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question about a scene - 5/5/2007 12:45:38 PM   
collaredslave07


Posts: 4
Joined: 5/5/2007
Status: offline 		Im writing this under a different name because it concerns someone that I play with. When talking with him one day I mentioned that I wanted to try a scene with him and maybe 2 or 3 other Doms. Not exactly a gangbang scene but more of a sharing of me between the guys. Anyway he agreed to the idea but he wont give me any specifics, which is usually a good thing. Keeps the suspense and leaves me wondering what exactly he has planned. But this time since it involves more people then just him I kinda want more details like where is he getting the men, are they people he knows or just random people? How is he going to make sure they are safe and disease free? I am fine with not knowing exactly who the guys are but he wont even tell me how he knows them or if he knows them. I ask and he says its none of my bussines, that he will be there and in charge of my safety. I do trust him to keep me safe, its not so much that im worrying about. I guess my main concern is that he wont tell me anything and im really concerned about where he is getting the guys, I dont want them to be just random guys that he meets somewhere. Anyone have any opinions on it?? Should I just go along with it or get more details?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: question about a scene - 5/5/2007 1:04:59 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		As unhelpful as it might be...you're going to have to find the line between enough knowledge and not. Even if you are an owned slave, you have the right to say no...but there may be consequences. There are also possible consequences if you obey. At what point does the concern for you health and life override your willingness to obey? It can be a very tough decision.

Have you been as specific with him as you have been here? Does he know that you're concerned with them being strangers and healthy, but not about the rest? I'd keep talking to him...if he doesn't want to calm your fears and concerns, you might consider not participating.

Master Fire


_____________________________

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(in reply to collaredslave07)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: question about a scene - 5/5/2007 1:17:04 PM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		You say you trust his decision and trust him with your safety but yet you are here questioning him. You do have a right to say no but you need to find a way to tell him you are really concerned and need those concerns alleviated. Tell him it is something very new to you and you need to be more informed for your own sanity. You do have a right to feel completely safe and it sounds as if you don't.

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(in reply to collaredslave07)
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RE: question about a scene - 5/5/2007 1:39:38 PM   
collaredslave07


Posts: 4
Joined: 5/5/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

As unhelpful as it might be...you're going to have to find the line between enough knowledge and not. Even if you are an owned slave, you have the right to say no...but there may be consequences. There are also possible consequences if you obey. At what point does the concern for you health and life override your willingness to obey? It can be a very tough decision.

Have you been as specific with him as you have been here? Does he know that you're concerned with them being strangers and healthy, but not about the rest? I'd keep talking to him...if he doesn't want to calm your fears and concerns, you might consider not participating.

Master Fire



I have asked him about the guys but no havent been as specific as I was here. I dont know if I am as specific as I was here he will still say its none of my business. I guess I do need to talk to him more.

Im not really concerned with my life, I trust him to keep anything from happening that he dosent want to happen. Im concerned mostly of the guys he is finding that he wont tell me about. He wont even tell me if they are people he knows or random people he picks up somewhere.

< Message edited by collaredslave07 -- 5/5/2007 1:44:14 PM >

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: question about a scene - 5/5/2007 1:42:22 PM   
collaredslave07


Posts: 4
Joined: 5/5/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetnurseBBW

You say you trust his decision and trust him with your safety but yet you are here questioning him. You do have a right to say no but you need to find a way to tell him you are really concerned and need those concerns alleviated. Tell him it is something very new to you and you need to be more informed for your own sanity. You do have a right to feel completely safe and it sounds as if you don't.


I trust that he would keep me safe from anything serious happening. He wouldnt let the guys do anything to me that he didnt approve of, I trust him on that. I guess my biggest fear is that he will find random guys somewhere to join and I really dont like that idea. There's so much more to worry about with random people then with someone he knows.

(in reply to sweetnurseBBW)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: question about a scene - 5/5/2007 2:31:01 PM   
shyinini


Posts: 550
Joined: 5/4/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: collaredslave07

Im writing this under a different name because it concerns someone that I play with. When talking with him one day I mentioned that I wanted to try a scene with him and maybe 2 or 3 other Doms. Not exactly a gangbang scene but more of a sharing of me between the guys. Anyway he agreed to the idea but he wont give me any specifics, which is usually a good thing. Keeps the suspense and leaves me wondering what exactly he has planned. But this time since it involves more people then just him I kinda want more details like where is he getting the men, are they people he knows or just random people? How is he going to make sure they are safe and disease free? I am fine with not knowing exactly who the guys are but he wont even tell me how he knows them or if he knows them. I ask and he says its none of my bussines, that he will be there and in charge of my safety. I do trust him to keep me safe, its not so much that im worrying about. I guess my main concern is that he wont tell me anything and im really concerned about where he is getting the guys, I dont want them to be just random guys that he meets somewhere. Anyone have any opinions on it?? Should I just go along with it or get more details?
 


My Sir will do the same thing.  If I do not trust him to keep me safe, I would hvve NEVER discussed this with him. 
 
If he takes his responsiblility seriously, he will provide for all your fears and concerns.  If you  have to question us if he will or not, ....
 *scratchs head.

quote:


ORIGINAL: collaredslave07
I trust him to keep anything from happening that he dosent want to happen. Im concerned mostly of the guys he is finding that he wont tell me about. He wont even tell me if they are people he knows or random people he picks up somewhere.


do you really trust him or just want control of the situation??


< Message edited by shyinini -- 5/5/2007 2:34:40 PM >

_____________________________

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A Man who always seeks to be the best He can be for you
is the only Man truly worthy of being called Sir.


(in reply to collaredslave07)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: question about a scene - 5/5/2007 2:32:36 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		This really is a case of do you trust this situation or not.

If you are not at a level of trust in this situation to where having the experience would not be well for you- then you shouldn't do it.  If the guy you're playing with doesn't like it- well that's too bad. 

He can either find a way to make you feel more confident, or he can not do the scene at all. 

This is one of those times you really have to step up for yourself and claim your own boundaries. 

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to collaredslave07)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: question about a scene - 5/5/2007 2:54:39 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		You keep saying you trust him but your words and this post tell a different story. Obviously you trusted him on some level because you went to him and told him this was what you wanted and you agreed to let him be the one to take you there. As LA said, this one is for you to come to terms with and make a decision, and if you can not reach the level of trust needed for this to be a good thing for you, then you should not do it.

_____________________________

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~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to collaredslave07)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: question about a scene - 5/5/2007 3:31:25 PM   
minnetar


Posts: 1272
Joined: 4/11/2007
Status: offline 		collared,
So it is just a Dom you scene with and are not owned?  i am not sure i would empower the Dom with that kind of trust if i wasn't owned.  If i was, then i would tend to know He basically would be in charge and would control things.

minnetar

(in reply to collaredslave07)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: question about a scene - 5/5/2007 5:18:10 PM   
robertolapiedra


Posts: 520
Joined: 5/3/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

As unhelpful as it might be...you're going to have to find the line between enough knowledge and not. Even if you are an owned slave, you have the right to say no...but there may be consequences. There are also possible consequences if you obey. At what point does the concern for you health and life override your willingness to obey? It can be a very tough decision.

Have you been as specific with him as you have been here? Does he know that you're concerned with them being strangers and healthy, but not about the rest? I'd keep talking to him...if he doesn't want to calm your fears and concerns, you might consider not participating.

Master Fire



I 100% agree with MasterFireMam. If you have agreed to the safe sane consensual principal, I think the consensual part extend's to everyone in a scene. You have a right not to consent to scening with someone you know nothing about. Some people call it common sense. RL

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: question about a scene - 5/5/2007 5:46:59 PM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		If you really did feel that he was trusted to handle something like this, you wouldn't be so worried now. Tell him you've changed your mind because you can't possible enjoy a scene this strong without sufficient safeguards. He isn't the one being gangbanged, you are. He isn't the one worrying about getting a std, you are. He isn't the one who might need counseling for rape afterwards if they decide not to follow his limits, you are.

He needs friends there who won't use you, but will just help enforce your limits. Because him alone won't be able to throw out four guys who decide to do more than agreed upon. He hasn't planned this well enough for you to okay it, so don't. If you want in the future to try it again, make sure you tell him straight out what is non-negotiable.

(in reply to robertolapiedra)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: question about a scene - 5/5/2007 6:14:57 PM   
KurtKaboom


Posts: 203
Joined: 2/11/2007
Status: offline 		      Keeping a slave unknowing of what is to come is one of the joys of Mastery.  It is wrong of you to question his decision and seek outside opinion as you have done here.

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You love hating yourself for loving me

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Profile   Post #: 12
RE: question about a scene - 5/5/2007 6:17:59 PM   
Sub03


Posts: 600
Joined: 4/30/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KurtKaboom

    Keeping a slave unknowing of what is to come is one of the joys of Mastery.  It is wrong of you to question his decision and seek outside opinion as you have done here.




< Message edited by Sub03 -- 5/5/2007 6:18:19 PM >

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I am His loyal slave

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Profile   Post #: 13
RE: question about a scene - 5/5/2007 6:26:21 PM   
collaredslave07


Posts: 4
Joined: 5/5/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Celeste43

If you really did feel that he was trusted to handle something like this, you wouldn't be so worried now. Tell him you've changed your mind because you can't possible enjoy a scene this strong without sufficient safeguards. He isn't the one being gangbanged, you are. He isn't the one worrying about getting a std, you are. He isn't the one who might need counseling for rape afterwards if they decide not to follow his limits, you are.

He needs friends there who won't use you, but will just help enforce your limits. Because him alone won't be able to throw out four guys who decide to do more than agreed upon. He hasn't planned this well enough for you to okay it, so don't. If you want in the future to try it again, make sure you tell him straight out what is non-negotiable.


Out of all the posts I think you made me think the most. I am going to talk to him some more about this and see what he says. If he wont answer my questions then I think im going to have to not go through with it. The part I highlighted really made the biggest impact---kind of an obvious thing that could happen and yet I didnt really think about it. So thank you for pointing it out.

(in reply to Celeste43)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: question about a scene - 5/5/2007 6:36:10 PM   
MissOchistic


Posts: 315
Joined: 4/30/2007
Status: offline 		Think about your Sir. Is he health conscious? Was he concerned about diseases/safety when you very first met him?

If so, i highly doubt he is going to go pull random guys out of a bar and ask them to stick their unprotected winkles in your girly bits.

If you don't trust him enough to be safe, a multi-Dom play should not be taking place yet. If you do, quell your curiosity and let him control the situation, as was meant to be.


_____________________________



"The amount i care for Thee
is more than two, but less than three."

"Submission is a potlatch."

(in reply to collaredslave07)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: question about a scene - 5/5/2007 7:03:41 PM   
Kitte9


Posts: 411
Joined: 11/26/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KurtKaboom

    Keeping a slave unknowing of what is to come is one of the joys of Mastery.  It is wrong of you to question his decision and seek outside opinion as you have done here.


NOT!!!

Collared, you have every right to question. But perhaps you should question your trust. If this scene makes you so uncomfortable, then you do not trust your Master as well as you think. Make sure you are okay with it and Him before you continue.

< Message edited by Kitte9 -- 5/5/2007 7:05:43 PM >

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I am stronger than yesterday

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Profile   Post #: 16
RE: question about a scene - 5/5/2007 10:22:58 PM   
knownobody


Posts: 19
Joined: 8/1/2006
Status: offline 		There's clearly a trust issue here. The idea of a scene with another Domme is one that really appeals to me and if my S would arrange one (ah, if only she she would!) I'd feel completely comfortable with it, even not knowing in advance the specifics or who the other Domme might be.

(in reply to Kitte9)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: question about a scene - 5/5/2007 11:10:19 PM   
vield


Posts: 354
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		My experience is that it is NOT safe or reasonable to "Go along" with any action you have serious questions about. You certainly do have serious valid questions.

One scenario I helped with at a regional event was for a Domme who had a female sub who had expressed a fantasy of being the plaything of 5 or six dominants some evening. The sub had expressed that she wanted to be blindfolded so she would NOT know who was involved but she only wanted people well known and trusted by her and her Mistress to be allowed to play with her. She also wanted there to be no sexual penetration or fluid exchange, and while she like the idea of being exposed and blindfolded, she did NOT want to actually be bound. That way she could resist or escape if she needed to do so. LOL the Mistress humiliated and exposed the sub to a large group, then blindfolded her and those of us who had been recruited worked on her 2 at a time. Whenever Mistress was not there playing, the sub's boyfriend was there or I was there, helping the play and watching that all the others followed the rules. We also insured that only the agreed people got to play with her. In fact as the scene developed, a number of people seeing different folks working her over asked to join in and were turned away. After we finished, Mistress tormented her sub the rest of the night making her guess who was involved, and always spanking her for being wrong even when she was correct, lol. Eventually Mistress had her thank each of us one at a time, and the sub was very happy to see each person involved was someone she liked.
The event came shortly after the sub's birthday, which was not part oof the negotiation so it was a surprise.

_____________________________

As always, your mileage may vary!

vield

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RE: question about a scene - 5/5/2007 11:37:43 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KurtKaboom

     Keeping a slave unknowing of what is to come is one of the joys of Mastery.  It is wrong of you to question his decision and seek outside opinion as you have done here.


So I guess slaves shouldn't be allowed on the message boards. *eyeroll*

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to KurtKaboom)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: question about a scene - 5/5/2007 11:39:10 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		~Fast Reply~

Have you considered asking him to provide you with STD reports, or simply his word that all men will be tested for STDs? Remember that fear can be both good and bad for a scene, and a very bad scene could be very bad for your mental health. He needs to walk the line of keeping control and keeping your mind at some sort of ease.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to vield)
Profile   Post #: 20
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