stella40
Posts: 417
Joined: 1/11/2006
From: London, UK
Status: offline
|
NOTE - THE QUOTES ARE ALL MESSED UP - MY POSTING IS BELOW.
quote:
ORIGINAL: plaything
[quote=stella40]There's quite a lot of social pressure on women to look good, wear the right clothes, maintain the right figure,always be in shape and look their best. Many people in society don't take kindly to women who don't fit in with popular or media stereotypes of what women should look like.
You know, I think I'd always imagined that was precisely why a Woman might want to feminize a sub, to offload some of that onto him. That subtle distinction between "feminine" and "feminized".
I'd also thought that things like strapon-play, etc, were forms of feminization, but the Lady's describing how the male's eventual acceptance and beyond can detract from that is a lot of food for thought.
************ THIS IS WHAT I'M QUOTING ***********
MY RESPONSE
Maybe I'm missing something here, but what is the main reason a Domme wants to meet up with a submissive, or to develop a relationship with them? Is not the primary aim of getting into a D/s relationship the fulfilment of mutual needs?
I am a female, a transsexual female. I am subject to the same social pressures as my naturally born female sisters to look good, stay in shape, wear the right clothing, and so on. However unlike my more fortunate naturally born female sisters I am subject to additional social pressures (from some, not all) to be 'feminine' and 'convincing' just because I have this utero-genetic condition where I have to get my body to match my soul just to be able to function as myself happily and normally.
You can see an example of this additional social pressure when you check out a dating website and look at ads placed by men looking for transsexual female partners. Take a look at the words which come up after the word 'seeks' or 'is looking for'. Quite often you'll see the word 'sexy' and almost invariably you'll come across either the word 'feminine' or 'convincing'.
The Internet is a two-edged sword. It's an excellent medium for the distribution of information, for communication and for finding just about anything you care to imagine. But it's also a prime source for misinformation, for lies, and illusions and an excellent vehicle if someone wants to cheat you or deceive you.
Now the ad on the dating site 'guy seeks transsexual' not always, but has often come from a guy who's come across the transsexual or 'chicks with dicks' porn or DVD sites. He sees this beautiful woman with a dick, he gets horny, and this either fascinates or disturbs him. Being naturally intelligent and curious he wants to check this out, he wants to see if sex with a transsexual is really the same as sex with a woman. He doesn't want a relationship, he doesn't want to get to know the transsexual, he just wants to know if sex with a transsexual is the same as with a woman.
And so too the exact same mechanism comes into play with the feminization and sissification sites. So he goes and checks out the reality. But sadly in most cases the reality doesn't quite match the illusion. So what are you going to do? Cling to the illusion and hold out for what you want? Or are you prepared to reconsider what you're looking for so it matches reality?
Yes I am subject to regular, sometimes daily challenges and difficulties as a result of this social pressure. But you know, I wouldn't want to offload any of it onto anyone else - not even my worst enemy. I've lost almost all my family, most of my friends, the effects of over ten years of artistic work and effort, work, my home, and have been made destitute all through a decision to live as who I really am, to seek treatment and to face up to and deal with my issues openly and honestly. Why would I want to wish this on anyone else? I'd much rather concentrate my efforts on sorting me and my life out the way I want it.
But the fact that I've got these issues doesn't make me much different from anyone else. Other people have far worse issues and problems in their lives. Everyone else is subject to some form of social pressure, it doesn't matter what gender you are, how old you are, or what you look like. It's very easy to find someone who will challenge you for who you really are or point the finger and say 'You should...'
Yes, I went through a stage years ago of wanting to be feminized. I was insecure, lacking in confidence, unhappy with the way I looked, I saw the difficulties of a transition ahead of me and I wanted the easy way out. I found a Domme who took on the job of feminizing me, and I ended up looking like a sissy, despite her efforts and intentions. In the end I abandoned the whole idea. Now I'm not the most convincing or feminine transsexual female, I'm not even that attractive, but it doesn't matter. I'm still transitioning, my looks are temporary and therefore I'm still a work in progress. I decided I'd much rather accept myself for who I am, wear the clothes which I feel good in and feel much more comfortable about myself.
The fact that you're transgendered doesn't automatically qualify you for some beauty contest. There is no beauty pageant, there's just you, your clothes, and how you feel about wearing them. And no matter how hard you try there's always going to be someone more feminine or more convincing than you are.
This is BDSM. And while appearance has its own place and is important the one thing that is guaranteed to get you meeting people is the right attitude.
I'm a moderator in a Polish chatroom for transgendered people - the whole range from panty fetishists to transsexuals preparing for their final surgery. Therefore I have a certain amount of online contact with such people.
It never ceases to amaze me how so many who claim to be into feminization are so blissfully unaware of the actual reality of real feminization. Their conversation will focus on the least important, most trivial aspects of feminization - what clothes to wear, how high heels they are able to wear, what panties they're wearing, what panties they want to be wearing, wanting to be taken anally by a strap on dildo, how to lisp and talk through one's nose and how to properly curtsey.
I've never come across anyone who could tell me what lipstick stays on all day, where they start when they iron a blouse or how to remove a nail polish stain from a denim skirt. Some will tell me they had a 'weekend with Mistress' but the topic of conversation will focus on what they wore rather than what they did and some will be able to do this without even mentioning their Mistress.
Not all women are into feminization. Some simply won't accept it. Period. Arguing and persuading them isn't going to convince them. Then there are other women who tried it but were let down or disappointed and now they won't accept it either.
And then there are others who are still open, they've responded here, and they're more or less saying the same thing (but much better than I can) - 'focus on me and my needs and not on your image', 'discuss it with me, don't demand or expect', and so on (check their postings for more details).
Being feminine and convincing isn't really down to what clothes you wear or how you look, it's more to do with how you relate to others, how you behave and what sort of attitude you have towards yourself and other people.
And real feminization, whether it's acquired, developed or forced always starts somewhere deep inside you.
Is it really that difficult to understand?
_____________________________
I try to take one day at a time, but several days come and attack me at once. (Jennifer Unlimited)
If you can't be a good example then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.
|
RE: Feminization focus - 
Profile
New Messages
No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages
Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages
Locked w/o New Messages
Post New Thread