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RE: What are you willing to compromise ? - 1/21/2014 5:33:47 PM

littlewonder

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Sitting here thinking about this and thinking my won't compromise list is much shorter than my compromise list.

I don't want anymore children...his or mine or ours. I've raised mine. I know how hard it was for me and I know what it does to me and I would not want to put another child through that ever again. Thankfully I'm at an age where this has really become a non issue anyway.

I won't switch. I've tried it before and I absolutely abhor it.

I won't change my morals and values. They are ingrained in me. They are what make me who I am.

I really think that is about it.

There's the poly thing and in the past I have been vehemently against it and it's really still not who I am and I would probably find it extremely difficult for my life but to say I won't compromise, I can't say yes or no unless I end up running into the situation and then I would have to decide from there. This would definitely be something we would have to have long, long, long discussions about and not something I could do on a whim.

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Post #: 21

RE: What are you willing to compromise ? - 1/21/2014 5:33:52 PM

slavekate80

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If I found the "perfect" partner I wouldn't have to compromise on much, because to me the perfect partner would accept an open relationship - that way, if either of us has a need that the other can't meet, we can get it met elsewhere and not have to sacrifice it totally. I'd be hesitant to enter a long-term relationship with someone strictly monogamous because that puts so much pressure on both of us to be everything for the other partner and give up anything they can't or won't do instead of just finding another outlet. It could happen, but it would take a lot.

I suppose I'd be all right with becoming a stepmother, provided the children are at least 6 or 7 years old. Old enough to take care of their own hygiene, possibly with a few reminders, and that expecting them to behave in public is usually a realistic expectation.

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Post #: 22

RE: What are you willing to compromise ? - 1/21/2014 5:40:20 PM

anniezz338

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Moving away from my parents. We would have to stay within driving distance or have the finances to fly back and forth pretty often.

My happiness. You can love someone and not be happy.

Monogamy. I would never see compromising on that. It would hurt but I could definitely walk away and not look back.

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Post #: 23

RE: What are you willing to compromise ? - 1/21/2014 6:09:30 PM

LittleGirlHeart

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I regret not being willing to move to Petaluma, his advancement in that job was on track and so good. he gave up so much to move here, and the move didn't pay off.

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For someone must stand up for what's right
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There ours shall go singing

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Post #: 24

RE: What are you willing to compromise ? - 1/21/2014 6:21:29 PM

Blonderfluff

Posts: 2253
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From: Down the Shore
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I think I've come to realize that there are a few hard and fast things I could NOT compromise on. I could move anywhere, with the stipulation that I could get to wherever my offspring where, every 3 months or so. That's pretty much all I get to see them these days anyway.
I'm not Bi. Never was, and never could be. I am surprised by how many male D types need that. It does rule out a bunch of them.

I don't think that I could be with a hard-core sadist.

Other than those (along with the hard-wired ethics and honesty driven values) I think most anything else could be compromised on for the right partner.

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RE: What are you willing to compromise ? - 1/21/2014 6:21:33 PM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
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Darned near anything that doesn't make me who I am...

I fell in love once, a hundred years ago and offered to change religions. That's how I knew it was the real deal.

What I can't compromise on because it means that who I am will no longer be...

compassion
intelligence
being an extrovert
love
belief in a higher power
gratitude
my medications and health
being physically active
sexuality
dance and music

adding one more thing.... my need to be loved in return. I won't give that up.

The details are generally not important to me. I don't care if I dance hip hop or the Korean fan dance as long as I am expressing myself with my body. I don't care if I never go to church, synagogue, meeting, mosque as long as I can believe in something greater than myself... even if that is the power of love, groups, history, process. I don't care if you want me to get a PhD in philosophy or an M.S. in biology or a certificate in hypnosis or simply read The History of x, y, and z ... as long as I'm being intellectually stimulated.

The things I won't give away are the building blocks of me. Anyone who wants to take those away simply doesn't want ME.

Best,
sunshine

< Message edited by sunshinemiss -- 1/21/2014 6:40:38 PM >

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Post #: 26

RE: What are you willing to compromise ? - 1/21/2014 6:30:34 PM

shiftyw

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From: The Shire
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I couldn't be in a TPE again I don't think. But maybe if it were the right partner. But it mostly made me feel rebellious and bitchy and nasty in my one previous TPE relationship.

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Post #: 27

RE: What are you willing to compromise ? - 1/21/2014 6:32:28 PM

Missokyst

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Joined: 9/9/2006
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Interesting question.

It is not surprising I am single. Kink-wise I am extremely flexible. I have done things simply because my partner wished it, even if I had no interest.

But when it comes to compromise there are things which are untouchable. I would never do poly for instance, or give in to the pressure of pleasing someone by agreeing to touch or be touched by a woman.
I would not move away from my family. In my eyes men are wonderful creatures, but very mercurial and prone to wandering eyes. I am ok with that to a degree but I would not toss my fate into hands that may not stay around. I would not adopt a new religion to please a man. I believe in God, but shun man-made religions.

I have in my past, changed the way I speak, my accent, even the language I use. I have changed jobs, learned a new trade and for a couple of years raised someone elses child.
I would not lose my moral compass because someone wanted a slut. I am happily prudish, I find it allows me to see nearly anything as "Hot". I don't want to lose that to fit someones image of what a submissive should be.

I doubt I could ever be convinced to marry again... but who know, someday I may meet someone with whom I would be willing to compromise that position.

At this point in my life though, I am happy enough on my own as a single entity to view any major compromise as unlikely.

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pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

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Post #: 28

RE: What are you willing to compromise ? - 1/21/2014 6:36:03 PM

RedMagic1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Blonderfluff
We all know how hard it is to find someone that we connect with on a very deep level that ALSO shares our "kinks". My question is... What would you be willing to compromise on for the right person?

As far as I'm concerned, everything is negotiable except my ethics. And it's mandatory that she feel the same way. This cuts in two directions: we both have to be willing to put about the same amount of stuff on the table, but also she needs to have boundaries, needs to have deal-breakers that I respect.

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Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to Blonderfluff)

Post #: 29

RE: What are you willing to compromise ? - 1/21/2014 7:23:03 PM

akisha

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Joined: 6/25/2005
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I compromised experience for a partner that fit my needs and wants in life, more so then in a lifestyle. I wanted a spouse more then an experienced Master.

I figured anyone can learn as long as we match on all the important levels.

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Post #: 30

RE: What are you willing to compromise ? - 1/21/2014 8:25:58 PM

sexyred1

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I will not compromise on:

Being intellectually stimulated
Being sexually fulfilled. You don't like performing oral sex, you can leave
Being honest
Having values, integrity and loyalty.
Having emotional support.
Having similar sense of humor
Ability to communicate and not being afraid to speak my mind
Eclectic interests, be open to each other's, but they don't all need to match. However, if all you like is sports, nope
Being monogamous, no poly ever
Getting along with my family.
Not changing the essentials of me.

Everything else I believe I could compromise on, but he would have to meet me halfway.

(in reply to akisha)

Post #: 31

RE: What are you willing to compromise ? - 1/21/2014 8:29:40 PM

VeryMercurial

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I like your list SexyRed1.
If I make a list of what I am NOT willing to compromise on, the list would go about 5 pages.

< Message edited by VeryMercurial -- 1/21/2014 8:31:28 PM >

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Post #: 32

RE: What are you willing to compromise ? - 1/21/2014 8:35:18 PM

sexyred1

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I was trying to think of absolutes.

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Post #: 33

RE: What are you willing to compromise ? - 1/21/2014 8:37:33 PM

VeryMercurial

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So many absolutes these days........

< Message edited by VeryMercurial -- 1/21/2014 8:39:02 PM >

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Post #: 34

RE: What are you willing to compromise ? - 1/21/2014 8:43:55 PM

sexyred1

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Yes, for ME, personally. Whatever yours are, feel free to post instead of judging mine.

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Post #: 35

RE: What are you willing to compromise ? - 1/21/2014 8:47:27 PM

VeryMercurial

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I think I said I liked your list.

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Post #: 36

RE: What are you willing to compromise ? - 1/21/2014 8:48:51 PM

sexyred1

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I don't care if you do or not. Move on.

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Post #: 37

RE: What are you willing to compromise ? - 1/21/2014 9:05:29 PM

pg4g

Posts: 296
Joined: 12/31/2013
From: Australia
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Personally my list would include:

1. Ethical, good person, compatibility, all the vanilla stuff.

2. Must be willing to fight me. Wrestle and struggle play are the air I breathe.

3. Must enjoy rape play. Specifically, raping me. Wouldn't happen at the start but consensual nonconsent is important to me.

4. No BDSM lifestyle. Outside our sex/play life, I couldn't handle D/S or M/S. I have utmost respect for those who do want this, but I couldn't handle it.

Everything except the above is open to compromise.

< Message edited by pg4g -- 1/21/2014 9:20:50 PM >

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Post #: 38

RE: What are you willing to compromise ? - 1/21/2014 9:06:00 PM

LookieNoNookie

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Joined: 8/9/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Blonderfluff

We all know how hard it is to find someone that we connect with on a very deep level that ALSO shares our "kinks". My question is... What would you be willing to compromise on for the right person?

Would you give up a favorite scenario ? A favorite toy? Probably. But would you give up something more, something broader? Could be your job, if relocation is necessary. Or accepting another's children, when you have none of your own. Or giving up your dream for an open relationship or Poly if your partner is opposed. On the flip side, BECOMING poly?

Now, I know I'm going to get hit with "it depends on what is important to each individual". I understand that. I would just like to hear what is worth the sacrifice, when the reward is the partner you've always wanted.

I know there are many here that have found that "one". Did you have to compromise on anything? Do you have any regrets?

I would be willing to give up toast, jam and bacon for a full year if Pamela Anderson stopped by for a weekend.

(Wait.....toast and jam).

(in reply to Blonderfluff)

Post #: 39

RE: What are you willing to compromise ? - 1/22/2014 3:05:10 AM

ResidentSadist

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I usually live on the coast or a shoreline. I have lived in some awesome places, a bit of a zip code snob I guess. She has a great job at a hospital with incredible benefits. I can work from anywhere in the world that has an internet connection. So I gave up living in Daytona Beach to come to the interior of Florida.

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Post #: 40

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