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Who should pay? - 6/28/2005 11:24:15 PM   
imtempting


Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline 		In my journey's ive found that Dominat women ( might be same with men,I honestly dont know) but they expect the male to pay for everything.. Hotel rooms, toys, food and whatever. As they say well why should we pay??

My argument is both parties are getting enjoyment from it so why should one be forced to pay?
They say well you want to play...

So to the many people on this site. Who should pay?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Who should pay? - 6/28/2005 11:30:53 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		I think you need to work this one out on what they call a case-by-case basis.

(in reply to imtempting)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Who should pay? - 6/28/2005 11:31:02 PM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: imtempting

In my journey's ive found that Dominat women ( might be same with men,I honestly dont know) but they expect the male to pay for everything.. Hotel rooms, toys, food and whatever. As they say well why should we pay??

My argument is both parties are getting enjoyment from it so why should one be forced to pay?
They say well you want to play...

So to the many people on this site. Who should pay?



When I was single, in most cases I paid for everything -- including hotel, air fare, toys. I prefered that because then there was no obligation at all to play if I didn't feel there was any chemistry. I find paying to be empowering -- and I also was really into the whole younger guy thing...when I was in my late 20s and early 30s I dated a lot of guys in their early 20s. Since I was already in my career and they were in college, really the only option was for me to pay, anyway.

I think a good rule of thumb is that the person pursuing is the person who pays (when it comes to something like dinner, a first date, etc.) If the expenses are higher (hotel, airport, etc.) it should be worked out so that both parties are comfortable. If guys wanted to pay, I wouldn't let them -- even if they said "Oh, if we don't connect, you don't have to do anything with me, I won't pressure you...." -- it wouldn't feel right to *me*. If I have my own hotel room and pay my own way, I feel more free.

I also prefer to pay for toys because they are my toys and I like to pick them out.

Akasha

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(in reply to imtempting)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Who should pay? - 6/29/2005 3:50:53 AM   
McWhips


Posts: 136
Joined: 5/9/2005
Status: offline 		Looks like the OP has come across some right freeloaders there, When they say 'Why should we pay?' you could ask them why they shouldnt but they wont tell you the truth which is most probably 'We wont pay cos there are more of u and less of us so we are in a better position and we will take advantage of that fact by making you pay for everything'.

Personally if I was in your position I wouldnt bother with them seeing as they obviously dont see you as an equal and just want to go along with the ride with you paying for everything. Pointless really! unless you are a sucker.

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Who should pay? - 6/29/2005 3:52:48 AM   
McWhips


Posts: 136
Joined: 5/9/2005
Status: offline
quote:

My argument is both parties are getting enjoyment from it so why should one be forced to pay?
They say well you want to play...


I think you are mistaking prostitutes or borderline prostitutoin for normal people here. Its pretty obvious to me considering that when you say 'why should I have to pay for everything' they reply with 'Well you want to play', Just put 2 and 2 together and you will draw the same conclusion!

< Message edited by McWhips -- 6/29/2005 4:00:56 AM >

(in reply to imtempting)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Who should pay? - 6/29/2005 3:59:56 AM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline 		Much like Aakasha, I dislike the feeling of someone else paying for me, especially in begining. I usually go dutch on the first few dates, unless someone says "I'd like to invite you to..." (in French, when you say je t'invite it implies that you are paying) and I feel that they are simply wanting to be sweet and aren't expecting, but rather, are hopeful.

I refuse to take advantage of someone and their money. It doesn't fit within my personal ethics. I remember meeting a man for dinner and it didn't click for me, though I know it clicked for him. He really wanted to pay for drinks because he said "I was worth it". Well first, I'm worth more then a Stoli martini. Second, I know this was all part of his plan to woo me and moments later I was going to wish him good luck in his search. So no, I insisted that I paid for my drink.

Once something has become more steady, I like there to be give and take. I don't expect my boy to pay for everything and I don't insist on paying for everything myself.

- LA





_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Who should pay? - 6/29/2005 4:03:21 AM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline 		I have a question for you McWhips... have you ever met a Domme you liked? Maybe two? And if all you can do is complain about how we are money grubbing bitches, why do you want to serve one of us so badly?

Note that I'm not flaming you, I just haven't come across any of your posts where you have something nice to say about Dominant women and I'm a little perplexed.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to McWhips)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Who should pay? - 6/29/2005 4:03:30 AM   
McWhips


Posts: 136
Joined: 5/9/2005
Status: offline 		See Tempting there are some nice Dommes out there that dont want to bum off you for everything!

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Who should pay? - 6/29/2005 4:04:36 AM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline 		Oh I spoke too soon! Coming from your strict standards, being called a nice Domme is quite something ;)

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to McWhips)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Who should pay? - 6/29/2005 4:05:39 AM   
McWhips


Posts: 136
Joined: 5/9/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

I have a question for you McWhips... have you ever met a Domme you liked? Maybe two? And if all you can do is complain about how we are money grubbing bitches, why do you want to serve one of us so badly?

Note that I'm not flaming you, I just haven't come across any of your posts where you have something nice to say about Dominant women and I'm a little perplexed.

- LA



I think your bering paranoid, I was only reffering to Dommes that ask you to pay for everything then when questioned about it reply with 'Well you want to play dont you?!'
I would be interested to know what you would think of a male sub that had that attitude with you!?

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Who should pay? - 6/29/2005 4:09:40 AM   
McWhips


Posts: 136
Joined: 5/9/2005
Status: offline 		As for opinions being on more that one Domme the OP reffered to Dominant women in the plural sense. Maybe you should accuse him as well? or maybe you should just consider that he has an opinion on Dommes who reply with 'well you want to play dont you?' when asked why the sub should pay for everything.

< Message edited by McWhips -- 6/29/2005 4:21:52 AM >

(in reply to McWhips)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Who should pay? - 6/29/2005 4:11:55 AM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline 		Damn. I had a friend for a minute there ;)

No matter how politely I tried to word my question, I got accused being paranoid. It was a question McWhips.

quote:

ORIGINAL: McWhips
I would be interested to know what you would think of a male sub that had that attitude with you!?


I've never had a sub say "pay or I won't play". I have had a sub pay and then expect to play. Which is why I developed the personal policy described above that you seemed to appreciate.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to McWhips)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Who should pay? - 6/29/2005 4:12:41 AM   
kc692


Posts: 3701
Joined: 3/24/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

quote:

ORIGINAL: imtempting

In my journey's ive found that Dominat women ( might be same with men,I honestly dont know) but they expect the male to pay for everything.. Hotel rooms, toys, food and whatever. As they say well why should we pay??

My argument is both parties are getting enjoyment from it so why should one be forced to pay?
They say well you want to play...

So to the many people on this site. Who should pay?



When I was single, in most cases I paid for everything -- including hotel, air fare, toys. I prefered that because then there was no obligation at all to play if I didn't feel there was any chemistry. I find paying to be empowering -- and I also was really into the whole younger guy thing...when I was in my late 20s and early 30s I dated a lot of guys in their early 20s. Since I was already in my career and they were in college, really the only option was for me to pay, anyway.

I think a good rule of thumb is that the person pursuing is the person who pays (when it comes to something like dinner, a first date, etc.) If the expenses are higher (hotel, airport, etc.) it should be worked out so that both parties are comfortable. If guys wanted to pay, I wouldn't let them -- even if they said "Oh, if we don't connect, you don't have to do anything with me, I won't pressure you...." -- it wouldn't feel right to *me*. If I have my own hotel room and pay my own way, I feel more free.

I also prefer to pay for toys because they are my toys and I like to pick them out.

Akasha


I have some of the same viewpoints as Aakasha...the one pursuing should pay for dinner, drinks, etc.... hoewever, I have always had my own money, so if they look uncomfortable with it, I am prepared to pay my way. I also definitely will pay my portion, if like Lady Angelika, I can tell there is no chemistry at all. That is all that usually comes up money wise first meeting, as I do not play on first meets, period....(for safety and preparation reasons). As far as toys are concerned, I expect them to have their own toys at first, because, although the selection may somewhat be limited, those are their toys, and they will retain those toys afterwards (health issue). As far as hotel, it depends on their own situation. I have been known to let them pay, myself pay, or, in the case of mutliple visits, switching out on paying at different times.

< Message edited by kc692 -- 6/29/2005 4:13:42 AM >

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Who should pay? - 6/29/2005 4:14:18 AM   
McWhips


Posts: 136
Joined: 5/9/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

I have a question for you McWhips... have you ever met a Domme you liked? Maybe two? And if all you can do is complain about how we are money grubbing bitches, why do you want to serve one of us so badly?

Note that I'm not flaming you, I just haven't come across any of your posts where you have something nice to say about Dominant women and I'm a little perplexed.

- LA



Ok Ive thought about it and I cant think of anything nice to say about the Dommes mentioned by the OP, ok now its your turn, you say something nice about them seeing as I cant.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Who should pay? - 6/29/2005 4:14:21 AM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: McWhips
Maybe you should flame him as well?


Hmm... you missed this bit in my post I think.
quote:

Note that I'm not flaming you


It's very hard to engage you in a meaningful discussion when all you can do is attack. I'm sorry I tried.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to McWhips)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Who should pay? - 6/29/2005 4:16:41 AM   
McWhips


Posts: 136
Joined: 5/9/2005
Status: offline 		Is there anything that you COULD say nice about the Dommes the OP mentioned? think about it!

I take flame back what I meant was accuse me. I find it rediculous that you think my opinions on women who reply with 'You want to play dont you' when asked why the sub should pay for everything make me some kind of bad person.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Who should pay? - 6/29/2005 4:22:16 AM   
kc692


Posts: 3701
Joined: 3/24/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

Damn. I had a friend for a minute there ;)

No matter how politely I tried to word my question, I got accused being paranoid. It was a question McWhips.

quote:

ORIGINAL: McWhips
I would be interested to know what you would think of a male sub that had that attitude with you!?


I've never had a sub say "pay or I won't play". I have had a sub pay and then expect to play. Which is why I developed the personal policy described above that you seemed to appreciate.

- LA


I must be a slow typist, all of that last exchange occurred while I was typing my last post. I agree with you LA, the subs themselves (SOME, not all, Mcwhips, I am not trying to start a flame)) seem to equate the fact of paying with the right of deciding to play. That is why I also, if I have the slightest inkling that the act pf paying for something means they think the certainty is established to play from that action, I remove that certainty. There are times I play even though I pay, and sometimes pay for them also. I just, like you, don't want them to think they, in essence, "bought" the right to play, no matter what it is they are offering to pay for..

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Who should pay? - 6/29/2005 4:24:48 AM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline 		I didn't want you to say anything nice about the Dommes the OP was referring to. I can't say anything nice about them neither because I've never met them ;)

I was simply remarking that many of the posts that I read from you are to talk about how horrible certain Dommes are but, and please correct me if I'm wrong, very few are about how wonderful Dommes are.

I'm not always impressed with the general mass of submissive men out there. But I like to focus on the good ones and use them as examples instead of always giving the spotlight to the bad ones.

Can you understand what I'm getting at here? I'm not picking on your or criticizing you. In fact, maybe it's just my overall feeling of late that a great deal of sub males here can only complain about the kind of Dommes that are money grubbing evil bitches when they are in a discussion forum filled with what I consider to be top-notch, level headed Dominas. *We* are not the kind of Dommes that you talk about, but all we here is about how awful these other Dommes that don't even hang out here or read your rants are. How is this productive?

I'm asking you these questions in the hopes of creating a little more peace, not starting an argument. Perhaps I "picked" on you because I see you as an intelligent young man, someone capable of change. Trust me, I've given up on many here.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to McWhips)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Who should pay? - 6/29/2005 4:25:46 AM   
McWhips


Posts: 136
Joined: 5/9/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

Damn. I had a friend for a minute there ;)

No matter how politely I tried to word my question, I got accused being paranoid. It was a question McWhips.

quote:

ORIGINAL: McWhips
I would be interested to know what you would think of a male sub that had that attitude with you!?


I've never had a sub say "pay or I won't play". I have had a sub pay and then expect to play. Which is why I developed the personal policy described above that you seemed to appreciate.

- LA



OK you have answered by giving examples of situations you have experienced but you havent really answered my original question of 'What would you think of a male sub who expected you to pay for everything then when asked why they reply with 'Well you want to play dont you?'

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Who should pay? - 6/29/2005 4:30:28 AM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: McWhips
OK you have answered by giving examples of situations you have experienced but you havent really answered my original question of 'What would you think of a male sub who expected you to pay for everything then when asked why they reply with 'Well you want to play dont you?'


I think he shouldn't be so quick to pull out his wallet. I think he should walk away from a Domina who expects him to pay for play, unless of course he approached a ProDomina.

Look, if the woman is a gold digger, nothing is going to change that fact and he is better without her. Walking away is the only solution. Hopefully walking away before he opened his wallet.

Does it suck, sure! How many times have I met guys who woo me only because they want to be Dominated? They don't want me, my hopes, my dreams, my mind, my smile... they see me as a spanking machine. I walk away from them and focus on the magnificent boys and girls in this world who have served *me* well.

- LA


_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to McWhips)
Profile   Post #: 20
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