porcelaine
Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
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quote:
ORIGINAL: OttersSwim
"There is nothing in western society today, that says to a male, that it is in any way acceptable to be submissive, yielding, soft, pliant or compliant."
Your statement is applicable to both sexes. Trying to conform to socially applied standards where gender is concerned is usually futile. Always be yourself.
quote:
And so I have heard stories from multiple Ladies here who have had encounters with males who profess to be "submissive" and then prove to really not be submissive at all...or were they?
Men and women can be submissive and have dominant personalities. I don't believe that the claims that 'this one' or 'that one' wasn't submissive are always correct. Perhaps they didn't coalesce in a manner that was functional or feasible for the dominant.
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That concept of what it means to be -male- is a high high hurdle to get over - guys are bucking every ingrained social belief that they have been taught about what it means to "be a guy". Being a male is so much tied into being in control - at the base of one's self.
You can be controlled and yet yielded. You're merely transferring the behavior and implementing it in a different manner. It can be done. I've lived it.
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This does not feel like submission to a lot of Dommes and so they go away disappointed...when in fact, the guy had made significant progress in rethinking his socialization and is sort of in the "proof of concept stage". Whereas She is looking for someone who has made the journey lock stock and barrel...I don't think you find too many of those guys out there who will go all the way on their own. Not saying that it cannot happen, but it is a lot to get through on one's own.
Just because she's a dominant doesn't mean she can dominate everyone. The two must mesh.
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It is an easier journey for a girlie boy. We are already fighting a socialized norm and thus, letting go of male socialized behavior tends to be what we are all about. Submission, IMO, comes easier...but what the girlie boy has to fight is to "look up" from ourselves and our own interests and needs to embrace the needs of another.
Making oneself more feminine if there isn't a natural desire to do that is not a necessity in my opinion. There are those that find a softer male more to their liking, and others that delight in taking on a challenge and wouldn't wish for him to lose his feisty ways. This isn't one size fits all. They should always complement.
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In either case, I believe that there can be a good submissive inside that male, be he girlie or not...the key is evaluating where they are in that evolution and considering if they would be worth helping - either through that "proof of concept" stage, or into that "get outside of yourself" stage and into actual submission.
She should know what she finds appealing and what she can reasonably handle. He should have some idea of the kind of leadership he's seeking and what styles benefit his personality and makeup. Always have a game plan. It's just like a job. You target the company you're interested in working for. Profile your future dominant and do the same.
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I am wondering if the Ladies who are searching have thought of this, and either agree or disagree with it, or have additional thoughts. And what about the submissive males - what are your thoughts? Do you recognize this in yourself, or not? Do you have additional thoughts?
I agree wholeheartedly. I think there are multiple instances when the slights against an individual's lack of submissiveness is rally the result of poor decision-making on both sides. And never forget, what's unsuitable for one can be ideal for another.
~porcelaine
_____________________________
His will; my fate.
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RE: Thoughts on Male Submission - 
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