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RE: To all with an online submissive? - 9/24/2004 10:52:21 PM   
LadyBeckett


Posts: 865
Joined: 2/4/2004
From: Scotland/Tennessee
Status: offline 		IYM, That attachment was hilarious!

I think that all relationships that begin online have a certain "cyber" quality to them until they take on that r/l existence. Whenever I say "cyber" I am not alluding to webcam/email/phone sex. I am simply referring to the online relationship building process, and it being limited to that until r/l can happen.

With that in mind, during the course of that process there may be a situation where discipline would become an issue. The sub/slave self-flogging image is mildly humorous.

My online interaction with sub/slaves is actually limited because those I meet online generally either live somewhere near me, or relocate to somewhere near me within a reasonably short period of time. I have however, had an ongoing online relationship with iwillservu, as many of you know. That did make the transition to r/l also, but for the purpose of this post I will say that during the online phase of the relationship, if he did something that required discipline, it had to be mental as well as some "assignment". It wasn't self-flogging, lol, but it did have to be meaningful, demonstrate my dominance, and allow him to feel his submission. He always completes his tasks, as assigned, and never gives me cause to question his honesty.

Having a r/l sub/slave isn't all "play", it involves our knowledge, skill, experience, patience, and sincerity. And that's where the TPE comes in. It's a constant "exchange". Having an online subbie is incredibly draining at times because the Dom/me is putting a lot out, and doesn't get it back (no fault of the sub/slave).

I don't know what to say about the "Chat and Wanks", I suppose they got their "lifestyle" out of a bubble gum machine. *shrug* Would I do another "cyber" relationship? Absolutely not! iwillserveu will be my one and only in that area.

_____________________________

Lady Beckett

_______________________________________________

"Submissive boys yearn to fall into their proper place, so the rest of their life will." ~ Lady Beckett

(in reply to INSIDEYOURMIND)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: To all with an online submissive? - 9/25/2004 3:11:13 PM   
southerndom21


Posts: 6
Joined: 3/22/2004
Status: offline 		thank you for all the responses. i have just started talking with a nice girl online and while i hope it becomes real someday neither of us are in the position for it now. are there any sites that devote solely to online training/punishment. if so please let me know. again thank you.

(in reply to LadyBeckett)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: To all with an online submissive? - 9/25/2004 5:31:29 PM   
TakingYouNOW


Posts: 3
Joined: 9/23/2004
Status: offline 		If properly executed, the online D/s relationship is an acceptable place for a submissive to "Start" Learning the process of focus through understanding the importance of words and how each has special meaning and demands certain discipline and respect, as well as, various physical responses. The written word teaches her-as most don't already know-how the mind is the largest erogenous zone she has and once properly stimulated, her body always follows. This is however, assuming the Dominant is smart enough and will allow the time to train her in this manner. Some do, most don't. Then it's a scatter brained mess where he controls her in mindless exercises of control, an aspect she's often times desperately in need of, and her not being wise to the deepest principals of a D/s relationship, still pledges herself to him, mind body and spirit, UNTIL he finds himself bored with her and pursues others. The times I've practiced online affairs-PART ONE- have always been as a PRELUDE to the physical contact-PART TWO. I've mentored submissives from far away, but never "Collared" them. It's rediculous to think these will lead anywhere at all, and all too often it's a Dom who's married, or an abusive wannabe finding license to abuse through D/s BDSM. It's pathetic, and if discipline IS administered to an online submissive, it needs to be commensurate with the infraction, and since it's non-physical, it should be cerebral, and all too many "dominants" don't know the meaning of the word.

(in reply to sub4hire)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: To all with an online submissive? - 9/25/2004 8:20:33 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline
quote:

If properly executed, the online D/s relationship is an acceptable place for a submissive to "Start" Learning the process of focus through understanding the importance of words


Very well said TakingYouNow. I was very lucky when i started to have an online Dom who was experienced in real life and was very good with words and very creative with the scenes He set up for us. He made it all very real for me, which made the transition to real life pretty easy for me.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


(in reply to TakingYouNOW)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: To all with an online submissive? - 9/26/2004 4:42:36 AM   
MattyP


Posts: 20
Joined: 9/17/2004
Status: offline 		TakingYouNOW, I could not have said that better myself if I had sat here for hours trying to.

First off, I believe it was Mercnbeth who talked about those who claim to have lots of experience when the only thing they have is a real strong grip, if you get my drift. So, though I have said this in my other posts tonight, the only experience I have ever had is online D/s. Like Synocense, I was completely unable to find D/s in my area, and so I was forced to explore it within the shell of my computer (Ironic how the old girlfriend that I left behind in Montana is NOW starting to seek my Dominance, isn't it? :P).

As is, I have just recently ended a lengthy relationship with a submissive who lives on the East Coast, where as I am on the West Coast. I have a furry fetish, and we met in Furcadia. It grew and we hit it off. She was the sweetest submissive ever at times. But I am almost confident now that she is bipolar, and there were plenty of times when she would shout at me and refuse to do things. And so I had to deal often with this question. How in the HELL do you punish someone hundreds of miles away from you.

What I have learned is that it is all based on trust, and the devotion of your submissive to the experience. I could have told my Canadian pet to go and stand nude infront of a window for a minute, but you know she would refuse. She wouldn't go on cam for me, and I laugh at the thought of having tried to make her write me an essay. Obviously, she was not a very good submissive, a lesson I regrettably learned late (I am probably sounding very bitter right now, but I assure you I am past it. I am merely stating my thoughts now). The point I am trying to achieve is that you need to make sure that the submissive you are doing long-distance/internet with is whole-heartedly devoted to being yours, because if she refuses to perform her punishment...what can you do? No way you can physically do this.

Many have suggested things like abandoning her for a week. And this is a good idea, and something I have tried. However, I am not too proud to admit that I can be needy/clingy, and when I love someone, I want to be around them. You can imagine my own humiliation when I gave my pet the punishment of not talking to me for a week, and I would message her that night. Obviously, most Doms here are stronger than that, and it is a trait that I hope to pick up from one or some of them, but if you know that you share the same problem I do, be very wary of that. The time spent away from your pet is horrible to you too, and if you break it, you undermine your own authority.

Back to my introduction to this post, however, as TYN said, online can be a fantastic way to train a submissive for future real life. But be realistic, and make sure that, if it's going to be serious, you make sure to get together for at least a weekend at least once or twice a year. My Canadian submissive was learning to obey me, and for about three fourths of a year, we were doing fantastic. But then she started to desire touch, and she grew distant from me. And now, because I wanted to not lose her, I will probably never talk to her again.

I hope my own failures can help you lead to your success.

(in reply to proudsub)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: To all with an online submissive? - 9/26/2004 9:56:14 AM   
LordODiscipline


Posts: 995
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Zensee

*Watches with curiosity, the people who have entered the Icecream Parlour and are now crowding the Icecream Counter bitching about how much they hate Icecream and how much contempt they have for people who DO like Icecream but advising the objects of their contempt on what toppings to get.*



When I enter an ice cream shop I expect to get the full treatment from the product I pay for -

...flavor, smell, the crunch of the cone, the feeling as it melts in my mouth - and, even the ability to experience the dreaded "Brain Freeze" on occasion.

Don't confuse spending time exchanging ideas through a medium of communication with 'living a full life'.

It pales in comparrison.
~J

(in reply to Zensee)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: To all with an online submissive? - 9/26/2004 10:39:07 AM   
kiki blue


Posts: 315
Joined: 1/16/2004
From: Brisbane, Australia
Status: offline 		The need and reasons for punishment within a relationship are probably the more important topic to talk about, rather than whether you can have a D/s relationship via a computer or not. I've noticed over the years that a lot of people confuse D/s with S&M when it comes to net relationships. Sure, the domly one can tell the subly one to do XYZ to themselves, or they can have cyber sex, but that's not all a D/s relationship entails.

Just like with other relationships, trust, honest and communication are important. It may be incredibly hard to participate in some activities (such as getting the domly one a drink, or doing their housework), but they can certainly set tasks and assignments for the subly one, which can be shown to be fulfilled.

Punishment is a tricky issue - some confuse it with play punishment, others say as adults it shouldn't be occuring at all, and others confuse punishment and discipline.

If punishment for infractions is something that has been decided on, I feel it's best to discuss the punishment, why they're getting what they are, so the subly one isn't left hanging. For instance, the domly one decides that they won't speak to the subly one for five days, and that the subly one must write an essay on the infraction and experience. The subly one is still to continue performing set tasks (say, journal writing) as per normal, but isn't allowed to call, message or email the domly one (except, perhaps, true emergencies), and the domly one won't call, email or message until the time has passed. Then, once the time has passed, the subly one sends the essay to the domly one, who then decides where to go.

I think that punishing a subly one without telling them why they're being punished tends to be a mistake. It's hard to fix the problem if you're not told where it is.

_____________________________

Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional.

(in reply to LordODiscipline)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: To all with an online submissive? - 9/26/2004 10:51:29 AM   
LordODiscipline


Posts: 995
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline 		I only respond to the threads.

Quite frankly, I don't have a great interest in "punishment" on line, as I consider that an extension of the fantasy that cyber is. Only as effective as the "buy in" is - and, easily emiliorated by pressing the "on-off" button at the end of the session.

Real punishment is physical - mental - emotional - any combination and all of those to be considered. And, only the 'punishment fitting the crime" and the person being punished will work.

~J

(in reply to kiki blue)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: To all with an online submissive? - 9/26/2004 11:01:35 AM   
kiki blue


Posts: 315
Joined: 1/16/2004
From: Brisbane, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LordODiscipline
Quite frankly, I don't have a great interest in "punishment" on line, as I consider that an extension of the fantasy that cyber is. Only as effective as the "buy in" is - and, easily emiliorated by pressing the "on-off" button at the end of the session.


I don't have much interest in punishment to begin with, but a relationship can be developed and furthered via the net, and punishment can be meted out, such as I outlined above. It's not for everyone, but there are some who are honest and serious out there using the net to develop relationships that they otherwise may not have been able to have.

quote:


Real punishment is physical - mental - emotional - any combination and all of those to be considered. And, only the 'punishment fitting the crime" and the person being punished will work.


With that, punishment can be meted out online.

But again, punishment isn't for everyone, nor are net based relationships.

And then for some, real life relationships won't work either

< Message edited by kiki blue -- 9/29/2004 1:26:21 PM >

_____________________________

Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional.

(in reply to LordODiscipline)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: To all with an online submissive? - 9/26/2004 11:08:38 AM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline 		I just remembered another punishement i had online with cams on. I was being punished for wearing a bra while chatting with my Dom. He had me get naked and hold my bra in my mouth for about 30 min on cam while we chatted. I found this very humiliating and it worked, no more bra with Him.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


(in reply to LadyBeckett)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: To all with an online submissive? - 9/26/2004 2:57:41 PM   
TheSadisticOne


Posts: 18
Joined: 4/15/2004
Status: offline 		get real . . . the bottom line for Me. 'she's a really nice girl', then be really great friends. submission begins in the mind but at some point even the most active imagination needs some realtime stimulation. if you are practicing at being a Dom then this surely is a wonderful arena for you to hone your skills. if she is rehearsing her submissiveness, again a great forum...My fear is that if it goes on for too long, when you finally do meet what will you do...set up computers in seperate rooms and continue the domination online...(I know. . . get back on topic). i don't want to sound like I'm knocking the whole 'cyber thing' but where does the paddle meet the ass. unless she is truly a masochist and is cabable of escalating the intensity of her self inflicted 'consequences' it is nothing more than role playing. I have to agree with the consensus on this . . . here is a simple toy that your 'submissive can make. she will need 2 gallon(or half gallon) milk containers...a 6 foot length of 'fish tank air hose', a tube of silicon sealent, a wire coat hanger and nipple clamps(the japanese clovers connected with a chain are a first choice).punch a hole large enough in the 'top of one bottle and the base of the other, sealing the air tube to both. punch a very small 'breather hole' in the top of the 'receiving tank. fashion hooks with the metal coat hanger for both handles in the milk cartons. the carton with the hole in the bottom is the 'holding tank'you can hook it over a door...the bottle with the tube in the top is the 'receiving tank'. attach the clamps ... fill the 'holding tank wit water' ... hang the 'receiving tank' on the chain between the clamps . . . the rest is . . . well up to you. opening the top on the 'holding tank will make the contents empty faster. when you can't be there, get creative! watch the fun unfold on your webcam.

(in reply to proudsub)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: To all with an online submissive? - 9/28/2004 3:13:32 AM   
LordODiscipline


Posts: 995
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kiki blue

With that, punishment can be meted out online.

But again, punishment isn't for everyone, nor are net based relationships.

And then for some, real life relationships won't work either


Never said it could not be "meted out on line" - only that people tend to use this as a fantasy, rather than a reality.

~J

(in reply to kiki blue)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: To all with an online submissive? - 9/28/2004 10:52:13 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline 		Gloria -
Enjoyed the "Rebel Yell!" I wonder if it's harder or easier to be an 'on-line' Dom? I always wondered if there was a place where they can go to exchange scripts?

Merc

(in reply to sub4hire)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: To all with an online submissive? - 9/29/2004 4:47:03 PM   
LordODiscipline


Posts: 995
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline

< Message edited by LordODiscipline -- 9/29/2004 4:50:06 PM >

(in reply to kiki blue)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: To all with an online submissive? - 10/10/2004 4:13:25 PM   
ThornBlood


Posts: 91
Joined: 3/5/2004
Status: offline

quote:

1. Instruct said sub to remove all but one stick of 64MB RAM and then attempt to run Yahoo!, MSN, or AIM messenger. -- Not entirely impossible, but certain to cause whimpers of serious annoyance, and will not cause a sub any long lasting side effects, or serious injury emotionally, physically or otherwise.


*Blinks*

They still make 64 MB Ram chips?

(in reply to cynnacent1)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: To all with an online submissive? - 10/11/2004 6:25:35 AM   
cynnacent1


Posts: 340
Joined: 6/25/2004
From: Massachusetts
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ThornBlood



quote:

1. Instruct said sub to remove all but one stick of 64MB RAM and then attempt to run Yahoo!, MSN, or AIM messenger. -- Not entirely impossible, but certain to cause whimpers of serious annoyance, and will not cause a sub any long lasting side effects, or serious injury emotionally, physically or otherwise.


*Blinks*

They still make 64 MB Ram chips?

Yes, they do still make 64 MB Ram chips, Thornblood. 64MB RAM at tigerdirect.com ... ONLY $18.99 !

In fact, a few months ago i popped a 64MB (left over from my old Compaq purchased in '99.. i do NOT miss that pc at all.. & now have a custom PC built just for me by a very good friend) stick into my aunt's dinosaur of a Dell which she has had since '98. She was still running her Dell on the bare minimal 64MB which was provided by the manufacturer. She now has a total of 128MB and thinks her PC FLYS! lol.. Seems the saying is true i guess: "One does not miss what one does not have.". As a complete newbie to computers in '99 (nope... never even touched one before that & didn't know what the internet was) i had no knowledge of how to even shut my PC off (unplugged it from the wall each night to shut down for the first week or so) let alone knowing what a memory stick was....... yet when i discovered there was the option of mingling with real live people on the net and downloaded Yahoo Messenger & Chats, i got my newbie butt over to CompUSA ..learned real quick and installed additional RAM in all 3 slots of my Compac Presario 5000. Back then i truly thought that those 3 sticks of 64MB had me flying too! Running any PC on the minimal amount provided by the manufacturer really stinks.... such a rip off.


< Message edited by cynnacent1 -- 10/11/2004 6:29:39 AM >

(in reply to ThornBlood)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: To all with an online submissive? - 10/11/2004 10:31:10 AM   
slaveredflame


Posts: 3
Joined: 10/11/2004
Status: offline 		hi
i am 33 male slave seeking Domnate Mistress
i am very submissive and obedient
i prefer to serve as a slave-husband meaning i am being married to my Mistress also i may try to be a a male slave owned by a Master if i find a Master Who want to use me


(in reply to LadyBeckett)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: To all with an online submissive? - 10/11/2004 10:41:46 PM   
ThornBlood


Posts: 91
Joined: 3/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

1. Essays. Written essays on a specific topic given by you, relating to the "crime" - my present Master, though flesh and blood, once gave me a 5000 word essay! Ugh. I learned my lesson, I did. Couldn't have just have spanked me???!! hehe
2. Restrict computer use. Just to chatting with you for a certain amount of time. Done on blind faith, but much of the online experience is just that.
3. As someone else said, wear butt plugs while doing certain activities if butt plugs happen to be something not necessarily enjoyable on his/her own. Have the submissive then write about the experience.
4. Get on the phone if possible. With your voice, you should be able to envoke some strong reactions. It is easier to get across your disappointment and sometimes that in itself is enough of a punishment.


Essays are an extremely good way of administering punishment if necessary, as is restricting online time.

(in reply to Synocense)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: To all with an online submissive? - 10/12/2004 6:11:49 AM   
LadyBeckett


Posts: 865
Joined: 2/4/2004
From: Scotland/Tennessee
Status: offline
quote:

She now has a total of 128MB and thinks her PC FLYS!


This isn't flying???

_____________________________

Lady Beckett

_______________________________________________

"Submissive boys yearn to fall into their proper place, so the rest of their life will." ~ Lady Beckett

(in reply to cynnacent1)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: To all with an online submissive? - 10/12/2004 6:21:44 AM   
cynnacent1


Posts: 340
Joined: 6/25/2004
From: Massachusetts
Status: offline 		Yes, LadyBecket. A PC could be concidered to be flying at 128MB but in her case where she insists on running her Scrabble game prior to closing out of her MS Word, Digi Cam program, and her Paint Shop Pro (don't ask why please .. that's another can of worms entirely).... her PC whines and crawls at a very slow pace as the hour glass icon screams out in defiance, "Like sands through the hour glass, all of your RAM chips belongs to us". --She's a stubborn old woman ... can't tell her anything.

(in reply to LadyBeckett)
Profile   Post #: 40
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