Blondie

I told my owner first that I loved him (actually quite a while before he said or felt the same to me) but I prefaced it with the comment that I was telling him because I felt it was important to tell people how you felt in case anything happened to me and that I was saying it absolutely free of the expectation of getting it reciprocated (and this was and still is entirely true). I don't think there is any sort of universal protocols around using the L word, although I do think in general it should be a reflection of the emotion of the person, not said as some sort of ploy or weighed with expectations.

C~

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Post #: 16

RE: On saying the "L" word... - 5/3/2007 5:09:58 PM

N4SDChastity

Posts: 327
Joined: 2/27/2006
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So, for you "never say it 1st" pholks, what happens when you run up against your opposite number, with similiar rules? Sdoes it then become the equivilant of a staring contest? See who blinks first? 1st one to move loses? Is dead? What?

(in reply to LotusSong)

Post #: 17

RE: On saying the "L" word... - 5/3/2007 5:13:04 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

I believe if you feel it you should say it. Unless you are concerned it will unnecessarily complicate things (such as you feel it but the first time you think about saying it the timing is just absolutely wrong) I think it is something that should be said. I was shocked and delighted the first time Angel said it becasue it was completely unexpected. I say it to him when I feel like it, and he says it to me when he feels like it. We are not IN love, not by a long shot, but that doesnt mean we cant love one another or let one another know we do.

DV

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VampiresLair

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RE: On saying the "L" word... - 5/3/2007 5:20:59 PM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

It is whenever you feel the time is appropriate....I can never think of a more appropriate time to say "I love you" is when on a first date from Hell (which happens rarely)...But there is nothing more enjoyable to be on a date that is lacking all chemistry, connection and attraction and then stare directly into the woman's eyes and say,.. "I'm not usually the type to say such things....And I don't want you to feel uncomfortable....But I think I love you." ..It is also helpful if at this point you can some how muster up a tear or two...It's priceless.

< Message edited by domiguy -- 5/3/2007 5:23:36 PM >

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RE: On saying the "L" word... - 5/3/2007 5:25:47 PM

corsetgirl

Posts: 824
Joined: 5/22/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

I think farting is a pretty good indicator of when you're in love. I divide relationships into pre-fart and post-fart. If you haven't yet farted in front of someone, I'm not sure you can really say you love him or her.

LOL! Not necessarily, my ex husband would fart in bed and hold my head underneath the sheets...hmmm...I guess that is why he is my ex husband....and they really did not smell like roses, either.

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

Post #: 20

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