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RE: assignments and commitment - 1/17/2008 4:41:56 PM

KaylinSilverfurr

Posts: 74
Joined: 1/15/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tigrita

This describes an ideal situation to me, nicely said. Though the point about tasks assigned in initial meetings, demonstrating the sub's commitment, this brings up another point I've noticed before. Often it seems that dom(me)s want such a display of commitment, even before there is emotional trust established. That seems backwards to me. I think you are not referring to that, you seem to have a healthy perspective about the dom(me)'s commitment too, but that is just another point that comes to mind.

Tigrita,
Thank you for the compliment! I am definately glad that you were able to see the point I was trying to make with my post.
If a sub agrees to be my sub, of course time would be spent getting to know them as a person first. If some random sub came up to me without knowing me aside from name and based on a few rumors, and decided to trust me based on only that, I would have to turn them away. Just as I would expect that a Dom(me) would turn me away if I was wanting to sub for them without having done the research or gotten to know them as a person.
This is why I do not engage in physical play at munches or parties I've been to, because what I consider a limit might not be what others consider a limit. Physical limits for me basically involve physical contact. Now, there's nothing wrong mind you, with a sub/slave wishing to provide service to me.

For example:
I'm at a party, surveying the crowd and scene, noting where the bathroom is (because that's always the first thing I do) and debating on if I want a drink or not. A sub I don't know approaches me (male or female, doesn't really matter) with a flogger in hand and politely asks me if I would please take them into the dungeon and flog them. After thanking them for their consideration, I would tell them no and explain that I do not know them well enough. If after that they are still wanting to provide service, I would tell them to go and get me a glass of coke from the bar and bring it to my table. Easy enough action, the sub still gets the joy of providing service to a Dom(me), no physical contact or deep trust required, and I can learn more about the person, which allows them and me to gain trust.

My two cents more. :)

~Kaylin

(in reply to Tigrita)

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Post #: 41

RE: assignments and commitment - 1/18/2008 1:34:35 PM

LPslittleclip

Posts: 1163
Joined: 9/29/2007
Status: offline

in response to the original post to share ones self means to make yourself open/vulnerable to the other person trusting that no harm will come . this is the trust factor as the relationship goes on and more trust is given the deeper the attachment will become. as far as the commitment part if the if the Dominant/Master involved has planned for the sub/bottom at all a commitment has been made now as to what level of commitment will be up to the unique dynamic of the D/s M/s involved. the more trust is in the dynamic the deeper the commitment will be.
just my two cents worth
proudly collared be LadyPact

(in reply to cainssub)

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Post #: 42

RE: assignments and commitment - 1/18/2008 5:03:21 PM

NaiveTempest

Posts: 345
Joined: 11/20/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

I would like to think that whatever commitment I put into ANY relationship, D/s or vanilla, it is reciprocated. To borrow an term a counselor friend used to say, "There is no 50/50; if you each aren't giving 100% of yourselves, then failure is to be expected."

_____________________________

"All the things I should have said that I never said/All the things we should have done that we never did/All the things I should have given, but I didn't.../Give me these moments back..."

Kate Bush, "This Woman's Work"

(in reply to Tigrita)

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Post #: 43

RE: assignments and commitment - 1/24/2008 6:26:52 PM

Tigrita

Posts: 484
Joined: 8/16/2007
From: California
Status: offline

I just wanted to update... getting validation through actions (versus words/assumptions) that the relationship is real and meaningful goes a long way to putting fears asside. I've gotten that now, and it feels great. I'm still not going to say it is "serious", but it is now firmly in the realm of "real". Showing that it is a priority, making a real, active, meaningful place for it in your life... this is the balance I mean, what a submissive needs from a dominant (in my world anyway).

Thanks for the replies everyone!

_____________________________

~ Tigrita

There is no right path, only the path you take.

Success is making life happen, versus just letting life happen to you.

"Many of the things I enjoy, I enjoy because I don't enjoy them." - Charlotte

(in reply to KaylinSilverfurr)

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Post #: 44