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RE: The Wannabe? - 5/18/2007 5:00:35 AM

MadRabbit

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sadomasokisti

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyEllen

I think its meant to refer to those who emulate something without actually wanting to do whatever it is, out of a perception that whatever it is, is cool or otherwise socially advantageous for them. I dont think its fair to label someone a wannabe just because they lack experience or are fearful of doing whatever it is, as long as they are genuine about their feelings; and a lack of genuineness is usually easy to pick up on.

What springs to mind most readily is teenagers who, desperately trying to fit in with their peers, attempt to look the part of a goth or whatever, but dont really feel the same vibe that motivates the rest to identify as such.

E

Right on.
In my view wannabe has noting to do with experience or lack of it. Simply people who are trying to be more than they really are.

And the fallacy of this is....who decides what they really are?

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RE: The Wannabe? - 5/18/2007 5:01:23 AM

DiurnalVampire

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Copulo

How would you define a ‘wannabe’?

I have always defined it as someone who doesnt have the explerience they proclaim to have, and tries to cinvince others they do. They dont want to go through the steps to learn what they have decided they already know, and dont actualy put any of the effort into anything. They have learned about the perks of the position they are assuming, and want to experience the plus side they know of without having to deal with the possible minus sides that come along with it. Wannabes dont really have any plans on growing in their chosen position, they just want to play the part until tey get their fix. They dont want to be real, they just want to play it and see who comes along for the ride.

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RE: The Wannabe? - 5/18/2007 5:28:51 AM

sadomasokisti

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

quote:

ORIGINAL: sadomasokisti

Right on.
In my view wannabe has noting to do with experience or lack of it. Simply people who are trying to be more than they really are.

And the fallacy of this is....who decides what they really are?

You could take experience for example. Person who claims to experienced but can't deliver what should be expected because of that experience.
A sub who claims be experienced in bondage and freaks out when the ropes are applied or a dom who can't manage the whip like he claims to know how.

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RE: The Wannabe? - 5/18/2007 5:30:34 AM

PrincessEllie

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When I say 'wannabe' I really mean "Want to be for all the wrong reasons." I think that's what most people are tying to convey when they call someone else a wannabe.

For instance, a BDSM wannabe would be someone like this: They want to do something kinky just for the sake of being kinky. They're trying to rebel against society and decide that trying to be different has given them the right to call themselves Dom/me or sub.

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RE: The Wannabe? - 5/18/2007 5:33:24 AM

MadRabbit

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sadomasokisti

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

quote:

ORIGINAL: sadomasokisti

Right on.
In my view wannabe has noting to do with experience or lack of it. Simply people who are trying to be more than they really are.

And the fallacy of this is....who decides what they really are?

You could take experience for example. Person who claims to experienced but can't deliver what should be expected because of that experience.
A sub who claims be experienced in bondage and freaks out when the ropes are applied or a dom who can't manage the whip like he claims to know how.

I wont contend with the notion that someone who says they have 20 years of expereince and only have 1 year isnt bullshit.

Of course, I openly admit to having limited power based relationship experience in light of many of the forums, but (Not trying to tute my own horn) a lot of people agree with the knowledge I have to share here.

Its mostly the notion that "Well he's really submissive and just says he's dominant" that really irks me when it comes to the Wannabe thing.

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RE: The Wannabe? - 5/18/2007 5:36:18 AM

chicagochick

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Like some of the other comments I think to me the phrase has usually refered to someone that wants all the trappings of being a Dom (or sub for that matter) but who isn't willing to put the work in to actually get there. However, as mentioned the difference between can't/won't can be pretty narrow and hard to perceive. But there are some people who are very obvious about it, and others much closer to the line. In another way I definitely agree with MadRabbit that it is often used as a codeword to identify people who we don't view as "true" or "real" Doms/subs etc. because they don't do things the way we do them.

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RE: The Wannabe? - 5/18/2007 5:48:26 AM

losttreasure

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Copulo

So what exactly does this word mean?

This isn't a new word; it's been around for a while. I like the following definition for how the word is most often used here in the forums:

A wannabe (sometimes spelled wannabee) is a person who likes to imitate, or even wishes to be, another, but cannot achieve it due to physical, psychological, financial, cultural, political, religious, or mental limitations.

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RE: The Wannabe? - 5/18/2007 7:15:04 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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It's not a word I use often myself, I tend to just call them dorks, dumbasses, assholes and the like, because "wannabe" presumes that actual doms are NOT dorks, dumbasses and assholes. This obviously isn't true.

But for me, along the lines of what Lashra said, I use it to mean "someone working to act like a certain type of person, rather than just learning to be that person in themselves."

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RE: The Wannabe? - 5/18/2007 7:24:20 AM

imthatacheyouhav

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My personal take on this is that a "wannabe" is someone that is "all talk and no action"

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RE: The Wannabe? - 5/18/2007 7:25:33 AM

mnottertail

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so that one that wannabe Bobbie's girl---

How do you account for that?

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RE: The Wannabe? - 5/18/2007 7:26:31 AM

happypervert

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quote:

People use it as a detrimental word when someone does not live up to their own expectations.

And another spin on it's usage is that the folks who are most eager to call someone else a wannabe do so because they are insecure about being part of the "in crowd". I think that makes them the real wannabes.

< Message edited by happypervert -- 5/18/2007 7:27:54 AM >

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RE: The Wannabe? - 5/18/2007 7:29:10 AM

Copulo

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edited for gwammer!
re-edited to say... because Im blonde I only saw the first page and did not go onto page number 2 for these answers.

Collective answers

Its used toward those on the outside by those who consider themselves to be on the inside.

Its used as a detrimental word when someone does not live up to their own expectations.

someone who tries to convince themselves or others that they are something that they are not.

Those with no intention of doing anything other than annoying people

Simply people who are trying to be more than they really are.

Its how the BDSM community, online and real time, expels people from the herd.

a wannabe represents someone who will never be able to achieve the standard that they fantasize about.

They can go through the motions, but it isn't what makes them tick. The same spark isn't there.

A.K.A Poser... Someone who looks or acts the part of something that they themselves have no passion or calling for

a sub putting up a profile where she claims to be looking for someone, but who won't return messages;

I think that all, apart from the last one are pretty similar. I think the last one sounds more like an accusation thrown at someone who you had your hopes on but it never came off.

I also think your spot on MadRabbit. It’s a weapon that can be used to put down someone else and it is often used in a vindictive way.

< Message edited by Copulo -- 5/18/2007 7:35:35 AM >

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RE: The Wannabe? - 5/18/2007 7:29:28 AM

BOUNTYHUNTER

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I don't beat up so much on wannabes for at one time we all were a wannabe,IF the are obnoxious I take them aside and explain that they will never be a real dom/slave until they tone down their actions and it ok not to know every thing hell I still am learning after 45 years in this lifestyle.so be kind to wannabees smile..bounty

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RE: The Wannabe? - 5/18/2007 7:33:38 AM

Copulo

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

so that one that wannabe Bobbie's girl---

How do you account for that?

CPADom

I think I must have a simple mind. That really made me laugh!!!

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RE: The Wannabe? - 5/18/2007 7:35:44 AM

juliaoceania

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One of the few "rules" I have is not calling others "wannabes", especially those of the dominant persuasion. It would not be seemly behavior for my Daddy's submissive to do that, so I do not. He says I have no idea if someone is a wannabe or not, especially a dom, because I am not a dom.

Now others may think that is silly, but he and I are really not into labeling others anyhow, so it is all good to me. I do not need to call assorted wanker types "wannabes", it just isn't necessary

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RE: The Wannabe? - 5/18/2007 9:37:54 AM

SimplyMichael

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I spent many years being a wannabe and in some ways I am sure I still am. It is a term used by tiny people to put others down in a vain attempt to feel better about themselves.

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RE: The Wannabe? - 5/18/2007 9:45:35 AM

Copulo

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

I spent many years being a wannabe and in some ways I am sure I still am. It is a term used by tiny people to put others down in a vain attempt to feel better about themselves.

I agree Michael. If you put the positive into the word then its means a whole new thing. A ‘wannabe’ could be someone who is striving to learn, moving forward and has a target to strive towards.

I love learning so I guess Im a wannabe too!

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RE: The Wannabe? - 5/18/2007 9:47:37 AM

Mercnbeth

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The problem with using the word wannabe is that it is often a miss-classification. "Wanna" being slang for "wanting to..." would indicate the person its applied to wants to do, or go, or experience whatever the wannabe label is applied. More often they don't want to. You find this out when you eliminate all the objections and lower the hurdles as low as possible and it has no moving effect from the I 'wanna' to the I did.

We see it all the time. We don't 'cyber'. When contacted by anyone we say that plainly. We do however meet many people and invite them to meet us, especially those within shouting distance to LA or any of the places we visit. There are two munches per month in our neighborhood, a few clubs, and an infinite number of coffee houses, bars, restaurants, and public parks; yet with all the options open most times we never hear again from many "desperate to meet us", or 'lifestyle' people in general. We tend to not believe that they 'wanna' do anything except surf the web, or watch a web-cam one handed.

Wannabe doesn't speak to that, or similar situations. Fraud is more appropriate.

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RE: The Wannabe? - 5/18/2007 10:17:42 AM

Copulo

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

We see it all the time. We don't 'cyber'. When contacted by anyone we say that plainly. We do however meet many people and invite them to meet us, especially those within shouting distance to LA or any of the places we visit. There are two munches per month in our neighborhood, a few clubs, and an infinite number of coffee houses, bars, restaurants, and public parks; yet with all the options open most times we never hear again from many "desperate to meet us", or 'lifestyle' people in general. We tend to not believe that they 'wanna' do anything except surf the web, or watch a web-cam one handed.

Wannabe doesn't speak to that, or similar situations. Fraud is more appropriate.

Lol Mercnbeth that reminds me of the club phone. About 4 days before the club opens the phone calls start to pour in. Most just want to reserve tickets or ask about parking but I do get the odd guy that wants to tell me exactly what he is going to wear. He will then call back each day to tell me he has just been out to buy a new pair of shoes for the occasion, that he has booked his train, that he has just had a wax and am I absolutely sure I have his name down on the door. They then just don’t turn up!!!

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RE: The Wannabe? - 5/18/2007 10:22:41 AM

velvetears

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i think there are two ways to look at the term wannabe - one, as MR pointed out, is a way to exclude others who do not fit your particular definition of what a D or s is. If they don't ascribe to your way, they must be a wnnabee. The other is a person who wants the goodies but doesn't want to pay the fee to get the goodies, so they fake it. All they see is what they can gain from getting what they want, they don't have any real interest in learning only imitating so they can gain access to what's available.

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