Are we born this way?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Are we born this way?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Are we born this way?

Page: [1]

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Are we born this way? - 5/4/2007 8:16:50 AM

DaddyDeSade

Posts: 22
Joined: 12/5/2004
Status: offline

I have a ten year old who has gone around asking people to spank him since he was say three. And when he put his feet up on the table and his mother said to put them down or she would tie them to his chair agreed that being tied to the chair sounded good. And other interesting antics that might be too personal for him to appreciate me telling here. But the question is, do you folks think we are born this way? Or is he just a little freak (which I assure you seems likely) Or like being gay or anything else are there some who are born that way and some that become that way enviormentally. I have always been honest with my kids. Not detailed but honest. And none of them have ever asked about bdsm. And like everyone else I am a different person around them then I am around my friends. But I do wonder if he was born like this and I just notice it more than a vanilla parent would.

_____________________________

There's only so much you can paint rainbows over the truth before it becomes a lie.

Post #: 1

RE: Are we born this way? - 5/4/2007 8:18:10 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Orientation is innate.

Expression of orientation is learned.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_944150/mpage_1/key_nature%252Cnurture/tm.htm#944163
When did your bondage interest begin?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_801288/mpage_1/key_innate/tm.htm#801320
What event or series of events leads one to become Dominant or Submissive?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_575022/mpage_1/key_cyber%252Csex/tm.htm#575202
who taught you about bdsm?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_615627/mpage_1/key_cyber%252Csex/tm.htm#615885
bdsm humble beginnings

http://www.collarchat.com/m_693002/mpage_1/key_cyber%252Csex/tm.htm#693352
first time submissive feelings

http://www.collarchat.com/m_744252/mpage_1/key_nature%252Cnurture/tm.htm#744266
Do you think you were "born this way"?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_691960/mpage_1/key_nature%252Cnurture/tm.htm#691984
naturally Ds?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_499963/mpage_1/key_nature%252Cnurture/tm.htm#499979
Nature or nurture?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_307130/mpage_1/key_nature%252Cnurture/tm.htm#307130
Do you feel being a dom/me is innate or can be learned?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_461558/mpage_1/key_nature%252Cnurture/tm.htm#461558
hard-wired, why why why!

http://www.collarchat.com/m_143698/mpage_1/key_born%252Craised/tm.htm#143698
nature versus nurture

http://www.collarchat.com/m_760860/mpage_2/key_nature%252Cnurture/tm.htm#761518
born to serve?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_468650/mpage_1/key_nature%252Cnurture/tm.htm#468650
nature vs nurture

http://www.collarchat.com/m_35901/mpage_1/key_learned%252Cborn/tm.htm#35901
born or learned, how we become dom?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to DaddyDeSade)

Post #: 2

RE: Are we born this way? - 5/4/2007 8:19:26 AM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

Since I tend to believe that submission and dominance are personality traits as well as just roles that are played; I would say that yes, there are some who are born this way.

I would not worry too much about him though; youngins tend to go through phases, much like we did as youngsters and played cowboy and indians

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to DaddyDeSade)

Post #: 3

RE: Are we born this way? - 5/4/2007 8:20:30 AM

mstrjx

Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline

I'm certain some would argue yes, perhaps born this way. I don't necessarily feel I agree.

I 'knew' of my interests from a very young age, say, 5. But I would attribute them to cultural influences rather than nature.

Having said that, if two people stand side-by-side and witness the same 'event' and are affected two different ways, what can we say about that?

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to DaddyDeSade)

Post #: 4

RE: Are we born this way? - 5/4/2007 8:30:07 AM

daddysliloneds

Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddyDeSade

But I do wonder if he was born like this and I just notice it more than a vanilla parent would

dude, quit trying to psycho-analyze your little bugger and let him enjoy his childhood, which includes not necessarily fitting into the 'norm' of things by your or anyone elses standards...

and no, i don't think you're noticing it more because you're not vanilla, i just think you're going way off the deep end with the thought process because you're trying to fit your kid into your bdsm world type of thinking, instead of you trying to think like a child!!!!!

< Message edited by daddysliloneds -- 5/4/2007 8:31:51 AM >

(in reply to DaddyDeSade)

Post #: 5

RE: Are we born this way? - 5/4/2007 8:34:56 AM

astarri

Posts: 265
Joined: 4/22/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Orientation is innate.

Expression of orientation is learned.

i agree with this. I think that indeed we are born with predispositions in our personality that make us either Dominant or submissive and i think some have more of one than the outher but everyone is some of each ... but through our environment we are either reinforced or discouraged from our orientations.
It sounds like your child DeSade is more inclined towards submission though i don't believe that it means that he will definately become a submissive. Hope this helps as i talk in circles lol.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 6

RE: Are we born this way? - 5/4/2007 8:35:53 AM

DaddyDeSade

Posts: 22
Joined: 12/5/2004
Status: offline

How is me watching him and having my own thoughts influencing his childhood? I'm not interfereing in his natural expression of himself. I am watching and thinking. And I would argue watching people and thinking about what you see is the most natural way of interacting with anyone.

_____________________________

There's only so much you can paint rainbows over the truth before it becomes a lie.

(in reply to daddysliloneds)

Post #: 7

RE: Are we born this way? - 5/4/2007 8:46:57 AM

daddysliloneds

Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddyDeSade

How is me watching him and having my own thoughts influencing his childhood? I'm not interfereing in his natural expression of himself. I am watching and thinking. And I would argue watching people and thinking about what you see is the most natural way of interacting with anyone.

reading comprehension not your strong suite? i don't see anywhere that i implied or stated the words 'influencing' or 'interferring'...

you asked if you noticed it more because you're not vanilla, and i gave you my answer, which i stand behind.

(in reply to DaddyDeSade)

Post #: 8

RE: Are we born this way? - 5/4/2007 8:48:34 AM

windchymes

Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline

Kids today hear and see a lot more stuff than previous generations did, due to tv, movies, the internet, other friends, etc. And they hear and know a lot more stuff than we give them credit for. He may walk to the beat of a different drummer, but unless he starts doing it in inappropriate places, like in public, I don't see any reason for a lot of concern. He might have heard someone else making a joke about being tied up and he's just being a typical 10 year old smart aleck.

It's a little bit odd to ask for a spanking when you're three, since kids usually fear spankings....but hell, when I was four, I liked to take my pants off and pretend I was bound spread-eagled to my mom's boudoir chair. I have no idea where that came from, which affirms the "inborn" arguement. And I think I turned out okay. :)

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to DaddyDeSade)

Post #: 9

RE: Are we born this way? - 5/4/2007 8:56:15 AM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

LOL he sounds like alot of fun :) Dominance and submissiveness are personality traits which are not gender specific, so he has a chance of going either way or somewhere in the middle. I think we are wired this way along with some help from our environment. I know when I was his age I was tying up little boys and yanking their hair. It seemed normal to me then, it seems normal to me now. But I am sure that some didn't view it as such, I just never let their views bother me.

I wouldn't worry about him too much unless he really starts doing some off the wall stuff like cutting or trying to hurt himself/others. I would say he is trying to figure out who he is, what he likes and what he dislikes.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to DaddyDeSade)

Post #: 10

RE: Are we born this way? - 5/4/2007 8:58:30 AM

mythi

Posts: 257
Joined: 2/25/2007
From: Naples, FL
Status: offline

I think we're born with inclinations and predispositions and potentials that may or may not assert themselves based on environmental factors. And those factors can come into play at any time. We all change constantly in response to what we encounter both internally and externally as we go through life. So does that mean that your lil tike's behavior is a sign he's prone to BDSM later in life? Probably... lol But has nothing to do with whether or not he persues it...or which side of the kneel he ends up on.

_____________________________

“The truth doesn’t change based on our ability to stomach it.”
Flannery O’Connor

(in reply to DaddyDeSade)

Post #: 11

RE: Are we born this way? - 5/4/2007 8:59:46 AM

PONYSEEKER

Posts: 364
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

I'm having the same problem with my daughter. I have actually caught her tieing up all of her stuffed animals and some other stuff which shocks me because I know she has never seen anything of this lifestyle in any form.

(in reply to Lashra)

Post #: 12

RE: Are we born this way? - 5/4/2007 9:03:03 AM

DaddyDeSade

Posts: 22
Joined: 12/5/2004
Status: offline

I do kinda get the feeling I in some way came off as worrying about this. I'm not in the least. I find it cute and amusing and I'm proud that he is his own person regardless of who that person is. I just brought it up because I thought it was an interesting question. And like any other aspect of the nature v. nurture debate it's not going to get solved on a message board. But it's fun and interesting.

_____________________________

There's only so much you can paint rainbows over the truth before it becomes a lie.

(in reply to Lashra)

Post #: 13

RE: Are we born this way? - 5/4/2007 9:18:49 AM

kittinSol

Posts: 16926
Status: offline

I will quote Copulo here from another thread: you're getting a bit carried away, aren't you?

_____________________________

(in reply to DaddyDeSade)

Post #: 14

RE: Are we born this way? - 5/4/2007 10:52:18 AM

mythi

Posts: 257
Joined: 2/25/2007
From: Naples, FL
Status: offline

In thinking about this further... A lot of us have mentioned behaviors we had as kids which could be seen as 'foreshadowing' of activities to come. Maybe a more interesting question would be to ask what percentage of 'vanilla' types did the same things as kids? Of course, not sure how we'd answer that around here! lol

_____________________________

“The truth doesn’t change based on our ability to stomach it.”
Flannery O’Connor

(in reply to kittinSol)

Post #: 15

RE: Are we born this way? - 5/4/2007 10:55:46 AM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mythi

In thinking about this further... A lot of us have mentioned behaviors we had as kids which could be seen as 'foreshadowing' of activities to come. Maybe a more interesting question would be to ask what percentage of 'vanilla' types did the same things as kids? Of course, not sure how we'd answer that around here! lol

Kids are kids. They role play all the time. Some followed it to the edge of control

and some chose not to.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to mythi)

Post #: 16

RE: Are we born this way? - 5/4/2007 11:01:45 AM

earthycouple

Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysliloneds

quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddyDeSade

How is me watching him and having my own thoughts influencing his childhood? I'm not interfereing in his natural expression of himself. I am watching and thinking. And I would argue watching people and thinking about what you see is the most natural way of interacting with anyone.

reading comprehension not your strong suite? i don't see anywhere that i implied or stated the words 'influencing' or 'interferring'...

you asked if you noticed it more because you're not vanilla, and i gave you my answer, which i stand behind.

I'm with DeSade on this one....

D~

(in reply to daddysliloneds)

Post #: 17

RE: Are we born this way? - 5/4/2007 1:37:47 PM

HutchGarahl

Posts: 562
Joined: 1/10/2007
Status: offline

Personally, I believe we are born this way just as I believe a person is born gay, straight or bi. I've had numerous people throughout my years tell me of how I would try to control even from the playpen, and I wasn't even walking then. I have always liked girls, have always preferred girls.

I have a 2 1/2 year old grandaughter who is in her own way, pulling the dominate nature. It's driving her mother batty, but I just thinks it's cute. Like Meme, like grnadaughter. :P But in anycase...I wouldn't worry too much about it, nor should you be too concerned about your son at this time. They are only babies and will do a lot more wierd stuff as they grow. This trait you see in him now may very well change as he grows, or it may become stronger. Just enjoy him for the little boy he is.

(in reply to DaddyDeSade)

Post #: 18

Page: [1]

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Are we born this way?

Page: [1]

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.094