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ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

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ORIGINAL: Jaybeee

Wait wait, a man is just two extra kids to feed, a and a few beers on a Friday night, and you don't have to buy him another bed. I know how much that costs. Aren't you in fact expecting him to get a job so that he can subsidise you and your kids, not vice versa? Frankly, that's the undertone I'm getting from this. That's what I suspect all this boils down to. Yes, I think you want a Master, but even MORE than that, I think you want financial backing.

A man is not his wallet; I know the kind of woman who only wants me for my solvency. They think they're smart, but in a couple of decades, they've pissed it all away, bloated and fat and back living with in the same circumstances as before, except now the next generation of gold-digger is stealing the show.

So when someone asks you, "What kind of woman are you??! - don't be the type of woman above. You were decent enough to pose the question, so just be decent enough do the right thing - which in your case is a choice; either let him go, and give up the lifestyle as a mask for the fact you're afraid to put "Must be willing to provide financially" in your advert, or take him in.

I've had a woman live off me, and I didn't like it.  I don't like to see it with roles reversed either.

Look at it this way, Jaybee - you;re talking about how a man should be a relatively light burden.  A Master should be able to make himself an asset, not a minimal expense.

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ORIGINAL: MistressRosalyn

It's always interesting how others perceive things.

Jaybeee, you are only focusing on the whole male/female gold digger issue, and not focusing on the real issue which is that the OP hasn't said one effing word about wanting the "Master" in this situation to provide jack squat for her. She's only questioning his judgment about wanting her to leave a job of ten years in this iffy economy, and move to where he is when she has two children to provide for, and he has nothing to offer in the form of security.

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If she was living by herself, then perhaps she could (stupidly) throw caution to the wind and run off with a man who has nothing to recommend him other than that he gets her panties wet. But she has two other humans whose very existence depends upon her ability to judge appropriately, and to do the right thing for THEM whether it's what she wants or not. I don't know why he can't move in with her, but I can tell you straight off that unless he wants to play house husband and do an excellent job of it, that situation won't last.

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You are in the UK, and things there are different than they are here. There are no council flats for unweds or welfare recipients, and while there is some form of welfare, it is limited and nowhere near as socially accepted as it is in the UK.

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My (soon to be ex) husband is working in the Channel Islands, and he tells me that there are girls there on public assistance who sit around all day with nothing better to do but try to find a guy to work and bring her money so she can go out while he sits around the house at night.


I was appalled by that behaviour, I suppose there are those who do that here, but believe me, in general, it is a very different mind set in the US. We are much more interested in having things equitable, just as you are suggesting. So please understand the mind-set and reality of the person who is asking the question, before you place your experiences of a different world as judgment of her motives.

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(Note bene, my husband does not support me in any way, shape or form, the only money he has sent me is to pay for his share of whatever joint costs we incur. Meanwhile, I supported him for 2 and a half years while he couldn't work here in the US. It was my choice to do so, I enjoyed his company, and he did things for me around here which made things more equitable. Oh, and he was fucking HOT in the bedroom!)

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ORIGINAL: Jaybeee

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ORIGINAL: MistressRosalyn

It's always interesting how others perceive things.

Jaybeee, you are only focusing on the whole male/female gold digger issue, and not focusing on the real issue which is that the OP hasn't said one effing word about wanting the "Master" in this situation to provide jack squat for her. She's only questioning his judgment about wanting her to leave a job of ten years in this iffy economy, and move to where he is when she has two children to provide for, and he has nothing to offer in the form of security.

Fair enough, if I've overlooked that, and I stress the "if" part, then I offer an apology and concede I was in error. No, she should not go wandering off if she has two kids.

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ORIGINAL: Jaybeee

No mate, as it goes my point is NOT that a man's OWN financial needs boil down to beer and a slightly higher monthly premium for our 2.5Ltr cars. My point is that disturbing line of thought that says, "It's ok to ask a man to provide, but they minute THEY want to be provided for, lose the hamster!"

The Master is exactly that; he's the boss, he is DA MAN. He says, she does. He's the owner, SHE is the asset. Shouldn't matter a damn if I'm as poor as a church mouse, or if I've been Head of Equities Desk at Goldmans for the last 6 years. The sooner ALL women realise that, the better off both genders will be.

Yeah, I realise a man has got to bring something to the table, literally and figuratively. What irks me is this quiet, unspoken desire in women for financial provision from their menfolk, yet if you turn the tables, "equality" goes out the window.

There's a reason the seminars that most investment groups give their trading staff on how to avoid gold-diggers focus on the fact that these predators are almost all female.

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ORIGINAL: Solslave

Thank you, everyone, for the well thought advice and guidance. It mostly served to confirm the sad truth if having to say perhaps later I feared. More than that, it helped me to see I am not the one making the poor choice as he would have me thinking. A warm and huge thanks to the ones who got me here andinderstoodwhat I was saying with fabulous words of wisdom and support.

Jaybeee, I was so glad to see after a reread of my post you were able to go back and correct your statements, even if cynical with the IF comment. I do want to give you the knowledge that I have been on my own and supported myself as well as been the "breadwinner" for my family for the past nine years I was married and eleven years single prior to that. I am an intelligent, strong, driven woman who is proud to say every man who has know me would tell you they are better for having me as an asset in their life. I often have brought way more to the table than I have ever been given in return. (mean this in all manners whether emotional, financial, etc). I am and will continue to be (as most women on this thread clearly are a huge asset!)

My children and Life's obligations will always be the most paramount focus in my life. Even at the continued cost of sacrificing my own self happiness that I have found in submission and servitude. Because, as is the nature of most subs, I give to others for my happiness. And, I fear, as much as I am in love with my Master, his needs will continue to be his primary focus as that is the nature of most dominant people. So at an impass I stand. Unwilling to budge.

Thank you all for the amazing sense of community and understanding I have found in this forum. I look forward to staying around here for quite sometime and contributing as well as learning.

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ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

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ORIGINAL: Jaybeee

No mate, as it goes my point is NOT that a man's OWN financial needs boil down to beer and a slightly higher monthly premium for our 2.5Ltr cars. My point is that disturbing line of thought that says, "It's ok to ask a man to provide, but they minute THEY want to be provided for, lose the hamster!"

The Master is exactly that; he's the boss, he is DA MAN. He says, she does. He's the owner, SHE is the asset. Shouldn't matter a damn if I'm as poor as a church mouse, or if I've been Head of Equities Desk at Goldmans for the last 6 years. The sooner ALL women realise that, the better off both genders will be.

Yeah, I realise a man has got to bring something to the table, literally and figuratively. What irks me is this quiet, unspoken desire in women for financial provision from their menfolk, yet if you turn the tables, "equality" goes out the window.

There's a reason the seminars that most investment groups give their trading staff on how to avoid gold-diggers focus on the fact that these predators are almost all female.

What is that smell?

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ORIGINAL: Jaybeee

Great kudos to you for being a self-supporting woman SS. Here, Tab 777 - it's good for a couple of whatever your favourite tipple is, on me in recognition of you making your own cash and not sponging off a man. I only wish you were the rule, not the exception. And as it happens - I actually DO buy drinks for career gals!

I take it him moving in with you is out of the question? I am sorry for you if it is, as you're right, it truly does leave you in "No-Man's Land".

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ORIGINAL: SpiritedRadiance

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ORIGINAL: Jaybeee

Great kudos to you for being a self-supporting woman SS. Here, Tab 777 - it's good for a couple of whatever your favourite tipple is, on me in recognition of you making your own cash and not sponging off a man. I only wish you were the rule, not the exception. And as it happens - I actually DO buy drinks for career gals!

I take it him moving in with you is out of the question? I am sorry for you if it is, as you're right, it truly does leave you in "No-Man's Land".

Bitter much? Im sorry but a man whos supposed to be able to control my life, better damn fucking well be able to pay his bills ontime in full if he wishes to control me. Why? Because if he cant then hes not in control, living in mommys basement isnt being in control.

And That extra 9150 my male coworker gets for doing the exact same job i do, makes me expect him to put a bit of dough on the table if we date long term.

For the record until its an established relationship, I insist on going dutch. I do not mooch, I do not gold dig, I do not go after someone for their money, im fine if they cant afford fancy dinners.... however i want the heat on when i come over.

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ORIGINAL: Jaybeee
Insisting on a man who can "damn fucking well" (angry much??!? ) pay his own bills is the mark of a careful woman.
Insisting on a man to share YOUR bills is one of many, many telltale signs of a wallet-huntress.

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ORIGINAL: Solslave

And, I fear, as much as I am in love with my Master, his needs will continue to be his primary focus as that is the nature of most dominant people.

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ORIGINAL: SpiritedRadiance

And That extra 9150 my male coworker gets for doing the exact same job i do, makes me expect him to put a bit of dough on the table if we date long term.

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ORIGINAL: MistressRosalyn

It's always interesting how others perceive things.

You are in the UK, and things there are different than they are here. There are no council flats for unweds or welfare recipients, and while there is some form of welfare, it is limited and nowhere near as socially accepted as it is in the UK.