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What does it mean to you? - 4/23/2006 4:09:59 PM   
enthralled


Posts: 249
Joined: 9/13/2005
From: Nashville, Tn
Status: offline 		This is NOT a rant post about email content.
I had listed on my profile that I am a masochist. I've received a wide variety of emails .... everything from men who say they'll be in town for the weekend and offer me a 'spanking' to one-liners like,  'So you're into pain are you?'.

What does masochism mean to you? (as a masochist OR not)

From the content of the emails, I'm concluding that most of them think there's a direct line from pain to sexual arousal. In other words, spank my ass and you'll get to have sex with me. 
I'll admit that I can't totally disregard the fact that to some extent I do become aroused; but for the most part .... pain is only the vehicle to where I want to go mentallyand the sex has nothing to do with it- none of my SM scenes involve sex.
I know there was one post concerning level of play, but I wondered specifically about masochism.
So ... not that there's a right or wrong definition, I'd just like to know what it means to others . . . to YOU?

Respectfully,
enthralled

P.S. - and I've read the online definition of masochism! lol I don't think myself to be mentally ill nor have a sexual dysfunction! lol

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A man never discloses his own character so clearly as when he describes another's.-Jean Paul Richter
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RE: What does it mean to you? - 4/23/2006 4:16:49 PM   
OnyxGoddess


Posts: 242
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		You like pain like people like chocolate.  Does it mean that by gorging on hershey bars I'm going to have sex with the next guy I see...nope.  You like what you like.  I equate sadism/masochism to the same reasons why people play sports-the rush.  In my husbands case he likes the competition-not giving in to me and holding out as long as he can.  Not everything has to have a sexual connotation to it.  Again...me just voicing my two cents.

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RE: What does it mean to you? - 4/23/2006 4:21:36 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I consider myself somewhat of a masochist. I would not label myself a hardcore one in that I do not need pain to become aroused, but I definitely enjoy some pain with my pleasure. I would definitely want to explore that much more in the future along with sensation play

As far as that email, I received one like it also because some of my "interests" listed show I am a masochist.This person thought masochists are "stupid" for "letting a dom beat them". Now I did try to respond and inform, but it was a giant waste of cyber ink. Masochists are not understood, some people think just what you listed above, that a masochist will do anything for pain and get off on pain alone. While I am sure some pain fetishist would get off on their hand being slammed in a door for example, most of us don't...lol.

I was thinking about starting a thread about this subject because I think it is valuable to explore how differently people came to terms with being masochists. I know it kinda tripped me out to realize I was one...smiles. Society tends to think we all want to be mutilated and hate ourselves. Everyone has heard someone that kept hurting themselves emotionally as being a "masochist" in a ridiculing way. I wonder if others had a hard time applying the term to themselves because of this.

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RE: What does it mean to you? - 4/23/2006 4:23:15 PM   
RiotGirl


Posts: 3149
Status: offline 		i seem to like pain for a variety of reasons.  Its a way to cleanse my soul, its a way to bring peace, its a way to change my mood, it also gives me a rush and generally as i've found through Himself, it turns me on.  Of course i'm a closeted masochist as its something else i have yet to figure out.

Your not alone.  Though i do believe for some people it directly correlates with sex.

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RE: What does it mean to you? - 4/23/2006 4:36:33 PM   
enthralled


Posts: 249
Joined: 9/13/2005
From: Nashville, Tn
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I consider myself somewhat of a masochist. I would not label myself a hardcore one in that I do not need pain to become aroused, but I definitely enjoy some pain with my pleasure. I would definitely want to explore that much more in the future along with sensation play



Ahhhhh .. lol, now see you gave yourself away here! *wink wink*
OK ....this is what I'm wanting! Do you think that 'hardcore' masochists NEED pain to become sexually aroused? What is your idea of a 'hardcore' masochist? Please please tell! :))

enthralled

.... and I don't go into subspace or orgasm either when I stub my toe! LOL


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RE: What does it mean to you? - 4/23/2006 4:43:54 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		For me it means the person gets direct physical pleasure from pain.

Doesn't need to be sexual, just needs to be direct and it needs to be physical (brain chemical happiness type).

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RE: What does it mean to you? - 4/23/2006 4:45:42 PM   
Arpig


Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline 		I assume that a masochist is the inverse of a sadist...I am a sadist, I derive pleasure, and excitement from inflicting pain in certain circumstances...I do not like randomly inflicting pain on people, but I do get a rush from spanking or flogging somebody...so to me a masochist would be someone who derives pleasure and excitement...a rush...from recieving pain under certain circumstances....meaning a masochist would be unlikely to enjoy having somebody just walk up on the street and punch him or her in the face,,,however painful it might be....the pain has to be of a specific type, or within specific scenes for it to give the rush. I also suspect that like me, while there is a sexual aspect to the rush, it is not always sexual pleasure...often it gives me a great feeling of well-being, without an erection or any real need or desire to have sex as a result.

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RE: What does it mean to you? - 4/23/2006 4:51:23 PM   
SweetSarijane


Posts: 3788
Joined: 10/7/2005
From: KC area Missouri
Status: offline 		I am a masochist and for me I don't need pain for sexual arousal, it happens sometimes, but sometimes it's just the pain that builds and becomes pleasure in itself. For me pain pleasure and sexual pleasure are separate, but can combine. Just depends on the situation.

I occasionally play in public and when I do it's strictly pain play nothing sexual about it. I love the pain. It puts me in an altered state, semi floating, feeling good, feeling happy, drifting. Even just getting a tattoo will make me float. Weird I suppose, but that's me.

Flogging me or spanking me or whatever is not a way to get me to have sex with the one doing it unless it's the one I submit to.

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RE: What does it mean to you? - 4/23/2006 4:52:51 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: enthralled

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I consider myself somewhat of a masochist. I would not label myself a hardcore one in that I do not need pain to become aroused, but I definitely enjoy some pain with my pleasure. I would definitely want to explore that much more in the future along with sensation play



Ahhhhh .. lol, now see you gave yourself away here! *wink wink*
OK ....this is what I'm wanting! Do you think that 'hardcore' masochists NEED pain to become sexually aroused? What is your idea of a 'hardcore' masochist? Please please tell! :))

enthralled

.... and I don't go into subspace or orgasm either when I stub my toe! LOL



Ok you got me there!, for the sake of "debate" between fellow masochists I consider it to be someone that needs pain to get off, a hardcore fetish. It is not necessarily the amount of pain one can take, because I can take my share. I have a high pain threshold. I am an endorphin junkie and will run miles to get a runner fix...lol. I like my muscles sore from overuse, so it is not a completely sexual thing for me.

IMO there is a diff between someone that enjoys a kink  A LOT and someone that needs the presence of something to get off. There are some people that need leather, feathers, or panthose in the room in order to have an orgasm or become aroused, that to me is a hardcore fetish... what do you think?

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 4/23/2006 4:54:52 PM >

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RE: What does it mean to you? - 4/23/2006 5:07:51 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline 		Endorphin junkie part 2. If the endorphins are pumping enough I tip over into subspace and no sex required, but thanks for asking. hehehe If the pain has not been enough to tip me into subspace, I'm not above begging for release in another form. Sometimes that's granted, sometimes it's not. Himself can be very evil on occasion.  Pain for me either gets me hot or sends me flying depending on the intensity of it. There is a downside to being a masochist though. I once had a terrible ear ache and every time my ear throbbed, my pussy twitched from the pain. ::sighs:: That said, when I get an endo attack, I'd safeword outta that shit so fast it'd make your head spin. That's toooo much pain in all the wrong places.

Celeste

edited to add: I don't 'need' pain to get off.. there are lots of things that float my boat. ;)

< Message edited by BitaTruble -- 4/23/2006 5:12:38 PM >

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He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


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RE: What does it mean to you? - 4/23/2006 5:08:29 PM   
kissmekat


Posts: 14
Joined: 3/30/2004
Status: offline 		I have to add my two cents...my sub is a pain slut but as the rest of you understand if someone was to walk up and punch him, I am quite sure he would respond the same....but a good painful session drives him wild as does it me giving it so name it as you will it seems to be a need that one one can over come or scratch in certain ways.

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RE: What does it mean to you? - 4/23/2006 5:10:18 PM   
enthralled


Posts: 249
Joined: 9/13/2005
From: Nashville, Tn
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

Ok you got me there!, for the sake of "debate" between fellow masochists I consider it to be someone that needs pain to get off, a hardcore fetish. It is not necessarily the amount of pain one can take, because I can take my share. I have a high pain threshold. I am an endorphin junkie and will run miles to get a runner fix...lol. I like my muscles sore from overuse, so it is not a completely sexual thing for me.

IMO there is a diff between someone that enjoys a kink  A LOT and someone that needs the presence of something to get off. There are some people that need leather, feathers, or panthose in the room in order to have an orgasm or become aroused, that to me is a hardcore fetish... what do you think?


lol ... In all honesty, I would call it a fetish- period.
I wasn't trying to point out that anything you thought was 'wrong or right', just that you obviously HAVE a thought (which is a good thing) about what a "hardcore masochist" is!
Just seeing all the different opinions of what terms mean to people helps me to better understand . . . I learn from others.
While I don't consider myself 'hardcore', many of my friends do. I think I'm probably moderate/edging extreme, but that's only based on what I've seen and the area that I'm from.
However, in the realm of online SM, I'm just trying to gather thoughts so that I can understand where people are 'coming from' *smiles*

enthralled
<who is ever increasingly giddy for some reason today!>


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RE: What does it mean to you? - 4/23/2006 5:13:28 PM   
enthralled


Posts: 249
Joined: 9/13/2005
From: Nashville, Tn
Status: offline 		LOL .... omg Celeste! You are way freakin' funny!!!!!


enthralled <- who is now about to safeword due to pain from laughing so hard!

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A man never discloses his own character so clearly as when he describes another's.-Jean Paul Richter

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RE: What does it mean to you? - 4/23/2006 5:20:22 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: enthralled

LOL .... omg Celeste! You are way freakin' funny!!!!!


Ok, laughing at my pain. Sadist.


quote:

enthralled <- who is now about to safeword due to pain from laughing so hard!


And safewording at your own pain! Not a masochist.

Whew.. ok.. ::slaps a label on Enthralled:: SADIST

One down, a whole slew of posters to go. Next!

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


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RE: What does it mean to you? - 4/23/2006 5:21:40 PM   
enthralled


Posts: 249
Joined: 9/13/2005
From: Nashville, Tn
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

it is not always sexual pleasure...often it gives me a great feeling of well-being, without an erection or any real need or desire to have sex as a result.


That about sums it up for me Arpig! A feeling of 'wellbeing'. After an intense scene, I feel focused and centered for days! It's like taking a 'feel-good pill'. They really should bottle that for those of us who don't have a sadist around ...... lol 

_____________________________

A man never discloses his own character so clearly as when he describes another's.-Jean Paul Richter

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RE: What does it mean to you? - 4/23/2006 5:35:05 PM   
SweetSarijane


Posts: 3788
Joined: 10/7/2005
From: KC area Missouri
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

...so to me a masochist would be someone who derives pleasure and excitement...a rush...from recieving pain under certain circumstances....meaning a masochist would be unlikely to enjoy having somebody just walk up on the street and punch him or her in the face,,,however painful it might be....the pain has to be of a specific type, or within specific scenes for it to give the rush. I also suspect that like me, while there is a sexual aspect to the rush, it is not always sexual pleasure...




Well put. Speaking as a masochist you hit it dead on.

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Sarah2
Deviant Mind
Wild Side Readers KCSass

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RE: What does it mean to you? - 4/23/2006 6:08:34 PM   
jamesthehumanrug


Posts: 668
Joined: 10/21/2005
Status: offline 		dont bother being nice; idealistic ;and pure ;sensual ;passionate; and romantic;original;
theres a lot of nuts out there,
so save it for the special ,only.
there's so many creeps out there
looking for masochists ;i'm almost afraid for you;
but ,if anyone wants to know
what masochism is ;
its available to any high-school kid
....which is embarrassing....
in ,craft ebbings ',psycho pathia sexualis, in the reference section of every library!
Every concievable case is explained in detail,(ALTHO CASES AND SOME VICTORIAN VOCABULARY OR THE LANGUAGE  IS SOMEWHAT DATED ,BY 50 YRS;ITS A MAINSTAY OF WHAT IS MASOCHISM)
so ,altho i know you are a person of some stature ,with basic common sense;every moron has the info and ,access.



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jamesthehumanrug

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RE: What does it mean to you? - 4/23/2006 6:13:24 PM   
MistWalker


Posts: 90
Joined: 4/20/2006
From: Memphis
Status: offline 		for me, sex has little to do with it, if anything. its all about the feeling. the pain its self the actions behind it, the feelings it envokes. one good session can have me on a cloud for a while. it is a release, but for me it isnt sexual and never has been. i simply love the feel of a blow landing pain flairing out. or a blade sliding across my skin the warmth as it parts, and blood trickels to the surface.  its relaxing and invigorating at the same time.  for some i supose it rises to the state of fetish, sexual arousel from the pain.. not me. but hey wach there own.   to me it is simply the enjoyment of pain, the "high" of my bodys reaction to a session.  and as some one said its the specific pains, given by the one i trust to do so, the connection between us making it what it is. i dont find it enjoyable to walk into a wall, ( ok there have been a few occasions of pains outside scene i imensly enjoyed but all of those again were intentional like my peircings and tat work.   for me its umm well much closer to a spritual experence then sexual. 

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RE: What does it mean to you? - 4/23/2006 6:21:46 PM   
Proprietrix


Posts: 756
Joined: 7/15/2005
From: Ohio/West Virginia
Status: offline 		Maybe they're assuming it's sexual because the only psychological definition of masochism includes sexual excitement.
DSM IV R & all that jazz.

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RE: What does it mean to you? - 4/23/2006 7:08:47 PM   
enthralled


Posts: 249
Joined: 9/13/2005
From: Nashville, Tn
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: jamesthehumanrug

dont bother being nice; idealistic ;and pure ;sensual ;passionate; and romantic;original;
theres a lot of nuts out there,
so save it for the special ,only.
there's so many creeps out there
looking for masochists ;i'm almost afraid for you;
but ,if anyone wants to know
what masochism is ;
its available to any high-school kid
....which is embarrassing....
in ,craft ebbings ',psycho pathia sexualis, in the reference section of every library!
Every concievable case is explained in detail,(ALTHO CASES AND SOME VICTORIAN VOCABULARY OR THE LANGUAGE  IS SOMEWHAT DATED ,BY 50 YRS;ITS A MAINSTAY OF WHAT IS MASOCHISM)
so ,altho i know you are a person of some stature ,with basic common sense;every moron has the info and ,access.




*blinks* ... Uhmm-  OK, thank you for your concern and I think perhaps you missed the gist of this post *smiles*
Being one, I knew what a masochist was when I posted the question- which was What does it mean to YOU? ... not, 'What is the definition of a masochist' ..... semantics again.

Respectfully,
enthralled

< Message edited by enthralled -- 4/23/2006 7:12:10 PM >

_____________________________

A man never discloses his own character so clearly as when he describes another's.-Jean Paul Richter

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