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RE: Who should pay? - 7/2/2005 3:06:01 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessDustyGold

quote:

ORIGINAL: Oumae


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika


quote:

ORIGINAL: onceburned

<torn between lust for two hotties and worry about being divided in half, chris remains silent>


Chris is up for grabs? Oumae, want to partake in the tug-o-war? We can always have him drawn & quartered...

- LA


Hmmmmmmmm how about a season each?

Oumae


Poor Chris....the object of so much affection! We can go 4 ways if We each take a season. Then We get all of him for about 3 months each.
I take Spring!


I'll take winter... Montréal winters!! I'm such a sadist huh? LOL

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)
Profile   Post #: 81
RE: Who should pay? - 7/2/2005 6:53:51 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: caitlyn
This thread seems like a rather round about way to say:
Never pay for things with your own money, when you can pay for them with someone else's.

I don't think we're talking about things... We're talking about who should pay when two are out on a date, with different people having different feelings on the matter. Some of the ones I noticed, Akasha and LA like to pay on their dates, GoddessDustyGold and I like a man who pays if he is able to, especially if he's the one initiating contact/date.. In the end it's a "to each his own situation, because there are men and women who have strong feelings for both sides of the argument.. M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to caitlyn)
Profile   Post #: 82
RE: Who should pay? - 7/3/2005 12:58:07 AM   
kc692


Posts: 3701
Joined: 3/24/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessDustyGold

quote:

ORIGINAL: Oumae


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika


quote:

ORIGINAL: onceburned

<torn between lust for two hotties and worry about being divided in half, chris remains silent>


Chris is up for grabs? Oumae, want to partake in the tug-o-war? We can always have him drawn & quartered...

- LA


Hmmmmmmmm how about a season each?

Oumae


Poor Chris....the object of so much affection! We can go 4 ways if We each take a season. Then We get all of him for about 3 months each.
I take Spring!


Hey, I know I'm a little later than the other Domina, but, is there a way to share him with a relatively new member such as myself?

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)
Profile   Post #: 83
RE: Who should pay? - 7/3/2005 7:24:52 AM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kc692
quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessDustyGold
quote:

ORIGINAL: Oumae
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika
quote:

ORIGINAL: onceburned
<torn between lust for two hotties and worry about being divided in half, chris remains silent>

Chris is up for grabs? Oumae, want to partake in the tug-o-war? We can always have him drawn & quartered...
- LA

Hmmmmmmmm how about a season each?
Oumae

Poor Chris....the object of so much affection! We can go 4 ways if We each take a season. Then We get all of him for about 3 months each.
I take Spring!

Hey, I know I'm a little later than the other Domina, but, is there a way to share him with a relatively new member such as myself?


Poor Chris. He better be working on a way to replicate himself!

- LA


_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to kc692)
Profile   Post #: 84
RE: Who should pay? - 7/3/2005 7:27:29 AM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig
quote:

ORIGINAL: caitlyn
This thread seems like a rather round about way to say:
Never pay for things with your own money, when you can pay for them with someone else's.

I don't think we're talking about things... We're talking about who should pay when two are out on a date, with different people having different feelings on the matter. Some of the ones I noticed, Akasha and LA like to pay on their dates, GoddessDustyGold and I like a man who pays if he is able to, especially if he's the one initiating contact/date.. In the end it's a "to each his own situation, because there are men and women who have strong feelings for both sides of the argument.. M


Actually, I feel more comfortable paying when I'm not sure if there is a hidden agenda. I went out on a date the other night and let the guy pay, because he really wanted to. But then I know this is the kind of guy that will take his time and court me properly.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
Profile   Post #: 85
RE: Who should pay? - 7/3/2005 8:58:57 AM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig
quote:

ORIGINAL: caitlyn
This thread seems like a rather round about way to say:
Never pay for things with your own money, when you can pay for them with someone else's.

I don't think we're talking about things... We're talking about who should pay when two are out on a date, with different people having different feelings on the matter. Some of the ones I noticed, Akasha and LA like to pay on their dates, GoddessDustyGold and I like a man who pays if he is able to, especially if he's the one initiating contact/date.. In the end it's a "to each his own situation, because there are men and women who have strong feelings for both sides of the argument.. M


Actually, I feel more comfortable paying when I'm not sure if there is a hidden agenda. I went out on a date the other night and let the guy pay, because he really wanted to. But then I know this is the kind of guy that will take his time and court me properly.

- LA


"Hidden agenda" -- great way to put it. And you usually can tell -- it's not often hidden very well.
I'll clarify my stance though, by "dating" if you mean general courting -- going out to dinner, movie, whatever, I think generally the person pursuing pays, unless the person doesn't have the means.

Where I insist to pay is when it is a larger expense -- airline, hotel, etc. -- for meeting long distance *potential* partners. I do that so there is no obligation (my issue, not theirs) to play if there's no chemistry.

Akasha

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(in reply to LadyAngelika)
Profile   Post #: 86
RE: Who should pay? - 7/3/2005 11:38:25 AM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika
Actually, I feel more comfortable paying when I'm not sure if there is a hidden agenda. I went out on a date the other night and let the guy pay, because he really wanted to. But then I know this is the kind of guy that will take his time and court me properly.
- LA

The small cynic (or practical thinker) in me thinks there's almost always a hidden agenda; but you do once in a while run into a real gentleman who know's he is to treat you with the utmost respect and care even when there is a possibility he may never get into your pants, which is very kool behavior, usually increasing the odds they will get a chance with me.. M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
Profile   Post #: 87
RE: Who should pay? - 7/3/2005 4:01:08 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika
Actually, I feel more comfortable paying when I'm not sure if there is a hidden agenda. I went out on a date the other night and let the guy pay, because he really wanted to. But then I know this is the kind of guy that will take his time and court me properly.
- LA

The small cynic (or practical thinker) in me thinks there's almost always a hidden agenda; but you do once in a while run into a real gentleman who know's he is to treat you with the utmost respect and care even when there is a possibility he may never get into your pants, which is very kool behavior, usually increasing the odds they will get a chance with me.. M

I understand what you are saying. Let's take this particular situation I'm going through and let me explain how it differentiates. I've known this man for 6 months. We have somewhat of a business relationship. (I know, tricky territory, but I've weighed the pros and cons and I believe he is worth some risk and I'm taking it slow.) Last weekend, he asked me if he could take me out for drinks. I said sure. At the last minute, drinks turned into dinner as he was going to leave work late and would not have eaten and so I held off too and we grabbed a bite. It was a pleasant evening where we got to know each other more and we had the most wonderful conversation. Now at the end of the evening, he grabbed the cheque and said "please let me get this". He said please! The magic word. How could I deny him the pleasure. ;) He drove me home, gave me a kiss on each cheek which is a customary way to say hello and goodbye here and then I went upstairs alone. Not even a hint on his part. Obviously, this man wants to get to know me. He doesn't just want to screw me. And therefore, his agenda is not hidden. It's out in the open. He wants to spend time getting to know more about me. And I want to get to know more about him too, especially before I let him see my many facets. He is definitely being cautious as well.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
Profile   Post #: 88
RE: Who should pay? - 7/3/2005 7:46:52 PM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline 		As M said, I believe there might be a hidden agenda with most of the boys who pursue under the guise of being a submissive searching for a Domme. Perhaps it's just a higher level of expectation that some sort of play will occur, and a few probably even feel they have bought and paid for that right.
What happened with you, LA, is wonderful. And I hope things work out. Of course this man asked you out in a vanilla context, and I am glad he is such a gentleman. And I can see Aakasha's common sense in more expensive trips to meet, etc., when there is reasonable expectation that play may occur, to prefer to pay Her own way, so that She has the comfort level of saying "no" if things don't work out as hoped.
What I think is sad is that any date, vanilla or D/s style, in this day and age seems to have any Lady worrying about how to protect Herself in the clinches. And this is why there is so much of "let Me pay My own way", whether it is dinner, or drinks or a movie. Ladies have been made to feel that it is only fair that they either pay or they play. Which brings Me back to the question I had of how many male doms might have the attitude that if they take a femsub to dinner, they expect a blow job. Because the male is the Dominant in that situation, and could bring quite some pressure to bear. Now, I can just hear the thundering herd of Doms coming with the flame throwers, but gentlemen, I must say this was discussed in another round about way (as in driving for a few hours for a first meet!) on another thread a few months ago, and I was appalled to read one Dom's words to the effect, *well, even if it isn't going to work out, if someone drove for 3 hours, maybe they could consider a hand job.* And there was some male support for this sentiment, albeit a bit more tastefully worded.
As a Domina, I guess I am lucky to feel I have a bit of an upper hand in this conundrum. If a boy is purusing Me as a submissive, then he pays when I say he pays, and we play when I say we play, if I say we play. If he doesn't want to follow that rule, then I guess he isn't very submisssive! *W*
Disclaimer: Again to note that I am referring only to a dinner date or some other reasonably priced meeting. I am not referring to a weekend in Hawaii!

< Message edited by GoddessDustyGold -- 7/3/2005 7:51:36 PM >

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom


(in reply to LadyAngelika)
Profile   Post #: 89
RE: Who should pay? - 7/3/2005 7:53:23 PM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kc692


quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessDustyGold

quote:

ORIGINAL: Oumae


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika


quote:

ORIGINAL: onceburned

<torn between lust for two hotties and worry about being divided in half, chris remains silent>


Chris is up for grabs? Oumae, want to partake in the tug-o-war? We can always have him drawn & quartered...

- LA


Hmmmmmmmm how about a season each?

Oumae


Poor Chris....the object of so much affection! We can go 4 ways if We each take a season. Then We get all of him for about 3 months each.
I take Spring!


Hey, I know I'm a little later than the other Domina, but, is there a way to share him with a relatively new member such as myself?



Poor Chris! I think he is hiding for sure now!
So many Dominas, so little time.


_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom


(in reply to kc692)
Profile   Post #: 90
RE: Who should pay? - 7/4/2005 2:56:16 AM   
onceburned


Posts: 2117
Joined: 1/4/2005
From: Iowa
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessDustyGold
Poor Chris! I think he is hiding for sure now!
So many Dominas, so little time.


I despair of measuring up to the standards of any one of you, let alone two or more! Besides, the thought of winter in Montreal sent me to the basement to dig out my comforters. Brrr! (Iowa is bad enough - although I bet Ireland has better winters)

But I am honored to be thought well of by women who I have admired for sometime now. KC692 may be new but the quality of her posts shine through. It would be a distinct pleasure (if also a challenge) to be the submissive of any one of the women who have made kind remarks about me.

This thread has left me wondering, not for the first time, why I live in Iowa. Hmmm... that's an even tougher question than 'Who should pay?"

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)
Profile   Post #: 91
RE: Who should pay? - 7/4/2005 6:05:42 AM   
sudja


Posts: 155
Joined: 2/8/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessDustyGold

I was appalled to read one Dom's words to the effect, *well, even if it isn't going to work out, if someone drove for 3 hours, maybe they could consider a hand job.* And there was some male support for this sentiment, albeit a bit more tastefully worded.


That is disgusting, D/s or not - of course, that is also, sadly, male. Not all men share this attitude, but it is far from rare.

quote:


As a Domina, I guess I am lucky to feel I have a bit of an upper hand in this conundrum. If a boy is purusing Me as a submissive, then he pays when I say he pays, and we play when I say we play, if I say we play. If he doesn't want to follow that rule, then I guess he isn't very submisssive! *W*


No joke about it - you are 100% right. But what a horrible waste of time and way to have to rule out somebody.

quote:


Disclaimer: Again to note that I am referring only to a dinner date or some other reasonably priced meeting. I am
not referring to a weekend in Hawaii!


You know what? Even if you meant Hawaii it shouldn't matter assuming it was clear there were no promises.

Not sure I want to share this, but I will. The first time I met my Mistress face to face we had a couple days at Her house, then plans for me to take Her on a nice vacation, a treat for both of us, totally my treat for a lot of reasons (I owed Her for being a shoulder during a difficult time, She deserved a break, a treat....).

Neither of us knew for certain whether we would "translate" to offline but we planned the trip regardless. I had the additional thought that if we went so far as to "not like" each other, that I would send Her on the vacation and forego going myself --- not liking each other would not negate all the reasons I wanted to do something very nice for Her.

Needless to say, we liked each other. A lot, even. And I will be doing many more very nice things for Her along the way, until the end of time.

sudja

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)
Profile   Post #: 92
RE: Who should pay? - 7/4/2005 6:48:13 AM   
kc692


Posts: 3701
Joined: 3/24/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: onceburned

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessDustyGold
Poor Chris! I think he is hiding for sure now!
So many Dominas, so little time.


I despair of measuring up to the standards of any one of you, let alone two or more! Besides, the thought of winter in Montreal sent me to the basement to dig out my comforters. Brrr! (Iowa is bad enough - although I bet Ireland has better winters)

But I am honored to be thought well of by women who I have admired for sometime now. KC692 may be new but the quality of her posts shine through. It would be a distinct pleasure (if also a challenge) to be the submissive of any one of the women who have made kind remarks about me.

This thread has left me wondering, not for the first time, why I live in Iowa. Hmmm... that's an even tougher question than 'Who should pay?"


Thank you Chris for the compliment, and I must say, you must be able to tell how highly you are thought of by us Ladies.....I am sure you realize we are not usually willing to share, smiles....

(in reply to onceburned)
Profile   Post #: 93
RE: Who should pay? - 7/4/2005 8:04:01 AM   
Oumae


Posts: 911
Joined: 1/4/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: onceburned


I despair of measuring up to the standards of any one of you, let alone two or more! Besides, the thought of winter in Montreal sent me to the basement to dig out my comforters. Brrr! (Iowa is bad enough - although I bet Ireland has better winters)




Winters aren't too bad here at all but I was thinking of summer here for you Chris, would hate for you to be getting too much sun!

Oumae


_____________________________

Is cuma le fear na mbrog ca leagann se a chos.
( The man with the boots does not mind where he places his foot)

(in reply to onceburned)
Profile   Post #: 94
RE: Who should pay? - 7/4/2005 1:16:09 PM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline 		sudja,

your Lady is very fortunate to have found you. Since you said:

quote:

Not sure I want to share this, but I will. The first time I met my Mistress face to face we had a couple days at Her house, then plans for me to take Her on a nice vacation, a treat for both of us, totally my treat for a lot of reasons (I owed Her for being a shoulder during a difficult time, She deserved a break, a treat....).


I am wondering...was this a vanilla friendship in the beginning?
(Shoulder available here, in exchange for a week of vacation! *W*)
Actually, I have personally found that I seem to get along much better and have stronger relationships with the boys who do not rush Me, and take the time to develop a friendship and mutual understanding over a period of time, rather than those who are anxious to re-locate tomorrow. They realize I am a Domina, and I realize they are submissive, but it is approached from a less pressured POV.
"Getting to know you...getting to know all about you!"


_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom


(in reply to sudja)
Profile   Post #: 95
RE: Who should pay? - 7/4/2005 2:03:55 PM   
sudja


Posts: 155
Joined: 2/8/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessDustyGold

sudja,

your Lady is very fortunate to have found you. Since you said:



Thank you. We both consider ourselves fortunate, which is one of the reasons I find Her to be so special, to be willing to both feel and acknowledge that it is both of us.


quote:


quote:

Not sure I want to share this, but I will. The first time I met my Mistress face to face we had a couple days at Her house, then plans for me to take Her on a nice vacation, a treat for both of us, totally my treat for a lot of reasons (I owed Her for being a shoulder during a difficult time, She deserved a break, a treat....).


I am wondering...was this a vanilla friendship in the beginning?
(Shoulder available here, in exchange for a week of vacation! *W*)
Actually, I have personally found that I seem to get along much better and have stronger relationships with the boys who do not rush Me, and take the time to develop a friendship and mutual understanding over a period of time, rather than those who are anxious to re-locate tomorrow. They realize I am a Domina, and I realize they are submissive, but it is approached from a less pressured POV.
"Getting to know you...getting to know all about you!"



Great show, btw. Saw Yul in it live a couple of times. :)

There was never a "vanilla" friendship in that we met online at the place which shall not be named here (b.com) ;)....

I had respect for Her from mostly afar (we participated in discussions in the same channel, when there were some, and were two of the only folks who enjoyed having actual discussions) as a "real Domme" and apparently She thought perhaps I might be the "real thing" as well - all this strictly based on channel chats, no one on one. :) This over a period of 9 months.

It seemed natural to me, to approach Her, when I had a question, "Is this what a Domme should have done?" when I needed to hear that indeed, it was not me, that I had been "done wrong" or at least not properly cared for....

Our discussions were wide-ranged, D/s theory, my personal stories, Her own, and bit by bit we engaged in a bit more of that "dance....." the one which denotes a possibility of "more" than "just" friendship.

I agree with you on the slow go, and I was very cautious, as was She, both for our own recents, both recent and "ghosts' - I also think that to go "looking" quite often results in the number one thing a couple has in common is that they both want/wanted somebody.

The vacation was a hoot. :) I found so many ways to kneel where only She and I knew that was what I was doing. :)

sudja



(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)
Profile   Post #: 96
RE: Who should pay? - 7/4/2005 7:03:46 PM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sudja

The vacation was a hoot. :) I found so many ways to kneel where only She and I knew that was what I was doing. :)

sudja

roflmao...Yes, it can be done! Thanks for that! I needed the laugh!
<picturing sudja finding yet another new way to kneel in public without giving a clue to all the vanillas>

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom


(in reply to sudja)
Profile   Post #: 97
RE: Who should pay? - 7/4/2005 11:13:12 PM   
Contradiction


Posts: 2
Joined: 7/4/2005
Status: offline 		I pay for myself and expect who ever i meet to take care of their tab. this whole 'finantial Dom" thing is a legal way of saying "hooker" this way its a "tribute" not cash for services rendered......
BTW, This is my first day o this site..its awesome!!! :)

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
Profile   Post #: 98
RE: Who should pay? - 7/4/2005 11:47:28 PM   
GentleLady


Posts: 356
Joined: 2/1/2005
Status: offline 		Welcome to the site Contradiction. You will find some fascinating discussions with many different points of view. This is a great learning resource.

Gentle Lady

_____________________________

All things are possible to those who have patience, try, and are willing to learn.

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Profile   Post #: 99
RE: Who should pay? - 7/5/2005 7:02:27 AM   
sudja


Posts: 155
Joined: 2/8/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Contradiction

I pay for myself and expect who ever i meet to take care of their tab. this whole 'finantial Dom" thing is a legal way of saying "hooker" this way its a "tribute" not cash for services rendered......
BTW, This is my first day o this site..its awesome!!! :)



You're really going to endear yourself all over.

(And you're answering the question, "Does age matter?" VERY loudly.)

sudja


(in reply to Contradiction)
Profile   Post #: 100
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