RE: Plan B (Full Version)

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cjenny -> RE: Plan B (5/4/2007 5:52:22 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist
quote:

What kind of masochism/sadism is Plan B?

the kind that slowly and methodically destroys the soul and spirit.


I agree, it is very destructive.
When I was 23 I married my plan B. It ended up damaging both of us & it is the single biggest regret of my life. I'm embarrassed to even admit I did something so horrifically selfish..but I did.
Looking back I can see that I didn't think I would get a plan A person, but that is no excuse. Lack of confidence, self esteem.. all of that made plan B seem like it would magically work out.

Two decades later I am a lot wiser and a whole lot more confident.
Ironically now that we are divorced we are each others best friend. Very weird lol.



MasterGremlin -> RE: Plan B (5/4/2007 6:04:38 AM)

My sister (biological) would be what I think of as a "plan B" person.  She has been seeing a married man off and on for the last 12 years.  But she also is on medication for depression/bi-polar and obsesses and refuses to let go of those she thinks she is "in love" with.  Her whole life is spent sitting by the phone incase he calls or driving all over hells 1/2 acre to where she thinks he will be.  This year he is finally getting a divorce and she seems to think this is going to be her "happily ever after" but I am pretty certain he didn't wait 12 years to make her "plan A". 

As for me, I have always found that if I needed a "plan B" then "plan A" wasn't working and needed to be abandoned and a new plan needed to be formed.  As far as being a "plan B" person, I have too much pride for that.  Guess it's that "princess complex" Master is always trying to beat out of me [sm=whap.gif]

Sincerely,
minxy [:)]



velvetears -> RE: Plan B (5/4/2007 6:25:28 AM)

i was someones "plan b" and i allowed myself to be because i was very deeply connected and in love with this person.  i was willing to put up with the array of emotions i went through knowing i would never be "plan a" and for a time i was happy. i think people in "plan b" positions deep down feel that with time and through their love and devotion the person will eventually make them their "plan a"  Generally when others are allowed to treat you poorly they don't turn around and all of a sudden see your intrinsic worth and decide to recategorize you.  So in essence "plan b" people's only hope to ever be a "plan a" would be to leave that person and not allow themselves to be a "plan b" to begin with. 

To all the "plan b"s out there - you can love someone and still not need to be around them. There's no point in pursuing a relationship where the pay off is the destruction of your self esteem. 



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Plan B (5/4/2007 7:24:49 AM)

My polar bear is my plan B.

I've had Plan Bs and Cs for weekend events when people knew I had plans but if they fell through I'd call them up- but everyone was aware and cool with it and I knew if they were already busy that was just my loss.

I can't really 'get' having a back-up for a long term relationship.  I can get having like a best friend you know you'll grow old with if/when no other relationship lasts, but that's not really a back-up, just a nice comfort.



KatyLied -> RE: Plan B (5/4/2007 7:31:34 AM)

I've been Plan B, sort of thought I was, and tried to confirm it, but was met with lies about it.  It felt so good to leave that relationship and that person behind.  I know my worth, if someone else doesn't, it's his problem, not mine.  A few years ago I probably wouldn't have felt that way, I've grown up a lot since then.  I feel a lot better about myself now.    [:)]



MasterFireMaam -> RE: Plan B (5/4/2007 7:49:35 AM)

I have a partner to whom I am plan B. This means that he can't ever be my plan A, he'll always be at most plan B. However, I'm happy with this. I enjoy him and his company and he's a great friend. I want him in my life for a long time.

And, really, that's the point. If you are happy being or having a plan B, go with it. If you're not, set boundaries and don't settle. These are not necessarily easy things to do...they take working through fear (for me it was the thought of being plan nothing if I didn't settle for plan B), standing up for yourself (again, a fear issue...what if they get mad at me and end the relationship?) and becoming your own plan B...and sometimes plan A.

Master Fire



sunfleur -> RE: Plan B (5/4/2007 7:52:43 AM)

i have had others attempt to make me their plan b.   as soon as i felt or saw that signal, i put a screetching hault to it.

i will be your friend, but i wont let you settle for me being your plan b. 

sunfleur



LaTigresse -> RE: Plan B (5/4/2007 8:02:52 AM)

I don't do plan B, I do plan F (friends) or F/A (friends that might become A) until there is an A......then all the rest stay F's[:D]



domiguy -> RE: Plan B (5/4/2007 8:19:11 AM)

Plan "B" is great.....I would think every woman should welcome being classified as such....It's kind of like being the last bruised and banged up banana left on the counter...You should throw it away but yet something tells you that it is still edible...If you are really in a pinch there it is just waiting to be consumed.....And yet if you were not so lazy you would simply go out and find some "new" and better bananas....

Puella are you a bruised and banged up banana?....lol....dig yo' shit.



windchymes -> RE: Plan B (5/4/2007 8:53:21 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

I don't do plan B, I do plan F (friends) or F/A (friends that might become A) until there is an A......then all the rest stay F's[:D]


F-in' A, man!  [:D]



BossyShoeBitch -> RE: Plan B (5/4/2007 11:03:15 AM)

In college, if I was out and didn't get to hook up with the person I really wanted, I used to knock on my friends door down the hall..  Does that make him Plan B?



Missokyst -> RE: Plan B (5/4/2007 11:29:56 AM)

Plan B?  I don't even have a plan A.  It is really hard when something you thought was going to work out, doesn't.  I am always grateful that I can keep on going after the break.  But it is way too difficult to think that there may be a plan B out there.  Now and then I consider switching sides and becoming a top, as a potential new direction.  But I know my heart isn't in it so it isn't really a viable plan. 
I think for me the ultimate plan is to remember that I have done things in my life.  I have been in love so deeply that it left a permanant impression at least twice in my life.  I have enjoyed submitting and love what that makes of me.  I have had happiness.  And sorrow.  I have lived and have no regrets.  Even if I never find this again, I will be ok with that alone.
I have never been one to plan.  I take life as it comes, no matter which direction it blows.
As for being someone else's plan B..yes I have been that.  I never became plan A for him, or I would have been that from the beginning.  It is a lesson I won't forget. 
Kyst





sireninchains -> RE: Plan B (5/4/2007 11:54:32 AM)

Having been plan b before, i can honestly say that it hurt, alot. Especially knowing that I actually liked the other person and to them i was just some replacement for something they couldnt reach the bar for. When i got out of that relationship i hurt, but it was a good hurt, knowing that from then on i would NEVER let myself be second in anyones mind again.



EndtoDarkness -> RE: Plan B (5/4/2007 12:04:57 PM)

I will not, nor will I ever be, someones plan B.  I don't mind being a lover on the side but then that is all they will be for me.  For me to hand someone else my heart and entrust it to them, I must be, I will be, their number one priority.  Only then will they get all of me.  I certainly hope that I have a great deal to give and that I can enrich someones life in ways they have never before experienced, provide passion and romance, raw rough sex, gentle passionate love and ultimately provide a sense of security that turns night into day.



MyRhinestone -> RE: Plan B (5/4/2007 12:08:45 PM)

::sigh::

you are truly, only, forever, plan A.



Stephann -> RE: Plan B (5/4/2007 12:50:43 PM)

Plan What?

Short answer: Plan B means someone desires a person (B) (or idea of a person, or a type of relationship) far more than the other person (X) desires from the same relationship.  It's usually a horribly unhealthy imbalance of power.  Most of us have experienced in our formative years the feeling of desiring someone a LOT more than we are desired.  It almost never works.  It almost always creates jealousy, anger, frustration, hurt, and a huge blow to our self esteem.

I strongly recommend the Plan B's find a less emotionally risky endeavor; like Heroin.

Stephan

p.s. puella, haven't you heard?  There's been a mass exodus of Bs that are threatening our crops! 



WhiplashSmile -> RE: Plan B (5/4/2007 1:38:39 PM)

Where you become a plan B person because the person you're interested fits your plan A?



puella -> RE: Plan B (5/5/2007 5:38:31 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile

Where you become a plan B person because the person you're interested fits your plan A?


huh?



Quivver -> RE: Plan B (5/5/2007 5:40:35 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: puella

quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile

Where you become a plan B person because the person you're interested fits your plan A?


huh?


I think I get it .... I took that to mean that your accept being their plan B, cause they have what you want in your plan A.  ... oh sigh havent we all been there!



marylynn -> RE: Plan B (5/5/2007 6:55:46 AM)

to be "plan b" you need "plan a".. i'm neither.



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