juliaoceania
Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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First of all I wanted to thank all of you very much for all of the input into why inanimate objects will not succumb automatically to Dominance. After all, when an inanimate object fails to do as it is commanded, especially a tiny one such as a tortellini noodle, something is seriously wrong with the force! This cannot be abided if it can be helped. Perhaps my Daddy is spoilt due to his occupation, you see he moves inanimate objects all day that weigh tons! He just pulls a lever, and voila, instant moving is at his fingertips all day long. Moving containers in port is a very Domly affair after all, these things must not sass back or someone could end up injured or killed! So I can imagine Sinergy’s shock and dismay when a little tiny tortellini had the unmitigated gall to try to seemingly top from the bottom (the horror). If he did not have me investigate these sort of inanimate object shenanigans, his existence could become like HarryVanWinkle’s, always feeling as though he could bang his head at anytime (we will overlook the fact that he does have a cut presently that is healing from actually banging his head on an inanimate object…. It really isn’t necessary to rehash that is it?).
I have grouped together some of your theories as there was some commonality to some of them. I considered all of them to have much merit too. There was one particular theory I wanted to dispel, so I will cover that one first.
The Failure Was The Noodle Was More Dominant
This was suggested by La Tigresse, and TamerofWilds. I was an eye witness, and I must say that all the other tortellini were able to obey just fine, it was only this one that seemed to have some sort of issue with Sinergy’s Domliness. I would therefore say that it probably was the only tortellini that had the issue, meaning it was trying to top from the bottom like the bratty, Smart-Assed Macaroni that is absolutely was. I definitely think that was much more probable seeing that the vast majority of noodles submit happily to my Daddy, and I have witnessed this on more than one occasion. This theory that MySweetSubmissive, DesertRat, and Sir Kenin suggested is far more valid according to the logic I have presented.
The alternative to the SAM Hypothesis is that there was one domly noodle in the mix with the submissive noodles. While this idea has some merit, I will give WayWardSoul that, it still did not make logical sense. If there needed to be balance in the Noodle Universe or chaos would erupt, well then half of the tortellini would be sticking wouldn’t it? Only one stuck, so that did not make logical sense to me. In the inanimate world I have tended to notice that things are dominant or submissive, and even though tortellini is not the most naturally submissive pasta, it is far from dominant.
Ethnicity and Pasta: Strong Cultural Inference
Scorpio brought up that the pasta may just carry a machismo of its Italian heritage. This theory states that because Italians are so domly that they are able to cower the pasta into submission. I was intrigued by the idea that pasta could respond to the ethnicity of the cook. There was also the Mafioso theory that joyinslavery put forward to explain the recalcitrant noodle issue. I thought it over and realized that we are actually stereotyping pasta in general, which could lead to pasta profiling. I would not want this on my shoulders, so I rejected this theory too.
Respect For The Submissiveness of Pasta
The next series of theories deal with the everyday interactions between dominance and submission that many of us take for granted everyday. For example gooddogbenji brought up that the pasta may have exceeded its limits and not had proper instruction. As Tamer brought up the pasta had a hard pesto limit, as MissTittyMilk suggested, some pasta wants more commitment than pesto. So perhaps the noodle just did not think that it should be submitting under the circumstances. This theory is fairly persuasive, but since the questionable pasta was “released” into the garbage there is just no interviewing it to find out for sure. The time where we could have become “one” with the pasta, while a nice suggestion cheshireboy, has long passed unfortunately.
Cin thought that the pasta was fulfilling its innate submissive duties by protecting Sinergy from high cholesterol, but since I try to do that when I am there, I am thinking if this was the noodle’s motivation it was a bit of overkill.
Practical Advice On The Domination of Noodles
There was some great advice on practical noodle domination. Such as spanking the noodle, as cuddleheart suggested. Finding out if it is a seasoned bag noodle or a novice fresh noodle would seem to be an important part of dominating pasta, as savagefairie pointed out. This was a fresh novice, so perhaps Sinergy should have taken extra pains explaining the role of tortellini, whereas a bagged noodle would have already known its place.
JusaDom thought we should use a different lube, but alas, silicone-based lube is not edible. Why have a submissive noodle you cannot eat? We did use extra-virgin olive oil with the novice fresh tortellini though.
The pan we used was open source, not the one that you suggest gauge, so perhaps this was the difficulty? I think analogue is right up there with cast iron in my opinion.
There are noodles that are posers and lurkers, as Ravn so aptly reminded us, but even though it was a Smart Assed Macaroni, I am assuming it was still edible. I guess we could have forced it out of the pan, but I am not sure that would have been consensual.
Conclusions
My conclusions lead me to a leading theory, which was indeed the pasta had been pushed past its limits and overcooked like missurbation had suggested.. It had went through pasta-space and it was going through pasta-drop when it became “clingy”. In need of aftercare it did not want to be treated like “just any old noodle”. Tortellini are a sensitive after all.
On a more serious note, Sinergy broke some facial bones on Thursday, he is Okay, but if you all could send him some good and happy thoughts and maybe give him a chuckle I know he would appreciate it…thanks
< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 8/20/2006 9:57:56 PM >
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Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard
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