RE: House Rules (Full Version)

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avena -> RE: House Rules (11/3/2011 6:03:48 PM)

While the posted list would definitely not do it for me, I do agree with what Kaliko said:

quote:

I don't think I would ever, ever expect my dominant to have as specific a list of responsibilities as I do. Though I wouldn't feel comfortable with a list like the OP has, I would certainly be comfortable with some sort of "list" of expectations, even if not written down in list form. The whole point is that I want a relationship in which I am serving his needs, first and foremost (which, ultimately, satisfies mine). Certainly, it needs to be the right match, with the right man, and with the right communication, and the right amount of fun and laughter and love and lightness, but...no, I would not expect that his responsibilities toward me need to be as specific and expected past what the OP listed, such as taking care of me and keeping me safe, etc.


And in fact, D and I do have a fairly detailed list of my responsibilities. Included on that list are the household chores that fall under my 'domain', as well as dress expectations and other miscellaneous rules. There are also some specific details on the things that are his 'domain' (which happens to include all the outside chores, except for gardening), however there are a lot more vague items on his list than there are on mine.

The most important thing on our list is a statement that "The above list (referring to out list, not the OP's list) is a starting point ONLY and is expected to flex and change as the relationship evolves". Our list is really just a starting point...the relationship has already grown well beyond the initial list, and we no longer bother writing things down. We do however have discussions about 'where things would fit on the list' whenever we encounter a new situation.

Also, like Kaliko, I LOVE lists...I make a to do list for myself every day. D thinks it's hilarious, but he's almost as bad as I am, making weekly to do lists instead of my daily to do lists.



HannahLynn -> RE: House Rules (11/3/2011 6:50:27 PM)

the house rules here are really fucking simple. they do what they are told and i take care of making the decisions that are best for us all. the rest is just fucking window dressing.



revmick82 -> RE: House Rules (11/3/2011 6:54:20 PM)


[/quote]


Well, he does say "attempt" and "offer" on the oral sex...not that it's actually happening.
[/quote]

That is a key point. Much of the list revolves around attention to detail and consistency  of purpose. If we just had a rum fueled rough night there is little chance I want to wake up an hour early for work while she nurses me hard. The fact that she remembered to ask means worlds to me.



Kana -> RE: House Rules (11/4/2011 6:38:17 AM)

House rules:
Serve, please, obey.
Or suffer the consequences.



kalikshama -> RE: House Rules (11/4/2011 6:50:26 AM)

quote:

My friend is getting a divorce.  One of the things that her soon to be ex is pissed off about is that he believed that they had an agreement that once the kids were grown, she would get a job.  She was unaware that this was their arrangement. but he is still angry with her about not getting a job when the kids graduated, and is at least trying to justify the divorce to her on that basis.


And he failed to reiterate this for 18 years??? Pfft - total justification.

Additionally, lists would totally change over 18 years. Yearly review?



Iamsemisweet -> RE: House Rules (11/4/2011 6:53:58 AM)

Oh, I know, it is a n excuse, not a reason. Still, if they had a list of expectations, it would be a hard thing to throw something like this in her face.
quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

quote:

My friend is getting a divorce.  One of the things that her soon to be ex is pissed off about is that he believed that they had an agreement that once the kids were grown, she would get a job.  She was unaware that this was their arrangement. but he is still angry with her about not getting a job when the kids graduated, and is at least trying to justify the divorce to her on that basis.


And he failed to reiterate this for 18 years??? Pfft - total justification.

Additionally, lists would totally change over 18 years. Yearly review?



kalikshama -> RE: House Rules (11/4/2011 7:01:24 AM)

quote:

My bladder subs to no one.


Indeed.

[sm=hardlimit.gif]



kalikshama -> RE: House Rules (11/4/2011 7:07:24 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

If he's getting a blow job at least twice daily, then she isn't ever having sex with him. Because past about age 18 or so, men do start to slow down. By 35 I would doubt he could cum twice daily.


This occurred to me too. Sure, in the beginning of a relationship this is sustainable, but not day in and out, while working full time and attending to life's other responsibilities.







LillyBoPeep -> RE: House Rules (11/4/2011 7:10:14 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

quote:

My bladder subs to no one.


Indeed.

[sm=hardlimit.gif]


i can understand the allure of that kind of control, but at the same time, the guy has to be willing to be contacted at any time. is this "ask to potty" rule only in place when he's home, or does it stand all day no matter what? does he have a cell phone that will never go on silent, ever?

but also, i think there's a lot here that, as he said, was established over time, and the way it's been presented to us is "hi person i don't know, check out this list and then sign on the dotted line if you want to come live with me."

so there are probably nuances and such that are left out.



LadyHibiscus -> RE: House Rules (11/4/2011 7:49:41 AM)

That whole bathroom thing... I am not a schoolteacher anymore, yanno? One thing I AM into,when we are out at a party or whatever--I shouldn't have to LOOK for you. If you want to go yap with your cronies on the other side of the room, give me a heads up, even if it's just a signal. I do NOT want to have to scan the room wondering. In those circumstances, yeah, LET ME KNOW that you are going to go hit the can.

I do love lists, I am the queen of postits, but remembering to LOOK at the list, that's the problem.



littlewonder -> RE: House Rules (11/4/2011 9:36:12 AM)

I hate lists but they're a necessity for me because I'm extremely forgetful and without a list such as a grocery list or a list of stuff I have to get done on my refrigerator calender, I'd forget what I needed to do, but a relationship list? That's just too cold and not intimate at all. It would make me feel like I was in a business relationship, not an intimate relationship.

I wanna be able to talk to each other face to face about everything and anything, not rely on a piece of paper.




avena -> RE: House Rules (11/4/2011 10:14:07 AM)

Having a list doesn't preclude talking to each other face to face. In fact, for us, the process of writing the list gave us all sorts of topics for discussion. Our relationship isn't defined by our list either. The list is part of a fluid document that changes as we encounter new situations or life changes. Of course, our list is nowhere near as all encompassing as the OP's list either.

Having a list that outlines my expected chores is helpful, since I tend to be forgetful and a bit scattered. It does not, however, spell out exactly when and how I get things done. As long as I get them done, D isn't particularly picky.

There are things in our document that do relate directly to our relationship though. Things like limits are spelled out, and expectations regarding dress and certain behaviours. But again, the things we've written down are just starting points, not the be all and end all. Discussing the things that found their way onto the document was a great exercise that allowed us to find compromises and communicate wants, needs, and expectations, from both sides.



VirginPotty -> RE: House Rules (11/4/2011 10:17:22 AM)

I wasn't really interested enough to read the full list UNTIL 2 posters mentioned the bracelets so I did a search (still not interested in such a complex list) then almost choked on my lunch while laughing.  Really, a red bracelet AND a brown bracelet?  Where in the world did you come up with THAT one?

I must admit that my curiosity got the better of me so I finally gave in & read the list in its entirity and again had to laugh at the suggestion that she find way to "stay curious" about sex.  I'll repeat my question above..."Where in the world did you come up with THAT one"?

On the flip side when my girl moved in w/me I too created a list but it was more a list of chores to do.  We were still very new in the relationship so I wanted her to know what was expected of her on a daily basis.  She moved in because she lost her job/housing all at the same time so this was an emergency situation, we hadn't had time to really get to know each other.  The list was a guideline for her to follow and once I presented it to her I never really gave it much thought as real life got in the way so my wants/needs & her availability changed so we did the best that we could.

Lists aren't necessarily a bad thing but OP you had some way out there suggestions that I felt compelled to post on your thread.
The end result in this lifestyle....to each their own.  If we can accept swallowing fecal matter w/o blinking an eye why should lists bother us this much?  Do what works for you, OP but I'd still love to know where you came up w/the idea of the bracelets!



mnottertail -> RE: House Rules (11/4/2011 10:20:11 AM)

I assume the brown bracelet is for the hand you wipe with and the red bracelet for the hand you insert the tampon with.




Ishtarr -> RE: House Rules (11/4/2011 11:05:04 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: revmick82

My promise to you

I am here for you, to adore and endure you.

I will stay curious and discover any way I can make your life better.

You mean more to me than any metaphor can express.

I am a poor communicator when I am stressed, but I’m working on it.

You have a space in my heart that will never grow cold.

I invited you to live with me because I love you deeply.

I intend to give you a happy, healthy and safe place to live.

I will stay curious and open minded about your mental and physical needs.

I will communicate honestly and openly with you.

I will help make this space a home for us.



What bothers me most about the things you offer her versus the things you expect from her, is that nowhere, you mention you'll provide for her at all.

You want her to take on a full time job at home, taking care of every minute detail of your lives, but in the list of wishy washy things you offer in return, there is no mention of you providing for her financially in such a ways that she has the time and space to take care of all those things.

Do you offer to provide for her financially?
To make sure she's got health insurance, a retirement plan, a savings account in case things go wrong?
Do you offer to take care of her wordily needs, both while she is with you, as well as for a period after things go wrong so she can get on her feet again?

And if you do offer all those things, why aren't they mentioned in the list of promises you make to her?

The way your offer reads now is that your expectation is for her to hold two full time jobs, one inside and one outside the house, and you expect to come home and sit on your ass all night now, while she caters to your every whim....

You don't offer anything concrete that may measure up to the long long list of demands you pose on her.

Ishtar



Ishtarr -> RE: House Rules (11/4/2011 11:15:43 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

If he's getting a blow job at least twice daily, then she isn't ever having sex with him. Because past about age 18 or so, men do start to slow down. By 35 I would doubt he could cum twice daily.



Maybe I've just been lucky with then men I've dated, but I've never been with a man that couldn't come at the least twice a day, every day, if he wanted to.

However, also with all those men, the desire to orgasm that often would have quickly dwindled down if there was some sort of strict regiment attached to where when and how often blow jobs and sex needed the happen.
The whole key to making a man want to cum several times in the course of an hour always seems have been that the passion need to be kept hot, and I don't see how a schedule would achieve such a goal.




Missokyst -> RE: House Rules (11/4/2011 12:17:14 PM)

I can't imagine it is just luck. My X could orgasm 3-4 times a night when we were playing, and we started dating when he was 43.
quote:

ORIGINAL: Ishtarr


quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

If he's getting a blow job at least twice daily, then she isn't ever having sex with him. Because past about age 18 or so, men do start to slow down. By 35 I would doubt he could cum twice daily.



Maybe I've just been lucky with then men I've dated, but I've never been with a man that couldn't come at the least twice a day, every day, if he wanted to.

However, also with all those men, the desire to orgasm that often would have quickly dwindled down if there was some sort of strict regiment attached to where when and how often blow jobs and sex needed the happen.
The whole key to making a man want to cum several times in the course of an hour always seems have been that the passion need to be kept hot, and I don't see how a schedule would achieve such a goal.






DesFIP -> RE: House Rules (11/4/2011 12:39:44 PM)

http://www.infertile.com/inthenew/sci/maleage.htm

Scroll down a bit and it talks about the male refractory period. As well as the ability to have an erection hard enough for intercourse.

I think you two have been with men more on the outlier of the bell curve, not the ones in the middle.

So yeah, I reiterate, how is she going to stay curious and interested in sex when she's never getting any?



TreasureKY -> RE: House Rules (11/4/2011 1:09:55 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ishtarr

You don't offer anything concrete that may measure up to the long long list of demands you pose on her.


I hate to say it this way, but in my experience, I've found that... generally... in maledom/femsub relationships, the women do bear a much larger burden of measurable responsibilities.  For some odd reason, male dominants are rather loathed to accept expectations... and much less so, actual lists of physical chores for which they are regularly responsible.  [&:]

lol... And if the man can find a way to shove any of his off on his woman, he will.  [;)]

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ishtarr

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

If he's getting a blow job at least twice daily, then she isn't ever having sex with him. Because past about age 18 or so, men do start to slow down. By 35 I would doubt he could cum twice daily.


Maybe I've just been lucky with then men I've dated, but I've never been with a man that couldn't come at the least twice a day, every day, if he wanted to.


Perhaps you've been with much younger men up to this point? 

As the OP is a man under 30, it would most likely not be relevant to him.  However, generally speaking, a man's sexual interest and ability will dwindle with age... and not necessarily in equal amounts.  It isn't unusual for a man in his early 50s to still have plenty of mental desire, but not the physical wherewithal to manage orgasm/ejaculation twice per day.  But it is equally not unusual for the same aged man to have lost much of the physical and mental desire for that level of sexual activity, while some in their 60s may still be going strong in both areas.

I will, however, agree with Des that if an older dom is regularly getting two blow jobs a day (or attempts), his sub is mostly likely not getting any sex (or sexual satisfaction) from him. 



LadyHibiscus -> RE: House Rules (11/4/2011 1:24:36 PM)

It works that way for femdoms, too. Older men...need a lot of chemical enhancement to keep up with me.

Works that way responsibility wise, too--even withpractice there's plenty of reminding!



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