FieryOpal
Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
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quote:
ORIGINAL: DesFIP
quote:
ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr
On top of that, there are some people that buy into the whole "a dominant must prove themselves worthy of ..." and that's fine but, taken to an extreme, I believe that it further enshrines the idea that it is only the dominant who must jump through hoops.
Usually that's in response to clueless newbies who have hooked up with some dude who claims he's training or considering her, and she has no rights to get her needs met in return.
With that said, the person who makes the decisions must prove him or herself to be a good decision maker if they want that decision making power.
Word. 
I had a forum poster grill me on why would I hold my fellow Dominants to a higher ethical standard than any other kinkster. We aren't a self-regulating group in an official sense. (All of) our reputations are basically all that we have to uphold, and for those who don't interact with the BDSM *community* at large, personal accountability can become an issue. If owned, the s-type is accountable to the D-type; this we know. If unowned, then s/he is a free agent and how s/he chooses to conduct her/his life is not much different from whatever vanilla rules apply to us collectively as a society. The Dominant, on the other hand, is in a rather unique position which I will refer to as possessing "undue influence," especially over newbie subs who might not know any better than to believe whatever (foolishness) they are told about WIITWD. Not to get into technicalities or legalese, anyone in a position of authority or who can potentially exercise this authority over another has the onus of greater responsibility and accountability for her/his actions.
If s-types (or even S/switches) were deferred to the way in which Dominants customarily are, from what I've witnessed for myself, then I would hold them to the same ethical standards of conduct towards others. (With my own sub, or any I may choose to put under consideration for ownership, I have my own personal standards of integrity that I apply privately, as with any other man I would be considering for an intimate LTR, preferably within a D/s power-authority dynamic.) In some instances, an s-type who carries herself/himself confidently or who is assertive, can get mistaken for being the D-type, and you (plural) can't tell me that they don't get treated more respectfully as a result--until it has been ascertained that they are not the D. (Per a certain male sub friend of mine who always gets mistaken for a Dom at fetish parties and at Dungeon events.)
quote:
ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr
I've also been around here for a day or two and I've seen submissive females coddled, male dominants excoriated, male submissives berated and degraded and female dominants kowtowed to. There appears (to me) to be a general air here that promotes this kind of behavior. That's as may be and all's fair ... blah, blah, blah but let's not pretend - for even a millisecond - that there isn't a propensity on these boards to be more tolerant to a submissive's stated "needs"...than to the same type of immovability exhibited by a dominant.
Since there are many Doms who post on these Boards, I don't see male Dominants getting raked over the coals unless they are allegedly exhibiting 4sshat-ish behavior and conducting themselves shabbily. No, we aren't normally privy to the other side of the story, and may not ever know the irrefutable subjective truths of any given situation, but such is life as it applies to each and every one of us. We can only go on the basis of what information we're being told.
I will readily admit to my bias toward other women, but I won't hesitate to call them out either if need be, for their own good if nothing else.
Quite frankly, whether it's a male submissive or whomever it is, if a poster exhibits arrogance, denseness or intransigence on an indefensible position, s/he's going to get a piece of our minds. This is part and parcel of posting on a[n interactive] public forum. As the saying goes, if you can't take the heat, then get out of the kitchen. Insofar as male subs are concerned, many are - how shall I say - delusional and/or not submissives at all. Being a horny, kinky, sex-obsessed (oftentimes clueless) male bottom doesn't give you a pass to get coddled here, or anywhere else for that matter.
Regarding Dommes, there is a Madonna/whore dichotomy that comes into play (no pun intended). Dommes are either reviled or revered, and there doesn't seem to be much middle ground there. I've heard plenty of male Dominants claim that there is no such thing as a Dominant woman, that we don't actually exist. Do you hear Dommes go around saying that Doms don't exist, that male Dominants (other than wannabe, inexperienced self-proclaimed "Masters") don't exist? Common courtesy works both ways.
[Edited for color coding]
< Message edited by FieryOpal -- 10/13/2014 7:52:46 PM >
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Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau
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RE: What Compromises Are Acceptable in Your D/s Relatio... - 
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...so touched on the high points. 
I would have said nothing. But in the past couple years, I have realized that I compromised on quite a few areas. The biggest one being that I entered into another relationship at all. Not many would see that as a compromise, but for me, it was a huge one. 
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