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so new and so lost...... - 5/15/2007 11:01:17 PM

subdie

Posts: 10
Joined: 5/15/2007
Status: offline

Hi i am totally new to this and have been seeking an outlet to discuss my current situation,
I love my master to the end dearly i do & i am collared... he always tells me the truth (even thingsi wish i didnt know) and tells me he loves me...but i have hit a roadblock allowing me to move on emotionally he has always told me about his vanilla live in girlfriend all the time....tells me he wants me to change alot about myself weight, fitness etc then he will leave her to be with me... however i am having trouble thinking around his vanilla girlfriend she has no idea i exist....this is my first time with a dominant it is a latent need....i havent met him yet due to his vanilla girlfriend.and he lives in another city...i question am i setting myself up for failure.....and that this is only play for him....he has gifted me many times over...but tells only when i loose all my weight then we can and be 24/7....i am getting uncertain, communication is on his terms mostly i keep a journal to express such feeling sbut alwys it is turned back on me saying iknew this when he collared me...i am jsut so lost as i am so new to this if not feeling a little worthless....anyideas as i cant talk to my vanilla friends...he had other subs while being with his vanilla girlfriend...i just worry maybe he only wants to keepit online/phone without actually telling me so

Post #: 1

RE: so new and so lost...... - 5/15/2007 11:03:05 PM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

Cheats on her = cheats on you.

(in reply to subdie)

Post #: 2

RE: so new and so lost...... - 5/15/2007 11:15:26 PM

obis

Posts: 412
Joined: 9/9/2005
From: Austin, TX, USA
Status: offline

A man you've never met, who lives with another woman yet cheats on her with you, tells you he LOVES you despite having never even been in the same city as you, has COLLARED you (again, despite never even having met!!!) and you ask if you're setting yourself up for failure?

My magic 8 ball says "this will not end well".

edit: You're 5'7" and weight 133 lbs? And you're trying to lose weight? And he is using weight as an excuse to delay things? Sweetheart, if you were 5 inches shorter, you'd be a healthy, normal weight.

< Message edited by obis -- 5/15/2007 11:19:40 PM >

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 3

RE: so new and so lost...... - 5/15/2007 11:24:38 PM

subdie

Posts: 10
Joined: 5/15/2007
Status: offline

I know i feel it in my heart too that will be the case....
my gut instincthave been saying that for so long...
he tells me he is unhappy with her...tells me he wants to move on onlytill i am perfect in his eyes etcetc

(in reply to obis)

Post #: 4

RE: so new and so lost...... - 5/15/2007 11:34:23 PM

sublizzie

Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline

He's feeding you a line of BS to keep you around for his fantasy life. That's all it is for him, a wonderful fantasy. That's why he wants you to change before he leaves her, so you can become more like his fantasy pin-up doll.

There are Dominants out there who want reality, not fantasy. Personally I would prefer reality. But that's just me.

(in reply to subdie)

Post #: 5

RE: so new and so lost...... - 5/15/2007 11:51:08 PM

ErusUxor

Posts: 44
Joined: 4/22/2007
Status: offline

you deserve better....you deserve someone who wants you for who you are, not for who they dream they can make you.

_____________________________

When they said "penny for your thoughts" ...I had to try and figure out how to make change.

(in reply to sublizzie)

Post #: 6

RE: so new and so lost...... - 5/15/2007 11:51:54 PM

possom

Posts: 46
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline

Dear,

Even tho you are submissive, you still have the right to put your foot down. Just because we're submissive does not mean we will put up with crap!

The fact that he attacked your weight is absolutely NOT ON! That for me personally, is a 'no go' zone. If you love me, you love ALL of me ;)

I feel he is just playing you and bringing you down, you do not need people like that.

There are plenty of Doms out there.. keep your options open and dont tie yourself down to a wannabe Dom.

You can do better sweetness!! =)

(in reply to sublizzie)

Post #: 7

RE: so new and so lost...... - 5/15/2007 11:58:03 PM

MasterFatePgh

Posts: 15
Joined: 12/23/2006
Status: offline

Move on and dont look back...........there isnt a snowballs chance in hell of this ending in your favor.

(in reply to subdie)

Post #: 8

RE: so new and so lost...... - 5/16/2007 12:00:58 AM

subdie

Posts: 10
Joined: 5/15/2007
Status: offline

Thankyou sp much everyone you are all so kind and gracious thankyou again truly appreciated really i mean it

thankyou all

(in reply to MasterFatePgh)

Post #: 9

RE: so new and so lost...... - 5/16/2007 12:11:37 AM

farieanne

Posts: 65
Joined: 2/24/2007
From: Las Vegas
Status: offline

Hi,
It seems so many newbies get caught up with someone who is more BS than even a human. Like SimplyMichale Sir says If He cheats on her He'll cheat on you. If He has had other subs why has He not left His vanilla GF already? What kind of person would string a person along so long? How could you ever completely trust Him much less love Him?
i have not been in the lifestyle long either, about four years. Most Dom/mes i know look for subs who basically already fit their wants and needs. They do not wish to or try to "change" the sub to fit them. They build on what is already there maybe but not change the sub. At 5'7'' and 134 pounds you are by far NOT fat.

Being collard is a HUGE commitment. To me even more than marriage. It means you are giving yourself to your Dom. How can you do this in five months with never having met? Don't get me wrong, i do not have a problem or issue with online relationships. i believe they can be the bases of a very strong relationship as you are forced to communicate with your mind and not your body. However to collar someone or to be collard is a HUGE thing and should never be taken lightly. This is just my Opinion, hope it helps.

_____________________________

Master Peter's

"A woman will always sacrifice herself if you give her the opportunity. It is her favourite form of self-indulgence.” - William Somerset Maugham

(in reply to sublizzie)

Post #: 10

RE: so new and so lost...... - 5/16/2007 12:14:19 AM

Texy

Posts: 45
Joined: 8/25/2006
Status: offline

Hiya subdie,

From personal experience, it's hard to be collared to someone you've never met. For me, it was impossible.

Just some timeline skinny here: meet online, talk in chat, talk on the phone, meet in person, then if you both click, talk about training, then ownership, and then a collar.

I found the best way for me to know about bdsm was reading all I could and then meeting people. I drove 6 hours to go to a munch to meet people and talk to people in real time. I talked with many people that night about how they met and what was important to them at the beginning, and sort of got a time frame for how this really works in real time. I met a pro domme, just to make sure I could be restrained, and I wanted the experience without any attachments so I'd know what to expect in real time. I was invited to a private party and had my first play experience. Talked to submissives about what it was like to live this lifestyle, and a few slaves, a switch, and a Master/Mistress/Dom/Dommes. I also had a taste of service with a Mistress, and I was pleased and happy, really happy to serve. So I am a submissive, I know that today. I might have a slave heart, I don't know that for sure today but I'm sure I'll find what is in my heart the more I travel down this road.

As stated previously, there is a big difference between online fantasy and real time communication and interaction. Today, I crave real time. To the point I'm thinking of moving to a bigger city just to be able to be around a large bdsm community.

Today, there are things that make me wonder about a persons motives, and for me they are: 1) Talking of ownership within a few emails 2) Telling me I will send pics of any part of my body without establishing a trust - no time line on this, if i'm not comfortable yet - it's not the right time because until I am owned I don't have to do what anyone or everyone tells me to do and if a potential owner doesn't understand my safety and comfort level, then they need to move on...fullstop. 3) Asking me to journal private thoughts or daily events - that's a very bonding thing, and I'm not bonding that way again until I look in their eyes. 4) Micromanaging my life: i.e. picking out my panties, clothes, food, or having me call or email on any or every decision I make, that should be my decision to involve them or not and is not going to happen if i haven't developed some trust but still my decision not theirs. 5) I will not be owned before 6 months has passed, and that's after talking online and on the phone and meeting in person. Also I do ask for references now! Because someone somewhere knows them if they are involved in the bdsm community. I also can provide references and I am joining a group in Dallas this month.

These are just my guidelines and what I've gathered from talking to others in person and online. And it's working for me. To me, that's the best way to keep me safe in this lifestyle. That's the most important thing to me today, safety. Because how can I serve someone else if I can't even take care of myself.

Everyone has a different experience, and I'm sure you will gather quite a few from this thread.

You're starting your journey and that's exciting! I wish you well.

gayle

(in reply to subdie)

Post #: 11

RE: so new and so lost...... - 5/16/2007 1:39:30 AM

subdie

Posts: 10
Joined: 5/15/2007
Status: offline

true
thankyou ever so much for your guidence, i guess i should have put two and two together, imean he dosnt hide his home numbers and his work number but i suspect he relises on me being "submissive" and i wont call, i guess knowing he is in business with her and they own houses together, he has asked me to start my own business so that he can live his life in luxuary, i suspect knowing what he has said in the past really hurts...tells me recently his parents know about guess once again i have no way of knowing.....its hard

(in reply to Texy)

Post #: 12

RE: so new and so lost...... - 5/16/2007 2:13:33 AM

swtnsparkling

Posts: 1738
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

It seems so many newbies get caught up with someone who is more BS than even a human.

If any of them had any common sense to start with- it flies right out the window

_____________________________

Never make anyone a priority who treats you as an option 2003

Walk in Peace

A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better than a "Yes" uttered merely to please

(in reply to farieanne)

Post #: 13

RE: so new and so lost...... - 5/16/2007 2:48:14 AM

subdie

Posts: 10
Joined: 5/15/2007
Status: offline

so true

(in reply to swtnsparkling)

Post #: 14

RE: so new and so lost...... - 5/16/2007 3:01:52 AM

brightspot

Posts: 3052
Status: offline

Hi Subdie,
Don't walk away from this....Run!
Why would you want a situation like this in your life?
I would suggest going to local events and munches and get to know real people close to you.
Good Luck!

Missy.

_____________________________

"Comedy is NOT Pretty!" ~Peter Nelson

But..."May at Least One person have a sense of Humor!" ~KML.

http://360.yahoo.com/my_profile-TD4TwEw8crWS3GHFDcs_DK1rHmW6Dq_E;_ylt=Av2PfG9gH0wkQrMPivuMCivGAOJ3

(in reply to subdie)

Post #: 15

RE: so new and so lost...... - 5/16/2007 3:31:33 AM

MsSonnetMarwood

Posts: 1898
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

tells me recently his parents know about guess once again i have no way of knowing.....its hard

Of course they don't. If they did, they'd bop him on the head for having an online relationship like this.

_____________________________

~Ms. Sonnet Marwood~

Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull somewhere before.

(in reply to subdie)

Post #: 16

RE: so new and so lost...... - 5/16/2007 3:36:30 AM

NakedGirlScout

Posts: 370
Joined: 1/10/2006
From: Toronto
Status: offline

You know what'll happen if you do lose a bunch of weight and breathlessly look at him for your reward? He'll invent a new "condition" that must be met before he can see you face to face. And on and on and on... for exactly as long as you allow him to do it.

(in reply to MsSonnetMarwood)

Post #: 17

RE: so new and so lost...... - 5/16/2007 5:17:58 AM

sweetnurseBBW

Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

He is using you to get some on the side. Sorry to be so blatent. He is telling you things to dangle over your head to keep you. Don't buy it. Learn from this and move on. Find a dom that can be with you honestly. You are not worthless just naive. All you can do is learn from past mistakes. We all have made mistakes.

_____________________________

Sir Pain's pain slut

(in reply to subdie)

Post #: 18

RE: so new and so lost...... - 5/16/2007 5:47:37 AM

beargonewild

Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

Greetings subdie.
I have to concur with the other posters here, you're best bet is to completely break all contact with this person. It doesn't make any sense when someone claims to love you in return yet want you to change things about yourself before being with you. This smacks of emotional blackmail. Yes, you are setting yourself up for failure and my advice is to turn the other direction and walk away. By the sounds of it, your dom isn't being honest with his girlfriend, if this is the case then how could he be honest with you? Some of what you stated also rang true for myself, I was openly honest with my former master yet he wasn't completely honest with me, and this was after I moved in and spent the past 2 months as his 24/7 slave. I was lucky enough to be able remove myself from that situation and returning to my own city. Since then, I blocked him from contacting me and deleted my former profile from here and created a new profile.

_____________________________

Do Not Rile da Chosen Bear

Promiscuous boy you already know
That I’m all yours what you waiting for?

Resident MANWHORE ~1000 Bear pts~

10 NZ points
Whips~n~Cuffs

(in reply to subdie)

Post #: 19

RE: so new and so lost...... - 5/16/2007 10:00:02 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subdie

his vanilla live in girlfriend

I'm also willing to bet, it's his vanilla live in wife not girlfriend.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to subdie)

Post #: 20

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