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ORIGINAL: cainssub

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ORIGINAL: Tigrita

What does it mean to share yourself with someone?  How is that accomplished?  How is it reciprocated?  One way, is giving someone room in your head, in your heart, in your life.  When some of the little things you think and do, you do with them in mind.  When it comes to D/s, this can happen in the form of tasks, or expectations, outside of play time. 

But how does one know that this is not one-sided?  That they also make room in their life and their heart for you? 

"the essence of loyalty is reciprocity"
Nelson DeMille  "The Lions Game"

i read his novels because Master enjoys them........just one of the ways i can give Him my time when we can't be in contact or engage in play, i read the same words He's read and then we can talk about it......

One can never know for sure if they've made it into someone elses heart....its called faith, you either believe they care for you in the same way or you dont.  Master is in another state so i cant feel His touch (yet) to know, or even truly look into His eyes for the inkling.....He demonstrates how He feels by calling me, contacting me, checking on me and correcting me when necessary.......and by teaching me to grow in ways i never thought possible...

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ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

How do you do this to build a non-kink relationship? It works just the same...only the tools in the garage are different.

Master Fire

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Foe example, if I was going to be a Domme for a sub/slave who was a tomboy, initially my assignment to them would be to write an essay on how they feel wearing a skirt and heels or on Feminization, and how they think this refinement would improove them in their service to me. This is a relatively easy task to complete that does require some thought, but also gives me a look into the sub/slave's mind and to why they think the way they do. Some subs/slaves might have an easier time with it than others.

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ORIGINAL: Justme696

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Foe example, if I was going to be a Domme for a sub/slave who was a tomboy, initially my assignment to them would be to write an essay on how they feel wearing a skirt and heels or on Feminization, and how they think this refinement would improove them in their service to me. This is a relatively easy task to complete that does require some thought, but also gives me a look into the sub/slave's mind and to why they think the way they do. Some subs/slaves might have an easier time with it than others.

that sounds like a good idea. not so much pressure on writing an essay..gives her time to think

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ORIGINAL: Tigrita
... how can one be sure this investment is reciprocated?  

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I would be curious to know if a majority of dom/me's have differences in what they would consider "play partner assignments" and "long term partner assignments". Should you really ask that young college girl/guy to change majors just for the thrill of knowing you control them to that degree, if you have no intentions of ever sharing your life with them?

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Oh, and I'm in a skirt every day now. Except when it's cold ;)

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ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I hope you won't mind a Domme's point of view.

For starters. I'm not the type to just throw random assignments out.  Usually, any assignment that I give My submissive has an actual bearing on where he is in his situation, how his training is progressing, and areas that he needs to work on.  I want the assignments that I give to be worthwhile.  There should always be something gained.  Sorry, Red Socks fans, but I don't give those type of instructions.

One example of matched time and commitment to his assignments is one that I currently have him working on.  It became obvious that, in most circumstances, I was getting more of what I wanted by his responding to threads here than what was being written in his journal.  For him, it seems better to address specific points just now, than to get these ideas out without prompting.  On evenings that W/we are not together, he is to read and respond to five threads.  (This happened to be one of them.)  An easy enough request, however, this is what happens behind the scenes.

First of all, I do the research.  I pick out five threads that I want him to cover.  I take the time to read the thread in it's entirerty, to determine if it's suitable.  If it is, it's selected and I move to the next.  If not, I start over with a different thread, and the process continues until I have found the number he is to write on that day.  Along with this, is the reading of his actual responses the next morning, as well as incorporating the throughts into his training.  There's also the time discussing what he's written, and the "creativity" time as I orchastrate  how to put some of his progress into place.

Of course, not everything is this involved, but it's a good example of how both sides have an investment. 

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ORIGINAL: KaylinSilverfurr
A well thought out and careful Dom(me) will assign tasks given the sub/slave's ability and nature within those first initial meetings. For a Dom(me) to do so, this does actually require consideration and time investment on their part as well, and not for just "the occasional hard on". It gives them a larger clue as to what mindset the sub/slave is in, how much effort the sub/slave is willing to give, and what boundaries can/should be pushed. It's not quite as simple as "dolling out an assignment", it shows growth and understanding and should show the sub/slave something about themselves.

Foe example, if I was going to be a Domme for a sub/slave who was a tomboy, initially my assignment to them would be to write an essay on how they feel wearing a skirt and heels or on Feminization, and how they think this refinement would improove them in their service to me. This is a relatively easy task to complete that does require some thought, but also gives me a look into the sub/slave's mind and to why they think the way they do. Some subs/slaves might have an easier time with it than others.

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ORIGINAL: kyraofMists
I think the biggest thing is that neither of us gave more than we were capable of giving in the moment.  I know for myself (and I am pretty sure that he thinks the same) that at any point along the way if the interactions would have ended I would not have regretted meeting him and giving of myself.

I think that is the key for me.  I gave only what I could afford and I did it for myself.  He gave only what he could afford and he did it for himself.  Up until the point that he accepted me as his slave, each step I took because I wanted to and because I could afford to make it at the time.  Afford mostly in the mental and emotional sense rather than the financial.  After becoming his slave, my motivation for taking the steps became focused on doing his will rather than my own.

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Before becoming his slave, it was extremely rare for him to give me orders or instructions.  It was only after we made the commitment for me to visit that he expressed some expectations that he had of me. ... For the most part he would tell me things he liked, express what he would want or ask me to do something specific.  There was no expectation on his part that I comply with any of this.  If I chose not to do these things it would not have harmed the relationship; it may have only changed the direction in which the relationship was going.

I know that for him, he does not give orders to other people unless they have expressly consented to transfer authority in that area.  With Alandra and me, he has authority in all areas of our life, so he expects that all requests and instructions will be obeyed because that is his will.  With someone that is a play partner, he may only have authority within the play, so there is no expectation that any request made outside of the area he has authority would be complied with.  If the person chooses to do so, they do it of their own free will.

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Wow, I'm not used to baring my soul like I have been lately on here. Here's to strangers on the internet with too much time on their hands. Thanks everyone.

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I guess I just think that it is not realistic to think that I might have a real place in his life at some point, so I don't want to invest too much of myself.

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ORIGINAL: Justme696

Thank you for sharing. Very nice information. Never thought of that