CrazyC
Posts: 949
Joined: 9/28/2006
Status: offline
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Fair warning Moki....this is going to be sort of cut throat, but please realize this is coming for someone who has not only been a wife of a military man who was never home because of TDYs but also because i was active duty myself. Ok so now you know....
quote:
ORIGINAL: moki1984
although i agree..and honesty is always the best route. it is not about who can make me hot and lusty...it is not about the bdsm.......its about when im with my master d/s relationship aside i am happy....when im with my husband orjust talking to him in general it seems i am begging for some attention from period..
Don't need to be hot and lusty for it to be a M/s relationship. It does need to be question why you are putting such a halo on this relationship. I'm sorry, but it can't be perfect. You just don't want to look honestly at the bad points.
...for example so you know what i mean. in the year he has been in korea...he has called me 3x...he refuses to get a cell phone for me to call him because he doesnt want to pay for it...i get one email a month if im lucky and it is not heartfelt....it is about money. im not saying he's an asshole....but he neglects the hell out of my heart.
Sorry but you do sound kind of selfish at this point. He can't get a cell phone if he is an area that doesn't let him talk to you, and the minutes for you to just call when you feel like is extreme. (trust me the over pay you get while he is gone doesn't cover it.) he calls you three times a week is actually ALOT, and the fact that he is making that kind of effort should speak volumes of how he feels about you and the relationship.
if it was about who makes me all hot and lusty dont you think i would of slept with my master by now? i know i put myself into this situation...im fully aware of that. and i know what is priority...i know what is at risk and im very aware of my previous commitments ie the marriage.
Ok the best way to explain this is. While your husband has been gone, you have emotionally and to some point physically replaced your husband. It is easy when he isnt there everyday, and even easier when you have decided to look at your situation from only your needs. Who says that after being around other Doms, and getting some deeper understand of the lifestyle your husband might be the best thing for you. You don't know, and now need to take responcibility for your actions. MHO....you need to get rid of the Master. There are plent to find another when the time is right and you are in a more stable situation. I am pretty sure he is being minipulative to some point. These are decisions that need to made without him there or around. If he was honorable....he would have done this on his own realizing you need the space to do that.
i have learned that the old saying you shouldng get married young is ..sometimes true. i married my husband in a justice of the peace a month after we discovered that birth control doesnt always work. that sentence should show you who is priority to me...due to collarme's regulations i cant really say "i have a ***" but i do..and she is young.
To a point this is true. Marrying young is hard, and even harder when marring young and nieve. But spliting up a marrage, that is rocky because of physical sepereation isn't fair on any party.
she is the most imporant aspect to all of this and she is my world...i honestly am not sure which route is better for her. many say with their natural parents...and iunderstand that....but i try to keep him involved with her from afar and he doesnt seem to give two shits....for all I know I might end up leaving both of them because neither are "good"for her.
Point....he is in the military and getting orders is part of the pay. Second it is your responsability to keep that connection. Is she too young to talk on the phone when he calls three times a week? Do you have pictures around telling her "that is Daddy and he loves us"? Sorry but i saw my husband maybe 90 days some years, and my daughter knew how much her father loved her. Children just know. They also feel it off the parent, so watch how you speak of your husband around her.
When I say a fair chance im saying i will move with him, i will talk to him and tell him every single thing residing in my heart (i have tried to do this numerous times but he wont communicate with me..he just gets pissed and says im over emotional , to stop whining..and thats it) i would love it if my marriage was wonderful , worked out and we were a happy lil family.
No marriage is perfect, and infact it is those marriages that can make it through the dry spells that are stronger in the long run. In giving it an effort, remember to be completely open. Also realize, that what you remember about the realtionship before he left for this tour isn't always reality after so much time has passed. Yes things were hard, but i am sure you had happy moments. Those are the ones you need to hold close to.
but even before I had a master......i was debating if this would work out. it is not my master who has put this issue into play..it was already their. i will get it worked out for the better interest of her...and if that happens to satisfy me as well...great.
I don't know how many stories i have heard and seen of military couples getting a divorce, because husband comes home and find wife is sleeping with another man. I know a couple others where the man actually killed himself. You don't know the stress they are going through on the field, even if they aren't actually in the war. it might be why it feels like communication seems short. Another thing that really bothers me, not saying this is what you are doing...but when wives have their second BF it is actually on the expence of the military man. You should question what your life really will be like with this Dom. Where will you live? who will be bring in income? and is it the same as what you are use to with your husbands income? Communication sort of dies when real day stressers come into play. Right now you two don't have that problem, and i can only see that once you two run away and be happy it won't last long.
I say all this, because i have seen it. From both points. If your husband wasn't keeping contact at all....i would say you have right to be upset. But he actually really is there for you. i remember meeting the old military wives, and still do through the VA, and thinking how strong they were to still stand by their men when times got tough. You can always tell, but they also seemed proud. Because knowing they have something to come home to, means the world to those over seas. Sorry for being blunt...i hope you see this as me showing you the whole picture and not just from the BDSM world point of view.
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RE: falling in love with your Master - 
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