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Control - 5/4/2007 2:54:31 AM   
Valyraen


Posts: 746
Joined: 2/14/2007
Status: offline 		I apologize ahead of time, but this post is going to ramble a bit before I get to my question.

It's only been recently (in the last year or so) that I've come to accept the fact that I'm a dominant - more accurately, it's only in that time that I've realize that I am a dom. Sure, I've always been an alpha-male personality, but I never really thought about it any further than that. Looking back, I can see markers and personality traits that make me smile and go "Oh, duh, how could I have missed that?", and it's one of those traits that I'm posting about now.

Control has always been important to me - physical control, mental control, and emotional control. I spent a long time when I was in my early teens exploring my body from within, getting myself accustomed to the flesh that I wear and the mind that governs it. I was also very lonely at this point in my life; I didn't have many friends, and the thought of approaching a large group of people all sitting together terrified me (I was extremely shy when I was younger, and still retain some of that tendency now). Loneliness and depression were tough for me to deal with at that age, so I didn't - I shut them down instead. I exerted such control over my emotions that I actually went numb for a period of several months.

Eventually, I screwed up my courage and plopped down at a seat with a group of folks and made some new friends, but that intense restriction of my feelings left a mark on me that I'm still dealing with now, almost ten years down the road. To this day, intense feelings are foreign to me - I very rarely cry, or get extremely angry, depressed, or happy. The most loveable cat my family had ever had died recently, and I actually had to work to shed tears at his absence; the first woman I ever loved unceremoniously dumped me after we'd been together through our first year in college, and I was "looking" again in about a week. It seems that all of my feelings come in moderation these days, which is often a blessing but sometimes a curse. While I no longer feel the wrenching pangs of sadness or depression, nor do I experience the sort of joy that I've seen written on Aqua's face, and it somewhat saddens me.

So, with the backstory out of the way, my question is this (mainly directed at my fellow dominants, but I very much encourage anyone and everyone with a perspective on the subject to post here): do you feel that the control we so highly prize can be an emotional liability? Is the sacrifice of feelings, for lack of a better phrase, worth it? I'm sure that there are some dominants out there who are capable of the sort of feeling that I'm not, and I'd like to hear from you, as well.

Thank you,
Valyraen

_____________________________

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There is no creature more loving than a hungry cat.

Valyraen in ValyraenandAqua
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Control - 5/4/2007 6:48:12 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		At its best, BDSM is something you hand craft and form to enhance you and yours.  I can cry over a really well done sappy commercial.  That diamond one where he renews their vows in Rome in front of strangers and then slowly their parents and friends drop the newspapers and she realizes everyone important to her is there...oh hell my eyes are watering just writing it.

So, the question isn't "can you make this work" but do you WANT to be this way.  There are women who couldn't stand a man like myself and would crave an emotionless person like yourself.  So, if you are happy not experiencing happiness and sadness, then find a woman who craves that, if not, then start interviewing therapists till you find a good match and worth through whatever is keeping you blocked up.  I found a great therapist who helped me change MY life for the better although my issue was sort of the opposite of what you seem to have.

For ME, I came to BDSM for unhealthy reasons, my control was around insecurity.  I had to deal with all of that first before I could come back for healthy reasons.  You probably want control to keep emotions tamped down or?  You need to decide if the motivations for control you experience are good for you AND your partner and do they enhance or detract from your life.

I wish you the best of luck with it and highly recomend emotions, it is like sweet and sour, you can't really enjoy the one without the other.

(in reply to Valyraen)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Control - 5/4/2007 7:10:30 AM   
SunNMoon


Posts: 1058
Joined: 3/18/2007
Status: offline 		I think the advice which SimplyMichael give you is good. It seems that this is making you unhappy, that you desire to feel your emotions. I would either try to let down my inner guard that is keeping my emotions at bay or I would go talk to a professional to find out what I’m experiencing is normal or work with them to gain back your emotional ability.

To answer your questions on a personal level. I am happy when I’m being dominant; apparently I get a look of great joy on my face. I want to add more, but I’m not sure how to phrase what I’m thinking yet, so I all get back to you later today.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Control - 5/4/2007 7:35:14 AM   
SirDominic


Posts: 711
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline 		Valyraen,
Michael has given you excellent advice; I agree with everything he said. I would only add that if your control is based on your lack of emotion, you are going to have to be very careful if you want to regain those emotions. One of the most important attributes of a Dominant is their control. Suppose your sub has a sudden emotional crisis while you are doing something to her. It can happen at any time, something deeply buried is just released for who knows why.

During a crisis is the most important time you must remain in control. If your control is based on no emotions that is one thing. But to have emotions, and to react emotionally when this crisis is occuring, you must be able to control your emotions so you can deal with how to help your sub.

All that being said, Michael is right, emotions add so much to a fetish relationship (or any relationship for that matter). They are worth your effort to regain them. If you choose to do so, just be mindful of the above. Controlling your emotions is a lot harder than controlling because you have no emotions.

Best of luck,
Namaste, Sir Dominic

_____________________________

You teach best what you have lived.

(in reply to Valyraen)
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RE: Control - 5/4/2007 7:35:20 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Valyraen
So, with the backstory out of the way, my question is this (mainly directed at my fellow dominants, but I very much encourage anyone and everyone with a perspective on the subject to post here): do you feel that the control we so highly prize can be an emotional liability?

You should ask the subs/slaves- THEY are usually the perfectionist control freaks of the bdsm world, far more than the doms.

And yes, control can become a liability.
quote:


Is the sacrifice of feelings, for lack of a better phrase, worth it?

No, as Alanis so eloquently put "you see in beyond knowing it solely intellectually you're not relinquishing your majestry."  You do not have to keep feelings at bay to retain control and in trying to do so you are allowing your FEELINGS to control where you go. 

It's much better to learn how to embrace both, to balance, to realize that control isn't a stable static thing, it MUST be dynamic because that's what life is.  In order to have control over the long term, you must take into account all the sides of the issue, even sometimes letting GO of control on things for a better outcome in the end.

Not that I'm perfect with it (HA!).  My control issues still get me sometimes and I have to work my way out of it, I'm not nearly as comfortable with my feelings as I should be and I DO still view them as the enemy at times.  But at least I know enough to know that my feelings really AREN'T the enemy, that they SHOULD be embraced, and that they do NOT prevent me from being in control.

That line of thinking is what leads so many to question whether they can love their slaves/masters.

*Adding that a heck of a lot of doms are insecure about a lot of things and use their dominance as a shield to avoid those issues and dealing with their feelings.  It's never pretty in the end when they do that.

< Message edited by LuckyAlbatross -- 5/4/2007 7:36:12 AM >

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"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Valyraen)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Control - 5/4/2007 7:53:26 AM   
FemMiss


Posts: 51
Joined: 5/4/2007
From: Egypt
Status: offline 		i was born as a dominant, i had a strong personlaity since childhood, i used to beat up silly boys in the primary grade... i think it is something genetic, u r born with it.. i'm a vanilla dom, i dont like pain or  humiliation.. i just like to control and to give orders...

< Message edited by FemMiss -- 5/4/2007 7:55:05 AM >

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Be Yourself, who else is better qualified...

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RE: Control - 5/4/2007 8:19:20 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		Anything done with a negative intent, whether that intent is know or not, can be a liability. And not only emotionally. Anything done with a positive intent can be deeply rewarding. It's ok to be controling...just find someone who wants to be controled.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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Ms Relationship Books
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BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to Valyraen)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Control - 5/4/2007 10:30:29 AM   
Kalbar


Posts: 33
Joined: 2/28/2007
Status: offline 		I think that SimplyMichael and SirDominic have covered this very well.  However I'll share a snipit of my story.

I went through a similar phase when I was younger, where I had basically turned myself into a robot.
During that time my grandfather commited suicide and despite the tragedy I allowed myself to shed only a single tear at his funeral.  However I was actually controlling those emotions and I never came to a position where I simply stopped being able to feel anything.  I don't really know why I did it, so I'll just put it down to the fact that I was a weird youngster. :)
Trouble was, after I had decided that keeping so much bottled up and buried was a bad idea, I became the opposite.  I became a very angry person and my work (bouncer/security guard) never helped the situation.
But in time I got over it and learned to manage my emotions/feelings in a healthy way and release them in a healthy way as well.

I can only wish you luck and hope that you follow SimplyMichael's advice and seek out a therapist.  I would have suggested some more of that self reflection that you said you did before all of this happened, but ten years is a long time to go without emotion despite the fact that you're upset over it.

</3am sleepy post>

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
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RE: Control - 5/4/2007 11:27:49 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		There's an additional problem in shutting yourself off from your emotions. The people you interact with intimately need to feel that you truly and deeply care about them. It's very hard to be emotionally available to someone who is not available in return.

I was married to a man like that and eventually I decided it wasn't worth fighting and struggling to get what I needed. So I turned off from him. I always felt that he was holding up a hoop for me to jump through and no matter how high I jumped, it was never enough. He would just set the bar higher. In time I learned to not trust him, that his actions showed what his words belied.

It also made him a terrible father. He couldn't feel what he was doing to our offspring, he didn't care what they were going through because he couldn't feel or sympathize. Basically he taught them that men don't care about their children, he set up a horrible male role model for our daughter and was teaching our son to be an uncaring person who couldn't keep his word, saw no reason to do so.

If you two are thinking about ever having offspring I urge you to get therapy now. Or do you think happily about some future daughter who never feels loved, allowing herself to be used sexually by people who don't care about her in the belief that she doesn't deserve to be loved. Because if she did deserve love, then her father would love her.

(in reply to Kalbar)
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RE: Control - 5/4/2007 11:35:33 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Celeste43

There's an additional problem in shutting yourself off from your emotions. The people you interact with intimately need to feel that you truly and deeply care about them. It's very hard to be emotionally available to someone who is not available in return.

I was married to a man like that and eventually I decided it wasn't worth fighting and struggling to get what I needed. So I turned off from him. I always felt that he was holding up a hoop for me to jump through and no matter how high I jumped, it was never enough. He would just set the bar higher. In time I learned to not trust him, that his actions showed what his words belied.

It also made him a terrible father. He couldn't feel what he was doing to our offspring, he didn't care what they were going through because he couldn't feel or sympathize. Basically he taught them that men don't care about their children, he set up a horrible male role model for our daughter and was teaching our son to be an uncaring person who couldn't keep his word, saw no reason to do so.

If you two are thinking about ever having offspring I urge you to get therapy now. Or do you think happily about some future daughter who never feels loved, allowing herself to be used sexually by people who don't care about her in the belief that she doesn't deserve to be loved. Because if she did deserve love, then her father would love her.


I feel like I should reply to this.

I do feel very loved by Valyraen. He forgets special occasions sometimes yes, and it annoys the piss out of me, but he shows his affection in many other ways, the smaller every-day things. I believe he cares for me very much and I do think that he will be a good father, regardless of if he gets therapy or not. Because this makes him unhappy I would be happy if he sought help with it, but I also think he cares for people more then he realizes, or gives himself credit for.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Celeste43)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Control - 5/4/2007 11:40:56 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		My late husband was the kind who kept very tight control over his emotions; he had to; he walked a line of violence that demanded strict control. Because of this, many would state that he was the coldest, most calculating, inhuman thing they had ever had the misfortune of meeting.

However, despite this, he adored his UM's, he cared very deeply for me, and would have laid his life down for anyone he called family or friend without a second thought.

Outward displays of emotions do not portray what is on the inside of a person.

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If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


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RE: Control - 5/4/2007 1:27:50 PM   
HutchGarahl


Posts: 562
Joined: 1/10/2007
Status: offline 		I understand perfectly where your coming from. I myself have a hard time showing emotions of any time, well..sept for anger. I've been like this for as long as I can remember. My mother tells me i'm a time bomb waiting to blow. I don't cry, very rarely ever smile, which usually ends up being just a side smirk of sorts....and I don't laugh. I keep my emotions bottled up. There have been plenty of times I wish I could show emotions....like the death of my niece, death of my grandmother, and numerous other deaths I have been faced with. I have lost people I cared about because of my lack of emotions. Trying to raise 3 kids being this way was hard. When they would ask why I was the way I am, all I could do was say I had no clue. And I don't. I had left a very long letter to my kids one day, won't really go into it all...but the jist of it was saying sometimes I felt they would be better off staying with their Aunt as I felt without emotions I wasn't being fair to them and wasn't a very good mother, then I set it on the table and went for a drive to think. My sister found the letter first, sat them all down and read it to them. At first they actually thought I was leaving them and was going to do something to myself..but my sister assured them that was not the case. That I was only tring to say I was sorry. She told them how I was as a child growing up and for me to show emotions was very hard. She assured them I did love them, but had no ide how to show it. When I returned, I walked in to 3 very teary eyed kids, they all hugged me and told me that they finally understood and everything was ok because they knew inside I loved them.

I would encourage you to follow Micheals advice. Holding emotions in like that will only lead to more hardships and make for a very lonely life. Good luck to you. And I sincerely hope you can find a way to bring out your emotions and find happiness within.

(in reply to Valyraen)
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RE: Control - 5/4/2007 1:51:40 PM   
smilingjaguar


Posts: 271
Status: offline 		LA is right (as usual) that you should be asking the subs/slaves.  We're the professional control freaks.

I went through a period of about 8 or 9 years when I was younger where I had no emotions.  The only man in my life I truly respected was in a car crash and went through the whole life support/ending life support ordeal.  I was crushed emotionally, physically, and spiritually by the loss.  There were only 2 males in my childhood who didn't abuse me, and he was the one I was emotionally close with.  I was such a basketcase when he died that my family didn't let me go to his funeral.  They frowned on emotions, so from that point on I simply shut down.  I didn't open up again until I met my Sir, and it was a process that took years and was quite frankly terrifying at times.

You have a miracle, Valyraen.  You found the one that made you want to feel again, the one for which you'd open yourself up to possibility of actually feeling pain again.  I know there must be something wonderful in you for you to have the submission of one such as Aquatic.  So many people in this position never find that inspiration.

The only advice I can give that might not have is that when you open yourself up you could get an overwhelming flood of emotions.  It's not that you didn't have emotions all of these years.  It's more like a refusal to acknowledge them.  Keep going even when it's scary.  The flood will eventually run its course, and you'll figure out a healthy way to manage your emotions.  It will take time, patience, and a lot of hard work, but it is definitely worth it in the end.  I wish you the best of luck. 

(in reply to HutchGarahl)
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RE: Control - 5/4/2007 2:06:46 PM   
myobedience


Posts: 472
Joined: 1/28/2007
Status: offline 		do you feel that the control we so highly prize can be an emotional liability? Is the sacrifice of feelings, for lack of a better phrase, worth it?
NO I do not feel the emotions of a Dom, esp mine, are a liability.
He tells me when he is happy within, happy with me..... does he portray those feelings like I? No.  Sometimes when I am happiest, Icry.  He learned very quickly taht my tears were either of joy or of past hurt.  he can tell the difference now almost immediately.
When you begin to compare the outwardness of emotional display with others, which I think you might be doing, you begin toundermine your own display of emotionas and question whether it is "right" or "wrong."
My sister has a very flat affect, yet she expreinces the same emotions I do.  She has a differnt avenue with which to deal with them... depending on her personality,, very different than mine, but she does not display like a nornal person would.   For example anger, she channels it very differently than I do..... she claims she does NOT get depressed but she has a dramatic mood change when she doesnt take her "antidepressants."
Maybe you analyze too heavily? 
The sacrafice of feeling.... does anyone REALLY sacrafice feelings or are they just portrayed differently?

nor do I experience the sort of joy that I've seen written on Aqua's face, and it somewhat saddens me.
I am not sure you always need to have the feelings of others.
Is it HER joy that saddens you or the fact that you cannot express joy the way she can that saddens you?

_____________________________

With grace and gratitude, I am owned.
A Man who always seeks to be the best He can be for you is the only Man truly worthy of being called Master.

(in reply to Valyraen)
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RE: Control - 5/4/2007 3:51:24 PM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline 		Your history rings a lot of bells with my own.

Most of my childhood, I was a book worm without many friends. I've dealt with spands of depression and loneliness. I am all too familiar with the "nothingness" you have described here.

The problem with repressed emotions and fealings is they have a bad habit of manifesting themselves in different ways...a lot of the time very unhealthy ways. I can think more than a few incidents where this void I had created in myself was almost violently filled with a torrent of mixed emotions, resulting in a meltdown with me.

My drug and alchocol abuse in my late teenage years was heavily linked to this. The bliss from substance abuse allowed me to feal something, anything in this emotional vaccuum. After all, anything is better then being dead.

I was fortanate enough to meet a very influental figure, the first person I could probably ever call a "Master". I came to realize the control I had wasnt really control, but rather I was hiding from my emotions rather than controling them.

My own personal philosophy is that control isnt about resisting, fighting, or struggling, but rather a balance and being at peace with things. I cant "control" my emotions because I cant really make them go away. Repressing them just hid them for the current time, but in doing so upset the balance and causing them to explode out of me at a later date. Why would I want to live with this constant burden and struggle of trying to hold onto something that in reality I couldnt ever truly make go away?

A lot of people ask me how I was able to kick everything so fast and go back to being sober. The answer is I dealt with the problem behind the substance abuse by allowing myself to feal again. Instead of repressing the emotions, I learned to accept them. A kind of self awareness. A deep breathe, followed by a "This is what I am fealing and this is why."

I am far from very good at it. Especially at the high stress enviroment at work =).

The hard part though is opening yourself up. I cant even really explain the process I went threw. Its hard to put into words. At some point, I adopted the attitude that there was something wrong with me for fealing anything, especially crying. I sort of started to say to myself "Hey...I'm human and its perfectly all right to feal things and I should feal happy/sad/angry!" As men, we're constantly brainwashed into thinking we're not allowed to feal certain things...especially crying.

I hope my experiences are somewhat helpful to you.

P.S. Nobody should have to live their entire life carrying a cross.

< Message edited by MadRabbit -- 5/4/2007 3:57:02 PM >

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RE: Control - 5/4/2007 8:28:42 PM   
aldompdx


Posts: 538
Joined: 10/24/2004
Status: offline 		Control and feeling are not mutually exclusive. In its positive manifestation, control is the exercise of conscious choise from a point of awarerness. In its negative manifestation, control is a coping or transference mechanism against feelings that are overwhelming and beyond our control.

Nonetheless, you have tied two crucial issues together. In order to exercise control over another, we must also have control within ourself. Such inner control also means the ability to choose to open our heart and let our feelings flow. If we do not have that degree of control to open our heart, then... we lack some control, and are controlled by something else which forces our heart closed.

(in reply to MadRabbit)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Control - 5/4/2007 8:49:53 PM   
Valyraen


Posts: 746
Joined: 2/14/2007
Status: offline 		Rather than make a whole page of response posts, I'd rather make one post that responds to everything so far.

Michael,
At the time, yes, I developed that tight control to keep a rein on my feelings, because I thought (wrongly, as I'm now aware) that being numb was better than being depressed. I've spent the last eight years or so trying to undo the locks and chains that I wrapped myself in.

SunNMoon,
Aqua has been an enormous help for me in widening the breadth and depth of my emotionality. She makes me glow in a way that I haven't felt in a very long time (and I'm feeling the prickle of tears at the back of my eyes just writing that) and has been a wonderful influence getting me to lighten up about myself and take everything with a little more laughter.

SirDominic,
Fortunately, one of the things that never got "switched off" in me was my compassion. I've been the crying shoulder and amateur counselor for many friends and quite a few past relationships, and I count myself very lucky that I could still feel enough, even during my greatest numbness, to be of help to the people I care about.

LA,
In recent times, balance has become my watchword, as well. It's become a sort of safe ground in which I can come to terms with my feelings, if that makes any sense at all... and it's very comforting to know that there are others out there dealing with the same sort of trouble.

Kalbar,
I got lucky - my "robot" phase only lasted for a few months (maybe six, as I recall), but I locked myself down hard enough in those few months to leave a lasting impression. I still find myself quicker to irritation than I'm quite comfortable with, but having some life experience has let me put some of my early teenage years into perspective. It's also encouraging to know that there are folks who've battled this demon and succeeded.

HutchGarahl,
Thank you so much for sharing; I've been on the offspring side of that coin, and it's very tough to deal with a parent who's (apparently) emotionally unavailable. My father was raised by a family of stoics, and only since I went to college have we become comfortable with one another to talk openly. I have thought about counseling, and if I still feel that my expressiveness (or lack thereof) is an issue at some point in the future, I might seek professional help. At this point in my life, though, I think the best thing for me is the relationship that Aqua and I have.

smilingjaguar,
You're absolutely right; she's a miracle. I've confided things to her that I haven't told anyone else, I've opened up some of the darker doors in my psyche, and she's still here. I'm slowly learning how to trust again, and you're right, it's very, very hard, maybe the hardest thing I've ever done. She's helping me find the person I used to be, and it's a very welcome discovery.

myobedience,
I've often been accused of over-analyzing things... I live too much in my head (which is what got me into this mess in the first place). The same insights and aptitudes that make me a great person for my friends to come to for advice or sympathy are positively crippling when I try to turn that lens upon myself.

MadRabbit,
I don't really have the words to describe how strongly your words resonate with me. I never got that heavily into drugs or alcohol (not that I didn't have my wild party nights), but instead buried my head in the comforting sands of a fondness for video games that nearly became an addiction. It was my mother that finally gave me the jerk back into reality that I needed - that, and nearly losing the scholarship allowing me to remain in college. Most of the progress that I've made in becoming a fully functional member of the human race has happened in the last two years since that revelation, including a few sessions with a therapist. I'm still trying to find my balance, and I still slip, but I hold out hope that one day I'll be able to cry again, unashamed.


Thank you all for the insights, for the questions, and even for the advice (still also grappling with that young-male problem of stupid pride and never asking for help). I feel better even simply knowing that I'm not the only one grappling with this problem, and heartened that there's hope.

_____________________________

CM's Resident Fuzzy Kitteh

There is no creature more loving than a hungry cat.

Valyraen in ValyraenandAqua

(in reply to Valyraen)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Control - 5/4/2007 9:06:43 PM   
BondageTopJere


Posts: 170
Joined: 8/22/2006
Status: offline 		Yes it is if its taken to an unhealthy degree of control, and having such tight emotional control has a way of "building the waters behind the dam".  I've spent years supressing my ability to love and many other intense emotions and with it my self-confidence and self-esteem.  I finally cracked the dam, so to speak, just a few hours ago.  I was finally able to verbalize, out loud and to another person, what my greatest fear was.  Not death, or of an addiction, or any of the host of other problems we have to face in this world.  No, my greatest fear, is that their will never be a woman who calls me "husband", that there will never be a little girl UM that calls me "Daddy".  I nearly brokedown inside a restaraunt when I finally admitted it not only to the person I was with, but also to myself.  Prior to that, the only emotions I felt strongly were anger/rage and amusement.  Sadness, satisfaction, depression, envy, joy; all pretty much supressed to a mild state.

So to the OP, being in control of ones self is not a bad thing and in fact is a thing to be prized.  It is the tendency to allow that control to turn into unciousness suppression is where the dangers lies.  You control your emotions so often and so hard you wake up one day realized you no longer feel almost anything, and when you do its is very mild in comparison to distantly remembered memories of the expression of emotion you were once capable of.

(in reply to aldompdx)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Control - 5/4/2007 10:14:30 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: smilingjaguar

You have a miracle, Valyraen.  You found the one that made you want to feel again, the one for which you'd open yourself up to possibility of actually feeling pain again.  I know there must be something wonderful in you for you to have the submission of one such as Aquatic.  So many people in this position never find that inspiration.



Thank you very much for the kind words. *blush*

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to smilingjaguar)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Control - 5/4/2007 10:41:11 PM   
Kalbar


Posts: 33
Joined: 2/28/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Valyraen
Kalbar,
I got lucky - my "robot" phase only lasted for a few months (maybe six, as I recall), but I locked myself down hard enough in those few months to leave a lasting impression. I still find myself quicker to irritation than I'm quite comfortable with, but having some life experience has let me put some of my early teenage years into perspective. It's also encouraging to know that there are folks who've battled this demon and succeeded.
I'm glad my post could have brought some encouragement no matter how sleep deprived I was at the time of posting. :P 
Good luck my friend.

(in reply to Valyraen)
Profile   Post #: 20
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