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Security & stability - 11/7/2010 2:23:07 AM   
Solslave


Posts: 9
Status: offline 		I have recently discovered my happiness in submission and servitude. My Master is wonderful and I am loving my time sexually. However, he wants to be a Master in all areas of my life. While this is fine in theoRy he is not financially stable with a job to offer support and security. Thoughts Masters?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Security & stability - 11/7/2010 4:22:10 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		I'm not following.  He wants to assume control of your life outside the bedroom - and you equate that with leaving your job.  Did he tell you that you would be required to quit your job?  Or did that connection come from you?

Edited to add:  Wait a sec.  Did you say that he has no job at all?  Is he on disability, is he retired, is he looking for work several hours a day...?   There's a HUGE difference between being a Master to a woman and mooching off her income.


< Message edited by DarkSteven -- 11/7/2010 4:34:51 AM >

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Solslave)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Security & stability - 11/7/2010 4:43:15 AM   
BonesFromAsh


Posts: 1362
Joined: 6/17/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Solslave

I have recently discovered my happiness in submission and servitude. My Master is wonderful and I am loving my time sexually. However, he wants to be a Master in all areas of my life. While this is fine in theoRy he is not financially stable with a job to offer support and security. Thoughts Masters?


Well, here I go commiting the ever popular forum faux pas of posting when not a master. Meh.

OP, what makes this man a "master"? Is it the fact that he can control you sexually or is it that he is master of his own life? Is the word "master" just a title given during sex play or is there more to it? What or who is he a master of?

As for financial security and stability...is he expecting you to support him and he'll handle your money? If so, yes...look to how he handles his own finances as an indicator for your future. If he expects you to be with him and not work...how are you expected to pay for your care and keep?

Is he working, but not in what you consider to be a "stable" position?

Again...what makes him a master and to whom?

"Nothing so conclusively proves a man's ability to lead others as what he does from day to day to lead himself." ~Thomas J. Watson

(in reply to Solslave)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Security & stability - 11/7/2010 5:24:15 AM   
Solslave


Posts: 9
Status: offline 		Thank you both for pointing out my need for further details and for helping. I have a full time career of ten years and two small children with a life outside of this relationship. It is not a fufilling life so I sought and found him two years ago. We discovered our D/s side a year ago. He has no means to support himself. Lives with family. Really boils down to job skills and ability to make it in life Tried to moveto my city but couldn't make it so moved back. We are mid thirties so I see a Master as a man who can be one in and out of the bedroom. Taking care oddinamcial emotional and sexual matters. If I can do all I do I certainly need a Master who has all three standards he wants me to leave my stable home life but cannot provide anything but "love" and what I crave in the bedroom. As a sub I feel wrong for saying no but as a mother and woman I feel I deserve better and how dare he expect that.

(in reply to BonesFromAsh)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Security & stability - 11/7/2010 5:53:54 AM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		Bones from Ash said it all.
So in essence (because she was ever so nice - oh g*d how the tables have turned!)   He's your fuck buddy.  He's the one who makes your hoo hoo go woo hoo!  Nothing wrong with that.  However, we can't live on fucking alone. 

Lemme ask you - is the way he lives the way you want your children to live?  That's basically what you are talking about doing. 

good luck,
sunshine

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to Solslave)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Security & stability - 11/7/2010 6:04:51 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		I would ask him to take small steps in order to prove his mastery of himself, such as getting a job and becoming independent.  Until then, perhaps you can be his femdom.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Security & stability - 11/7/2010 6:10:24 AM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		It sounds as though you (OP) are asking us if it's okay to have common sense. It is, yes. Very okay.

Oh, and don't worry about a couple whose whiteys twist up in a bunch over who posts in what forum. The majority here don't care

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Security & stability - 11/7/2010 6:10:25 AM   
BonesFromAsh


Posts: 1362
Joined: 6/17/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Solslave

He has no means to support himself. Lives with family. Really boils down to job skills and ability to make it in life


Lack of job skills, not to mention life skills, will be important when all you have is your "master's" love to keep you and your children warm.

quote:


As a sub I feel wrong for saying no but as a mother and woman I feel I deserve better and how dare he expect that.


This isn't wrong...this is common sense.

Good luck to you and yours.



(in reply to Solslave)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Security & stability - 11/7/2010 6:18:13 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		OMG.  He may be good in bed, but if he cannot make it in this world, he has  right to call himself a Master.  And he has a lot of noive expecting to control you ANYWHERE outside the bedroom. 

He actually expected you to provide for him?  You might be better off without him.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to BonesFromAsh)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Security & stability - 11/7/2010 6:18:17 AM   
SpaceSpank


Posts: 244
Joined: 10/3/2010
Status: offline 		If you wish for him to be a real Master in more than just play, that means he needs to be able to do so. I'm not dumb, I know shit happens, but being in your 30's, unemployed, and living with family is not a situation anyone should be looking to maintain.

I don't think any sub/slave ever needs to quit their job for the Dom/Master to be effective, but he at least needs to have the financial stability to control his life effectively.

I am not doubting his ability to be a Master for you, that is your call, but he really needs to get his act together. I had a stint without a job for over a year once, and after it came right down too it I took the first job I landed once unemployment ran out. It was a shitty job and I hated it, but I needed to take care of my business. After awhile I found a real job again and that was that.

If he has no skills to find a job, he should be looking to change that as well if he is not already trying. If he won't do what he needs to in order to find a respectable job that can sustain him (either by passing up jobs or not trying to make himself more employable), how can he expect anyone to respect him enough to let them handle their life?



(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Security & stability - 11/7/2010 6:34:36 AM   
EroticaSub


Posts: 1
Joined: 10/9/2010
Status: offline 		Hi y'all.  First post but felt I had to put my twopenneth in. I get so many so-called Doms/Masters saying 'come and live with me', 'give yourself to me' blah blah.  The first thing I think is ok, so I give up my home, seeing my family and friends regularly, my job, my entire world for you?  What are you going to give me in return?  Your pleasure?  I don't think so sunshine.  Sub or not, I'm a hard woman, I fight for a living and a Dom/Master has to earn my utmost respect for me to even allow him a chink of conversation to get into my personal life.  If you start with the 'on your knees bitch' the only knees you'll be seeing are when they're hitting you on the bridge of your nose.  Women have fought so long and hard, just because some crusty old fart claims they're a D or M doesn't mean we've got to give them a damn thing.  Get a grip of yourself women (and I mean women, not woman).... before I do. 

(in reply to SpaceSpank)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Security & stability - 11/7/2010 7:02:13 AM   
Kaliko


Posts: 3381
Joined: 9/25/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Solslave

Thank you both for pointing out my need for further details and for helping. I have a full time career of ten years and two small children with a life outside of this relationship. It is not a fufilling life so I sought and found him two years ago. We discovered our D/s side a year ago. He has no means to support himself. Lives with family. Really boils down to job skills and ability to make it in life Tried to moveto my city but couldn't make it so moved back. We are mid thirties so I see a Master as a man who can be one in and out of the bedroom. Taking care oddinamcial emotional and sexual matters. If I can do all I do I certainly need a Master who has all three standards he wants me to leave my stable home life but cannot provide anything but "love" and what I crave in the bedroom. As a sub I feel wrong for saying no but as a mother and woman I feel I deserve better and how dare he expect that.


I know a lot of people are out of work these days, so the unemployment thing doesn't get me so much as his inability "to make it in life." I'm also troubled by the fact that he moved to your city but couldn't "make it." I'm confused. And who in their right mind - "Master", lover, fuck buddy, whoever - would ask you to uproot your kids and leave your stable job for....nothing?

Honestly, I don't think the answer is unclear at all to you. You just need some support. Here you go. SAY NO.

(in reply to Solslave)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Security & stability - 11/7/2010 7:13:51 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		the thought that he is unemployed wouldn't bother me so much....times are tough right now and no one can find a job. The thought that he can't take care of himself and expects you to quit your job with no backup whatsoever makes him sound like the biggest moron in history. Sorry.

I could not even be someone's fuckbuddy let along his partner if he thinks like that.

My answer is to tell him to learn some lifeskills and you two can still be friends but you can't be his partner or slave.

(in reply to Kaliko)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Security & stability - 11/7/2010 7:46:59 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Is he asking you to quit your job or to try to find a job nearer to him and then move your family there? If you were single and you could find a job in the new city, that would be one thing. But uprooting children is something else. Has he even met your children? Have they formed a positive relationship? Do you consider him a good father figure? Does your divorce agreement allow you to move more than 50 miles?

Personally, I wouldn't uproot my kids nor was he ready to move farther from his so we stayed ldr until they were older and he could get a job transfer to where I was. The years of being ldr allowed my kids and him to establish a relationship. And if they hadn't liked him, I wouldn't have considered the relationship.


_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Security & stability - 11/7/2010 7:49:01 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Not to mention the fact that it may be detrimental to uproot children from their father/extended family (if these people are in your lives).

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Security & stability - 11/7/2010 7:56:31 AM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Solslave

Thank you both for pointing out my need for further details and for helping. I have a full time career of ten years and two small children with a life outside of this relationship. It is not a fufilling life so I sought and found him two years ago. We discovered our D/s side a year ago. He has no means to support himself. Lives with family. Really boils down to job skills and ability to make it in life Tried to moveto my city but couldn't make it so moved back. We are mid thirties so I see a Master as a man who can be one in and out of the bedroom. Taking care oddinamcial emotional and sexual matters. If I can do all I do I certainly need a Master who has all three standards he wants me to leave my stable home life but cannot provide anything but "love" and what I crave in the bedroom. As a sub I feel wrong for saying no but as a mother and woman I feel I deserve better and how dare he expect that.


There are plenty of situations where you can and will find a man that can satisfy you sexually and emotionally and where he can be a big boy and support himself if not you and your children. No one is asking him to be a millionaire but he should be able to be out living on his own successfully rather than with family members and pay his own bills and put food on the table. Especially if he wants a luxury item such as a loving woman in his life. He should put forth some effort for that right? I'm betting that you foot the bill for everything, travel, entertainment, necessities....correct? That's ridiculous. Your kids are seeing this....is this what you want them to emulate?

Your responsibilities to yourself and your children trump anything you owe to this man.

(in reply to Solslave)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Security & stability - 11/7/2010 9:25:36 AM   
Jaybeee


Posts: 532
Joined: 2/2/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Solslave

Thank you both for pointing out my need for further details and for helping. I have a full time career of ten years and two small children with a life outside of this relationship. It is not a fufilling life so I sought and found him two years ago. We discovered our D/s side a year ago. He has no means to support himself. Lives with family. Really boils down to job skills and ability to make it in life Tried to moveto my city but couldn't make it so moved back. We are mid thirties so I see a Master as a man who can be one in and out of the bedroom. Taking care oddinamcial emotional and sexual matters. If I can do all I do I certainly need a Master who has all three standards he wants me to leave my stable home life but cannot provide anything but "love" and what I crave in the bedroom. As a sub I feel wrong for saying no but as a mother and woman I feel I deserve better and how dare he expect that.


Wait wait, a man is just two extra kids to feed, a and a few beers on a Friday night, and you don't have to buy him another bed. I know how much that costs. Aren't you in fact expecting him to get a job so that he can subsidise you and your kids, not vice versa? Frankly, that's the undertone I'm getting from this. That's what I suspect all this boils down to. Yes, I think you want a Master, but even MORE than that, I think you want financial backing.

A man is not his wallet; I know the kind of woman who only wants me for my solvency. They think they're smart, but in a couple of decades, they've pissed it all away, bloated and fat and back living with in the same circumstances as before, except now the next generation of gold-digger is stealing the show.

So when someone asks you, "What kind of woman are you??! - don't be the type of woman above. You were decent enough to pose the question, so just be decent enough do the right thing - which in your case is a choice; either let him go, and give up the lifestyle as a mask for the fact you're afraid to put "Must be willing to provide financially" in your advert, or take him in.


(in reply to Solslave)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Security & stability - 11/7/2010 9:27:18 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		Yeah... my opinion is that you are considering giving yourself as human property to another. I'd be making damned sure that the person in question was both capable of discharging such a responsibility as well as willing. Capable, comes about in lots of ways... financially is just one of them.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to Solslave)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Security & stability - 11/7/2010 10:06:14 AM   
Kaliko


Posts: 3381
Joined: 9/25/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Jaybeee

Aren't you in fact expecting him to get a job so that he can subsidise you and your kids, not vice versa? Frankly, that's the undertone I'm getting from this. That's what I suspect all this boils down to. Yes, I think you want a Master, but even MORE than that, I think you want financial backing.



I would expect anyone that I live with - man, husband, Master, or roommate - to help with expenses. And if I trust somebody enough to take my child and move in with him, then yes, expenses are going to go to the kiddo, too. That's just how it works. It's not subsidizing. It's sharing a life together. If she's not on board to walk away from something stable into something not-so-stable, why fault her for that? It doesn't seem like she's giving him an ultimatum. It seems to be the other way around.

I have certain "must-haves" for anyone I'm with. They must have children. They must have a job. They must have a plan for retirement money. Because I have all of those things also. So sue me.

And yes, sh*t happens, and that retirement money could be lost in stocks, or he could become disabled and no longer be able to work, or he could lose his job. But someone who just can't quite make it in life of their own accord? If he can't handle life now, how will he handle it if he becomes disabled, or any other kind of stressful event happens? No..from the little bit I know...he sounds like bad news, and she sounds smart to be looking after herself and her children first and foremost.




(in reply to Jaybeee)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Security & stability - 11/7/2010 10:47:17 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Jaybeee

Wait wait, a man is just two extra kids to feed, a and a few beers on a Friday night, and you don't have to buy him another bed. I know how much that costs. Aren't you in fact expecting him to get a job so that he can subsidise you and your kids, not vice versa? Frankly, that's the undertone I'm getting from this. That's what I suspect all this boils down to. Yes, I think you want a Master, but even MORE than that, I think you want financial backing.

A man is not his wallet; I know the kind of woman who only wants me for my solvency. They think they're smart, but in a couple of decades, they've pissed it all away, bloated and fat and back living with in the same circumstances as before, except now the next generation of gold-digger is stealing the show.

So when someone asks you, "What kind of woman are you??! - don't be the type of woman above. You were decent enough to pose the question, so just be decent enough do the right thing - which in your case is a choice; either let him go, and give up the lifestyle as a mask for the fact you're afraid to put "Must be willing to provide financially" in your advert, or take him in.



I've had a woman live off me, and I didn't like it.  I don't like to see it with roles reversed either.

Look at it this way, Jaybee - you;re talking about how a man should be a relatively light burden.  A Master should be able to make himself an asset, not a minimal expense.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Jaybeee)
Profile   Post #: 20
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