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RE: What do you consider the difference between a sub a... - 11/22/2008 10:07:12 AM   
NihilusZero


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If a horizontal line, from left to right, incrementally shows the range of all possible things an s-type can surrender to his/her D-type, then the 'sub vs. slave' discussion is just the vertical line that separates the left/sub side from the right/slave side.

The catch being, as many here have said, that where that vertical line falls on the continuum is a matter of subjective prerogative.


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RE: What do you consider the difference between a sub a... - 11/22/2008 11:56:50 AM   
DesFIP


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To the op

Why didn't you learn enough about the person you were slave to before agreeing to such a position to realize that you weren't compatible? What things didn't you talk about that you should talk about next time?

It isn't the label, it's the people.

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RE: What do you consider the difference between a sub a... - 11/22/2008 11:58:13 AM   
persephonee


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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

To the op

Why didn't you learn enough about the person you were slave to before agreeing to such a position to realize that you weren't compatible? What things didn't you talk about that you should talk about next time?

It isn't the label, it's the people.


yesyesyesyesyesyesyesyes....

yes.

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RE: What do you consider the difference between a sub a... - 11/22/2008 1:58:14 PM   
MRandme


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For me, the difference is in the focus... a sub can focus on their own pleasure, saying "no, i dont' want to do that" and "i must have this". A slave's focus is on the Master/Mistress and what He or She desires instead, and generally may not refuse to do something.

my Master sees these things as a spectrum:

Mastery---- Dominant -------Switch -------- submissive -------- slave

A person may fall anywhere along that spectrum and the only difference is in degree. Also, while i am His slave, with another Man i may not be, but further to the left, being submissive but not a slave. i cannot see myself further left than that, though.

YMMV of course


g

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RE: What do you consider the difference between a sub a... - 11/22/2008 10:08:47 PM   
E2Sweet


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In re to: "What do you consider the difference between a sub and a slave"...

Everything after the "s"... Nothing more, nothing less.


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RE: What do you consider the difference between a sub a... - 11/23/2008 7:04:49 AM   
IronBear


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For me a sub is one of the 12 inch subs cut in half I am currently eating, purchased from Subway. Now when they open up Slaveway I'll go there instead..

On the other hand:
  • Generally a sub negotiates all the activities and other aspects of the time she in "in collar" to his or her Dominant.
  • A slave, whilst may and should discuss all aspects of his or her prospective submission, once submission is accepted by the Master or Mistress gives up his or her rights (lets use common sence here folks, although some of the logical rights maybe "given" back to said slave. In many cases slaves in or not in TPE are basically service slaves, domestic servants, with sex and BDSM being added according to the owner's wishes.


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RE: What do you consider the difference between a sub a... - 11/23/2008 11:25:40 AM   
Jeptha


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quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

For me a sub is one of the 12 inch subs cut in half I am currently eating, purchased from Subway. Now when they open up Slaveway I'll go there instead..

On the other hand:
  • Generally a sub negotiates all the activities and other aspects of the time she in "in collar" to his or her Dominant.
  • A slave, whilst may and should discuss all aspects of his or her prospective submission, once submission is accepted by the Master or Mistress gives up his or her rights (lets use common sence here folks, although some of the logical rights maybe "given" back to said slave. In many cases slaves in or not in TPE are basically service slaves, domestic servants, with sex and BDSM being added according to the owner's wishes.

I'm curious about the "discussion" that you mention ~ does this take the form of a contract, at last (if only a verbal one), which would delineate *some* boundaries?
(I'm not asking you, specifically, IronBear, just throwing the question out there generally.)
Part of my interest in this is that if I ever did have a slave, I probably would be interested in occasionally sharing her with others.
And I could see sharing as a reasonable "hard limit" for a slave...because it's very difficult to assure complete safety from STDs in this day and age. Even if you do the best you can, it's very difficult to make complete assurances.
Thus, it can be framed as a health issue.
That's one context in which the notion of TPE becomes blurry to me, and difficult to reconcile.

There are other contexts, as well, where I wonder how that would apply, but I'll have to think about those more.
I will say, though, that I'm glad these threads do come along, repetition though it may be. It is generally more interesting to read a conversation that you can join rather than a read a static document (an old thread, for example) - - - unless the document in question is very particularly well written.

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RE: What do you consider the difference between a sub a... - 11/23/2008 12:55:45 PM   
WestBaySlave


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeptha
I'm curious about the "discussion" that you mention ~ does this take the form of a contract, at last (if only a verbal one), which would delineate *some* boundaries?
Part of my interest in this is that if I ever did have a slave, I probably would be interested in occasionally sharing her with others.
And I could see sharing as a reasonable "hard limit" for a slave...because it's very difficult to assure complete safety from STDs in this day and age. Even if you do the best you can, it's very difficult to make complete assurances.
Thus, it can be framed as a health issue.
That's one context in which the notion of TPE becomes blurry to me, and difficult to reconcile.



I think of it this way: I try to seek a master I'm as compatible with as possible.

I say monogamous on my profile, because it's a large part of who I am and because of the health concerns you just brought up. I seek a master who wants monogamy as much as do so I don't have to have to have a limit in regards to that.

TPE is really an ideal to strive towards rather than an absolute for me. Even in a TPE, would I fight back if my master decided that play that day consisted of hacking me to bits with a chainsaw? Probably. That's one of the reasons why I try to find myself someone who I trust enough to know they won't, even though I'm not going to say they can't.

"No limits" is something I've been criticized for, but I think of it this way: if I felt I wouldn't be safe with a man unless I outlined what he could and could not do, I wouldn't be involved with him in any close relationship, let alone have him be god over my life.

This is just the way I do things, YMMV, and feel free to not consider me a "real" slave.


< Message edited by WestBaySlave -- 11/23/2008 12:58:26 PM >

(in reply to Jeptha)
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RE: What do you consider the difference between a sub a... - 11/23/2008 1:53:48 PM   
IronBear


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From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeptha

quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

For me a sub is one of the 12 inch subs cut in half I am currently eating, purchased from Subway. Now when they open up Slaveway I'll go there instead..

On the other hand:
  • Generally a sub negotiates all the activities and other aspects of the time she in "in collar" to his or her Dominant.
  • A slave, whilst may and should discuss all aspects of his or her prospective submission, once submission is accepted by the Master or Mistress gives up his or her rights (lets use common sence here folks, although some of the logical rights maybe "given" back to said slave. In many cases slaves in or not in TPE are basically service slaves, domestic servants, with sex and BDSM being added according to the owner's wishes.

I'm curious about the "discussion" that you mention ~ does this take the form of a contract, at last (if only a verbal one), which would delineate *some* boundaries?
(I'm not asking you, specifically, IronBear, just throwing the question out there generally.)
Part of my interest in this is that if I ever did have a slave, I probably would be interested in occasionally sharing her with others.
And I could see sharing as a reasonable "hard limit" for a slave...because it's very difficult to assure complete safety from STDs in this day and age. Even if you do the best you can, it's very difficult to make complete assurances.
Thus, it can be framed as a health issue.
That's one context in which the notion of TPE becomes blurry to me, and difficult to reconcile.

There are other contexts, as well, where I wonder how that would apply, but I'll have to think about those more.
I will say, though, that I'm glad these threads do come along, repetition though it may be. It is generally more interesting to read a conversation that you can join rather than a read a static document (an old thread, for example) - - - unless the document in question is very particularly well written.



Excelent point, With me there will be a number of discussions in which we both will be learniung about each other. Involved with this will be some practical work such as demonstrating how the slave serves etc. It is a dual assessment in effect where I am assessing his or her suitability and he or she both mine and my wife's suitability/compatability. I would be working through a list of BDSM areas and seeking comments regarding limits too.. I have my hard limits and I expect a potential slave to be up front about theirs. Such things are not necessarily a disqualifer but will possibly limit some areas of invoolvement in BDSM activities. For example I love Needle Play and enjoy decorating the human body with designs outlined with needles which may have different coloured feather attached and even the use of henna or coloured wax. Not everyone enjoys needle play and some are scared silly by the thought. This I respect and would know I would need to find another victi... erm person on whom to practice.


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Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

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RE: What do you consider the difference between a sub a... - 11/23/2008 1:58:29 PM   
Viridana


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quote:

ORIGINAL: aerynstark

I had a situation where i was in a slave situation...and it was not for me....What do most people consider the difference between a sub and a slave?


Sub: a person who calls themself "sub"
Slave: a person who calls themself "slave"

(in reply to aerynstark)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: What do you consider the difference between a sub a... - 11/23/2008 2:49:14 PM   
IronBear


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From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Viridana

quote:

ORIGINAL: aerynstark

I had a situation where i was in a slave situation...and it was not for me....What do most people consider the difference between a sub and a slave?


Sub: a person who calls themself "sub"
Slave: a person who calls themself "slave"




No no no no! I simply can not allow that to go. The real questions you now pose is why does a sub call his or her self a sub and why does a slave call him or her self a slave?


_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

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Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

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RE: What do you consider the difference between a sub a... - 11/23/2008 3:32:42 PM   
thetammyjo


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quote:

ORIGINAL: WestBaySlave

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeptha
I'm curious about the "discussion" that you mention ~ does this take the form of a contract, at last (if only a verbal one), which would delineate *some* boundaries?
Part of my interest in this is that if I ever did have a slave, I probably would be interested in occasionally sharing her with others.
And I could see sharing as a reasonable "hard limit" for a slave...because it's very difficult to assure complete safety from STDs in this day and age. Even if you do the best you can, it's very difficult to make complete assurances.
Thus, it can be framed as a health issue.
That's one context in which the notion of TPE becomes blurry to me, and difficult to reconcile.



I think of it this way: I try to seek a master I'm as compatible with as possible.



You know I think this philosophy could solve 90% of the all the problems we read about in the forums. Folks need to slow down and work on finding excellent not just good matches and certainly not just any match.


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(in reply to WestBaySlave)
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RE: What do you consider the difference between a sub a... - 11/23/2008 3:44:04 PM   
KnightofMists


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quote:

ORIGINAL: aerynstark

I had a situation where i was in a slave situation...and it was not for me....What do most people consider the difference between a sub and a slave?


I am not sure what most people consider is the difference between a sub and a slave.  But I know the difference to me.. and that is enough for me.

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RE: What do you consider the difference between a sub a... - 11/23/2008 4:42:47 PM   
WinsomeDefiance


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I anguished over the concept of slavery, at first, because I had to get past pre-conditioned thinking in regards to slavery and what I was taught growing up in the south.

Then I anguished over the concept of slavery, because it seemed that I would be accepting the opinion of another that I was LESS worthy than they were, to be respected.  For some reason, being submissive had a much more 'respectable' ring to it that said I was still my own person.

Then I met someone who mastered me, and now I only anguish over whether or not he'll find me worthy to serve him.



< Message edited by WinsomeDefiance -- 11/23/2008 4:45:36 PM >

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RE: What do you consider the difference between a sub a... - 11/23/2008 4:51:35 PM   
OsideGirl


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quote:

ORIGINAL: aerynstark

difference between a sub and a slave?
Two letters.

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RE: What do you consider the difference between a sub a... - 11/23/2008 4:55:09 PM   
OsideGirl


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quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

  • Generally a sub negotiates all the activities and other aspects of the time she in "in collar" to his or her Dominant.


Bear, I rarely disagree with you. But, I'm going to this time. I'm an owned and collared submissive and I do not constantly re-negotiate. We live TPE and I have yielded my limits to his. I do not consider myself a slave for a number of reasons.

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RE: What do you consider the difference between a sub a... - 11/23/2008 5:14:17 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WestBaySlave


I think of it this way: I try to seek a master I'm as compatible with as possible.

I say monogamous on my profile, because it's a large part of who I am and because of the health concerns you just brought up. I seek a master who wants monogamy as much as do so I don't have to have to have a limit in regards to that.

TPE is really an ideal to strive towards rather than an absolute for me. Even in a TPE, would I fight back if my master decided that play that day consisted of hacking me to bits with a chainsaw? Probably. That's one of the reasons why I try to find myself someone who I trust enough to know they won't, even though I'm not going to say they can't.

"No limits" is something I've been criticized for, but I think of it this way: if I felt I wouldn't be safe with a man unless I outlined what he could and could not do, I wouldn't be involved with him in any close relationship, let alone have him be god over my life.

This is just the way I do things, YMMV, and feel free to not consider me a "real" slave.



Everything WestBay said. And lately I'm saying that on several threads. You're one smart young man.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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Profile   Post #: 37
RE: What do you consider the difference between a sub a... - 11/23/2008 6:01:59 PM   
trealeon


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Ironically, I just read this somewhere... I'm sure it's probably already posted on this board but I thought it was interestng and maybe you will find it interesting too. It's not something I wrote, I read it...and like I said, 9 times out of 10 someone else here has already read it it or posted it...

-----------
The Nine Degrees Of Submission

1.The outright non-submissive masochist or kinky sensualist

Not into servitude, humiliation or giving up of control; just pain and/or spiced-up sensuality, on the masochist's own terms for the masochist's own pleasure (ie: being turned on solely or mainly by one's own bodily sensations, rather than being turned on by being "used" to gratify one's partner's sadism).


2.Pseudo-submissive non-slave

Not into even playing "slave", but into other "submissive" role-playing, e.g.: schoolteacher scenes, infantilism, "forced" transvestism. Usually into humiliation, but NOT into servitude, even in play. Dictates the scene to a large degree.


3.Pseudo-submissive PLAY slave

Likes to play at being slave. Likes to *feel* subservient; may in some cases like to *feel* that one is being "used" to gratify one's partner's sadism; and may even really serve the dominant in some ways, but only on the "slave's" own terms. Dictates the scene to a large degree; often fetishistic (e.g. foot worshippers).


4.True submissive non-slave

Really gives up control (though only temporarily and within agreed upon limits), but gets his/her main satisfaction from aspects of submission *other than* serving or being used by the dominant. Usually turned on by suspense, vulnerability, and/or giving up of responsibility. Doesn't dictate the scene except in very general terms, but still seeks mainly her/his own *direct* pleasure (rather than getting one's pleasure mainly from pleasing the dominant).


5.True submissive PLAY slave

Really gives up control (though only temporarily; only during brief "scenes" and within limits) and gets his/her main satisfaction from serving and being used by the dominant - but only for FUN purposes, usually erotic. (May or may not be into pain, but if so, is turned on by pain *indirectly*, ie: enjoys being the objects of one's partner's sadism, on which the submissive places few requirements or restrictions.)


6.Uncommitted short-term but more-than-play semi-slave

Really gives up control (though usually within limits); wants to serve and be used by the dominant; wants to provide practical/non-erotic as well as fun/ erotic services; but only when the "slave" is in the mood. May even act as a full-time slave for, say, several days at a time, but is free to quit at any time (or at the end of the agreed upon several days). May or may not have a long-term relationship with one's Mistress/Master, but, either way, the "slave" has the final say over when he or she will serve.


7.Part-time consensual but REAL slave

Has ongoing commitment to an owner/slave relationship, and regards oneself as the Mistress'/Master's "property" at all times. Wants to obey and please her/him in all aspects of life - practical/non-erotic as well as fun/erotic. Devotes most of one's time to other commitments (eg: job) but the Mistress/Master has first pick of the slave's free time.


8.Full-time live-in consensual slave

Within no more than a few broad limits/requirements, the slave regards herself/ himself as existing solely for the Mistress'/Master's use, pleasure and well- being. The slave in turn expects to be regarded as a prized possession. Not much different from the situation of the traditional housewife, except that within the S/M world the slave's position is more likely to be fully consensual, especially if the slave is male (since men certainly aren't socially pressured into this kind of lifestyle). Within the S/M world, a full-time "slave" arrangement is entered into with an explicit awareness of the magnitude of power that is being given up, and hence is usually entered into much more carefully, with more awareness of the possible dangers, and with much clearer and more specific agreements than usually precede the traditional marriage.


9.Consensual total slave with no limits

A common fantasy ideal which probably doesn't exist in real life (except in authoritarian religious cults and other situations where the "consent" is induced by brainwashing and/or social or economic pressures, and hence isn't fully consensual). A few S/M purists will insist that you aren't really a slave unless you're willing to do absolutely *anything* for your Mistress/ Master, with no limits at all. There are a few who claim to be no-limits slaves, but in all cases it would be reasonable to doubt the claim.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: What do you consider the difference between a sub a... - 11/23/2008 10:02:47 PM   
WestBaySlave


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Joined: 9/24/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Everything WestBay said. And lately I'm saying that on several threads. You're one smart young man.


Thank you! Here's hoping it comes in handy real-time.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: What do you consider the difference between a sub a... - 11/24/2008 5:45:38 AM   
Rover


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The nine degrees of submission... what a perfect heirarchy for those who wish to feel superior to others.  In fact, I do believe that the nine degrees have been supplanted by a version with eleven degrees... two more degrees for when being a ninth degree slave just isn't special enough anymore.
 
John

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(in reply to trealeon)
Profile   Post #: 40
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