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Alcohol/Drug Use in "The Scene" - 5/4/2006 10:12:34 AM   
Proprietrix


Posts: 756
Joined: 7/15/2005
From: Ohio/West Virginia
Status: offline
I've read over a few of the threads here about drug/alcohol use & BDSM. My curiosity isn't so much in what 2 people feel is right for themselves in their personal scene. It's more about how people feel about the availability of drugs/alcohol in "The Scene" (the 'community', the parties, the venues, etc..)

I've been to a lot of munches that were held in bars or night clubs. I've seen alcohol being served, or open bars, or BYOB in dungeons, play-houses, and private parties. Even when drugs/alcohol were not permitted on premise, I've witnessed a lot of people showing up at the door drunk or high and permitted entrance into the party. I'm curious how others in the lifestyle feel about these types of situations, regardless of whether or not they personally would use alcohol/drugs in their own play time.

I personally hold the opinion that drinking/drugging and scening don't mix. I don't throw out a judgment to those who do, I simply won't engage in it personally, or allow my subs to do so. A lot of the munches near me, everyone meets in a restaurant, which happens to also sell alcohol. After the munch, everyone gets together at someone's house for a play party. I've noticed that I find myself showing up for the munches, but go to fewer and fewer of the play parties. Not because of some moral issue I have with it, but more because I just can't get into that kind of crowd. I don't like the smell on people's breath. I don't like having my submissives approached by people who have been drinking/drugging, when those same people, when sober, would have consulted with me first. I don't "get" drunk humor and have difficulty figuring out what the punchline was. I find myself sitting at these play parties thinking "Holy shit. I accidently wandered into the bar instead of the play party."

I've also been to public BDSM events, weekend retreats, etc... where drugs/alcohol weren't permitted, but they still allowed those drunk or high entrance into the event. I've had my scenes interupted by people drinking. I've ended up in a play space next to those who were drinking and ended my scene because the alcohol breath smell and voice level from next door was just a turn-off.

I don't complain about these things and I certainly don't confront those who are drinking/drugging, because I feel that their choices are not my business. And I somewhat consider myself a bit overly sensitive to the whole issue because of some people in my past. So, I usually quietly leave and have my playtime at home instead.

But recently I've run across some other people I used to see at play parties. When I ask how everyone is doing, they respond with something like "I don't know. We quit going because of all the drinking." That gets me to wondering if maybe this isn't an issue of my being hypersensitive afterall. So, I'm just curious how others feel about the allowance of drugs/alcohol (or those who used them before arriving) at BDSM events, play parties, munches, etc...

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IMO, IMHO, YMMV, AFAIK, to me, I see it as, from my perspective, it's been my experience, I only speak for myself, (and all other disclaimers here).
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RE: Alcohol/Drug Use in "The Scene" - 5/4/2006 10:22:15 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Proprietrix
That gets me to wondering if maybe this isn't an issue of my being hypersensitive afterall. So, I'm just curious how others feel about the allowance of drugs/alcohol (or those who used them before arriving) at BDSM events, play parties, munches, etc...

If we go on the premise that adults are responsible enough to know when they can and can't drink and when they can drink and do other things- then there's no reason not to allow alcohol at kinky events.

Unless you don't believe adults should be able to have that choice for themselves.

It doesn't matter what YOU PERSONALLY would choose or feel is right- but whether you think adults should have that freedom of choice.

I understand places not wanting to sell alcohol due to legal issues, permits, possible lawsuits and that manner of rigamorale...but on the pure basis that "if we're adults and can make adult decisions then that includes drinking" then it seems a pretty obvious choice to me.

Also to add- this is nearly completely an American problem.  We're almost the only ones who ever have problems and phobias about alcohol.

< Message edited by LuckyAlbatross -- 5/4/2006 10:23:13 AM >

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RE: Alcohol/Drug Use in "The Scene" - 5/4/2006 10:24:40 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		While I am rather inexperienced in BDSM and have not had many oportunities to be in a play situation that you describe I would probably feel much the same way. I do drink when I feel so inclined, have been known to polish off a bottle of red wine on occasion, and have been known to partake of the herb once in awhile when I am comfortable in the setting it is being offered. However, I am a firm believer in two things #1 if a person has to have alchohol or any mind altering substance to enjoy themself they have a problem and #2 there are situations that they do not have ABSOLUTELY any place being involved. When I am in a position of responsiblity I feel I must be 100% clear headed. If I cannot get "into the moment" without something to relax my inhibitions (which I would bet is the reason many people do it) then I need to take a good long look at wether or not I should be there at all. I have always hated the excuse, "well I was drinking" to validate behaviour and promised myself a long time ago I would never have the need to use it.

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RE: Alcohol/Drug Use in "The Scene" - 5/4/2006 10:27:11 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		If only all adults were capable of making sound adult decisions! Somehow I feel that the over population of our prison system shows the failing in that idea.

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RE: Alcohol/Drug Use in "The Scene" - 5/4/2006 10:39:50 AM   
MistressSassy66


Posts: 1675
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline 		IMO,one or two drinks when scening is not a big deal.Neither is smoking a joint.Moderation is something
I believe in.

Being drunk or using hard drugs that severely impair judgement can be dangerous.
While I personally wont scene with people severely intoxicated,I dont judge others for doing it.
I also tend to remove Myself from people who do engage in heavy drinking or heavy drugs.

_____________________________

Mistress Sassy

http://www.mistresssassy.com

In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

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RE: Alcohol/Drug Use in "The Scene" - 5/4/2006 10:43:53 AM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline 		Himself and I won't attend events or parties where the attitude is have a drink, beat a butt and it's basically why we don't play publicly in MN anymore because that is the prevailing mind set around this place with a few, thank God, notable exceptions. Whole thing makes me gag, literally.  There is little I find more disgusting than the smell of alcohol on someone's breath. Ugh. Bad breath.. now there's a turn on. Dulling the senses right before you beat or get beat makes absolutely zero sense to me. It's no different from doing the same thing and getting into a car. I don't want drunks or spaced-out druggies on the road either. Or, how about we just shoot some heroin, smoke some crack and see what develops with that old bull whip. Get someone nice and drunk or high so they can't consent then go ahead and do what you will anyway. In my book, that's criminal and if you engage in the activity, you're an idiot. If an event allows it, I'm not there. Plain and simple. Himself and I pissed off some people because we were supposed to do a demo/lecture and found out the event was going to have an open bar so backed out. We both feel that our presence would condone the use of alcohol and play if we were there. The argument used was that we didn't have to partake of the alcohol, but that wasn't the point. By attending, it sends a message that we think it's OK and we do NOT think it's OK. ::shrugs:: Too bad, so sad.

It's all good though. I am not forced to be around idiots and my circle of friends have brains and self-respect, so they don't do the drug/alcohol trip.

Celeste

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Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


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RE: Alcohol/Drug Use in "The Scene" - 5/4/2006 12:47:16 PM   
Vendaval


Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Proprietrix

I don't complain about these things and I certainly don't confront those who are drinking/drugging, because I feel that their choices are not my business. And I somewhat consider myself a bit overly sensitive to the whole issue because of some people in my past. So, I usually quietly leave and have my playtime at home instead.

I have made the same choice Myself.  There is a local kink night at a bar,
mostly just people in fetish wear on the dance floor and some light Scenes.
But the combination of the bar crowd and kink was really bad for Me.
And I have too many relatives and friends with drug and alcohol addiction
problems to want to be around that kind of energy.  I left and never went
back to that fetish night.
 
If I want to relax, hear some live music, dance and have a few drinks at a bar
with friends that My night-off so to speak.  It is a different kind of head space
and a different kind of energy. 

But recently I've run across some other people I used to see at play parties. When I ask how everyone is doing, they respond with something like "I don't know. We quit going because of all the drinking." That gets me to wondering if maybe this isn't an issue of my being hypersensitive afterall. So, I'm just curious how others feel about the allowance of drugs/alcohol (or those who used them before arriving) at BDSM events, play parties, munches, etc...


I have been to some private kink dinners where alcohol was served in moderation
and people did Scenes afterwards.  Nobody was smashed out of their minds.
None of the Scenes had any accidents.  That is a situation that I can live with, because I know the people involved and they are responsible for their own behavior.
 
Good question Proprietrix, I enjoy reading your posts.
 
Regards,
 
Vendaval


_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE


http://KinkMeet.co.uk

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RE: Alcohol/Drug Use in "The Scene" - 5/4/2006 1:05:48 PM   
Phoenixandnika


Posts: 748
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: Aberdeen Maryland
Status: offline 		We are all adults or presumably so we all should be able to make adult decisions. Perhaps that is a true statement with most things. However, in this situation it is not about everyone else in my mind. It is about what I am comfortable with.
 
We all know or should know the affects alcohol can / does play on our senses, our reactions, our emotions, our body, our minds. In my opinion it is dangerous to play and mix alcohol. Limits and reactions may not to be the same. Things may get out of hand. That for me is the question of can someone who has been drinking truly consent?
 
How do I know what their alcohol level is I going to give a breathalyzer test or a on the spot DUI test?How do I know how much is to much for them to handle?How do I know how someone else will react to 1 drink or 5 drinks?
 
I have seen things go horribly wrong when play and alcohol are mixed. For me the risk is simply not worth it. As far as drugs are concerned, it is adamant no. I have made the personal choice not to interact with people who light a joint or use any other “drug” recreationally. Again the risk does not out weigh the gain in doing so in any aspect of my life.
 
Like anything else I think we each must judge the pros and cons of our actions and decide what is best for us.
 
Blessed Be,
 
Phoenix's Nika

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RE: Alcohol/Drug Use in "The Scene" - 5/4/2006 1:13:56 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I used to enjoy drinking and clubbing when I was younger (not BDSM, just regular clubs). Then I became a bartender in my mid 20s and I discovered how obnoxious drunks are in a public setting. I do not have any use for people who drink to get drunk. I do not want them around me. I will socially drink myself once a year (maybe), but not to get drunk. I do not want my dom to drink to excess, and I would not involve myself with a dom that would put me in a situation where there were many people drinking and scening, I would be very uncomfortable with that.

I have never been to public play parties, I would like to experience this, but if I found a lot of high people and/or drunks there it would be a major turn off for me...  I still think that it is up to those hosting these events to determine how they are conducted with things like the availability of alcohol. It should be stated that it will be present though so those of us that do not want to be around it can make an informed choice.

But that's just how I see it.

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 5/4/2006 1:18:51 PM >

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Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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RE: Alcohol/Drug Use in "The Scene" - 5/4/2006 1:20:40 PM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		I dont drink, smoke or do drugs they aren't my thing. I also will not play with anyone who is under the influence those are my rules of play. What anyone else does is their business, if someone gets hurt its on them not me.

~Lashra

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RE: Alcohol/Drug Use in "The Scene" - 5/4/2006 1:21:54 PM   
JohnWarren


Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline 		A friend of mine who finally went to AA remarked, "You know I used to hang with the smartest and funniest people around.  Now, that I'm not drinking they seem like a bunch of idiots."

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RE: Alcohol/Drug Use in "The Scene" - 5/4/2006 1:38:33 PM   
spankmepink11


Posts: 1310
Joined: 9/28/2005
Status: offline 		While i'm not adverse to a single glass of wine or cocktail,  possibly  a joint.......As the ex spouse of an alcoholic...i tend to run quickly in the opposite direction of anyone who is drunk...or heavily under the influence of anything, most especially when engaging in play.....i feel it completely distorts perception to the point of  causing severe physical harm.

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RE: Alcohol/Drug Use in "The Scene" - 5/4/2006 1:54:21 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		The topic however is not "How do you feel towards drinking and playing?"

The question is "How do you feel about alcohol/drugs being a choice at play events?"

I'm not sure how we can reconcile the idea that adults are mature and responsible enough to be allowed the choice of whether to do kinky stuff or not...but not mature and responsible enough to be allowed the choice of whether to drink alcohol/do drugs or not.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: Alcohol/Drug Use in "The Scene" - 5/4/2006 1:58:20 PM   
KittenWithaTwist


Posts: 490
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline 		It doesn't bother me, honestly, whether there are drinks being served or not. At the club we attend in Philly, they serve alcohol. At the club in DC, they do not. At the club in Baltimore, sometimes they do and sometimes they don't. Personally, I enjoy a few drinks every now and then, but I rarely drink to get drunk, and when I'm drunk the only thing I want to do is sleep. *shrug*

As LA said, it can be your personal preference to not do drugs or drink while scening, while it may be another adult's preference to do one or both while scening. If you don't enjoy it or condone it, don't participate with those people or don't attend those venues. We're all adults (most of us in those arenas are over the age of 21) and all legally capable of making those decisions.

We're all also capable of accepting the consequences, whatever they may be.

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RE: Alcohol/Drug Use in "The Scene" - 5/4/2006 1:59:46 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KittenWithaTwist
At the club in DC, they do not.

Crucible, on rare private occasion, allows alcohol.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: Alcohol/Drug Use in "The Scene" - 5/4/2006 2:03:08 PM   
WeeIttyBitty


Posts: 115
Joined: 4/24/2006
Status: offline 		It depends on the intensity of the scene your playing. If your drinking & spanking, (a glass or 2 of wine or beer) its probably not a big deal... but if the bullwhip comes out, I'll be done for the night.

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RE: Alcohol/Drug Use in "The Scene" - 5/4/2006 2:36:00 PM   
Phoenixandnika


Posts: 748
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: Aberdeen Maryland
Status: offline 		The question is "How do you feel about alcohol/drugs being a choice at play events?"

IF they where at an event or play party that I was at I would say my good byes and leave. As I said in my opinion the risk outweighs the the postives that might come out if that situation. I think it is a HUGE legal risk for all involved IF things happen to go wrong.
 
Phoenix's Nika

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"Life is neither a bed of roses nor a carpet of thorns, it's just what you make of it."



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RE: Alcohol/Drug Use in "The Scene" - 5/4/2006 3:04:27 PM   
Tikkiee


Posts: 1099
Joined: 4/6/2006
Status: offline 		I, personally do not drink or do drugs, nor would I allow someone to touch me who was. On that same note, I don't bother passing judgement on others who do use. If they want to partake in such activities, that is their choice. I have been to private parties where both drugs and alcohol were quite 'abundunt'; did not bother me at all. As I said, if that is where their pleasure lies, more power to them. It's just not for me.

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RE: Alcohol/Drug Use in "The Scene" - 5/4/2006 3:54:57 PM   
ShiftedJewel


Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

The topic however is not "How do you feel towards drinking and playing?"

The question is "How do you feel about alcohol/drugs being a choice at play events?"

I'm not sure how we can reconcile the idea that adults are mature and responsible enough to be allowed the choice of whether to do kinky stuff or not...but not mature and responsible enough to be allowed the choice of whether to drink alcohol/do drugs or not.


You can't "reconcile" the idea because it's comparing apples to oranges. Just because you are of legal drinking age does NOT mean you are going to be responsible when drinking.. or using drugs. If it did there wouldn't be any accidents cause by someone under the influence a mind altering substance. I've yet to see someone weaving all over the road because they chose to be kinky.
 
As far as drinking and the scene is concerned. I attend a munch group held in a bar.. as far as I'm concerned, that's ok... we're just eating and socializing. But at a play party... no, it doesn't belong there. Yes, as adults we all have the right to chose whether or not we're going to drink... we're also able to chose whether or not to attend a play party or BDSM club that doesn't allow it. Amazingly enough, the adults that own the property or are renting the property also have the right to refuse entrance to someone that has been drinking or using drugs.
 
If I were to attend a play party where heavy drinking was allowed... I'd leave. I have no real compunction to watch an impending train wreck

quote:

If we go on the premise that adults are responsible enough to know when they can and can't drink and when they can drink and do other things- then there's no reason not to allow alcohol at kinky events.


What a wonderful world it would be if we could go on that premise.. I'm one of those people, I won't take a couple of sips of a beer and get behind the wheel. But I seem to be part of a minority... the guy that killed one of my boys because he was sure he could drink and drive wasn't in that minority, neither was my brother when he climbed behind the wheel and died, nor was the woman that killed my cousin with her car... the list goes on and on..

I never assume someone is responsible enough to know when drinking or using drugs is the appropriate time unless I know them really well and they have proven themselves to me.

quote:

  Unless you don't believe adults should be able to have that choice for themselves.


Oh hell yeah, I do believe that some adults should not have the choice as to whether or not they should be allowed to drink and "do something" else... particularly in a public venue... at my house... my "play party"... you betcha...in a heart beat, I would have no issue telling them that they are NOT allowed to drink and if they don't like, I'll show them the door.
 
Jewel

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RE: Alcohol/Drug Use in "The Scene" - 5/4/2006 4:17:30 PM   
WyrdRich


Posts: 1733
Joined: 1/3/2005
Status: offline 		         I like having the freedom to bring a small cooler of my beverage of choice along to play parties.  A beer or glass of wine before a scene isn't going to do me or mine any harm and it is very nice to settle back after and unwind with a couple more.  Getting drunk is another matter entirely and I would be very uncomfortable even watching a scene where participants are smashed.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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