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RE: Rape & BDSM community... - 3/27/2012 2:57:11 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: pinksparkles12
I agree, i should have stopped it. Sorry.

You know, of course, that an apology on a message board, to random stranger me, changes nothing. To make things more right, set up an appointment with a counselor ASAP, and tell that counselor that you are concerned both about your own rape/whateveryoudecidetocallit, and also about the fact that you witnessed domestic abuse and did nothing about it. To be honest, the second thing concerns me more than the first.

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Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
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RE: Rape & BDSM community... - 3/27/2012 3:13:13 PM

pinksparkles12

Posts: 15
Joined: 3/27/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: pinksparkles12
I agree, i should have stopped it. Sorry.

You know, of course, that an apology on a message board, to random stranger me, changes nothing. To make things more right, set up an appointment with a counselor ASAP, and tell that counselor that you are concerned both about your own rape/whateveryoudecidetocallit, and also about the fact that you witnessed domestic abuse and did nothing about it. To be honest, the second thing concerns me more than the first.

i have talked to someone about that a professional, it concerned me also. i know why i did it and what was happening during that time. I guess i shouldn't have mentioned anything about that on here. it was just a really unhealthy time for me and i was involved in the wrong people and let it happen. I talked to a professional here and there, and i knew it was a cycle and it took me FOREVER to get myself out of it, whether you believe it or not, it takes a lot of strength to get out. i didn't get nearly the help i needed though, just help here and there, i seriously need to get consistent help with everything that happened now. it was realy hard to be in the situation and try to figure out what was right and wrong while being involved. Now i am outside of it, it might be better and a counselor could really help me.

i asked her in the morning if she was okay, she said yes.... she told me a month later hwen we talked that she felt broken and couldn't even get help she felt defenseless .

The guy really fucks with your brain, and i blame myself for allowing him to, but i also know i won't allow another person to ever again.

< Message edited by pinksparkles12 -- 3/27/2012 3:16:37 PM >

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RE: Rape & BDSM community... - 3/27/2012 3:29:45 PM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
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quote:

When he beat his other ex slave black and blue after they broke up and she was broken down mentally also... his wife took me into another room because she couldn't stand to watch it, it scared her AND me. What i saw that night was NOT consensual , it was someone beating the fuck out of someone else .. it made me sick to my stomach ... i remember i left his house all the next day i texted him that we had to talk .. i told him how scared i was that i saw that and he said " don't worry i'd never do that you or my wife, but she needed it." i just didn't know that he'd make me have sex with him when i really didn't want it months later. i should have left that instant .. someone who does something like that to someone else is BOUND to do something to you eventually.

Exactly.

I'm kind of glad I had that bad experience, because I paid attention when the next two guys I met set off red flags and it turned out they both had domestic violence convictions so I didn't get involved with them. They both had the potential for hurting me a lot more than the first guy did.

Now I listen to my gut.

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RE: Rape & BDSM community... - 3/27/2012 4:56:07 PM

MasterMaker666

Posts: 10
Joined: 7/8/2009
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I'm not nice(far from it), but my gut reaction when reading sparkles post was that this person was one I would like to have a "conversation" with.

Another gut reaction I got was when you apologized for not stopping something that was done to you.

I like the kind of things that would have 99. something% leg it in the opposite direction, but I think that what he did was wrong.

Not stopping him it is not something you should apologize for and I hope that you can deal with this and move on, stronger than you were before it happened.
(reading your last post, I'd say that you are stronger now and on your way to being even stronger)

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RE: Rape & BDSM community... - 3/27/2012 5:20:05 PM

risktaker9

Posts: 197
Joined: 3/10/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterMaker666

I'm not nice(far from it), but my gut reaction when reading sparkles post was that this person was one I would like to have a "conversation" with.

Another gut reaction I got was when you apologized for not stopping something that was done to you.

I like the kind of things that would have 99. something% leg it in the opposite direction, but I think that what he did was wrong.

Not stopping him it is not something you should apologize for and I hope that you can deal with this and move on, stronger than you were before it happened.
(reading your last post, I'd say that you are stronger now and on your way to being even stronger)

I disagree, I think apologizing for not stopping something that was being done to another person that could have been prevented should be apologized for. It's getting her on the right path to acknowledge that this man can and will hurt others and she needs to have the strength to see what put her on the wrong path herself where she ignored a fellow human being so it doesn't happen again. Having a bit of shame isn't a bad thing, it can help us to do better. She knows she needs to do better for herself and now she's seeing that she can extend that to others.

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RE: Rape & BDSM community... - 3/27/2012 5:38:57 PM

strangedesire

Posts: 360
Joined: 12/23/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

you witnessed domestic abuse and did nothing about it. To be honest, the second thing concerns me more than the first.

Are you 100% percent certain that you could distinguish between a violent consensual scene and domestic violence in the moment? I've seen screaming, blood-and-bruises scenes that left both parties smiling after. If I walked in on a trusted, kinky friend beating the crap out of someone, I wouldn't dream of calling the cops, even if the intensity squicked me. At this point it seems pretty obvious that the guy is a psychopath and was abusive. At the time, it probably wasn't. Throw a little bit of bystander effect into the mix, with the wife who wasn't doing anything (and might alert the angry, violent man if I tried to make a phone call) and I would have done the same thing in her situation.

I will agree with you about counseling, though. The fact that she's apologizing and showing appeasement behavior when a complete stranger on the internet accuses her of being unethical suggests that she really doesn't trust her own judgement.

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RE: Rape & BDSM community... - 3/27/2012 5:48:46 PM

Killerangel

Posts: 1169
Joined: 8/3/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: strangedesire

The fact that she's apologizing and showing appeasement behavior when a complete stranger on the internet accuses her of being unethical suggests that she really doesn't trust her own judgement.

Or she might feel that she was wrong in what she didn't do back then and is offering that knowledge as an acknowledgement. I don't see anything wrong with her apologizing to anyone if it's a view that she holds.

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Post #: 67