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Dominant Slaves? - 5/6/2005 5:14:11 PM

Elegant

Posts: 1024
Joined: 3/15/2005
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Many people refer to me as a dominant slave and I often use those same words when describing my personality. Most importantly, Master Archer says that I am HIS dominant slave.

This does not mean that I am a 'dominant', the word refers to my personality type. I am a leader. I am a strong person. In many situations I am the one that controls (not with Master Archer!).

What are your thoughts on 'dominant slaves'? I look forward to reading thoughts and views.

Regards In Leather,
Elegant
~Slave to Master Archer
~Southeast Bootblack 2005

Post #: 1

RE: Dominant Slaves? - 5/6/2005 5:19:40 PM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
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quote:

What are your thoughts on 'dominant slaves'? I look forward to reading thoughts and views.

I personally prefer them... well dominant submissives but you get my point ;)

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to Elegant)

Post #: 2

RE: Dominant Slaves? - 5/6/2005 6:42:17 PM

FelinePersuasion

Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline

I'm not looking for slaves or subs so I can only say from a general point. I like the people who have a mind of their own enough to make descions and not be a doormatt and have opnions.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Post #: 3

RE: Dominant Slaves? - 5/6/2005 6:50:39 PM

stormsfate

Posts: 849
Joined: 2/1/2005
Status: offline

Actually, most of the slaves I know *are* dominant in personality. I'm not sure that "dominant" is exactly the right word for it, but they are strong, independent and intelligent... and submissive only to their respective owners. In the online world, that doesn't really seem to be the case, but is what I've noticed among those I know irl.

best regards,
fate

_____________________________

Vision? What do you know about MY vision? My vision would turn your world upside down, tear asunder your illusions and the sanctuary of your own ignorance crashing down around you! Now ask yourself, are you really ready to see that vision? [/size

(in reply to Elegant)

Post #: 4

RE: Dominant Slaves? - 5/6/2005 6:56:16 PM

Elegant

Posts: 1024
Joined: 3/15/2005
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..and then there are those people who think that slaves/submissives should not be in positions of leadership in the leather community....<i>sigh

(in reply to Elegant)

Post #: 5

RE: Dominant Slaves? - 5/6/2005 7:05:55 PM

astralboy

Posts: 17
Joined: 9/27/2004
Status: offline

Gave many thoughts about this subject... Sometime I have the desire to be dominant, and it works quite well , but at the end I feel empty and unhappy... and wish I was as a slave all the way. Still confused about myself.... maybe one day I will get through...

(in reply to Elegant)

Post #: 6

RE: Dominant Slaves? - 5/6/2005 7:24:54 PM

MistressFire70

Posts: 378
Joined: 7/25/2004
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

To me, one of the functions of a live-in slave is to be able to handle things and run a household or at least to prioritize and handle a list of items. In order to do this, the slave has to have the where-with-all to get things done, and done correctly, while juggling people's personalities and what not. This usually means the slave will be of dominant personality. But, having a dominant personality doesn't make you any more a slave than it does a Master (and vice versa). It's the heart, the chosen path and the spiritual journey that does. Or at least for me, it does.

Fire

_____________________________

you have come to a great chasm. Jump. It's not as wide as you think.

(in reply to Elegant)

Post #: 7

RE: Dominant Slaves? - 5/6/2005 9:20:55 PM

RiotGirl

Posts: 3149
Status: offline

i've thought about this too in the past As i usually end up as the one in control. i tend to dominant my boyfriends. i'm actually quite good at dominanting ppl. i like to snatch their control from them. Its just the position i tend to find myself in.

And Master was trained by a Mistress. He was a slave to her. i have always heard a good Master is a slave first. they know both sides of the coin, so to speak.

But sometimes i wonder about us. <grins> Are we on the wrong side? Maybe i'm really dominant.

It came to me one night after i was told i was going to dominanate some one.

i realised its not what you do, but what fullfills you.

Dominanting and controlling people, does not fullfull me. Yeah i can do it, but at the end of the day its not what makes me sit back and feel content.

i think it doesnt have much to do about your personality, but your heart. Or your needs. Its where they lie and how they're fullfilled

< Message edited by RiotGirl -- 5/6/2005 9:23:59 PM >

(in reply to MistressFire70)

Post #: 8

RE: Dominant Slaves? - 5/6/2005 10:50:48 PM

MistressFire70

Posts: 378
Joined: 7/25/2004
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

While I think I understand where you're coming from, Elegant, for me, it would depend on the intent of the group as to if I thought it was appropriate for slaves to have a leadership role. If the group is a support group for Dominants/Masters, then the Dominants/Masters should take the responsibility of leadership. It's not an exclusionary issue; it's one of responsibility. Likewise, if it's a group for submissives/slaves, then the subs/slaves obviously should run their group. Each group can choose to involved others and to what extent.

One of the groups I'm an officer of, for example, is a Female Dominant support group. We have chosen to invite those that serve us to be a part of this group and we listen to what they have to say and ask for their opinions, but, the final decisions about the running of the group are ours. It's OUR support group, hence we feel that the responsibility for it lies in us, not someone else. On the flip side, I know of a submissive/slave support group which totally excludes us Dominant/Master types. I often make referrals as I feel this is an excellent idea. It offers a “safe haven” where subs and slave can share amongst themselves without the worries of protocol and such.

But, if we're talking about the leather community at large, then certainly we each should have the opportunity to lead. The community at large is designed to support both Dominants/Masters and submissives/slaves, so each should be able to offer their skills. Goodness knows we have so few good leaders to go around.

Just my opinion.

Fire

_____________________________

you have come to a great chasm. Jump. It's not as wide as you think.

(in reply to Elegant)

Post #: 9

RE: Dominant Slaves? - 5/7/2005 5:27:59 AM

ProtagonistLily

Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

Many people refer to me as a dominant slave and I often use those same words when describing my personality. Most importantly, Master Archer says that I am HIS dominant slave.

This does not mean that I am a 'dominant', the word refers to my personality type. I am a leader. I am a strong person. In many situations I am the one that controls (not with Master Archer!).

What are your thoughts on 'dominant slaves'? I look forward to reading thoughts and views.

Regards In Leather,
Elegant
~Slave to Master Archer
~Southeast Bootblack 2005

Elegant,

I totally understand where you are coming from on this. Though, I do cringe at the adjective "Dominant" myself regardless of it's relative truth ;)

I think really, it's the differance between those of us who are part of the BDSM fantasy vs. those of us who are part of the BDSM reality.

I think the negativity that seems to sometimes surround "Dominant Slaves" stems from perception. The fantasy says that 'subs/slaves/bottoms' are whispy, waify women, always ready to be taken, always supplicant to everyone, that Doms are always all knowing, firm, in control and take what they want when they want it.

The BDSM reality is that everyone wants to throw a party, have an event and or have a good organization, however, being able to organize those things often falls on the shoulders of a few who are willing, and have the internal fortitude to see these projects through. When bottoms/subs/slaves end up the very people who can harness that task and take the responsibility to see it through, it can often cause a degree of resentment within the group.

Been there, done that. And it does make it difficult, especially if you are a single sub/bottom/slave vs. a partnered/owned one. And people can be just as shitty in BDSM as they are in any given vanilla setting too.

I think that the bottom line is (no pun intended), in any given group, vanilla or BDSM/kink/leather, there are doers and talkers. And while the doers are doing the heavy lifting, the talkers often like to criticize while they stand around watching the doers do.

So, Elegant darlin, there is no shame in being a well organized, thoughtful person who is willing to see a project through for the grater good of the community. Without people like you and me and others who, regardless of their Kink orientation, are willing to put our time and effort into making things happen for our community, it would be kinda dull around here ;)

I think being a leader in the lifestyle has much less to do with orientation than it does have to do with being an outstanding human being.

Great discussion,
Lily

_____________________________

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"
~Dr. Seuss~

(in reply to Elegant)

Post #: 10

RE: Dominant Slaves? - 5/7/2005 6:06:03 AM

kc692

Posts: 3701
Joined: 3/24/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

What are your thoughts on 'dominant slaves'? I look forward to reading thoughts and views.

I personally prefer them... well dominant submissives but you get my point ;)

- LA

Again, LA, I totally agree with you. If I want doormats, I will go buy them at WalMart, lol. I prefer submissives that have Elegant's qualities, instead of one that has no mind or personality of their own.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Post #: 11

RE: Dominant Slaves? - 5/7/2005 7:26:12 AM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

This is one of the reasons I see dominant and submissive as an orientation.

A dominant and submissive personality is completely different. Some dominants have submissives personalities.

I personally have a really dominant personality.

I love how people in bdsm when they first start out say how freeing it is to be able to be THEM and to celebrate differences. And before you know it, they are already setting up new boxes of what is "real" and "fake" of what is "true" and "wannabe."

(in reply to kc692)

Post #: 12

RE: Dominant Slaves? - 5/7/2005 9:33:23 AM

ProtagonistLily

Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

A dominant and submissive personality is completely different. Some dominants have submissives personalities.

Oh yes, we see this ALL the time.....

quote:

I love how people in bdsm when they first start out say how freeing it is to be able to be THEM and to celebrate differences. And before you know it, they are already setting up new boxes of what is "real" and "fake" of what is "true" and "wannabe."

Whatever

_____________________________

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"
~Dr. Seuss~

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

Post #: 13

RE: Dominant Slaves? - 5/7/2005 11:33:19 AM

darkinshadows

Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline

quote:

I think being a leader in the lifestyle has much less to do with orientation than it does have to do with being an outstanding human being.

''applauds''

_____________________________

.dark.

...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to ProtagonistLily)

Post #: 14

RE: Dominant Slaves? - 5/7/2005 10:44:00 PM

brightspot

Posts: 3052
Status: offline

Hello Elegant,

For myself, being submissive in my relationships,
both emotionally and sexually with a Domina.
Outside of "Us", I would say I have an assertive
personality with others. This is the way I get what
I need in the "outside" world and how I protect myself
from being walked on and/or takan advantage of.
But I am never more content, physically, emotionally,
spiritually than when I am with my Domina and she runs
the show, but never am I a doormat .

*Brightspot

< Message edited by brightspot -- 5/8/2005 5:15:58 PM >

_____________________________

"Comedy is NOT Pretty!" ~Peter Nelson

But..."May at Least One person have a sense of Humor!" ~KML.

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(in reply to Elegant)

Post #: 15

RE: Dominant Slaves? - 5/8/2005 3:56:16 AM

BobcatsLilMinx

Posts: 201
Joined: 4/8/2005
From: UK
Status: offline

For some reason, I don't like the term "dominant", because it sort of implies (to me at least) wanting to be in control. I don't really know how to describe the way I am, I like things to get done, and I like them done as well as possible. In group work at high school, I often took charge, as most the other kids didn't seem motivated enough to get off their asses by themselves and do some real work. And once I'm running a show, I hate it when people try to replace me, it kind of feels like they're trying to take the credit for the hard work I did getting it all started. But if someone else is willing to lead from the word go, I'm happy to sit back and let them, and I know I prefer that, as I tend to get frustated when I'm trying to create something, and no one else seems to be achieving what I want. I'm hell the second I get an ounce of control, very domineering, and frankly I hate it! I feel much safer when I have someone elses yardstick to live up to, rather than my own ridiculously high expectations.

Minx

(in reply to brightspot)

Post #: 16

RE: Dominant Slaves? - 5/8/2005 6:31:38 AM

Blk4u2

Posts: 45
Joined: 3/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: stormsfate

Actually, most of the slaves I know *are* dominant in personality. I'm not sure that "dominant" is exactly the right word for it, but they are strong, independent and intelligent... and submissive only to their respective owners. In the online world, that doesn't really seem to be the case, but is what I've noticed among those I know irl.

best regards,
fate

True for me also. My submissive is also very much dominant in her personality. Still she is soft and fragile in my hands, needing guidance and an advisory yet firm partner.

(in reply to stormsfate)

Post #: 17

RE: Dominant Slaves? - 5/8/2005 11:00:13 AM

MzRounder

Posts: 10
Joined: 5/1/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: stormsfate

Actually, most of the slaves I know *are* dominant in personality. I'm not sure that "dominant" is exactly the right word for it, but they are strong, independent and intelligent... and submissive only to their respective owners. In the online world, that doesn't really seem to be the case, but is what I've noticed among those I know irl.
best regards,
fate

I agree with this. Very well put. I also think there is a particular mindset that goes along with it as well. While they are strong, independent and intelligent, they know when to not be - when to give up that control. To me, that is a very endearing quality.

(in reply to stormsfate)

Post #: 18

RE: Dominant Slaves? - 5/8/2005 1:50:47 PM

sweetnygirl

Posts: 106
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Minx,
I'm the same way if no one else is doing things, but I definitely prefer someone else to be in charge. I make a great assistant but don't really want to be the one with all the responsibilty. I hate being autocratic and unfortunately that tends to happen. My best friend can't see how I'm submissive because in most of my life I'm aggressive, but I am a very protective person for those I care about.

_____________________________

Take time to eat the flowers!

(in reply to BobcatsLilMinx)

Post #: 19

RE: Dominant Slaves? - 5/8/2005 4:18:06 PM

darkinshadows

Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline

Am I a dominant slave?
No.

Am I a dominant person?
To most people, yes.

Big difference IMO. As a person in a world that lives by pressures and expectations, one remains dominant over the life one has, but is no way dominant over the person that owns me. I may have strength - I believe any slave or submissive has that. But where they draw that strength from is a different thing altogether. Most will draw from the dominance that is over them which allows them to be free. Doesn't make anything 'truer' or ' more real'... but allows them to be themself without restraint because the burdens removed from them. If some people want to express that as being free, then they are expressing a sensation that is releasing to them, and freedom is probably the best way to describe it.

When I am bound, I feel free, because the dominance over me has allowed that action to take place. I am happy, top is happy... nuff said.

_____________________________

.dark.

...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

Post #: 20

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