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RE: Needing some advice.. - 5/7/2007 5:44:27 PM

Aswad

Posts: 9374
Joined: 4/4/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MissOchistic

To me this sounds very suspicious. I should think he might be concerned with where he is/who is around him when he recieves your messages.

I'd actually not be very concerned with that bit. He could have kids that he might leave the phone around, intentionally or by accident. Or he could have a sensitive job, where there could be repercussions if the nature of the relationship is found out. Or maybe he has an open relationship with his wife, but she doesn't want to be inconvenienced with whatever he's got going on the side.

There have been times when I've had no problem receiving messages of such a nature at work, and times when I tell everyone I know not to contact me if it's not a matter of health. And when doing security work, the last thing I want is some prejudiced person to start worrying about the kind of relationships I'm involved in. The places that bother with a security clearance check are usually okay, and I disclose up-front, but some of the companies don't think straight about it, so I prefer that they don't end up making a lot of prejudiced decisions on information they're not equipped to deal with.

Just ask him straight-out what his reasons are. If you're still not feeling good about it, just tell him you'll need a bit more reassurance.

_____________________________

"If God saw what any of us did that night, he didn't seem to mind.
From then on I knew: God doesn't make the world this way.
We do." -- Rorschack, Watchmen.

(in reply to MissOchistic)

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Post #: 21

RE: Needing some advice.. - 5/7/2007 6:28:35 PM

slaveish

Posts: 1086
Joined: 2/19/2007
Status: offline

Fast Reply

If it's already hard to tolerate now, before you are "too involved", it will only become more so when you are more involved. Address it, and if it isn't resolved to your honest satisfaction, chalk it up to experience and let it be a lesson learned.

_____________________________

You only lose what you cling to. ~~Gautama Sidharta

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. ~~Mother Teresa

(in reply to Aswad)

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Post #: 22

RE: Needing some advice.. - 5/7/2007 7:08:09 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aswad

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissOchistic

To me this sounds very suspicious. I should think he might be concerned with where he is/who is around him when he recieves your messages.

I'd actually not be very concerned with that bit. He could have kids that he might leave the phone around, intentionally or by accident. Or he could have a sensitive job, where there could be repercussions if the nature of the relationship is found out. Or maybe he has an open relationship with his wife, but she doesn't want to be inconvenienced with whatever he's got going on the side.

There have been times when I've had no problem receiving messages of such a nature at work, and times when I tell everyone I know not to contact me if it's not a matter of health. And when doing security work, the last thing I want is some prejudiced person to start worrying about the kind of relationships I'm involved in. The places that bother with a security clearance check are usually okay, and I disclose up-front, but some of the companies don't think straight about it, so I prefer that they don't end up making a lot of prejudiced decisions on information they're not equipped to deal with.

Just ask him straight-out what his reasons are. If you're still not feeling good about it, just tell him you'll need a bit more reassurance.

After a month of seeing someone (which is not extraodinarily long if they had not scened together) wouldn't you let a potential know why she could not email you without "permission"? I mean if you valued that developing relationship, wouldn't you share why you were keeping her at arm's length?

If he was that private of a person, frankly I would wonder why he is allowing someone to become attached to him if he cannot be open with her. I mean it does not seem that honorable of a thing to emotionally involve someone nonconsensually when you know you can't go there from the start.

My experience (for what it is worth). If a man isn't really really into me in the beginning, they are not going to be magically more into me if I wait around. But I am sure there are others with different experiences.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Aswad)

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Post #: 23

RE: Needing some advice.. - 5/7/2007 7:52:05 PM

moki1984

Posts: 274
Joined: 2/22/2007
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in my opion a sub/slave is a responsibility to the master......
he/she is supposed to take care of us...even when making us cry. he sounds like he is a bit neglectful or maybe is married and you dont know? something just doesnt feel right,

i can understand the phone during work hours but emails?

(in reply to Arabella21)

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Post #: 24

RE: Needing some advice.. - 5/7/2007 7:55:20 PM

simplyangelic1

Posts: 186
Joined: 6/14/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arabella21

Hi A/all,

I'm still learning and I feel like I need a little guidance. I have been involved with a Dom for about a month, I have spent time with him in person a few times. We've had a play and he took me to dinner.

I am really intrigued and captivated by him and love the time we have spent together. He is very busy at work so he encourages me not to call or text his mobile which I have complied with. We communicate via email, but he seemed to get annoyed the few times I have emailed him without an invitation.

My conflict is that when we are together he seems genuine, and satisfied with me, but it fucks with my mind because of the limited communication. I can't help but worry that I'm being 'played'. We've never discussed this it's more of an informal agreement I suppose. Is it 'protocol' for me to be at his beck and call? Is it presumptuous for me to expect more at this stage of our affair? Is this something I need to address in myself or is he being 'negligent'? (lol)

Anyways any thoughts or advice on this would be appreciated.

bella xo

From my experience, if you start to get that feeling that you are being played, chances are that you are. I know it's probably not what you want to hear. Nobody does. I didn't when it was me. But at some point you have to put your feelings on the table and see if he responds. If not then time to move on in your search. I wish you luck.

(in reply to Arabella21)

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Post #: 25

RE: Needing some advice.. - 5/8/2007 3:28:40 AM

Aswad

Posts: 9374
Joined: 4/4/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

After a month of seeing someone (which is not extraodinarily long if they had not scened together) wouldn't you let a potential know why she could not email you without "permission"? I mean if you valued that developing relationship, wouldn't you share why you were keeping her at arm's length?

Yes, I would, unless there was a good reason why I could not. I'm not saying that she shouldn't ask him, quite on the contrary, she should. I'm just saying that it may be premature to jump the gun, so to speak, that if it's been working out so far, it's worth the effort of asking for an explanation next time around.

quote:

If he was that private of a person, frankly I would wonder why he is allowing someone to become attached to him if he cannot be open with her. I mean it does not seem that honorable of a thing to emotionally involve someone nonconsensually when you know you can't go there from the start.

He might not be perceptive enough to pick up on how much she is attaching, which may not be a good sign in itself, but isn't that uncommon. Men and women have different ways of communicating dawning attachment, after all.

quote:

My experience (for what it is worth). If a man isn't really really into me in the beginning, they are not going to be magically more into me if I wait around. But I am sure there are others with different experiences.

From what she's saying, it sounds like he's into her, although there may be an imbalance in terms of how into her he is, compared to how into him she is.

In my experience, talking about these things helps in figuring out where the problem is, and solving it, while assuming one knows everything in advance rarely does.

Perhaps he's a POS bastard, and she should drop him. Perhaps he's Mr. Right, but not "getting" the situation and what she needs from him. Talking to him will make it clear.

_____________________________

"If God saw what any of us did that night, he didn't seem to mind.
From then on I knew: God doesn't make the world this way.
We do." -- Rorschack, Watchmen.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

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Post #: 26

RE: Needing some advice.. - 5/8/2007 11:38:59 PM

farieanne

Posts: 65
Joined: 2/24/2007
From: Las Vegas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
I would probably question whether or not he was married or involved with someone else.

That would be my bet.

That was my first thought

(in reply to OsideGirl)

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Post #: 27