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Need Input Please - 5/13/2007 10:08:52 PM   
Rrobinlarkway


Posts: 7
Joined: 5/13/2007
Status: offline 		Hi! My name is Robin and I am new to the boards. I have a problem of a sort that hopefully ya'llcan help me with.
I am married and have been for about 16 years. As of just over a year ago, my husband discovered that he was a Master in the BDSM/Gorean lifestyle. I was kinda taken aback when he announced this to me, but I thought, "ok," and continued on with life. He approached me about becoming his slave. So, I thought, "Ok, this might spice things up for us." Cuz things for about a year things had quieted down. Boy, was I in for a surprise!!!
I had no idea what was in store for me, but I agreed and ventured into the slave thing with no ideas. What I lived in that period of time wasn't pleasant by any means of the word!!! I could do NOTHING right, no matter how hard I tried.  My dog was more favored than me!! But I had agreed and went along with it. The breaking point was when he "cropped me" for something very small. I can't remember the reason, but I do remember the beating he gave me. It was when I begged him to let me be his wife again (and I mean BEGGED) that he let me out of the slave thing.
Mind you, I have respect for everyone, but I couldn't see me living with him serving out the harsh punishments that he did.
Well, he decided to go online to find a new slave and he did. He fell in love with her and became obsessed with her. He had made arraignments to go see her without my knowledge. (I found this out afterward...) She figured out that something was a miss when he would not leave her alone. He was constantly "up her tail".She had enough when he started to interfere with her family life (she was married at the time) and she made an excuse of "moving" just so he would release her and leave her alone.
Now, he has met another young lady who lives in our state and has decided to "collar her" as his slave.She knows he is married and SAYS she will not allow a sexual relationship to evolve from this. He says that he would "never allow this lifestyle to tear our marriage apart". He is either online with her or on the phone with her at least 5-6 hours a day. (he talks to her on the phone during his work time cuz he works at night.) He, too, has made plans to meet her, but he told me about it this time.
I know how human nature works and I am kinda concerned that, even tho he says there will be a "Bi-girl" there for after the playing, that he will still have sex with her. He insists that he will not and that I should trust him. She supposedly has nothing but admoration for me, cuz I understand my husband's ways and that I am "a better person than she to be so understanding".
Am I crazy? He treats me so much better now that I am no longer his slave. But like I asked, am I crazy?What is your input on all this?
I would appreciate anything you would have to tell me. Sometimes I feel so alone cuz I don't have anyone to talk to about any of this.
Thank you so much!!!
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Need Input Please - 5/13/2007 10:12:51 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		Gor, need I say more?

(in reply to Rrobinlarkway)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Need Input Please - 5/13/2007 10:17:33 PM   
Rrobinlarkway


Posts: 7
Joined: 5/13/2007
Status: offline 		Thank you Micheal, for your reply, but I do not understand what you mean. This is all new to me.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Need Input Please - 5/13/2007 10:20:37 PM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline 		Oh WOW, seems as if you should be worning these girls seeing as you know his propensaty(sp?) for beeing a bit of a mean or angry Master, seems as if he goes way overbaord when he gets into these relatioships, seems by your post he is fine as a venilla husband but when he goes into Master mode he goes out of controll, this is not a good thing to get into maybe try talking to him about him going over board.

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Need Input Please - 5/13/2007 10:20:41 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		Your husband allowed you to be a slave without explaining it to you - strike one.
Your husband favored the dog over you without explaining to you that would be the lifestyle from now on - strike two

Honestly, I'm wondering why you are hanging around for strike three.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 5/13/2007 10:21:02 PM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Rrobinlarkway)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Need Input Please - 5/13/2007 10:23:49 PM   
Rrobinlarkway


Posts: 7
Joined: 5/13/2007
Status: offline 		Thanks for ya'll's replies. Aquatic, I guess since we have been married for so long, that I was in it for the long hual, so to speak.
Magick, he has a "ton" of riends on different BDSM sites. And his new slave is a "glutton for punishment". Wonder if she will fee the same way once he has given her a beating!!!

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Need Input Please - 5/13/2007 10:25:45 PM   
Valentyne


Posts: 28
Joined: 2/26/2007
Status: offline 		it is one thing to be open minded, and wholly another to be played a fool...  you need to figure out which is more true for you

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Need Input Please - 5/13/2007 10:29:33 PM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rrobinlarkway

Thanks for ya'll's replies. Aquatic, I guess since we have been married for so long, that I was in it for the long hual, so to speak.
Magick, he has a "ton" of riends on different BDSM sites. And his new slave is a "glutton for punishment". Wonder if she will fee the same way once he has given her a beating!!!


Im sorry but If I was treated this way by a Dom one that I had gone from beeing venilla for and agreed for them to be a slave which you did you didnt want to but you did it for him and then was treated as badly as he treated you beaten in such a way for such little things treated lower then the dog well i guess it is one thing to treat someone like taht who wants to be a slave but I would think you should treat someone better if they are beeing a slave for you because you want it not because they want it.. i would have lost ALL respect for him.

Magik's slave

< Message edited by MagiksSlave -- 5/13/2007 10:30:46 PM >

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



(in reply to Rrobinlarkway)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Need Input Please - 5/13/2007 10:30:11 PM   
Rrobinlarkway


Posts: 7
Joined: 5/13/2007
Status: offline 		Valentyne, thank you for your honesty. I could not find anywhere else to go to seek advice and helpon this problem.

(in reply to Valentyne)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Need Input Please - 5/13/2007 10:34:42 PM   
Rrobinlarkway


Posts: 7
Joined: 5/13/2007
Status: offline 		I do not want to sound redundant, but if I could I would hug you all!!!!
Thank you for taking time to talk to me.
I know that the husband's BDSM lifestyle is his world and I am very respectful of it. I am there for him when he needs me for anyhting as he is for me. Maybe I am crazy for standing by him, but I feel that that is my place. Huh!! I guess I am more submissive than I thought!!

(in reply to Rrobinlarkway)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Need Input Please - 5/13/2007 10:42:22 PM   
spanklette


Posts: 882
Joined: 2/22/2005
Status: offline 		I think if I were you, I would do some research on the lifestyle on my own. Maybe if you were getting your own outside information you'll be more comfortable on asking him pertinent questions and coming to a conclusion about what (if any) your place in the lifestyle is.
 
The rest is a trust issue that we aren't able to answer for you.

_____________________________

~spanklette~

"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. " Charles du Bois

"Please don't shout, can't you see I'm not listening." Billie Myers

(in reply to Rrobinlarkway)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Need Input Please - 5/13/2007 10:44:56 PM   
Rrobinlarkway


Posts: 7
Joined: 5/13/2007
Status: offline 		Thanks Spankette!!! Yeah, I have done some outside research, but it seems all of it is "pro". I haven't seen any "con's" on the issue. And there is nothing yet I have found that relates to Gor/Vanilla relationships. THAT is a dooozy to find!!

(in reply to spanklette)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Need Input Please - 5/13/2007 10:50:50 PM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rrobinlarkway

Am I crazy? He treats me so much better now that I am no longer his slave. But like I asked, am I crazy?What is your input on all this?
I would appreciate anything you would have to tell me. Sometimes I feel so alone cuz I don't have anyone to talk to about any of this.
Thank you so much!!!


Yep, you are probably crazy.  If your husband came home and said, "Honey, I decided that I am a moonie." You would probably look at him like he was crazy....This guy isn't even following a religious leader he has chosen to follow and live his life according to the writings of an exremely poor writer of science fiction....Sounds normal to me.

You're screwed, but if there is any consolation he told you about it and thus far you have chose to stick around...Yeah, I would say you are definitely crazy.

_____________________________



(in reply to Rrobinlarkway)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Need Input Please - 5/14/2007 2:55:04 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline 		This has an odour of "midlife crisis" for hubby - seems to be now living out long repressed fantasies with gusto, and to hell with the cost....
 
He was outrageously unfair in holding you to a "slave agreement" when quite clearly your consent was NOT *informed* consent.  I gather you thought you were in for a spiced up sex life?
 
As for what to do - how does one halt a runaway train?  He seems rather obsessed with his "Pandora's Box" of needs being released and about all I can suggest is to step back and wait for the inevitable crash.  Right now, there doesn't seem to be any reasoning with him but hyped junkies are like that.  He may well want this in his life from now on but he hasn't yet had the time (or re-centring of mind) to consider at what cost to his marriage or life in general....
 
He's acting like a junkie; there are NO quick cures with them - just more quick fixes....
 
Focus.

(in reply to Rrobinlarkway)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Need Input Please - 5/14/2007 3:21:26 AM   
Sinimint


Posts: 131
Joined: 1/25/2007
Status: offline 		Yeah Domiguy, the gor books are badly written sci-fi, although an easy easy fun read if you feel like some soft porn abduction scenes just to get off

Anyway, it's hard to give advice to you hun, only you know the answer to that.  It all comes down to how much you love him and are willing to put up with?

Good luck....

(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Need Input Please - 5/14/2007 3:35:39 AM   
Daddysjezzy


Posts: 54
Joined: 7/4/2005
Status: offline 		Your husband's behaviour is concerning because he seems to be making up the rules as he goes along with little or no qualms about changing the rules to suit his own desires.

He decided he was a Master in the Gorean lifestyle and then expected you to know how to be a slave without any training from him.  His punishments seem to be an outlet for his anger and aggression rather than about living in a Master and slave way.

The relationships (and I use that word loosely) with other slaves seem to be equally concerning.  He sounds like a control freak/stalker who is trying to live a fantasy rather than a real life bdsm relationship.

As his wife I would be worried that he doesnt seem to feel any need to consult you about his activities in this lifestyle including who he might have sex with and whether thats okay with you.  He seems to think that Master means having a right to behave in any way he pleases and not give a shit about anyone else.  Please remember that the number 1 rule of the lifestyle is Safe, Sane and Consentual and if thats not happening then its just old fashioned abuse.

Good luck.

(in reply to Sinimint)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Need Input Please - 5/14/2007 3:37:56 AM   
Indemnis


Posts: 179
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline 		I personally feel he's full of it when he makes you all these promises... he went behind your back once, apparantly, I really see no reason why he wouldn't be screwing this one behind your back.  It seems to me that he can't decide if he wants a vanilla life, or a D/s life... you need to make him choose, and devote some real time and effort to figuring out wether or not you like the lifestyle yourself.  Or don't, find a different mate, whatever... but one thing you should not allow is for him to treat you like smeg.  He sounds like the sort of guy who will take a mile if you allow an inch.

_____________________________

No-one respects the flame quite like the fool who's badly burned-- Pete Townshend

(in reply to Sinimint)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Need Input Please - 5/14/2007 3:51:02 AM   
imthatacheyouhav


Posts: 1259
Joined: 4/16/2007
Status: offline
quote:

the gor books are badly written sci-fi,


i couldn't agree more...well said.


_____________________________

*if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything*
**collared July 22 2007 by LordKen**

(in reply to Sinimint)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Need Input Please - 5/14/2007 4:32:24 AM   
MstrssPassion


Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline 		{fast reply}

you outta post this on the gorean board & see how many will support his practice of lying & what their whole take is on his beating you & these other girls

might be a real eye opener for you

they don't like it too much when their ways are described as being about beating & bdsm activities.... & the lying part...

_____________________________

MstrssPassion


(in reply to imthatacheyouhav)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Need Input Please - 5/14/2007 4:33:42 AM   
kittinSol


Posts: 16926
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Gor, need I say more?



Indeed... however, we can't hold poorly written schoolboy fantasy books accountable for the despicable way the husband treated his wife. He's obviously found the perfect way to channel his desires regardless of his spouse's needs or preferences. It wouldn't surprise me if he built up Gor to the level of a religion and emphasised to her how worthy of respect the whole 'lifestyle' was... thus washing her brain nicely.

He's now using the whole Gor thing as a sad excuse for his philandering and blatant infidelities.

To me, there's no two ways about it: either he gets out of Gor, gets a life, and seeks councelling for his inadequacies, or he gets out of the marriage... but then again I was never really one for negotiations. Good luck.

< Message edited by kittinSol -- 5/14/2007 4:51:43 AM >

_____________________________



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