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under the influence - 5/30/2006 10:00:04 AM

composer83

Posts: 101
Joined: 2/14/2006
From: Oklahoma City
Status: offline

ok......my original post got denied.......so im modifying it a bit to coincide with the TOS....

how do you feel about the use of alcohol during BDSM play?
is it ok to play & be 'under the influence?'

personally i think its not the safest thing.....but is acceptable, in my mind, if it is done (as with all things) in moderation.

_____________________________

~Love is Pain~

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Post #: 1

RE: under the influence - 5/30/2006 10:25:10 AM

Calandra

Posts: 725
Joined: 11/22/2004
Status: offline

I have mixed views on this subject...

I believe it is NEVER okay to scene with someone if either party is seriously under the influence of alcohol or drugs. (My personal rule - no more than two drinks)

I believe it is NEVER okay to involve alcohol or drugs in a public or semi-public venue. I may know my abilities and my partner's responses, but I don't know everyone else there, and they don't know me. I feel the presence of others greatly increases the possibility of negative consequences all around.

I believe that at home, with someone I've known and scened with extensively, it is fine to have a drink or two over the course of an evening and still scene. Though I don't do THAT often... I love to be totally sober because of the energies and natural responses I encounter are already very strong.

I also perform wine enemas from time to time, and even though the wine is diluted to 1 part wine, 3 parts water, the presence of alcohol is there, and I have to know the person very well and know their usual responses before I'll attempt one.

In my opinion, there is no excuse for seeking sensation over safety.

Lady Kathryn

(in reply to composer83)

Post #: 2

RE: under the influence - 5/30/2006 10:26:15 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

To me this depends on the type of play it is. If my dominant is just ordering me into different positions and our play does not involve pain or bondage or anything potentially dangerous then a couple of drinks is not a problem to me. If it is anything more than that I do not drink and play. I do not want someone who is topping me to be drinking. I would only do the few drinks with someone I has an ongoing relationship with also.

My current dominant doesnt do it at all. It is a matter of saftey to us....

Just my opinion,...etc

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to composer83)

Post #: 3

RE: under the influence - 5/30/2006 10:32:11 AM

givemyall

Posts: 620
Joined: 12/3/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: composer83

personally i think its not the safest thing.....but is acceptable, in my mind, if it is done (as with all things) in moderation.

Yes, I tend to agree - in moderation is ok. Plus getting all hot, bothered and tied up only to have the Dom pass out on you, would be very annoying

(in reply to composer83)

Post #: 4

RE: under the influence - 5/30/2006 10:33:51 AM

MistressMelissa

Posts: 226
Joined: 11/21/2004
Status: offline

Friends don't let friends drink and play.

(in reply to Calandra)

Post #: 5

RE: under the influence - 5/30/2006 10:35:44 AM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

I never mix alcohol and BDSM. I won't play with those who do so and I won't attend events where it's condoned as an activity. It puts way to much restriction on what I can or cannot do within a given scene. When I play, I like the option of playing hard.. and when I drink I can't play hard.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 6

RE: under the influence - 5/30/2006 10:42:30 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

http://www.collarchat.com/m_357268/mpage_1/key_alcohol%252Cbdsm/tm.htm#357279
Alcohol/Drug Use in "the scene"

http://www.collarchat.com/m_233286/mpage_3/key_alcohol%252Cbdsm/tm.htm#233955
Alcohol and BDSM

Reposted:
If we go on the premise that adults are responsible enough to know when they can and can't drink and when they can drink and do other things- then there's no reason not to allow alcohol at kinky events.

Unless you don't believe adults should be able to have that choice for themselves.

It doesn't matter what YOU PERSONALLY would choose or feel is right- but whether you think adults should have that freedom of choice.

I understand places not wanting to sell alcohol due to legal issues, permits, possible lawsuits and that manner of rigamorale...but on the pure basis that "if we're adults and can make adult decisions then that includes drinking" then it seems a pretty obvious choice to me.

Also to add- this is nearly completely an American problem. We're almost the only ones who ever have problems and phobias about alcohol.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to composer83)

Post #: 7

RE: under the influence - 5/30/2006 10:43:01 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

I never mix alcohol and BDSM. I won't play with those who do so and I won't attend events where it's condoned as an activity. It puts way to much restriction on what I can or cannot do within a given scene. When I play, I like the option of playing hard.. and when I drink I can't play hard.

Celeste

Recently he asked me if I wanted a drink and then said "No more spankings if we do..." I turned down the booze as I would rather get my rump thumped.... but I was speaking hypothetically...lol. I only drink maybe once a year. I still have champagne in my fridge from New Years Eve because I decided to have coffee instead of booze.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 8

RE: under the influence - 5/30/2006 10:57:17 AM

darq

Posts: 443
Joined: 4/21/2006
From: under a rock
Status: offline

beer breath + gag kisses = yek!

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So you found a girl who thinks really deep thoughts ...
Tell me, whats so amazing about really deep thoughts?

I speak my mind because it hurts to bite my tongue.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 9

RE: under the influence - 5/30/2006 11:12:58 AM

Moloch

Posts: 1090
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline

I dont like drunk people, when I go to a party and it degenrates to a drunkfest I dont stay.

(in reply to darq)

Post #: 10

RE: under the influence - 5/30/2006 11:14:58 AM

composer83

Posts: 101
Joined: 2/14/2006
From: Oklahoma City
Status: offline

hmm.....interesting responses.....thank you all......

a wine enema?? really?? hmmm....i learn something new everyday....

~m

_____________________________

~Love is Pain~

www.myspace.com/iamthediminished

(in reply to darq)

Post #: 11

RE: under the influence - 5/30/2006 11:23:10 AM

darq

Posts: 443
Joined: 4/21/2006
From: under a rock
Status: offline

I read an erotic story dealing with a wine enema once but never really gave much thought to doing it in real life ...

_____________________________

So you found a girl who thinks really deep thoughts ...
Tell me, whats so amazing about really deep thoughts?

I speak my mind because it hurts to bite my tongue.

(in reply to composer83)

Post #: 12

Re: Under the influence - 5/30/2006 11:28:47 AM

iliv2servher

Posts: 228
Joined: 5/17/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: composer83

how do you feel about the use of alcohol during BDSM play?
is it ok to play & be 'under the influence?'

personally i think its not the safest thing.....but is acceptable, in my mind, if it is done (as with all things) in moderation.

I would not advise the mixing of alcohol and/or drugs with scene play. In most, if not all, instances where there is public scening or at a play party at someone's private home, it has been all but banned in my circle of friends.

While it is true that some people handle those things better than others, the word "moderation" may mean one thing to one person and something quite different to another.

People at parties tend to want to play with others who they have only just met. Alcohol and drugs tend to alter the users perception and make us do things that we wouldn't ordinarily do.

_____________________________

Dating sucks!

(in reply to composer83)

Post #: 13

RE: under the influence - 5/30/2006 11:33:13 AM

Calandra

Posts: 725
Joined: 11/22/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: composer83
hmm.....interesting responses.....thank you all......
a wine enema?? really?? hmmm....i learn something new everyday....
~m

~laffs~
When I was Pro enemas were a specialty... a full half of my clients came to me for my knowledge of safe enemas...

Wine is a "recipe" enema, that will bring on mild intoxication, but they are most noted for the EMOTIONAL response they evoke. Different recipes bring about emotional responses and wine will create calm, contentedness - a feeling of well-being and lightheartedness. And there are no negative aftereffects (such as headache) after the alcohol has left your system.

An important note, though... if you're going to try this, contact someone knowledgeable for safety tips, and if anyone else will be administering it, make sure you know and trust them implicitly.

< Message edited by Calandra -- 5/30/2006 11:35:37 AM >

(in reply to composer83)

Post #: 14

RE: under the influence - 5/30/2006 11:55:39 AM

DesertRat

Posts: 2774
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: NM/USA
Status: offline

If sylphette has a little glass of wine before we do something, or even two, spaced widely in the course of an evening (she's a tiny thing), it's no problem. As for me, I don't drink, so my condition is not an issue for us...at least drug/alcohol-wise lol. We don't do public play, so it's all home-based for us. Considering the things we do, being loaded would not be a good idea! I need to be sharp so I can keep an eye on her and gauge her reactions. I also have to retain the visual acuity and self control to stay on target.

Bob

_____________________________

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro--Hunter S. Thompson
It's crackers to slip a rozzer the dropsy in snide!--Chief Dead St. Knockout, 1933, Liverpool
Damn the crops. I'll only find peace at the end of a rope.--Winston Van Loo, 1911

(in reply to composer83)

Post #: 15

RE: Re: Under the influence - 5/30/2006 12:00:38 PM

ADomDoc

Posts: 312
Joined: 11/8/2005
From: San Antonio
Status: offline

iliv2servher,
I couldn't have stated it more succinctly. While I've participated in lots of different group parties, alcohol & drugs are almost universally banned. In some parties, alcohol was permitted but anyone who was apparently drunk would be stopped from playing by the DMs. You've made a good point that folks at public parties tend to play w/ new partners ... and then it's especially important for folks (esp the Dom/me) to be at their peak awareness to assure a pleasurable & safe scene. For those of us who came with our own slaves & only played them ... then we were all comfortable with our partner's drinking level & ability to communicate within the scene ... so there was some wider latitude.

I think it all boils down to ... if your partner NEEDS a drink or drugs to do a BdSm scene (can't wait til the scene is over) ... then that partner has a significant problem. And I certainly wouldn't consider taking on a partner who can't control his/her drinking/drugs any better than that.

(in reply to iliv2servher)

Post #: 16

RE: under the influence - 5/30/2006 12:38:15 PM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

Many folks have been posting that alcohol has no place in a dungeon, in playspaces, etc. In Europe, it's commonplace to have alcoholic beverages and/or a bar in clubs, dungeons and playspaces. Europeans, especially the Germans, have been exposed to alcohol from a far earlier age in life. They seem to exhibit more good judgement in terms of drinking and eating....then playing later once their system has metabolized, or, playing, then sitting down and sipping a cocktail or two with friends.

Here in the US, that sort of thing would never fly. We do everything to excess. In fetish parties where they have a bar, most often, people are drinking, playing tourist, and that's a really bad combination.

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to composer83)

Post #: 17

RE: under the influence - 5/30/2006 12:42:06 PM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Also to add- this is nearly completely an American problem. We're almost the only ones who ever have problems and phobias about alcohol.

It's funny....I just posted a comment and then read yours about this being an American thing. I said exactly the same sentiment.....alcohol seems pretty commonplace in playspaces in Europe and Canada. We're the ones who can't seem to handle the temptation of booze in a playspace here in the states.

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 18

RE: under the influence - 5/30/2006 12:56:47 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MisPandora
It's funny....I just posted a comment and then read yours about this being an American thing. I said exactly the same sentiment.....alcohol seems pretty commonplace in playspaces in Europe and Canada. We're the ones who can't seem to handle the temptation of booze in a playspace here in the states.

And while it doesn't get talked about- kink events with alcohol DO happen and ARE great fun. Dark Odyssey and Leather Retreat to mention two big ones, and I've been to plenty of play parties, smaller events and kinky clubs that had alcohol in them and had a GREAT time.

I think part of it's the American alcohol phobia stuff, and I think part of it is just a knee-jerk reaction to not having seen actual adults express mature adult behavior.

I also think it's fine to put whatever rules on whatever play you want to put. But I take a reasonable approach to it and would never suggest that because I don't want to do something then no one should be able to do it, or is somehow incapable of doing it maturely.

I often tease my partners when they have a drink at dinner that we won't be able to play for a week.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to MisPandora)

Post #: 19

RE: under the influence - 5/30/2006 1:02:32 PM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

Whilst the UK isn't as phobic about the effects of alcohol as America seems to be, there are a lot of BDSM activitys that personaly I wouldn't see as safe if done with ANY degree of impaired judgement. After a few drinks I may indulge someone with a light spanking but nothing more involved than that.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to composer83)

Post #: 20

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