RE: Slave or Sub. What's the distinction?

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RE: Slave or Sub. What's the distinction? - 3/28/2006 7:43:02 AM

thetammyjo

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lushusboobs

As a slave, jezzabelle, do you find that every area of your life is controlled by another? When does slavery stop being slavery and start being codependancy? Where are the lines drawn. For example, when you wake up, do you have to have someone tell you what clothes to wear, or are you allowed to choose your own? Do you need to have someone tell you to take personal care of yourself or do you do that for yourself? Can you take the initiative to do chores without someone ordering it? Left on your own would you do anyting constructive?

I'm just curious, because I want to know exactly how much control is too much control and when the slave/Mistress or Master relationship just becomes codependency and an enmeshed existence. It doesn't seem terribly healthy to me. Although I like a submissive who knows that he is submissive, I still enjoy a little bit of SAM. And I like someone who is intelligent and thinks independently of myself and who has their own opinions. I guess my fear is that in taking on someone who wants to be a slave that there is too much expectation of total control. Being with a submissive seems easy to me in comparison. Being Mistress to a slave seems like much harder work.

Lushus

I think it depends on your definition.

For me, someone needing my continuous control and my management of his time isn't my slave, he's a submissive and depending on how much control I exercise I might start to become his slave!

For me, the slave is there to service and make life easier and better -- he does not need me to manage him because that would be more work for me and not make my life easier or better.

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TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

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RE: Slave or Sub. What's the distinction? - 3/28/2006 10:00:07 AM

wolfsong

Posts: 17
Joined: 4/5/2004
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i hope this girl offends none here she was taught by men that a slave has no rights and no right to have pleasure she was just that a piece of property for his and those he chooses pleasure. Where a sub has the right and the privilage to state and ask for what she wants and can negotiate her place in her Master or Mistresses life woflsong

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RE: Slave or Sub. What's the distinction? - 3/28/2006 11:20:29 AM

jezzabelle

Posts: 391
Joined: 2/5/2005
From: Southeastern, MA
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lushusboobs

As a slave, jezzabelle, do you find that every area of your life is controlled by another? When does slavery stop being slavery and start being codependancy? Where are the lines drawn. For example, when you wake up, do you have to have someone tell you what clothes to wear, or are you allowed to choose your own? Do you need to have someone tell you to take personal care of yourself or do you do that for yourself? Can you take the initiative to do chores without someone ordering it? Left on your own would you do anyting constructive?

I'm just curious, because I want to know exactly how much control is too much control and when the slave/Mistress or Master relationship just becomes codependency and an enmeshed existence. It doesn't seem terribly healthy to me. Although I like a submissive who knows that he is submissive, I still enjoy a little bit of SAM. And I like someone who is intelligent and thinks independently of myself and who has their own opinions. I guess my fear is that in taking on someone who wants to be a slave that there is too much expectation of total control. Being with a submissive seems easy to me in comparison. Being Mistress to a slave seems like much harder work.

Lushus

No Lushus, not every area of my life is controlled by another. I choose what I wear each morning when I get up and I go to the bathroom on my own, brush my teeth on my own, and shower on my own. My Master chooses not to micro manage me, so I can and do take care of myself and make decisions on my own, based on what I know he likes. I am the full time mother of our two children so I also take care of them, the household, and the animals without having to have him tell me what to do. If I had to call him at work multiple times each day to get permission to do something, or ask what I should do, it would drive him crazy and make for a very nonproductive day for me since I'd be spending more time on the phone than I would actually getting anything accomplished. I actually take a bit of offense to your question about whether or not I could do anything constructive on my own. Slaves are not mindless creatures that can't think and do for themselves. Some slaves are micromanaged by their owners and what they eat, drink, wear and do each day is determined by their owner. This doesn't mean that if their owner didn't decide for them one day that they suddenly couldn't do it for themselves. Most times, when a slave is micromanaged, it's because it is the choice of their owner to do so, not the slave's. It has nothing to do with the slave not being able to think and do for themselves, and everything to do with the level of control their Owner wishes to have over them. You could have a slave and choose not to micromanage them also. It's your choice.

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RE: Slave or Sub. What's the distinction? - 3/28/2006 11:20:55 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: wolfsong

i hope this girl offends none here she was taught by men that a slave has no rights and no right to have pleasure she was just that a piece of property for his and those he chooses pleasure. Where a sub has the right and the privilage to state and ask for what she wants and can negotiate her place in her Master or Mistresses life woflsong

The most important question, wolfsong, is what do you believe the distinction to be... not what you were taught but what works for you.

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TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

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RE: Slave or Sub. What's the distinction? - 3/28/2006 11:32:21 AM

lushusboobs

Posts: 83
Joined: 5/13/2004
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quote:

I actually take a bit of offense to your question about whether or not I could do anything constructive on my own.

I am sorry. I really didn't mean that to be personal. I was just thinking to myself in general and I didn't think specifically about what that meant to you as a person. I apologize. I guess I have little experience with people of the slave persuasion. My own partner is very passive and I struggle with her not wanting to control her life. I try to set boundaries about what decisions I will not make for her but it is difficult sometimes. A lesbian life is sometims a very enmeshed and codependent life and I'm just trying to make sense of it all.

What bothers me is that I do want a relationship which is equal and her passivity sometimes makes that difficult. I enjoy being in control but not down the the micro managing point as you so aptly put it.

Lushus

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RE: Slave or Sub. What's the distinction? - 3/28/2006 11:53:02 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lushusboobs

quote:

I actually take a bit of offense to your question about whether or not I could do anything constructive on my own.

I am sorry. I really didn't mean that to be personal. I was just thinking to myself in general and I didn't think specifically about what that meant to you as a person. I apologize. I guess I have little experience with people of the slave persuasion. My own partner is very passive and I struggle with her not wanting to control her life. I try to set boundaries about what decisions I will not make for her but it is difficult sometimes. A lesbian life is sometims a very enmeshed and codependent life and I'm just trying to make sense of it all.

What bothers me is that I do want a relationship which is equal and her passivity sometimes makes that difficult. I enjoy being in control but not down the the micro managing point as you so aptly put it.

Lushus

I'd say that needing to be guided or directed or controlled (to the degree that it is bothering you above), is not the same as wanting to be a slave. In way, its wanting to be a child because that person wants to give up responsiblities and its asking the other person to be a parent or even the slave because they are left with all the work and it is work to micromanage someone or even manage someone all the time.

I don't know your relationship dynamics, Lushus, but if you don't want to make certain decisions or micromanage, tell your partner how you feel (I'm betting you have) and then just stop.

Eventually your partner will figure it out and learn to take care of herself in those areas you do not want to control. It sounds like you are in the top/dominant position and in my opinion, this means standing up for yourself first and foremost. Its easy to fall from dom into parent if we aren't careful if the bottom is passive.

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Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

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RE: Slave or Sub. What's the distinction? - 3/30/2006 5:06:05 PM

Contesaluv

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Joined: 3/11/2006
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My goodness, I left the chat boards for a couple of days and WOW!

You know I've come to a definite conclusion. We each create our own reality! This is not something that I have already known for a very long time. Each individual brings to their relationship what they have to offer, what they've brought in the way of baggage and their desires for what they'd like the relationship to be. Sub/Slave is just a word that we each define to mean what we need it to mean and our perception of it may change as we redefine it to suit each relationship in respect to how we decide to participate.

Each one of us brings our wonderful personality, be it weak or strong, be it dominant or submissive, be it well defined or yet to be molded. I think that's the crux of it all anyway. Since all of life is made up anyway, why not make it up the way you want as long as you're not hurting yourself or anyone else. (At least not without their permission. Evil snicker/grin...lol

)

So, I'm glad I was introduced to Collarme.com. I am surely going to enjoy the ride. Hopefully we've all grown a little from the posts here in on way or another.

Count your blessings and then count them again!

Mistress C. (Contesaluv, Tesa, Tessie to my closest friends!)

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It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves.
William Shakespeare
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In a world of so many variables, why do you have to be the norm? Anonymous

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RE: Slave or Sub. What's the distinction? - 4/4/2006 11:51:45 PM

ServiceNTucson

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Joined: 4/3/2006
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Ms C,

My feelings about this are that a submissive has the right to set limits and negotiate. A slave does not.

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