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RE: How does your label affect your view of others? - 5/7/2007 7:53:39 AM   
happypervert


Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline 		If the discussion is about kink issues, then sure, I think labels are useful as a cue to the perspective one has in forming those opinions. But then I'm also viewing those opinions through other labels learned over time such as sane/kook, thoughtful/idiot, sharp/windbag and some others. Let's just say I filter out a lot.




< Message edited by happypervert -- 5/7/2007 7:56:18 AM >

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RE: How does your label affect your view of others? - 5/7/2007 8:11:22 AM   
szobras


Posts: 435
Joined: 9/18/2006
Status: offline 		The actual question is this...how does your definition of your place in the lifestyle affect your view of others and their opinions?
I take opinions and viewpoints into consideration, I find it important to remain teachable. One consideration is the source.
As personal definitions and opinions will certainly vary, to me it is not "what" the definition is; it is how one conducts themselves in accordance to thier own definition. Myself included.

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RE: How does your label affect your view of others? - 5/7/2007 8:53:28 AM   
WhiplashSmile


Posts: 1472
Joined: 6/8/2004
Status: offline 		It's not the labels that bother me, it's the stereotyping that comes along with the labels that bothers me.  I tend to focus upon how I myself fit or don't fit into the labels.   At times it's a challenge dealing with stereotyping that people have of me.  I will admit at times I am subject to thinking in terms of stereotyping for labels I don't fully understand.  Nothing a little communication and understanding can't fix though.   How I myself identify myself under a label my not be the same way another person identifies under the same labels, this can be challenge as well.

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RE: How does your label affect your view of others? - 5/7/2007 10:05:31 AM   
spanklette


Posts: 882
Joined: 2/22/2005
Status: offline 		~Fast Reply~
 
Thank you, everyone for sharing your thoughts. The reason for the post is that I've developed this sort of cynical view of people who walk around with their label in front of them like a shield to protect them from people calling them something else.
 
It took some thinking to realize that I was internalizing my view of their label and it was clashing with my own. Yes, I realize this is the internet, however on this forum I tend to think about a myriad of things and wonder how it affects me.
 
So instead of rose-colored glasses, I have found that when I'm in a certain head-space I view things through submissive-colored glasses.
 
Again, thank you all for your responses, they have made me think...which could be dangerous.

< Message edited by spanklette -- 5/7/2007 10:10:42 AM >

_____________________________

~spanklette~

"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. " Charles du Bois

"Please don't shout, can't you see I'm not listening." Billie Myers

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RE: How does your label affect your view of others? - 5/7/2007 10:08:54 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: spanklette
So instead of rose-colored glasses, I have found that when I'm in a certain head-space I view things through submissive-colored glasses.


We can only really view things in the way they look from our own perspective. While we can try to imagine what it must look like from a differing vantage point...we really can't get the full picture.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

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RE: How does your label affect your view of others? - 5/7/2007 10:11:47 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline 		I pay as much attention to labels as I do with names with similar results. I usually forget them too quickly, especially as the years go by.

I use the label Master/slave to identify myself and beth as a shortcut. How, why, or what someone else labels us, is not important. I have my definition that we live as best we can. The importance or meaning anyone else attached to those words doesn't effect us. I'll document and defend our labels as an ongoing exercise in confirmation and confidence; but there is no personal impact.

Our relationship defines our labels. A label is a word taken out of context when defined on paper. For this reason, you can't appreciate its representation in words, but you are welcome to meet us and see our living definition.

I appreciate all the prejudice and implications attached to those labels. Ultimately they are meaningless, but they are shortcuts. I think they serve best in the context of on-line dating. When trying to meet someone their self professed label facilities a quicker search. After gender, a person's submissive/slave self identity was the most important factor I looked at. I had no doubt that my definition for the label was different than theirs, but at least I knew what side of the flogger they preferred. 

The flip side is just as foolish. Worrying about what someone else calls or labels you speaks to a lack of confidence. If someone said that beth wasn't a slave or I wasn't a Master; we'd try to flesh out the definition, but ultimately it has no impact. Why should it?

Consider how many self labeled "geniuses" out there. You know, those that introduce themselves as 'Mensa' members. You realize how silly those labels are when you meet them in person.

The only label worth remembering is one you live, and the ones you assign as 'short-cuts' to people around you. Our favorite label to assign is 'friend'; we are fortunate to have many.

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RE: How does your label affect your view of others? - 5/7/2007 1:32:17 PM   
jessk


Posts: 34
Status: offline 		I do not define my place in the lifestyle. I simply live. Period.
I do not attatch labels to myself in RL other than woman.
 
despite what is said above though, how I perceive others is greatly influenced by certain labels. Such as Single, Male, Female, Attatched, Married, etc, etc.

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Jess

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RE: How does your label affect your view of others? - 5/7/2007 1:53:46 PM   
TigressFL


Posts: 239
Joined: 6/8/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

I have a tendency to assume that others' definitions are the same as mine. While I know in my head that this is true, it's still my knee-jerk reaction to be slightly annoyed most of the time. I'm a very logical person and have come to my definitions in a very logical way...hence they make perfect sense to me. However, I try to be respectful and listen...and have changed my definitions when I've heard someone say it better. For example, I changed "power exchange" to "transfer of authority" when speaking of a Ds or Ms relationship when I read LA's definition. She said what I was thinking in a much better way. But, in the end, it was still what I was thinking. And since, from my viewpoint, this is the Universe According to Fire...that made it ok.

Master Fire



I do not do "power exchange" as it is "power transfer" in my mind as well.


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Live your own truth, Life is short

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RE: How does your label affect your view of others? - 5/7/2007 4:17:27 PM   
soulfulkitten


Posts: 27
Joined: 1/9/2005
Status: offline 		I don't treat anyone any differently for the label that they may prescribe too.

I have been treated differently in that my profile says that I am submissive.  I am submissive always, it is not something I can turn off.  But, if in a committed, lengthy relationship I could see tha progressing to slave depending on the other person.

C'est la vie, if someone wishes to judge me for being submissive rather than a slave, their loss.

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RE: How does your label affect your view of others? - 5/7/2007 5:19:53 PM   
WiseCracknSadist


Posts: 163
Joined: 10/27/2006
Status: offline 		Labels are used to take away peoples humanity. I have often wondered when Doms stopped being people and submissives always became victims. I realize of course that those stereotypes are inherent to the labels that have been chosen or given to different people.

It's much easier to label and move on than to take the time to get to know someone intimately (and yes you can know someone intimately with out fucking them) thus is the result of our fast paced, right now grattification worldly society.

It's a shame when you think about it.

(in reply to CreativeDominant)
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RE: How does your label affect your view of others? - 5/7/2007 5:26:10 PM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		Well I am me and everything else follows thereafter. I have other labels such as "Mom" "Boss" "Mistress" "Dominant" "Daughter" and they all make up a part of who I am. It doesnt effect my views of others as I judge people on a individual basis.

~Lashra


_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






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RE: How does your label affect your view of others? - 5/7/2007 6:08:17 PM   
slaveish


Posts: 1086
Joined: 2/19/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: spanklette

I am merely wondering how your own definitions affect your reactions to others who's definitions might vary. 


We are in constant evolution. What is true today (to ourselves) may not be true tomorrow. I try to keep this in mind (which doesn't always keep me from mouthing off) and of course I have my own Hot Buttons. As Master says, however, "some people just don't get it" and aren't worth the wasted breath.

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You only lose what you cling to. ~~Gautama Sidharta

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. ~~Mother Teresa

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RE: How does your label affect your view of others? - 5/7/2007 6:25:37 PM   
astarri


Posts: 265
Joined: 4/22/2007
Status: offline
quote:

The actual question is this...how does your definition of your place in the lifestyle affect your view of others and their opinions?


I do not believe that what someone calls themselves leads me to value or dismiss their opinions or what i may think of them.
I am a person who constantly lables herself however and  I have so many labels that at this point i fit in everywhere lol I am not sure why i do this but i am very aware of it. I like to think it might be introspection though im not sure that it has actually made me a better person because of it.

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RE: How does your label affect your view of others? - 5/7/2007 6:57:20 PM   
amayos


Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: spanklette

Seems like for a couple of days we've been dancing around labels and definitions. Those who have been around long enough realize the futility of trying to come up with exact definitions that everyone is comfortable with.

So, as much as I despise being labeled, I am. I have come to accept my label of submissive and sometimes even embrace it...in my own way, of course.

The actual question is this...how does your definition of your place in the lifestyle affect your view of others and their opinions?

I'm not looking for universal definitions or a debate on such. I am merely wondering how your own definitions affect your reactions to others who's definitions might vary.


I have always been weary of BDSM nomenclature, especially where so many see "the lifestyle" merely as a candy coated romp in leather land. I hesitate to identify myself with adjectives-made-nouns like "submissive" or "dominant," unless of course I am in the company of those few scholars who can be trusted to know what those words actually mean.

The doctrine of the subculture that is BDSM gets quite confusing as it is constantly regurgitated and reinvented as seen fit. This is why I insist on using simple, time-honored terms and definitions to describe what I do. Until I know I am among those of my kind, I prefer to set aside the trendy words and be called by my name.

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RE: How does your label affect your view of others? - 5/7/2007 8:31:47 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		I believe as Creative Dominant said that labels are merely a starting point...it is what you discover about someone further, is when their particular definitions emerge. How does it affect how I relate to them, these labels?..it depends on the further discovery found within them,which then dictates my view or how I relate to them in any way..Tempting

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RE: How does your label affect your view of others? - 5/7/2007 8:49:51 PM   
Slavetrainer2007


Posts: 231
Joined: 12/2/2006
Status: offline 		I tend to make others, i converse with regularly( and this is usually sub/slaves) ,  define their label of themselves in their own words. i then take their defination and find what it most closely matches to my own. i guess in a way i translate , as if we are speaking two different languages, the meaning of the label they give themselves into my own label.

For dom/mes i typically define them as dom no matter how they define themselves ( dom, top, master, switch, etc)  because I'm not interested in  doms outside of conversation. so they all get grouped together as doms. With subs and slaves its important for me to understand how they see themselves and what they want and for them to define what level/type of submission they are looking to give. As their are many different levels and types( or areas )  and we have to match  at least closely if its outside just social conversation.


I think its important that you never assume the label someone gives themselves  means the same it means to you. I also think  its important you don't read into labels and titles  to much.I think many get carried away with labeling and defining and they spend to much time trying to figure out what one word means when its insignificant in the grand scheme of things.

The debate over titles i have seen on here so many times is proof of this.  people get so wrapped up in a title if you use one and are so worried about  if you deserve that title or are suited to it by their definition it makes you wonder........ is their life really that damn boring they have to try to analyze everyone else?



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Life is given, Everything else is earned.

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